Sunday, 21 December 2014

Fucking Secret Santa!

I worked a night shift last night and took in my secret Santa pressie to add to the pile in the unit office.
I had to buy for a nurse I don't really know, so I played safe and bought him, two expensive looking hand painted coffee mugs and some tasteful designer coffee. Ok not the most exciting of secret Santa gifts but you can't go wrong with Marks and Spencer's best, especially as you well exceed the 10 quid target price.
In between jobs I picked my secret Santa gift out of the pile ( regular readers may remember that last year I was given a bloody cheap and disgusting looking superman onesie ) and in a fit of expectant excitement I opened it!
This is what I found
A set of plastic deer antlers
Complete with " realistic" plastic " wood effect" plinth
Which was made in China

Even my patient , who was seriously ill , had the wherefore all to
say " that's a shit gift" when he saw them.
Hey ho
Off to bed


Saturday, 20 December 2014

Our Christmas Card To You


Thank you for your cards and Yuletide greetings
This is our Christmas card to all out there in Internet land
So 
We wish that you all will have a very
Merry
Christmas
Xxx

Friday, 19 December 2014

Big Dog!


Everyday for a week, we have had a visitor.  He's small, short legged, bright as a button and more importantly very hungry., and he has learnt very quickly just how to squeeze his stocky little frame through the hawthorn hedge from the over grazed pasture of the livery stables in order to fill his fat face with  the Ukranian Village pasture.
If his visits continue, I will have to say something as I have already had all of the bigger horses over for a whole day, where they churned up the grass and muddied the stream. Quite simply the horses need more haylage. When horses are stripping bark from the hedge trees, they are hungry

Yesterday Winnie met up with the visitor and her reaction proved to be interesting, as it was her very first up close meeting with a horse.
Snorting like a bull, she trotted up to the pony with a very worried expression on her face., she then St opped short around ten feet from it, then woofed half heartedly in a " what the fuck is this?" Kind of way!
She then looked at me
Then back at the horse
Then back at me
Then back at the horse, who then took a few assertive steps towards her.
Finally she gave me a long and incredibly worried look, then bolted for the gate like a baby hippo being chased by a crocodile
I could almost hear her muttering the words
" bigdogbigdogbigdogbigdogbigdogbigdog" 
As she thundered past!

Thursday, 18 December 2014

I Never Thought.........

I never thought I would ever get married.
It just wasn't on my radar, so to speak.
Writing 40 Christmas cards to old friends I never really get to see, has meant that 40 times I have written the words
" oh by the way, we are getting married in March !". time and time again
and the reaction to the news has been an interesting one.
One old friend, a psychiatric nurse from Cambridge wrote in her card " typical of you...always a late starter!" Whereas another just penned the words " fucking Hell!"
Suffice to say the reactions have all been positive ones.
Auntie Gladys mentioned my " husband to be" during her cooking demonstration yesterday
and the words suddenly sounded all so real
I am going to be a husband!
I am going to have a husband of my own!
In the history of my life... Through my nursing days in Chester, York and Sheffield , my former relationships, my urban city family days, my growing up in a small Welsh town and my time in Trelawnyd....
I never would have believed that I'd be someone's husband
And now it's almost there!
Bloody hell!





Wednesday, 17 December 2014

A Masterclass In Stuffing


Finally the Christmas Cards have been written and will be posted today. My local cards are half done and will be delivered today too and I am slightly annoyed at myself for leaving it so late. We are hoping to go down to Broadstairs over part of the Christmas period and so I am in the process of organising care for the animals when we are away.
I think it's an easier job organising the London Olympics!
Winnie has landed on her feet.
She is off to a cheerful household in Prestatyn to a lady who takes in dogs into her own home.
George is going to my sister's house and the Welsh terriers are coming with us.
Albert will be fine with a neighbour popping in...so that leaves the birds on the field and I am hoping to pay one of the village elders a good wage to keep them safe.

The first job of the morning was to deliver Auntie Glad's Christmas card and gift. With her failing eyesight , I thought a bowl of hyacinth bulbs more apt as they are so fragrant when they are in bloom.
But the quick visit turned out to be an interesting masterclass in cookery as she was right in the middle of making her Christmas stuffing from scratch.

" Always use stale bread"

" are you getting all this?"

I was sat down at the kitchen table with a mug of tea ( male visitors are always offered a mug,
whereas all female visitors will receive a cup and saucer ) and was taken through the whole process from start to finish. Gladys completed the demonstration with all the professionalism of Mary Berry.
So much so, that I wished I had videod the whole thing......it would have made her a star on YouTube!

Apparantly the whole stuffing thing has to be kept simple...." non of this fancy rubbish"
Stale breadcrumbs, dried sage ( rubbed through your fingers) finely chopped onion, lots of salt and pepper, water and a large blob of marge!)
I promised I'd make my own this year
" your husband to be will love it" Gladys quipped her eyes twinkling!

Tuesday, 16 December 2014

Fascinating Aida

 I've posted this before
 But I think it's apt on the run up to the 25th
We are going to see them in Sheffield in March
What larks

A Strange Little Friendship

The good thing about being a " househusband" is that you are on hand to watch the kids interact and show their personality traits. Just like humans, animals will develop particular friendships with each other and will often seek each other out for a play, a greeting and a moment of affection.
Over the past few months, I have noticed that Albert and  Winnie  have developed such a relationship. Whereas the other dogs cannot quite understand that a face to face rub is "cat speak" for hello, Winnie latched on to its meaning immediately and now will stand impassively as Albert gleefully rubs her chops time and time again, his tail tickling the Bulldog's chin like a hairy windscreen wiper.
On the bed, the two will sleep quietly together, and after Albert has been away for the day, ripping the guts out of some unsuspecting rabbit, it is Winnie who will lumber over to him when he returns to carefully stare into his face to make sure it is him   (This is a trait of Bulldogs by the way) She then will slowly examine him all over taking several long sniffs of cat arsehole as she does so.
Strangely this odd little ritual doesn't faze Albert whatsoever, in fact he seems to relish the attention.
Attention the terriers refuse to dish out.
I think it is Winnie's lack of irritability that has cemented their odd little friendship, that and the fact that it was Albert that did all of the running. Whatever the reason, their antics never fail to amuse me. 


Monday, 15 December 2014

Goosebumps

There was a burial in the Churchyard this morning. I keep meaning to remind the vicar to email me when one is due, so I can make sure Irene and Sylvia are in the lower field. They panic so when the gravedigger trundles across the top field in his little digger.
It was dusk when I thought I would climb up over the Church wall to take a look at the latest grave. I wasn't being ghoulish.....I just hadn't seen anyone in the village to ask who, in fact, had been buried, and so after climbing the gate then hopping into the graveyard from the top of the wall ( farting loudly with the effort of it all ) I passed two brave little hens who were running home late for their roost and went to look at the large group of floral tributes on a grave in the new graveyard .
As it turned out , I didn't recognise the name of the lady who had died so I turned to walk down the Church past for home as it had suddenly become just a little too dark to pick my way across the graveyard back to the field.
As I made my way, I caught a glimpse of the " swish " of someone's coat through the grand wrought iron gates under the lych gate canopy and thinking that it was someone that was picking up one  of the school kids from the village school sheltering from the cold weather , I marched through the gate prepared to say hello to whoever was there.
Only there wasn't anyone there. No parent. No one in a billowing coat. Not even a car parked in full view of the school.
There just wasn't  anyone there.
The whole thing gave me goosbumps

The lychgate decorated for a village wedding


Has anyone else had a similar experience?