I am not a huge fan of halloween
This morning, when I was in the queue at the supermarket (I was buying cheap spaghetti for the hens)a small fat,ugly child sitting in the trolley in front of me, waved a large plastic spider at me, whilst shouting "oooooohhhhhhherrrrrr" right in my face.
He and his unconcerned mother, were obviously getting themselves into the Halloween spirit, an AMericanised activity that has been adopted here ever since Jamie Lee Curtis ran around screaming her cakehole off,amid a huge teenage body count in suburban Haddonfield way back in 1978
This childish obsession with wandering the streets in the dark,dressed as Yoda or Wonder woman,begging for sweets, baffles me..especially as our old kitch 5th of November Celebrations (complete with baked potato and four sad looking fireworks in the back garden)has now died a bit of a death as the big stores now ram down our throats that "you aren't a good parent "if you don't buy your kids that flashing orange ghost that sings "The Monster Mash"
I thought all this when I was still at the checkout...the mother had finally stopped her fat son from swinging his plastic spider around (after three glares and a couple of loud tuts)
Then I realised that Chris and I had just bought a set of bloodshot eyeball novelty lights for CHris' nephew Leo only last week.....
OMG....I have been brainwashed!
The only thing I hate more than Halloween, is small, fat, ugly children.
ReplyDeleteMy bookstore is full of them. All day, every day. Small, fat, ugly children. Working there is great birth control.
And how often does one get to use, "I was buying cheap spaghetti for the hens..." in conversation? Nobody. That's what makes you awesome.
Halloween is my favorite holiday! Here Halloween has changed a lot since I was a kid. Some adults have tried very hard to turn it into a bad thing. I mean really get a grip people! Kids don't trick or treat like we used to. Halloween is a wonderful imaginative fun holiday. When else can you dress up as a full blown witch (always my choice) or what ever else you choose and not have people quirk a eyeball at you. LOL When you are a child add in the candy factor and dressing up. Yep pretty perfect holiday. :O)
ReplyDeleteI also dislike Halloween! I have since I was a child (I dislike the way adults and children behave when hiding behind a costume and I don't even like candy). I thought I was the only one. Folks look at me like I'm insane when I say I don't like Halloween...then, when I mention that I like Christmas even less...well, they run. So glad to know there are others (as least as far as Halloween goes...I'll wait to hear your thoughts on Christmas.)
ReplyDeleteHaving once been a small, fat, ugly child myself, I couldn't possibly comment!!
ReplyDeleteHalloween is an import and just doesn't do it for us...however, bring on the baked potatoes and sausages, Catherine Wheels, Jumping Jacks and a disappointing rocket on Bonfire Night!
Good One, John.
ReplyDeletesmall, fat, ugly child...oh my God, John...you crack me up.
ReplyDeleteHugs, Deb
I got to grow up in Canada for a while and experience Halloween, running about with the my pillowcase... the kid part of me still likes it. We had a blast last year for Roz's first Halloween (I was surprised as there are millions of kids round here and I was dreading it).
ReplyDeleteRoz and I dressed up like devils, B got on some army gear and war paint... downloaded Halloween songs and set ourselves up in the garage with my silly DIY decorations. The best part, was that Roz's outfit was actually a dog costume, and we let her hand out the candy, which was hilarious. The older kids were thoroughly degraded, the younger ones thought she was after their candy, and there's Roz, two-years old, dancing away and high on candy power. And B and I stood back with vodka fruities to watch the show. It was beauty!
I really miss bonfire night, though. I wish I could still have that, with mi' mushy peas and parkin, fireworks, sparklers, and that poor burning Guy.
As my birthday is on Hallowe'en I shall ignore all these comments.
ReplyDeleteOh my Goodness John you won't want the Yoda costume I bought for you then??
ReplyDeleteJo xx
I used to like the holidays until they made them so commercial that they hold no meaning at all any more.
ReplyDeleteWe in America certainly do have a tendency to commercialize everything. I used to enjoy Hallowe'en. Then, last night we saw a Christmas commercial on tv.
ReplyDeleteChildren who are not beautiful should be sent back!
ReplyDeleteAs for horror, I much prefer Black Christmas - the original version that is. Adds a little extra chill to the wintry festivities,
Turn off the lights, pretend you are not at home and hope the little horrors don't show up. That's our halloween.
ReplyDeleteHalloween is so much more commercial now than when I grew up or even when my children grew up. We used to get home from school, go into our parents closets and concoct some sort of funny outfit. For my children, I would ask what they wanted to pretend to be and then make it with cheap material. Today, pop-up Halloween stores appear every September and even grocery and drug stores sell costumes. There is no imagination needed, you just buy something. The kids though seem to have fun, and that is a good thing.
