Beautiful

I wasn’t going to post today 

I have nothing much to say. 

By breakfast time I’d already worked eight hours, driven home and shopped. 

By 2pm I was awoken by sunshine streaming in from the Western sky

It felt warm on my face

whereas the cottage air felt just above zero

Mary lay on the bed with me. Her head facing the sun

She was obviously enjoying the moment and looked as though she was smiling gently to herself.

I watched her for an age

My New Year’s resolution ? 

To note something of beauty every day,

No matter how small

Sat With My Tree

I couldn’t sleep after 2pm so got up, Marshalled the sleepy Welsh and braved the showers in order to get some air. 

We walked into the graveyard and sat on the bench sheltered by the vestry.

There we watched my laburnum. 

I said we, when I mean I.

The Welsh just watched the trees in general, they way they whipped in the roar of the wind.

I watched my tree.

It looked bare but robust, 

Much bigger than when I planted it with Islwyn back in 2021

This piece of music was playing on my phone a piece by James Newton Howard 

Sweet

“A society grows great when old men and women plant trees in whose shade they shall never sit.”

Happy New Year I thought hopefully

Then we returned to the cottage and to bed

2025

 I’m working tonight and that’s fine. My colleagues are a bright young staff nurse and a support worker with a big heart. 

I have no trouble working New Year’s Eve. 

At the back end of 1989 one of my best friends died, his name was Ian Parry and he was a freelance news photographer. He died returning home from Romania 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ian_Parry 

Ian was a high flyer and carried the hopes and dreams of his Welsh friends to London and beyond. At 24 he bought a flat, had a glamorous girlfriend and showed more chutzpah than Babs Streisand in Yentl, so when he died , we were left floating and lost and without a touchstone that linked us to success and positivism. New Year’s Eve lost its sparkle then, a sparkle that has never returned in thirty years or so since.

It’s stormy here today and the roar of the wind is loud through the Churchyard and around the corner of the cottage and its chimney. 

The twins seem fascinated with the wind sounds and are sat by the front door, feeling the breeze through the door vent. Mary has stopped her nesting and is asleep on the couch. Roger is watching the blue tits feeding from the back garden. The gale is causing them problems which interests him

I’m going to make avocado on sour bread with poached eggs which will be my meal of the day.

I’ve made a chicken salad for supper.

So my friends we are almost in 2025

2024 saw Dorothy, that little dynamo of a bulldog leave my side after five years of loving me with passion. Her drama and loyalty filled a chunk of my divorce grief as I kind of knew it would and her death left another bulldog sized hole in my heart. 

I still miss her dreadfully . 

But Bun & Weaver have arrived with a bang, two naughty school girls throwing an old bachelor’s home into disarray.  

I’m an old dog, having to learn new tricks.

The wind seems stronger now.

I’m listening to the second of Dr Gwen Ashead’s Reith Lectures which centres around evil. 

It’s an interesting BBC listen. 

What do I want from 2025?

To be healthy, 

To be happier, 

A Bit Of Reflection

It’s nearly the end of the year and I have much on my mind. I have blood tests booked which, I’m sure will show I have diabetes. I’ve lost some weight purposely and my diet has changed, but the lethargy which haunts me daily cannot be ignored, even though I’m quite astute in acting like the proverbial Orstrich’s head. That’s all part of not having a well-being hat on….ie the cobbler’s children had no shoes sort of thing.

If things progress I shall be a qualified counsellor in June. I know I’m more suited to transactional analysis area of counselling, which means more study and training, and with my blood sugars more stable I will have the energy to push myself further in what will be my 63 rd year.

I’m slowing down too, which means more stillness and mindfullness .  

Life isn’t better just because you employ the smokescreen of bustle 

Life also isn’t a film script. There are no saviours, save for ourselves

You’re on yer own kid 

Now who said that? 

,

 

Sometimes

Sometimes you miss things

Sometimes real life gets you tired and stressed and blind to things important

Busy day today 

Lots of nursing support given, 

Lots of nursing management stuff 

Some days go like that

Some are overwhelming 

So you get home late

When It’s dark and lonely

Kittens are fed, dogs are walked, fire is lit

Tv on, tv dinner in microwave, kittens are bullies

Nine pm 

It feels late……

Roger, sat at my feet. Quiet and pointed, brown eyes searching mine

I know he needed, and wanted a hug and I suddenly scooped him up with big arms and teary eyes

His head under my chin, his eyes closed in doggy happiness

If he was wearing a jumper , there would be holes in it

We sat together, me rocking him like a baby, for an age

His paws wrapped around my hands 

And time stopped

everything is alright

Internet

 My sister had left me a roast dinner on my door step which was kind tonight. 

