Whore Wars

As any poultry keeper will tell you,  it is unwise to "let loose" a load of new hens into an existing flock. You have to introduce your girls gradually, preferably over a few days of seeing each other through a fence or run, and even then you are not guaranteed a peaceful amalgamation of birds.

The eleven new hens. the ones that had been shagged ragged by a cockerel the size of a bear, are a tough looking, sorry bunch who have been somewhat unkindly nicknamed the "Crackhead whores". Not one of them has a full set of feathers between them, and in actual fact two of the bigger ones have that crazy kind of look only seen in the eyes of Jerry Springer's most unsavory guests. So I just kind of knew that when I let the new girls out of their pen, the resulting introduction, would be interesting to say the least.

At first, nothing happened. "The Crackheads" slowly left the safety of their run in a tight knit group, led by an buxom alpha female black rock who I have subsequently nicknamed "Vinegar tits". Jane the American turkey wandered over to take a look and was immediately set upon by the black rock (a thing I have never seen before as turkeys can be terribly violent when challenged)

Jane retaliated, as the guinea fowl and other hens joined in, and before I knew it, a full cat fight from hell had started..with even all the seven geese shrieking at the top of their lungs as the brawl spread through the ranks

Only the Indian runners didn't join in, they all stood nervously next to the pond chattering " leave it....leave it..... they're not worth it" to themselves

I have seen all this before! The best thing to do is to take a big breath and walk away.

So with feathers flying like confetti,

I turned on my heels and went to have another cup of coffee

"Fucking Turkeys in the shed"

It's a strange "tradition" (if tradition is the word for it) for this country to still adhere to the autumn/winter rule of "putting you clocks back"....

I have never really bothered with it all before ( apart from having an extra hour's lie in that is) but last night during a somewhat trying shift at work, I was one of eight staff who all looked at the clock at 2am with some satisfaction that the whole sorry night was at least half over, only to realise that it was suddenly 1 am all over again.

Its amazing how psychologically "crushing" that hour gained can be, to a group of registered nurse despots who are all in need of a coffee and a kind word.
It was a long night.....

And so this morning after an hour's marathon snoring  and looking like an extra from The Walking Dead, I ventured out down the lane for a dog walk.

I must have looked a fright for I hardly realised that a car had stopped to squeeze past us all.

It was gentleman farmer Ralph and his wife Louenna (who always reminds me of a smiling Welsh version of Miss Jean Brodie)...As they passed I apologised for standing in the way of the car, explaining that I "was not firing on all cylinders" due to that extra bloody hour

"I wondered by your blog was not updated" she called out!

Small fish in a small pond........I realised.

And so, I have updated the blog with the banality and humdrum which is so often "life in Trelawnyd"...The new bald hens have all settled down, safe in the prospect of not being shagged to death by cockerel the size of a small man in a rooster outfit and the dogs all relaxed and comfortable after their country walk are lining up to lie down with me for another short siesta....they are nothing but loyal.

I'll need another snooze as Christopher (bless him) is taking me out to a rather nice sea food restaurant in Llandudno later..he has remembered that is our anniversary of eleven years together!

Bless... he has put up with a great deal over the years!

Only this morning he spied me carrying Boris and Gloria out of the shed (where I had moved them so that the new hens would have a "hen house" all of their own).....and I could hear him mutter to himself a slightly exasperated

"There's Fucking Turkeys in the shed AGAIN!!...what's bleeding next? "

......tee hee

I think he has forgotten that there's a bulldog bitch visiting on Tuesday......

Scruffy Buggers & MND Fundraiser

The Bald Buggers

So another 11 waifs have arrived on the field.

The elderly lady who was so sad on the phone early this morning, turned out to be a delightful character when I met her in person.Her husband had suffered a minor stroke a few weeks ago and no longer could look after his small flock easily, so both were exceedingly grateful that I finally agreed that I could take all but one cockerel off their hands.

The cockerel was a monster of an animal who had effectively scalped all of his hens through persistant mating, so I am sure that all eleven hens will be delighted at having the opportunity to relax a little and give their "tuppences" a little bit of a rest!

Llanasa's Red Lion

Now I have "cut and pasted" the folowing from my sister's blog...a bit more publicity for Motor Neurone Disease fundrasing.........locals please note

"My brother in law Chris MacDonald- Parry has very kindly organized a music quiz night for this coming Monday the 31st of October at his local pub The Red Lion in Llanasa -the proceeds of which will be going to the Motor Neurone Disease Association.
Please come and support us if you can -it should be a lot of fun ! There will be a raffle with the chance to win a free meal for two , the quiz starts at 8.30 pm. I`am making sure " Team M.N.D " are all of various ages so hopefully we will have a wide spread of musical knowledge. Chris organizes a quiz once a month with the proceeds raised donated to various charities.
And for anyone who is interested in a bit of history.........

The pub dates back to the 1700`s- previously it was a farm called Ty Newydd [ which translated means - New House ] it is situated in the centre of a typical picturesque country village- opposite the pub is a beautiful large Georgian style manor house in which my hubby and his family grew up in-Ned`s grand father bought the house for four hundred gold sovereigns ! Where he got the money from nobody knows and it still remains a family mystery today-Many of the pieces of furniture in the house had come down from Captain Edward Morgan who was a welsh man and an officer in the Royalist Army during the civil war in the 1650`s, he played a significant part together with 3 thousand Welshmen in the defense of Chester against the Parlimentarian forces- he was also a relation to the famous Captain Henry Morgan - buccaneer who operated in the seas around Jamaica" .

