Whore Wars

As any poultry keeper will tell you,  it is unwise to "let loose" a load of new hens into an existing flock. You have to introduce your girls gradually, preferably over a few days of seeing each other through a fence or run, and even then you are not guaranteed a peaceful amalgamation of birds.

The eleven new hens. the ones that had been shagged ragged by a cockerel the size of a bear, are a tough looking, sorry bunch who have been somewhat unkindly nicknamed the "Crackhead whores". Not one of them has a full set of feathers between them, and in actual fact two of the bigger ones have that crazy kind of look only seen in the eyes of Jerry Springer's most unsavory guests. So I just kind of knew that when I let the new girls out of their pen, the resulting introduction, would be interesting to say the least.

At first, nothing happened. "The Crackheads" slowly left the safety of their run in a tight knit group, led by an buxom alpha female black rock who I have subsequently nicknamed "Vinegar tits". Jane the American turkey wandered over to take a look and was immediately set upon by the black rock (a thing I have never seen before as turkeys can be terribly violent when challenged)

Jane retaliated, as the guinea fowl and other hens joined in, and before I knew it, a full cat fight from hell had started..with even all the seven geese shrieking at the top of their lungs as the brawl spread through the ranks

Only the Indian runners didn't join in, they all stood nervously next to the pond chattering " leave it....leave it..... they're not worth it" to themselves

I have seen all this before! The best thing to do is to take a big breath and walk away.

So with feathers flying like confetti,

I turned on my heels and went to have another cup of coffee