BORIS remembered

A jar of homemade Jam and a kind card left by Gentleman Farmer Ralph and Lady L on the garden gate was another treat today.......
Thank you both,
they only live up the lane.
At 3 pm two old men stopped at the kitchen wall for eggs, I thought one was  blogger CRO for a moment he looked so similar.. They were walkers with ski sticks and backpacks.
Both stopped for eggs 8 years ago and remembered the cottage
"How's Boris?" one guy asked and I broke the news that he died a good while ago

"I liked that old bird" the man said sadly

"SO did I " I told him with feeling

Going Gently

"Sky News presenter Colin Brazier has asked people not to wear bright colours at his wife's funeral, telling mourners to "leave their Hawaiian shirts at home" and wear black."

This banner headline caught my attention the other day

On the surface it was a personal plea by a grieving husband to have what he saw as a respectful and perhaps more traditional funeral for his wife, a move away, or so the article suggested , from the modern day phenomenon of the " happy funeral"

I've attended both kinds of send off over the years and I guess it's a case of to each his own to what is preferred. A celebration of the life or a mourning of the lost...with every permutation in between, the simple answer is the choice is whatever gets you through the day.

Mind you I think Brazier does have a point when it comes to grieving children, for he suggests the cognitive dissonance put into play may be damaging in itself.

"Maybe grown-ups can handle the cognitive dissonance required in 'celebrating' a life rather than, you know, being all morbid. But I seriously doubt children can."

Brazier also added this comment,

".... wearing black gives people a "licence" to get upset, and to "treat a funeral like Ascot's Ladies Day" not only trivialises death but moves the spotlight of consolation away from the family."

Like I said , each to their own.

The best funeral ( best?) I ever attended was led by a humanist speaker . I suspect he was an actor too, and he did what most vicars don't do well at funerals, he did his homework

He knew everything about Janet, a colleague of mine who had died after a short illness, he knew her friends, her wishes, her humour and her life. He breathed life into what was a tragic and sad situation and got the balance just right between mourning and celebration.
Like I said before, it's whatever gets you through on the day that's important .

Sweet

I had a good kind of cry today
It was a brief sort of  weep. A happy one.
A nice one indeed.
Years ago I planted several buddleia which always bloom in late July and today in the oppressive heat , their blooms seemed to explode with their tiny nectar filled flower heads.
A mass of butterflies descended on the cottage today, and their numbers included the beautiful leopard spotted Comma with their fluted and oh so delicate scalloped wings.
The air was alive  with them this afternoon
Half Blind  twelve year old William loves to chase bees , but the butterflies are so much easier  for him to see, and I teared up briefly as I  watched him gleefully chasing their fluttering shapes around the flower beds like a silly uncoordinated puppy

Comfort

I comfort eat.
There I've said it .

Another elephant in the room

I love my food too much and recently have begun to waddle
Gay Man waddling ....
Is worse that Dead Man Walking

I'm back on track from today.
Fresh lemon water to drink and a vegetable stir fry for lunch

No snacks except fruit .
No scotch eggs.
No biscuits at Samaritans
God help my bowels .

The stir fry took an age to eat and even George huffed and walked off after sensing there would be no left overs to eat.

I've spent an age arguing with a dim teenage call centre bod about my nursing registration , it should now be processed within 6 weeks ( and had been put on hold until my enquiry God Knows why).....usually after such phone bun fights I reach for the nearest colourific savoury .

Today I bit the fuck out of an orange

A Gift Returned

Sundays can be a funny day when you are on your own. In North Wales they can be dead sort of days if you let them, with little to do and little to talk about.
I'm sat at the kitchen table finishing breakfast.
It's fat club tomorrow so I've had my usual 2 eggs on dry toast. George is waiting impatiently for the left overs and is tap dancing on the kitchen floor.
Scotties tap dance when they are excited.

I'm debating on whether to see another movie . I saw In The Fade yesterday and haven't had the energy to review it . It was a German movie about a fairly unsympathetic German housewife (Diane Kruger) and her reaction to a Nazi terrorist attack on her family.
Yes,  not a bag of laughs ....anyhow I digress.

As I sit here, I can see a hand written card open on the table inside the card is a small parcel of kitchen paper that sort of hissed when handled. It was filled with tiny, button black flower seeds
For those that can't read fine print this is what the card said

" To John,.....when I bought my first house in Sheffield you gave me a packet of aquilegia seeds. So cutting them today, made me think of you.........Ruth"

A kindness repayed and remembered, I thought.
I had sent the tiny gift of seeds in 1990
28 years ago!