Im tired after a busy shift, so ate supper on my knee in front of a hastily lit fire.

Another day at work tomorrow. 

My Hotmail email account , the one I’ve had 25 years, has been locked which has been a real bind  

Despite hours trying to reopen it I’ve had to resort to jgsheffield@icloud.com to sort out my life on line

How much re rely on the internet now

Hey ho

Wicked

 I’ve never really liked fantasy musicals 

Willie Wonka, The Wizard Of Oz, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, all leave me somewhat cold and bored, so I was surprised that Wicked held my attention for so long. 

I had seen the original musical in San Francisco , and had forgotten it shortly afterwards so the film seemed ill fated and probably ill advised, but as it was organised as a post Christmas treat with my friend Ruth, ( with a spicy burrito to follow) I thought What the fuck ? Why not? 

Elfaba ( Cynthia Erivo) was born to play the lead wicked witch as she conveys every single emotion with a close up single look. She is the film and she is amazing in it. Grande too is impressive as her foil and friend G’linda but everyone’s eyes are on Erivo’s green face which when silently weeping, clearly sets the audience off.

The film itself was so so but the scenes between the two witches are touching real and wonderfully observed.

Boxing Day

 Mary is more rested, her nesting hopefully no more than a hormone surge. I picked up a new carpet cleaner this morning ( the old one collapsed exhausted due to over use ) so my Boxing Day , I’m cleaning and nesting like Mary had done. 

It’s usually a day for walks and chat, but I’ve no one to walk and chat with which is shame but at least I can breathe new life in the living room carpet and half watch Casablanca and The Magnificent Seven which dominate BB2 this afternoon.

Had a lovely Christmas lunch yesterday with family , and there was much hilarity when my nephew gave me this very tragic vase

Luckily my sisters gave me this Barcelona print, which I’ve just hung

And this croc key ring( very me)

Mary’s with Child?

 At 8 pm last night Polish Monika called around with some Polish food all wrapped neatly . I was touched by her kindness. At 10pm there was a knock on the front window, it was Mrs Trellis gayly waving a chocolate Santa, ever one to make a final entrance, her joviality moved me. 

I made a Sherry trifle and spent the evening watching tv and messaging friends not caught up with before Christmas 

Mary has ripped the cushion back out of the kitchen reading chair, she is also suddenly restless and moody

( well more moody that normal) it took me ages to realise that she’s nesting.

I’m presuming it’s a phantom pregnancy given her age 

Which means I have my own Virgin Mary 

But I’m not at all sure, 

Eve

 I’m sat at Sainsburys cafe with a liberal amount of avocado and poached egg down my front.

I’m not surprised only mildly disgusted with myself 

My second best navy jumped splattered 

The woman at the next table gives me that benign bless him look, as if she spied someone with learning difficulties out alone. ( I remembered I was wearing sweatpants that were bleached on the arse- from a distance they looked as though my left cheek was hanging out) 

I can’t wait to get home .

I dropped off Animal Helper Pat a gift . She was busy cooking and baking and  now Bluebell is empty and devoid of cards and gifts. 

I’m watching a gay couple too, they are dressed in matching Santa hats , and they bicker lightly over what to order and I feel a little envious 

But the weather is mild and the sun is shining albeit in a watery way so I wish you all ( including anon troll) a happy Christmas Eve 

I hope you are all ok xx

Gifts

 I slept in until 11 am and felt a bit better for it. 

Today I’ve delivered the village Christmas Cards and gifts for friends that will be alone this holiday.

I bought Christmas Angels for Hattie’s daughter Freyer and Polish Monika’s daughter Sophia and Christmas decorations for the Randa girls. 

I dropped a gift off at Mrs Trellis’ and it was nice to see a few presents and flowers already left for her on her doorstep .She was out with Jo and her three whippets ( with 11 legs) braving the light rain at dusk.

I was wet and tired by the time it was dark. 

Pizza for tea 

Supper

A lovely supper 

Velvet voiced Linda, Nick and Chic Eleanor

 

Nige

Me and Nige when I had brown not gray hair 

 It's Saturday morning and I'm posting minutes after leavingLiverpool for home.

I'm meeting Nigel a gay best friend of 35 years who lives in Manchester

We gossiped and laughed and was ourselves for a few hours 

We camped it up in John Lewis 

And we drink lots of tea

He is my constant and is a person I will always go to if I want an honest reaction 

There is no bullshit with Nigel 

I love him dearly

Before I left, I sorted out gifts with the neighbors.

