Yesterday I was bathed in glory after my unexpected "Internet" award.
Today I am having night sweats and what can only be described as "explosive bowels!"
I was wide awake well before dawn (I should have been asleep as I stayed up late to watch the "disaster movie" Black Rain)...so I dragged the dogs from their slumbers and took them for an early morning walk.
BAD IDEA!
As I reached the far lane, I felt some rather worrying and uncomfortable "grumblings" -down below...and then felt that awful uncontrollable gut lurch which signifies an immediate...and well shall we say uncontrollable....result?
The dogs all looked slightly confused,as desperately trying to control my growing hysteria I clenched my bum as tight as I could and minced all the way back to the cottage like an Olympic walker.......
sigh
Anyway an early morning visit to Salisbury's to buy loperimide and another "visit" to their very clean-I-must-say restrooms....and I was feeling a little more in control...........
When I got home, all Chris would say was
"It's those bloody birds!"
I got on with making his breakfast as he yelled again
"WASH YOUR HANDS!"
Hey ho
Commiserations, I do hope you feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteMy son who I told you is a nurse had a similar experience just recently but he was escorting 3 other nurses in his car when the grumbles hit, you can imagine his panic....
Glad to say that he managed to drop them off without any accidents....
Briony
I hate when that happens! Hope you feel better today.
ReplyDeleteWelcome to my world, I've had IBS for years and never know when my innards are going to fail me! I could supply anyone with a toilet map of cornwall!
ReplyDeleteYou men and your details!!
ReplyDeleteWould have loved to have seen those dogs confused expressions. Get well soon John!
"minced"? "cottage"? Is Trelawnyd the new Gomorrah? May I suggest incontinence pants for your current "condition". Available at all branches of Boots. Have a nice day!
ReplyDeleteThese things happen. I returned to the gym for my post-Christmas toil the other day, sadly after an evening meal including artichokes.
ReplyDeleteOh well, I never liked that place anyway!
Next time...squat!
ReplyDeleteSh*t happens.................
ReplyDeleteGet well, soon!
That was so funny reading this ~ I just laughed and laughed.. Sorry to hear you are sick now.. but it was so funny reading..
ReplyDeleteta ta for now you made my day..
Yikes!!! I hate that feeling!Never hurts to carry a spare 'Depends' around......maybe too bulky though! lol
ReplyDeleteHope things have subsided now.
Jim
Oh, poor John. Sorry you're sick and even sorrier that it's the explosive bowel curse. Do you have Immodium over there? Best stuff ever for getting that under control.
ReplyDeleteI know that feeling.
ReplyDeleteI do hope you both feel better soon so you can enjoy the New Year!
eeeeww! not fun! again, i found myself chuckling during your misery. hope by the time you read this you're feeling much better. i need to catch up cause i've been away from the computer during the holidays!
ReplyDeleteOh my. Once again your vivid descriptions make me see what you are doing! I can only imagine the looks of any passing villagers when you are flying by in a pseudo race walk with confused dogs in tow. Tee hee and I hope you feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteYou create such a lovely picture, John. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI doubt that there is a person alive who hasn't had a similar experience at one time or another ~ even people who don't have chickens!
I think Chris should be a bit more sympathetic after the good care you gave him when he was sick!
Sharon said it best!
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better soon!
Hope you're better soon and I'm so sorry but I couldn't help but laugh.
ReplyDeleteComputer is acting up, hope this gets through. I have probably seen a similar expression on my dog, I have been at the top of our place, when the 'grumbles' hit. Walking downhill, avoiding dog, and clenching tightly, while trying to move as fast as you can. Good grief, I feel for you! Take care!
ReplyDeleteCat
It was the gin in the orange juice! You followed the wrong recipe! LOL!
ReplyDeleteI'm with Sharon--when you gotta go, you gotta go!! I hope you're feeling better John--If not maybe my telling you that I've dreamed of you the last two nights will do the trick!!
ReplyDeleteJohn -
ReplyDeleteYou have an amazing gift at picking just the right words to paint a vivid picture of your exploits.
I did, however, bathe the monitor in diet soda about the time you started mincing home.
I think that Chris needs to stop yelling at you and get his bum in the kitchen and make you something scrumptiously lovely to eat, and coddle you just a bit.
Feel better soon!
Katie in MN
Oh, no! Been there, done that. And just in case you infected my computer, I immediately grabbed some hand sanitizer.
ReplyDeleteWhat Sharon said!!!
Nancy in Iowa
Hi John
ReplyDeletePmsl! Your dilemma reminded me of when I was a nurse on male surgical a few years ago now. Always landed the job of bowel prepping the prostate blokes, they never did believe me when I warned them about how fast the Picolax kicked in ! Many a desperate rush for the commode witnessed oh they were the days........
Hope the bunger upper meds work soon
Jane
I just cannot believe how many responses you have had about you simply shitting yourself. You must lead the life of the charmed. Just another way of God telling you that you are cut out for the media.
ReplyDeletetom
ReplyDeletelol
I did not SHIT myself Thomas..I just experienced a minor leakage moment!
it happened to the queen mother all of the time
pud
ReplyDeleteYOU WILL NEVER KNOW!
Take over the couch, drink lots, get well soon.
ReplyDeleteYour description of what happened is just like being there.
ReplyDeleteOh I do hope you are feeling better.
Thank goodness for those grumblings to let you know what is coming! Can you imagine if there was no warning of any kind!!!
Shit happens! Hope you're stocked up with loo roll. Try Bisto.....to thicken it.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year! xxxxxxxxxxxx
It happened to the Queen Mother all the time, because her arse-hole was permanently sewn up! I happen to know this!
ReplyDelete"Tom" how on earth would you KNOW this?
ReplyDeleteI'll tell you John - go to my next post entitled - 'HRH blow-off S hock Horror' (or something like that. )
ReplyDeleteHow does Mr. Pudding know where incontinence pants can be found? And I surmise that while those might be good for urine leaks, no one would want to walk around town with a diaper full of poo squishing around.
ReplyDeleteI hate those surprise moments, especially when I'm walking about with no restroom in sight. And I've done the "super sprint" to find one, too.
ReplyDeleteI'm just catching up and can't believe I missed this gem. You are SO outrageous my friend! "...minced all the way back like an Olympic walker.."? Is nothing sacred?
ReplyDeleteMy butt puckers at the thought.
:-)