Scabby Knees on the beach

Dog in a hoodie

My favourite place at the moment is the small beach at Colwyn Bay.
Mary and I often go in the mornings
Today she sat inside my hoodie for a while as it was raining.
We were sat on the Promenade when the boy pointed at her,
This happens a lot when you look like one of those 1930 dog toys on wheels
Only the boy wasn't pointing at Mary, he was pointing out my psoriasis scabby knees to his suddenly embarrassed mother.
I pulled up both short legs so he could have a better look and stuck my tongue out playfully
I would have flipped him the finger but he only looked about seven

Not quite Sitges 

Walking Dead 9

I've just seen the season 9 trailer!

How wonderful it returns in October 

Only managed to capture a few screen shots 

Jerry is kissing Nabilla ! How wonderful

Zombies

Carol cuddling Daryl 

Rick dies apparently 

Huh?

Maggie and Daryl 

I suspect it's the last series and by the look of it has 30 characters ! Too much but I can't wait .. it been part of my life for 8 years....go figure 

Mr Vasey

He was a horrible man, Mr Vasey
He occupied the corner bed in a bay of six, and polluted the air with his complaints.
" That man kept me awake all night with his moaning" he would spit out in public
"Nurse! NURSE!! He smells of shit, get him away from me!"
" Nurse where are my tablets.......NURSE.....NURSE,,,,!!" 
He was a railway man in his fifties with a wife and daughter.
The daughter never visited, the wife did dutifully.
Mr Vasey spoke to his wife as he did his nurses.
We disliked Mr Vasey.

His locker had to be organised just so, and nursing routines watched and commented upon especially when we were in anyway late or completed some task in a different way. He preferred nurses he knew to care for him but once at his bedside you ran the risk of a cruel personal comment being unleashed .
I remember a colleague from the station visiting with flowers who was told " why bring them in for me?" In such a curt way that she burst into tears.

Mr Vasey recieved adequate care.
But nothing more. The nurses grew tired of his temper tantrums and his brittle ways and sought out other things to do and other patients to linger over.
The ward was busy,and  it was easier to be busy elsewhere.

I remembered Mr Vasey yesterday.
Back then in 1989 we didn't understand autism
Today, I'd like to think that he would have recieved more understanding and slightly better care.

In 6 Hours

Today I didn't move 1000 yards from home
I met and laughed with Sailor John, Mandy, animal helper Pat, matriarch Irene, and Mo with her clip board. I chatted with Ian, Nick and Gwawr from the community Association , got cuddled by Rowenna " you are sweaty John!" And got told off by Christine.
I waved at Liv as she sang to us in the Hall  ( she's seven) and got hugged by Sandra Cameron as her tiny Yorkshire terrier got flattened by Mary as I handed over a flower Show cheque. Ann ( Rebecca of Sunnybrook farm ) apologised for not being around just after Trendy Carol, gave me her best sympathetic smile ( lovely blouse btw) and Bridget from Well street messaged me a virtual thank you
Oh, and farmer Basil stopped to say he didn't want me to leave the village.
We locked eyes before he drove away, and I knew he meant what he said

And all this before 3.30 pm


I've been feeling shit but today ( by the village) and yesterday ( by the net) I've felt supported

Change of subject tomorrow xxx I'm boring myself 

Welfare........Pay It Forward!

60 years ago, Trelawnyd had it's own Welfare Committee . 
It's remit was to champion village causes, and provide the upkeep and maintenance of the village Hall.
Four committee members are still going strong Mr Bryn Davis, Christine Davis and Islwyn Thomas remain in the village and Auntie Gladys ( bottom far left) now lives only 2 miles away.
They breed them tough in Trelawnyd.
In the early 1970s the welfare committee morphed into The Trelawnyd Flower Show Committee and for 44 years the Hall and village continued to be gifted monies from the proceeds of each and every show.
Today members of the Flower Show Committee hijacked the village Friendship group meeting in order to disperse our final donations
We have chosen four village initiatives and one local charity to support

Trelawnyd School £500
Trelawnyd Friendship Group £750
Trelawnyd's new Community Association £1000
The Memorial Hall Trelawnyd £ 223.40
Rhyl Samaritans £1000


It's lovely giving money to people who are not expecting it. The school  had no idea they were even getting a donation and the community Association were only expecting a hundred pounds or so it's a win/ win all round .
Everyone made a bit of a speech, cakes and tea were served and the junior classes of the school sang and shuffled their feet in front of the grey hairs

Speaking of wins
Thank you to the anonymous gift leaver
Who left these goodies in a bag on the garden gate
With the cryptic note " chicken man john "

Thank You

I'm there enough to really appreciate your best wishes
( and also the offer of money which made me smile)
It's like having several hundred people gently supporting your bra straps
You feel lifted!
I'm ok....and I will be ok
I am sure

Time To Move On

Today was the lowest point in my life ...ever....
...it's not an exaggeration when I say this....believe me...
and today I wrote a fucking funny frivolous post about an attractive vet rubbing Winnie's arse
Go figure.