Mandy & John brought a bottle of gin around, Animal helper Pat left a homemade barabrith with a pot of homemade lemon curd, and someone unnamed left a garland of holly on the kitchen wall, with a note saying “mind the pricks”

Islwyn was touched I gave him a gift when he was sorting out my bins and online I sent flowers to the managers at the hospice, for Monday …..all managers need some positive feedback at this time of year

The lights are still on the Hall's Christmas tree

Hey ho

Dog & Cat Snot Removal

 

I’m tired this morning

Very……

But it’s a nice feeling to know I’m not back until well after Christmas.

Today is the only day I’m nothing planned except sleep and clean cottage.

It will be no small challenge as the two Nazi kittens will be making Roger’s life a challenge as tail will be boxed and nose will be twatted as he follows them to every room in the cottage , ears pricked and natural nanny feelings invoked.

I am meeting Nigel in Liverpool tomorrow and the supper party is on Sunday, so operation animal snot removal is today

But only after a deep, wonderfully warm and long sleep

Christmas Past

 This was a blog from sixteen years ago

“ The cold crisp weather has lifted my spirits and galvanised my Christmasjuices. I received some pressies from Nia in Australia and from Nu this morning and the first "plop" of Christmas cards on the mat has meant that I can now start to hang the cards on their strings in the living room.

The fairy lights have been set up (much to the surprise of George) and Nigewould be proud of my now re decorated pile of gifts (in the Laura Ashley style) sat carefully next to the fire.
The scene is set!

I am very lucky, as I have only experienced one awful Christmas in my 47 years on the planet.
That was many years ago and I was working just before and just after Christmas day in Sheffield. I had just split up from a former and rather abusive boyfriend and had to face Christmas day on my own with a Marks & Spencer dinner for one and a great deal of self pity!
The day was more tragic than anything Anton Chekov could pen!
The other Christmas days have been lovely, and I recall that I have paid tribute to my mother on his blog before, for all the great times we experienced as children.
my mother pushed the boat out from December the 20th onwards. Tirelessly, she slaved over home made cakes and sweets, organised gifts, cards (with an almost computer precise special Christmas card "book") and of course over cooked the dinner for the entire family within an inch of its life. (The table was set out in the dining room the DAY before Christmas Eve)
She loved the season and it showed in the care and preparation she gave things, and that legacy has been handed down to me and I am sure to both of my sisters who prepare their houses like photo shoots from Home & Antiques!
Christmas time for some families can be a traumatic and unhappy time. My experiences have only been positive and warm.....”

And I stand by that notion I think, even though 2018 Chrustmas was a bust

I have been lucky when Christmases have been concerned

Have you???

Scene Of A Crime

 

At first thought I wondered if Mary had lost patience with one of the kittens.

Black fur covered the living room floor.

The place looked trashed.

Minutes later I realised that the twins had disembowelled a black Christmas decoration with all of the gusto of a Take That groopie shagging Robbie Williams.

Only a pair of googlie eyes were left

Al least no one got hurt

Jackson’s ( the plant nursery and shop, located just outside the village) left their annual gift of some flowering bulbs, which was sweet. They deliver them too, to every household in Trelawnyd which is a generous thought.

Pissed

 In college all day then met my family for a pre Christmas supper at The Crown. The meal was organised as my sister in law Jayne won’t be with us on Christmas Day, and the meal was rather good. 

Being on home turf, I drank five large Cruzcampo beers and felt quite pissed on the way home.

Christmas has started

A Handbag!

 A woman in a polished BMW drove into my parking space at Tesco’s in Llandudno Junction at lunchtime. I was waiting patiently for the spot after a dreaded 3 hour fire lecture at work 

And was hoping for a quick get in /get out scenario. 

She was wearing sun glasses too, 

On an overcast day! 

My dander was up

She waved gayly, shrieking insincerity 

That was until I yelled 

“Cheap Outfit !!! ( I couldn’t see her shoes ) 

And as she spun around to argue , I batted in my next insult of “ Goes with yer handbag !” With  gay abandon

Okok I was on thin ice as I was dressed in my useful and terribly over used blue Christmas Jumper, but I thought I’d take the chance

The handbag shot was an aside…but I could tell that it had hit home

as she scrabbled to see which one she had picked up

I will leave you with the adorable lisping choir

Santa is Knackered

 This is Dave Smith at the Trelawnyd Christmas Fair yesterday, he’s a good egg and always up to play Santa every year . It was obviously hard work as he dropped off halfway through the festivities, one I missed again by being on nights.

Lunch on nights

Night staff, we had out own Christmas Lunch and bloody lovely it was too