ReplyDeleteSo John, next month are you going to rant about a small, fat, ugly kid sitting on Santa's lap? I will look forward to that one.
NZ has seen an invasion in recent years of the Hallow'een 'Fun!' It seems that the American culture is penetrating all four corners of the globe now!
ReplyDeleteWe celebrate Bonfire night in NZ - a Barbie, baked Spuds, Sparklers, the lot! Many Brits are surprised that we celebrate the night when it wasn't our Parliment being blown up, yet, with so many NZders having British Grandparents and parents it's part of the NZ culture.
I love Halloween - it's the only time my dress sense looks 'normal'.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, when it's little kids trick-or-treating it's nice that they go to the effort of dressing up - some of them round here really go to town.
Last year I offered them a nice hot cup of blood...
Yes but a set of bloodshot eyeball novelty lights is a design classic and can be enjoyed all year round as part of your nephews bedroom decor :-D
ReplyDeleteI got nothing but complaints from neighbouring parents last, and there was me entering into the spirit of thing by nailing a raven to the gatepost. But I think it was the sacricial altar-cum-doorstep that did it for most of them.
ReplyDeleteI remember we celebrated Guy Fawkes night on November 5th, with bonfires, treacle-toffee, jacket-potatoes cooked in the bonfire, and a little carved pumpkin made from a turnip ( rutabaga for the American version ).
ReplyDeleteWe never celebrated Halloween.
~Jo
I LOVED Halloween as a child! The thrill of going incognito for a couple of hours gave me a rush! Not to mention a pillow case full of candy! There was a 'rich' lady in the neighbourhood (what she was doing there still baffles me)who gave out homemade candy apples! There was always a line up to her door. And she would take us in one at a time and present us with this treat. It was nice.
ReplyDeleteToday we don't get anybody coming to our door due to where we live....out of the way. That's OK too!
So the Americans kidnapped our halloween and spoilt it, but when else can I take up my rightful place as Professor Trelawney after Emma Thompson got there first? When else can I play with my crystal ball?
ReplyDeleteAnd Jamie? She's hot. You've got to forgive her. :D
as an American of English descent with a little French thrown in I'm not quite sure how to respond to this
ReplyDeleteone has the choice to like or dislike what ever they want...I dressed up this Halloween because I knew the grandkids would get a kick out of it
I thought we had escaped it by coming to Spain, but it appears they're trying to make it catch on here, as well. I wasn't thrilled to see that. (And yet, my favorite thing to do every year was to carve a jack-o-lantern... or three. Go figure.)
ReplyDeleteThankfully we have gone into a wet, windy, cold spell - enuff to deter the local ankle biters (and their parents) from doing the evening door knocking - however, if some turn up I have some dog biscuits and individual packets of instantant oatmeal to dish out LOL!
ReplyDeleteHATE Halloween!! and here in Canada they start hauling the decorations out in the shops in August....would never decorate in my house with orange or black bits of crap to throw into a landfill after. I also HATE dressing up for it...every year my friend puts on a breast cancer fundraiser on Halloween so I don the gear and pretend it is fun...all for the cause.
ReplyDeleteYou should have had a big sneeze right in the nasty boys face.
Once again, moving to this street has changed my outlook. The families here all have friendly, well-behaved children - not a brat in site. We greet the early trick or treaters - the nearest and the youngest, then retreat to the back of the house when everyone we know has visited.
ReplyDeleteOh and M&S choc mini rolls with green buttercream. A teatime treat.
Get back to the basics, John. All Hallows Eve is simply a device to honour the dead....
ReplyDeleteUNLESS YOU ARE VINCENT PRICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'd like to point out that my sister [Pear Tree Log] was never a small, fat, ugly child - it's just that no-one could possibly look their best when seen in juxtaposition to the utter perfection that was me as a child.
ReplyDeleteHalloween? All Hallows Eve? Pure homogenized commercial grot now from start to finish. The magic has been lost.
We should collect up all of the small, fat, ugly kids and burn them on bonfires in honour of Guy Fawkes' valiant efforts on the 5th of November.
Smoke, crispy spuds in foil, the Elfin Saferty terrors of fireworks in non-government hands, Mother showing us how to properly torch a car, the fire brigade rushing about madly. Happy days.
I don't mind other people having their bit of fun on Halloween, but I totally object to their trying to involve complete strangers in their shenanigans by knocking on people's doors demanding sweets or whatever. I like to relax in the evening without a bunch of kids harassing me.
ReplyDeleteIan
ReplyDeleteI can almost hear the shrieks of health and safety reps from everywhere!!!
Baaarrrrstards!