Today,  I finally accepted that my marriage was over.
I'm not going into details.... suffice to say that I accept the decision but I certainly don't agree with it.
I haven't agreed with it for months
But today I sort of said my goodbyes to the Prof's family and friends who by nature of birth and history are now polarised away from the life I am about to lead.
I may be in contact with them in the future but I know I'll never see them again.

My nephew sent me his love by text and promised to send me his film reviews.....that made me cry.

Ann, my elder sister, with her fierce, loving... matriarch head on , kept my nerves together with a grim, natural strength....without my sisters, my family and a huge " hug " group of friends and neighbours  I could not have coped with the past few months....you know who you are and I thank you for what you have done.

So from now on it's me, a sex starved bulldog, A blind Welsh Terrier, a bad tempered Scottie , Mary the baby and a wide eyed cat called Albert...... against the world.

Let's hope we can now carve out a safe haven and get on with things.....
There....I've finally said it.......

Hey ho

You're Beautiful

I find it amusing that a pretty face often reduces one to the level of a gibbering arsehole!
It's a common  phenomenon amongst the middle aged and overlooked I guess
I took Winnie up to the vets today to collect William's prescription. Ever since her near death experience with pyrometra a year or so ago, Winnie has delighted the reception staff with the occasional royal visit and now will take herself off through the office door in order to have a mooch " below stairs"
Today as I was paying the bill, and as She was happily sharing a bag of cheese and onion Crisps with one of the nursing aides, a new young George Clooney vet strode in like Samson and boomed in a deep chocolate voice " Now where did this big beautiful girl come from!" 
Winnie smiled at him briefly between mouthfuls and offered her vulva up to be inspected
George Clooney rubbed her bottom with a manly hand
" She should be on a diet !" He purred
and I started to babble " Well she's lost nearly three kilos this year, which is good, given ....that ...she ..steals food from the other dogs .......it's very hard.....!" 
The George Clooney vet looked at me with baby blue eyes and smiled as Winnie crunched another crisp
" She has a beautiful face !" He said
" so do you !" I almost said , but thankfully didn't....I just giggled like a schoolgirl as he waved a hand and sauntered from the office
Hey ho

Gossip

Yesterday I walked into a situation where several acquaintances of mine were talking about me. I'm sure there was no malicious intent but it was clear that it was a gossip and it was clear that judgements were being made.
We all make judgements , and we all gossip and to we all understand the rules of such normality.
You just don't get caught by the  "gossipee"

Now as you know I am a pretty strong " you're wearing cheap shoes" kind of guy and confrontation is something I can generally deal with with some impunity but I was suddenly wrong footed by the whole situation, so put my head down and pretended to be busy.
Inside I felt nothing but embarrassment and shame .
You can rationalise that my feelings were in many ways ill founded  , after all I know most people just want to be kind, but I'm a great believer of the mantra " you feel what you feel!" 
And I felt shamed?

I'm pushing this out to the readers for discussion, deflecting the subject away from me and mine.
What's your gossip story?
I suspect there will be a few.....
Hey ho

The Last Flower Show Meeting

The photos were not up to much ( the man at the next table could quite work my phone camera)  but the company was good and the food surprisingly excellent! 

A few speeches were made and several bottles too many of the house wine were quaffed and I think it was a testament to the company and the event itself that every chair was still filled at the very end of the evening, with no one sloping off too early and with the thirteen of us tottering off to the four corners of Trelawnyd well after eleven.

We raised our glasses to the Flower Show achievements over the years and saluted Auntie Glad who could no be with us in person and the loud chatter around the room, which was almost deafening at times reminded us all of the times around Gladys' kitchen table when I or Sylvia lost control over the meeting and everyone when off on their own tangents.

I shall miss those meetings.

But they have taught me a valuable lesson...........they have taught me the power of a shared goal, the importance of fun when bringing together powerful personalities  and the sweetness of kind actions

Flower Show Committee .....The Final Meal

Tonight the entire flower Show committee ( minus Trendy Carol) meet up for a final bun fight .

