Tuesday, 26 March 2019

Life Finds A Way

The feral bantam cockerels have survived the winter.
Every night they sleep in a yew tree in the Churchyard
and every daytime they beg and mooch around three gardens, tapping on windows for a handout or a treat and only giving a view of their handsomeness in return.
Its quite easy to tame an animal
You need to be calm, consistent, keep your eye gaze to yourself  and always offer food when the animals are hungry
Follow those rules and the cock is in your hand so to speak
Three days after I left out the remnants of Albert's dinner, the boys were tap-tap-tapping on the kitchen window reminding me they were waiting for breakfast and only this morning they sat patiently on the kitchen wall seconds before a regular dog walker ambling by reached into his pocket to leave a small pile of breadcrumbs almost at their feet.

Monday, 25 March 2019


In a strangely moving finale a mixed bag of characters from Kingdom, Alexandria and Hilltop met with a grisly end at the hands of Alpha and the Whisperers thus setting the scene for a zombie apocalypse war and season 10 of course.
I was sorry to see Tara ( Alana Masterson ) go as she has given the franchise a certain humour but a culling allows space for the newer characters to shine and for the drama move forward and the message of All for one and one for all ( as the characters fought bravely for each other until the end)has been given a certain resonance given the terrorist threats we have all witnessed in recent times.

Time, Place, Person

George as a puppy with Meg

Please no comments telling me I'm a lovely man
This is an observation not a request for praise

The buzzer went off around 4 am

It was room 12
I suspect the lady who slept in room 12 wanted to get up as she thought it was morning
I was wrong.
The lady wanted to go home and was incredibly fuddled
I sat on the side of her bed and fielded questions the best I could
No it was only 4 am in the morning
No she couldn't go home to her daughter right then
She had poor poorly at home for a while so needed to be here
yes her daughter visited very regularly
My name was John and I was one of the nurses
Yes I knew that her daughter lived in the same village
No it was 4 am and it was not possible that she could go home

In nursing , reality orientation is centred around the reinforcement of time, place and person
but like any concept it only works well in the classroom and not in a side room of a nursing home where the ceiling light casts hash shadows on the wood chip.

The patient was becoming more and more distressed, not with the reality of her situation but with her own inability to understand what was going on.
She screwed up her fists like a child.
I thought of what next to do
divert, divert, divert

I gave her a drink. I straightened her duvet and I told her a story.
I told her about how I needed to  take George to the vets later that morning and how he shakes so as he is sat in the waiting room.
I told her about how he came to the cottage in the back of the old white polo
Covered in vomit after his first long car ride.
I told her how he used to wait all day for the moment just he and he alone would be allowed to bed upstairs on his own
and I told her about how for nearly thirteen years he had never caused one minute of fuss or demanded one minute of attention
At first, during the monologue, when I left a gap or a space in the narrative she butted in with an
I want to go home
but as I droned on, she quietened down somewhat
I told her about how George totters along the railway walkway at such a pedestrian pace its maddening and I  told her the story how he and William fought for the first and very last time as teenage dogs and how I had to separate them by hitting them with the contents of the washing up bowl and a bin bag full of sooty scrapings from the hearth and by the time I had finished she was quiet but still awake.
I tucked in her duvet and told her it was time to rest
diversion or boredom?
She closed her eyes
You use any tool that comes to hand

…..at 4 am in the morning

Saturday, 23 March 2019


Recently I am sure I had the opportunity to have some "fun" with a guy I know vaguely
I didn't
But I am sure I could have in buckets.
The guy was in a long term but what he also described as an open relationship
Open relationships to me smack of an indulgent "having your cake and eating it mentality"
Children playing at being adults.
but I was temped.....after all he was cute and I am a sucker for a twinkle in the eye

Its a value judgement I know, at a time that we are all supposed to be non judgemental and objective
Recently I had cause to be engaged in a conversation with someone who potentially could have sexually abused children.
I was measured and professional and the interaction remained measured and professional  throughout
but the experience left me feeling slightly uneasy and conflicted.

Cognitive dissonance happens to us all.
I knew a decent and Christian acting woman who had a long term relationship with a married man for years. A man who never left his wife and marital home.
It was a fact that Just Was- it neither defined her but also like in many cases like the twinkling eyed gay guy in that fantasy open relationship, it was never really challenged or explored properly.
Cognitive dissonance grumbles away at people like a mild toothache which waxes and wanes
You live with it and the dentist isn't contacted.

Its all about self awareness in the end. Self awareness and priority of need.
I can be conflicted with an interaction with a potential paedophile but I can see that with its "professional" boundaries in place.
I can walk away from a roll in the hay with a guy who has a loving husband because the need for the roll is less than the need to respect the  institution of marriage.
when both the roll and the respect have similar weight in my hierarchy of needs ….that's when the toothache begins.