I'm counting down the days to when I can turn off the lights, wait in the dark and be grateful the week or more of scary movies and people in costume on TV and in person is FINALLY over for another year. Can you tell how I feel about Halloween?
ReplyDeletegod,you sound like the old man who lived over the way from us as kids.....he hated anything younger than his toenails ! i am going to lend you the DVD "UP" ! the old man in the film will be right up your street !
ReplyDeleteJason
ReplyDeleteMy bark is worse than my bite
(which can be lethal)
Having said that if your two sweeties called sound on the the 31st, I would be as nice as Julie Andrews after a spliff
I thought it was an all-American invention until I moved to Scotland. There is a long tradition of 'guising' here, which is not trick-or-treat - the children (fat, ugly and otherwise) have to perform in order to get their apple, monkey nuts and tablet (world's most high-sugar confectionery, hand-made by all the ladies up here).
ReplyDeleteWhat's the equivalent of 'Scrooge' for Hallowe'en, by the way?
John,
ReplyDeleteBlame the zombies for your brainwashing ;-)
We always made candied apples for Halloween and had a bag or two of sweets for those who didn't like candied apples.
To this day, i can't eat one. That syrupy sweet smell permeated the house for days.
The first year i was in my current location, i got two trick or treaters, young children who were dressed up and very polite. They each took one piece of candy. I told them it was okay if they took one more, but each said, "No, thank you," bade me a Happy Halloween, and that was that.
Last year, i figured i'd have more kiddoes, but none showed. I was forced to eat all those small packets of M&Ms (like Smarties across the Pond) myself.
megan
I hate Halloween, glad we live in the middle of no where.....don't have to deal with it now.
ReplyDeleteGill in Canada
I'm with you on this. Fortunately we live far enough away from anyone so we don't get anyone calling round, otherwise I would have to sit with the lights off.
ReplyDeleteI HATE HALLOWEEN! (I feel so much better now.) Ever since moving to north america I have avoided this, ahem, holiday, like the plague. Okay, when the kids were little, I indulged them (for fear of raising mal-adjusted demons). The idea of running around a neighbourhood, making grown-ups hand out candy by the bagful is at best indulgent, at worst indecent. Bah Humbug...I shut off the lights, close the door and head off to the pub for dinner.
ReplyDeleteWhat's good for the goose is good for the gander.
ReplyDeleteYou can add me to the list of "Not a Fan of Small Children". I am frequently amused at their poor behavior in grocery stores, running amok, while the parents benignly ignore the little monsters!! My backside would have been sore if I acted the way many young ones act today!
ReplyDeleteActually I love Halloween. It is a stress free festival of candy over-consumption. I am sad that Christmas displays are out now. Before Halloween and Thanksgiving. xo
I was going to count the for's and against's, but gave up. Here in France Halloween has been commercialised over the past few years, and now, sadly, is a bit hit with low IQ children.
ReplyDeleteThe tiny settlement in which I live suddenly has 8 children. So yesterday I bought a bag of sweets (I believe it's popular in the USA to inject these with POISON).
Worse even that Halloween is All Hallows. The French love it, and the supermarkets, petrol stations, and everywhere in between, are selling foul coloured potted Geraniums with which they all feel obliged to 'decorate' graves. YUK!
As a child, I felt pity for my English cousins who didn't get to haul home a pillowcase of chocolate and candy every October 31st. My mother would explain Guy Fawkes night to me, but as far as I was concerned, a bonfire was no match for a sack of sweets!!!
ReplyDeleteWe don't do halloween. Haven't done it in years. It's obnoxious. Almost as bad as small, fat, ugly kids! And then to think you and Chris have fallen prey to it's slick (over)marketing! Too funny.
ReplyDeleteYep, "we" got to you, too! Hey, there's a Haddonfield in the United States, too--in New Jersey. It's where the first dinosaur in North America was unearthed, and was named Hadrosaurus!
ReplyDeleteI look forward to Halloween BECAUSE of the small children (whom I seem to adore no matter what they look or sound like.) We don't get many trick-or-treaters because of our location, but I always make a big pot of soup, rent a spooky movie, and have the big bowl of treats waiting. Then whenever the doorbell rings, we stop the movie and go ooh and aah over the costumes and then strew candy all over them. I enjoy it so much! It brings it all back again...the olden days when the five Wheelock kids would fan out after dark and haunt the neighborhood for the night, then compare hauls when we all got home.
ReplyDeleteI have an outrageously scary papier mache corpse mask I made years ago which I sometimes put on for the older kids, who love it. But I don't do it with the little ones anymore since it made a little girl cry once. (It also scared the shit out of our dog. :-)
I hope you survive till it's over! Only a few more days now to peace and quiet and a lot less plastic.
Dxxx