We are all going to the village pub for a meal . 

We are all going to have a real night out and bugger the expense !!!!

So It's me, Heulwen ( gentle co treasurer )   Derek  ( very manly) , Ann ( all heart) , Terry ( sarcastic bugger, sailor John ( voice of reason) , Mandy ( backstage supporter) , Pat ( animal helper and multiple trophy winner ) , Daphne and Meirion, matriarch Irene ( hey ho), helper Mo,

It'll be great fun...I will post photos tomorrow xx

Skyscraper Shite

I have seldom seen an action film which is totally devoid of tension as Skyscraper ? It's truly abysmal. I only went because my sister loves Dwayne Johnson, who plays a one legged, humourless version of Bruce Willis' yippeekiay motherfucker hero from DieHard.

Irwin Allen way back in 1974 did it so much better

Tits up

I've just listened to a podcast of Trump's NATO press conference.
Bloody Hell!
What's wrong with journalists ? They are not usually shy at coming forward in calling a spade a spade
Why didn't any one of them finally say " you're talking shite Trump!" 
I have honestly never heard such a car crash of a press conference EVER
Lies, dreadful grammar, filibustering , forgetting Wales was a part of the UK , banging on about hardbrexit, that was only half of it.
You have to admire the man........the whole carnival went tits up and he walked away as if it was a triumph !

Ghost Village

I couldn't settle last night.
I don't watch football and I already spent much of the day baking in readiness for my sister Ann's open garden day on Sunday, so It was time to get out of the cottage to do something else constructive and useful.
Trelawnyd was a ghost town after 7pm -The Croatia game was on so everyone but me was glued to their TV sets like limpets- so unseen I ambled my way up to the village green with a broom and hoe to remove a ton of weeds from the lavender paths.
It was gentle and untaxing work. ( I listened to The Archers and podcasts of I'm sorry I haven't a clue as I cleared and tidied) and to be honest I enjoyed the time out in the cool evening air.
I think I'll organise another village 1 hour tidy up enterprise for next month.
I'll provide the cream cakes and tea again

In a decade I've supported and eventually ran the village flower show, held four Open allotment/ village fete days, cleaned the Church more times that I care to remember,  was an active member of the community council ( and brief member of the new Community Association) supported the conservation group , lectured at the friendship group, held two six week a how to look after chicken courses at the village hall. Sang carols at the village carol service every Christmas, attended 13 funerals ( and catered for two funeral teas) and picked up the affable despot's girls from school whenever needed. I've sent flowers to unhappy villagers and have received gifts of flowers and cakes and scones in return. I have let my more practical farmer type friends to supervise pig culling and fence erecting and I have eaten some dreadful meals at Mrs Trellis' dinner table and have been helped out of several scrapes by a village elder called Islwyn.
I have attended and enjoyed  10 male voice choir summer concerts,delivered a thousand eggs to forty houses,  gave a lesson on blogging etiquette to the village school children and have developed a village history blog that has been archived by the National Library of Wales.
I've done my bit

But I shall also miss paying things back to a village I have called home for the past twelve years.

.

Stalkers baring Scotch Eggs

Friendly Mr and Mrs C

There has been much debate here on the ethics of the occasional blog stalker.
Looney tunes? Possible obsessive behaviour? Bunny boilers? Potential friends?
You can look at it from both sides of the spectrum , but it must be odd to regularly read about the generally banal and occasionally amusing life of a scruffy Welsh homosexual without feeling that you perhaps know him in one small way.
A one way friendship so to speak.

This morning one such stalker appeared baring gifts
One glimpse of a Waitrose scotch egg, settled any worries about a potential bunny boiler.
People that are mad as badgers don't shop at Waitrose!

As it turned out my main stalker was Mrs C. Mr C was friendly and affable as could be, but he didn't really know me from Adam, yet over a cup of tea and Mary continually throwing herself into his arms, he good naturedly joined in with his wife's friend. A friend she had never met before.
I was glad to hear that I don't bore Mrs C. And it was nice for her to see that the village I talk about with do much colour actually exists.
They seemed tickled that Trendy Carol floated past the lane window as we sat there.
She was wearing something delicious and sported a straw sun hat.
I wondered if it was possibly like someone going to Disneyland for the first time and bumping into a plastic looking Micky Mouse and being disappointed ?

For me , I enjoyed their visit...
I was flattered

Lunch

Note the Basil and tomatos, my nod to healthy eating!