Saturday, 28 November 2015


I'm exhausted.
Christmas Shopping with the Prof!
He loves it.
I hate it.
Chester was a nightmare of seasonal plastic bags, tired middle aged men standing outside clothes shops and couples arguing " well I think your mother would love it!" at the nightie counter in Marks.
The children singing carols right next door to the Salvation Band was all a bit much
" Is it December yet? " I shouted, but my cries were drowned out by hundreds of tired feet on cobblestones.
Thank god we went to Waitrose afterwards.......some semblance of order and sanity and not a commoner in sight

Friday, 27 November 2015


I'm loving Adele
She's 27
Dresses like my mum did in the 70s 
And is as nice as pie

Fanny Washing

Fanny pristine and gleaming

I understand that I make Trelawnyd sound a little more exciting than it is, what with escaping geese and colourful characters at every turn. The truth is, that like every community on this black Friday, Trelawnyd plods on at it's very own pace.
This morning was spent cleaning out the duck house, puppy lead training, housework and "Fanny" washing.
I was just hoovering Fanny's back seats when a spontaneous round of applause broke out by some neighbours out for a walk. The sight of me actually caring for a car , let alone polishing it within an inch of it's life is still somewhat a rare event here . Everyone I see in the village has commented just how neat Fanny is ......but I am sure most miss the petrie dish that was the old Berlingo.

This  afternoon I have sorted a load of washing out ( how exciting), bleached the bathroom and  made deep mince pies with some donated mincemeat ( thanks Rosemary) whilst listening to classic FM
It has been a relaxing afternoon.

With the cottage peacefully quiet.
The only thing to be heard over the sound of Paganini was the good natured bickering between Mary and Winnie as they fought for possession of an old plastic hairbrush.

This went on for well over an hour

Thursday, 26 November 2015

Sob Feast

The prof is away
I have just watched The Colour Purple again covered in dogs
I cried like a baby at this bit

Camilla Parker Bowles Takes To The Skies.

That's two and a half hours I won't ever get back.

Foolishly, I let Mary have a gallop around the field this afternoon.
Goo-goo eyed she chased the sheep, (undaunted by their brief show of horn and stamping feet ) and like a lunatic rounded up the remaining hens and boxed them into a coop before scattering them again  to the four winds.
She was impossible to catch.
I almost grabbed her several times, but like most puppies, she sensed the chase to be a game and bounced under the gate into the lower field where the geese had been hiding.
The domestic geese, Russell, Jo and Kate all stood their ground and hissed and honked their displeasure as Mary galloped around them , only Camilla panicked and in a fit of hysteria took off from the field.
Now Camilla, is essentially a wild Canada goose so should,on paper , retain her ability to fly, but since I raised her, she has more or less followed her adopted flock's sedentary grassed based existence.  In four years she has perhaps glided a mere 100 feet, and on two occasions has crash landed  into the fields next door on windy days.
Today, Camilla took off like a jet fighter. She circled the field in an untidy loop at a height of perhaps a hundred and fifty feet, then, buffeted by a gust of wind  she soared away over the Church and out of sight past the Rectory.
" Shiiiiiitttttttttttt!"
I managed to grab Mary and locked her inside a hen house before galloping like a loon through the Churchyard in pursuit but Camilla was no where to be seen.
I searched the livery stable fields, Pippa's field where the alpacas eyed me nervously , The Rectory gardens and the village green beyond, but there was no sign.
I even raised a few eyebrows down nearby Well Street by calling " CAMILLA!" down alleyways and driveways, but that part of the village was deserted too.
The lady from Abbott House looked particularly surprised when I told her that I was looking for a black and white goose called Camilla Parker you do.
Systematically, I extended the search.
I checked behind the pub and the chapel and behind the cottages on London Road and still there was no sign, so I went up Byron Street and knocked on a few doors.
An  old chap who was washing his car told me that he had seen a " low flying goose" heading East
" she was honking like a train" he said.
I was onto something
Now on the far east part of Trelawnyd is an upmarket housing estate of say ten houses and beyond that are Basil the farmer's sheep fields. So I took a chance and climbed over a few fences and nearly two hours after the whole bloody mess started, I found Camilla sitting open beaked where she had crash landed in the centre of a flock of ewes.

Bruised and battered but ok, Camilla returning home

I carried her all the way home
And after I introduced her back with her flock mates I returned to the cottage for a restorative cup of coffee and a custard tart.
It was only then , that I remembered Mary locked away in the hen house!

Wednesday, 25 November 2015

Code Black

Just watched two episodes
Absolutely dreadful.....".ER ON SPEED"
Bring back George Clooney, the lesbian consultant and that pouting black nurse Haleh Adams
I have never seen so much rubbish in my life
Marcia Gay Harden as the jaded and caring lead doctor was very impressive though

Put Down

What have Intelligent Drunks, Queeny Divas and Manic Despression sufferers in their manic phase all have in common?
Well, before you reach for your postcards, I shall tell you.

They all are expert at delivering the cutting insult.

Years ago now, I once had to chase a psychiatric patient down the main drive of Bootham Park Hospital in York. The woman could see I was flagging by the time she had reached the main gates which led to a busy thoroughfare just outside the city gate and in front of a load of shoppers and drivers in their cars she screamed " Come on Lard Arse" at me before she scrambled onto a passing bus!

 A policewoman once told me  that when faced with a potty mouthed woman ( when she was not working)  the best way to get your own back verbally is to confidently point out to her and the world  that she is wearing " CHEAP SHOES!" . It is a put down that I have only successfully used twice and I must admit , it was incredibly satisfying when I unleashed it on a woman who swore at me on a petrol station forecourt.

What is the best put down you have heard or better still said.......?
I'd be interested to hear just how good bloggers are at the one line insult

Tuesday, 24 November 2015


Mary ( Butter wouldn't melt)

Coincidence? Kismet? Fate? 

Whatever they are? I love those strange little moments in life that dovetail together.
Yesterday was a case in point.
In a brief unsupervised moment, Scary Mary decided to de stuff part of the arm
Of the Prof's arm chair
It looked a mess

Exactly thirty minutes after I took this photo of the damage
I received a message from a friend from work called Greta
The message said
" do you want this? Free of charge will deliver?"
And with it was a photo of an arm chair! 
An hour later this was sitting in our living room


How fantastic is that? 
Thanks Greta
And thanks to the fickle finger of fate