There are so many people out there...….that have never grown up

Friday, 22 March 2019

Munching the Vagina

I don't apologise for the title
It made me laugh
Schoolboy humour is king sometimes
I returned the plastic vagina to its rightful owner the other day. The vagina's owner and I  met in a car park of a local McDonalds just off the A55 and the whole process was all very "drug bust" and clandestine in nature.
I had to give the whole thing a quick rub down with an upholstery wipe before it was handed over as Winnie had a bit of a munch on it as she relaxed on Bluebell's back seat. 

Thursday, 21 March 2019

Spring Time in Gayland

I've got a friend who tends to spring clean the house when he has a spat with his wife.
A duster in his hand is synonymous with matrimonial sulk.
It's probably a sign of his good nature that I only ever saw him in his domestic role just the once.

I've spring cleaned the upstairs of the cottage today. Under the spare bed I found a mummified mouse and what looked suspiciously looked like a baby rabbit's  tail.
I also found £ 3.59 in assorted loose change in nooks and crannies in the master bedroom, four un matching socks, 3 ballpoint pens and a small bottle of perfume (?)

I've scrubbed my bedroom from top to bottom. It was the first time I've deep cleaned it in ( dare I say this) TWELVE YEARS...oh the shame.
Like any self respecting homosexual in his middle years , I have also rearranged the furniture  and the position of the bed. The room is  feels more like mine and less like my old bedroom.
The significance of the bed move was not lost on me.

I'm having a night in tonight. It's my only one this week,
I've just taken the dogs out into the dark lane and it seems almost springlike warm.
The bats are out in fair numbers tonight and they filled the lane airspace with their crazy zigzags.
Only Winnie noticed them tonight and she stood for an age under the streetlight next to Trendy Carol's house with her head held very high.
She watched them for an age, her piggy eyes glinting with benign interest

Hummmm I'm now looking at the living room chairs empty of dogs......they may need a bit of a reposition me thinks
Hey ho

Wednesday, 20 March 2019

Wise Children

My sister, janet and I waiting for it to start

I think we have never quite seen anything like this dreamlike fantasy comedy drama about a dysfunctional theatrical family told over a 75 year period.
Think Soap , The Far Side , and Amelie, crossed the occasional showtune and 1980 pop favourite played for laughs ( and cries) by a gender fluid cast
It was fucking and totally bonkers and wonderfully innovative, bawdy and sooo in-your-face.
We loved it


There are a few outstanding addresses from the winners of the Postcard competition to come in. Each winner will be presented (how grand a term is that?) with a genuine Welsh love spoon key ring! now I know I'm a completely mad bitch giving away such a wonderful prize but I do hope they will be enjoyed in the spirit that they are given. outstanding winners please email me jgsheffield@hotmail.com

I'm running late this morning, as I am meeting a friend for lunch at Porth Eirias https://portheirias.com/ . The dogs can come with me and have a walk before I meet her. She is a friend I catch up with once every couple of months or so.
She's mad as a badger., but in a nice way.

Some of you would have read my review of Nation's sweetheart Ian McKellen last night and today I wanted to share one little, just remembered moment which illustrated his pure mastering of his art.
He recalled his very first visit to a theatre as a child and described how he gazed with wonder at a backdrop studded with night sky stars. With a flick of a wrist and a half whisper that was pure whimsy, Mc  Kellen seemed to live that moment from seven decades ago and even though I knew it was a pure example of an old queeny thespian flexing his acting muscles, my eyes teared up by the very power of it.
…...a lovely moment of indulgence.

Tonight my sister and I are of to see the musical Wise Children
Culture Bitches!!!!

Tuesday, 19 March 2019

A National Treasure

I loved Ian McKellen 's one man show within the first five minute of it opening
Reading Tolkien with a voice like chocolate he bellowed out his famous Lord Of  The Rings shout of
"YOU SHALL NOT PASS " before encouraging the only child in the audience to come on stage to have a Polaroid selfie with Gandalf in his floppy grey hat.
Thus he set the scene for a tribute to his love of theatre,
His love of people
And his love of humour and whimsy
It was a lovely performance by the 80 year old actor who held centre stage for well over two hours with stories ranging from his childhood days in Wigan, his early experiences on the stage, hilarious side swipes at the Queen's dress sense as well as asides into poetry, Northern panto, Shakespeare, gay rights and film.

The audience loves him and it's obvious that he loves the audience just as much and when he described falling in love with an empty theatre's star filled backdrop for the very first time , there wasn't a squeak from the auditorium nor a dry eye in the stalls. 

Cheap Shoes

A bad workman blames his tools!
and of course I've been losing at badminton because my trainers are now splitting down their sides and not because Gorgeous Dave has the 31 year old legs of a Greek God compared to my 56 year old pair of pigs trotters.
and so yesterday I trolled the shelves on TK Max for a new pair
I found these for 22£
I was just looking at them, trying to figure out if they could be comfy enough when a young lad lifted a pair off the shelves near me
He nodded in that all knowing way, I had not idea that he worked there
"Those are sic trainers" he said with a big smile
"Are they?" I replied and he pointed to their original price tag of £94
I preened.
I've never bought a pair of "sic" trainers before

I may wear them later when I go and see Mr McKellen
he likes his trainers
hey ho