Phone Calls

How things change in the blinking of an eye.
This morning I have had three phone calls over a rapidly cooling cup of coffee.
The first was Chris, who is still working away in London.
The second was an elderly lady who somewhat tearfully asked if I would 'adopt' her small flock of hens, as her frail husband could no longer look after them
And the third was a lovely conversation with a lady in Liverpool who wants to find a loving home for her five year old female bulldog.
" The Jungle Telegraph" is an amazing thing.

The upshot of the conversations were:-
I will be picking Chris up from the station at 7pm
I will go and look at the elderly lady's hens this morning( with my hen crate in the boot)
And the lady with the bulldog bitch will bring her over to see us on Tuesday

hey ho

A Mixed Bag " Horror, Horror oh the Horror"

I am at my brother's house today and as I drove up from Trelawnyd, I counted no less than five advertisements for "Halloween night" parties and celebrations...."Scare your pants off" here and "frighten the kids " there.....I am at saturation point with goolies at the moment!
So, sticking to the old phrase.. you can't beat 'em so join 'em..... I have decided to nose dive in with the fun

In need of a little Boots no 7 me thinks

There seems to be a slight preoccupation with zombies of late. I must admit to having just a little bit of an obsession with AMC's The Walking Dead at the moment, but that is because the basic plot is that of a 1970s disaster movie... where a group of strangers have to battle a collective threat.

Disaster movie 2011 style

No, at the present moment... Zombies are definitely the "flavour of the month"

The Sexy Redneck Norman Reedus In the Walking Dead

I had to laugh recently when the BBC reported that Leicester City Council had recently received a freedom of information request from a "concerned" citizen in which he stated that provisions to deal with an attack, often seen in horror films, were poor and did Leicester have an emergency plan to deal with any potential zombie threat
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news
A comment by geek Ed Thurlow ( Zombie expert and designer of the website "Terror 4 fun") was reassuring as it was amusing : he stated "a zombie invasion in Leicester was highly unlikely."
I will leave you with a real horror movie clip.
This one will strike terror into the very soul of Tom Stephenson!!!!!!!!!!!

 sorry Thomas!

Badgers and Flashing

Chris is still away,So each evening I can be found sat in front of the fire in his jim jams watching shite tv.
Well late last night When I took the dogs down the lane for their evening walk, I spied the distinctive White striped face of a badger poking out of the field hedge. For the past few months the badgers have disappeared from the field, so it was a bit of a bummer to think that they have now returned. I dropped the dogs back in the cottage , then I galloped around to the Church gate in order to spy on the field to count how many badgers were about.

BIG MISTAKE!!!

Message to self....never go badger watching when still wearing PJs! They GAPE!!
As I hurried down the lane I was caught by the headlights of a couple of cars..and it was only afterwards I realised that I had given them both "a bit of a show"
The drivers must have thought I was an escapee from some sort of" Twightlight home for the sexually incontinent....."

Anyhow back to the badgers..I counted four in the end. Four big adults. Grumbling like pigs, they scouted around the hen houses, scratching at the doors and coop corners as the hens all held their collective breaths. Then a couple made their heavy way to my two feed bins and effortlessly upended one spilling the expensive feed onto the grass. The strength of these animals is truly awesome

I had to stop my badger watch there and then, and as it started to rain, I climbed down onto the field to scoop up the lost feed and then moved both bins into the safety of the field shed.
As I appeared, pyjamas flapping in the wind, the badgers shuffled off down the field, grumbling to themselves.
I could almost make out what they were "saying"

"we'll be back!"

Jamie Lee Curtis has a lot to answer for........

I am not a huge fan of halloween
This morning, when I was in the queue at the supermarket (I was buying cheap spaghetti for the hens)a small fat,ugly child sitting in the trolley in front of me, waved a large plastic spider at me, whilst shouting "oooooohhhhhhherrrrrr" right in my face.
He and his unconcerned mother, were obviously getting themselves into the Halloween spirit, an AMericanised activity that has been adopted here ever since Jamie Lee Curtis ran around screaming her cakehole off,amid a huge teenage body count in suburban Haddonfield way back in 1978

This childish obsession with wandering the streets in the dark,dressed as Yoda or Wonder woman,begging for sweets, baffles me..especially as our old kitch 5th of November Celebrations (complete with baked potato and four sad looking fireworks in the back garden)has now died a bit of a death as the big stores now ram down our throats that "you aren't a good parent "if you don't buy your kids that flashing orange ghost that sings "The Monster Mash"

I thought all this when I was still at the checkout...the mother had finally stopped her fat son from swinging his plastic spider around (after three glares and a couple of loud tuts)
Then I realised that Chris and I had just bought a set of bloodshot eyeball novelty lights for CHris' nephew Leo only last week.....

OMG....I have been brainwashed!

Goosed

Chris is away for a few Days, leaving me with his iPad to complete My daily blog, which is not a mean feat as I am totally unfamiliar with It's workings and applications. Very little has happened today. But there WAS one highlight moment when two middle aged ladies came onto the field with bread for the hens. The two scattered crumbs for all, dropped some apples off for the pigs and took a final crust over to Beatrice in Her stroke rehab pen. Unfortunately Beatrice's run is slap-bang next to the new goose run, and before I thought to warn the ladies, Tom let out a loud "Honk", bowed his head through the netting and struck home. It was a fairly lucky "shot" hIs beak slipped under the woman's kilt and I couldn't quite believe my ears when the woman screamed and yelled "OH NO!!!!! HE'S GOT ME KNICKERS " I didn't know whether to laugh or cry (I laughed) and dutifully galloped over to help save the poor damsel. I needn't have worried though....for the woman, (who was around 60) had already leapt to safety "I am so sorry," I babbled in way of an apology But the woman and her friend were laughing hysterically The friend especially so "oooooh Alex," she snorted ""that's a first for you in 20 years!!!!!!!!!" I didn't ask