Going Gently

My First Proper "drunk" post

This is a first in my blogging history!
I am writing this blog when perfectly PISSED (Its 1.00am)
(American readers will have to be aware that pissed means drunk and NOT angry!)- I have had around 7 very large gin and tonics and one mediocre sized glass of champagne!
We have been down to my sister's house for a quiet but relaxing New Year's Eve and got ourselves all tied up at 11.45pm when we had to light three Chinese lanterns to set off in the garden before the chimes rang out.

I love this new tradition of lantern lighting! There is something quite magical at the spectacle of dozens of miniature balloons drifting over the horizon and up over Prestatyn hillside in the cold December air
It is a sight that always (and just almost) makes me cry!

Happy New Year.....lets all have a good one eh?

Much Love
Johnx

The Queen's list and toilet training

Now I will make no bones that I am a bit of a royalist.
I don't go to the lengths of some who collect cheap plates from the Sunday supplements which are embossed with tawdry photos of the Queen Mum, but I would wave my Union Jack with some pride if old Queeny drove past in her limo to visit William and Kate, who actually now live down the coast a ways.

I enjoy reading the Queen's New Year Honours list (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-12090365) It's a bit like a "posh" Oscar ceremony where a dinnerlady from a comprehensive school in Barnsley can receive the same award and recognition as say the likes of Annie Lennox and God forbid even knackered old Burt Kwouk got something ( a fact that did throw me just a little)

Anyhow I was thinking about all this when out at dawn "toilet training".
Now my, cough...........cough...... "ablutions" are shall we say...firming up nicely...so I can concentrate on the knotty problem of Bulldog incontinence.
We are not winning the war against dollops of poo on the kitchen floor at the moment.
Constance has got the hang of leaving her cage and bed (good) but has not quite understood the finer points of elimination issues.
Every morning I take all four dogs out. And every morning when the terriers are sniffing and weeing and weeing and sniffing, Constance will find a bizarre interest in some inanimate object or other and will stand in a dreamy half consciousness type state, looking at it with her interested little piggy eyes..
This morning it was a metal sculpture of a bird sitting in the rockery of the garden which caught her attention, and as the rest of the dogs sat around like the bored yobs out of West Side Story Constance crept over to the bird grumbling quietly to herself and sat looking at it for an age!.
Now I have tried every trick in the book to divert her attention back to toilet training...special toilet commands.....big praises when the smallest pee finally appears........I have even resorted to the odd quick pee myself (Thinking that a bit of roll play (and urine smell) may allow her to mirror my behaviour) but I have curtailed this potentially arrestable activity as I was nearly caught peeing against the hydrangea last night when neighbour Terry took his own dogs out for their final walk!
But I guess it is a case of teaching an old dog new tricks......
Like anything,it will all take some time.

So It is New Year's Eve!...Even though we are both not firing on all cylinders Chris and I are off to my sister Janet's house for drinks and nibbles tonight...I am not a fan of New Year's Eve celebrations

Shit day

How the mighty have fallen!
Yesterday I was bathed in glory after my unexpected "Internet" award.
Today I am having night sweats and what can only be described as "explosive bowels!"

I was wide awake well before dawn (I should have been asleep as I stayed up late to watch the "disaster movie" Black Rain)...so I dragged the dogs from their slumbers and took them for an early morning walk.
BAD IDEA!
As I reached the far lane, I felt some rather worrying and uncomfortable "grumblings" -down below...and then felt that awful uncontrollable gut lurch which signifies an immediate...and well shall we say uncontrollable....result?

The dogs all looked slightly confused,as desperately trying to control my growing hysteria I clenched my bum as tight as I could and minced all the way back to the cottage like an Olympic walker.......

sigh

Anyway an early morning visit to Salisbury's to buy loperimide and another "visit" to their very clean-I-must-say restrooms....and I was feeling a little more in control...........
When I got home, all Chris would say was
"It's those bloody birds!"
I got on with making his breakfast as he yelled again
"WASH YOUR HANDS!"
Hey ho

...and the envelope please!

I have just won the prestigious Laughing Horse Award for best Overall Blog 2010!

Thank you to the urbane, witty and educated judge Yorkshire Pudding for choosing my blog over a whole plethora of .interesting despot writings...........
He has a degree
so is a wise man!

In Memoriam

The following post...is a kind of "in memoriam" review of 2010!
In true Oscar style, I think there should be some moving yet uplifting music to accompany the words!
play this and read on!

Animal review 2010

In Memoriam : a review of the Year

The biggest disaster for us in 2010 was Maddie's death (see " A curved Ball")
At seven she was still a relatively young dog when through some unfortunate medical care we lost her and the cottage remains a quieter place without her irascible bad temper and maiden aunt presence.

Maddie was our first Scottie, and her personality was a blue print for the breed. Tough,loyal,mistrusting of strangers and quietly self contained, she was not a dog who enjoyed fuss or cuddling, but she was a delightful old fashioned breed who maintained order within the dog pack by stopping any bicker of fight stone dead in its tracks.
I still miss her dreadfully.

I had some minor losses within the poultry population. The odd fox snatch here and the odd badger kill there. They were all opportunistic kills, older hens not making it back to base at night or young cockerels not having the sense to move home when the need arise.......and one in particular upset me more than the others. My tame buff Lily was an old favourite hen. Benign and unafraid, she would sit on my knee or clamber up onto my stomach when I was cloud watching, where she would sit unperturbed for ages.
She was a real sweetie.

The last loss that still lingers long in my mind, was the strange and rather moving death of an elderly Indian runner duck named Nell. In the height of a beautiful summer's day, her bittersweet end perhaps underlines just why keeping animals can be so addictive, moving and at times essentially satisfying ( Blog entry- an odd little moment)

The pigs left us earlier in the year (they are now happily pregnant in a zoo in Cambridgeshire) and whole groups of ducklings and hen chicks have moved on to new homes locally and in Huddersfield!, which is nice.

And so we acknowledge the losses and now celebrate the new arrivals of 2010.

The geese Winnie and Jo have been two of my biggest joys of 2010.
As goslings they followed me everywhere and pandered to my constant need to be needed and to be carer..and as vocal adults they provide me with noisy company throughout the day on the field.
I would not be without them now

The saga of the ghost hens has captured the imagination of many throughout the year, and the arrival of these waifs and strays has proved to be one of my biggest successes this year. Bred to last a matter of weeks, three out of the original six runts have somehow survived the limitations of their over bred bodies and have enjoyed a free range life of dirty bums and Welsh fresh air.
Looking like Nick Parks' Chicken run animations, these three porkers lead a charmed life, and have repaid me tenfold by blossoming from cowed scraps of beak and feathers into buxom girls who after six months of hard work started to act like proper hens......they lay the occasional egg for me too!

Speaking of eggs..this morning when I let out the new charity case hens ( The Belles of St Trinians) -above) there in the hen house were three large brown eggs......! after only three weeks of intensive care, good food and a bit of TLC this maltreated motley bunch of hasbeens have now turned the corner......another minor victory me thinks

In the autumn I hatched out the six quail with Red "the miracle quail" surviving his marathon 16 hour stint in a cold incubator..all are doing well on the field now and amateur cook Ian from the village is desperately looking forward in his hopeful supply of quail eggs in the spring!.............

and last but not least, the arrival of Constance "the flatulent" and over affectionate bulldog has kept everyone on their toes.and although at first I thought she was going to be Chris' dog....the reality of the situation has been somewhat different!

Who knows where 2011 will lead?
We will have our share of disasters where trips to the vets and emotional goodbyes will be power for the course....but I am sure the field population will grow again with many more characters and the odd charity case or two...............
watch this space
x

A real blast from the past!

Tom over at "Compact but adorable" was feeling crook all yesterday and today it is my turn. Chris is still prostrate on the couch with a duvet and "Midsommer Murders" so I have been a right little soldier and with a "once more unto the breach" mentality, I have walked the dogs and fed and cleaned out the stock as well as cooked the meals and completed the shopping!
Oh what a martyr!!!
As I was dragging my carcass back to the cottage ( dressed in a pair of black, bleach stained pants with a broken zip and a ripped anorak) a car pulled up next to the field and three people got out. The male driver looked sort of familiar, but I had no idea who he and the woman or the teenage boy with him were, and I just had to smile broadly when he came over and shook my hand warmly
He obviously knew me, but I was at a complete loss who they were!
Now, I have to smile at myself, for I should have been honest from the start and admitted that I was at a loss,,, but embarrassment took over and after a minute of "vague"pleasantries I invited all three into the house for a cup of tea!
I hurried ahead of them, saying I was just going to lock the dogs away and galloped into the cottage where I hissed at Chris ( still inert on the sofa)
"I've just invited three people in for tea and I have NO idea who any of them are even though they seem to know me!!!"
The sick man grabbed his duvet and bolted upstairs leaving me to face one of the most potentially cringe worthy situations since my testicle fell out of a hole in my jeans in the Crucible Theatre foyer!
Testicle Blog click here
The trio came into the cottage and Constance's hysterical welcome broke the ice (and covered my embarrassment just a little further) just until the man pointed to a photograph of my grandmother on the family photo wall and said "ahh there's my gran!"

My Grandmother a year before she died

Then the penny dropped!
The guy was my cousin Mathew!
I had not seen Mathew for over 20 years. He is my uncle Jim's youngest son.and Jim was my mother's "baby" brother who lives in Rotherham in South Yorkshire.

I had lost contact with Jim before my mother died many years ago now. Her somewhat self destructive behaviour near the end of the life alienated her from my sisters and forced her admission to a residential home.
It was a horrid no win situation for all and the bad feelings of the situation meant that contact with Jim was curtailed somewhat........this unexpected reunion with my cousin had been orchestrated by Jim, and although totally out of left field, the visit was much appreciated.

Mathew, is now a Captain in the army and is a big sociable and thoroughly amiable guy (the spit of his father in fact) and it was lovely to catch up with him and his wife and son after so long.
When I realised that my Uncle specifically asked Mathew to call in I am resolved to write to my Uncle who is now a frail 82 year old ,tomorrow.
It will be nice to touch base with him after so many years