Roast Chicken

 

I’m sick of wearing surgical masks day in and day out, so bought me a selection of coloured printed ones which are much more comfortable for my tiny hamster ears, which always seemed to be pulled in a Shrek-like position , like the mini rounded ears on a tubby panda 

I walked the dogs after a long lie in and bought all the ingredients for a proper roast dinner from Sainsbury’s ……Roast potatoes, a whole chicken, stuffing, sprouts , stuffing and veg….I was feeling like some old fashioned proper cooking.

I popped around to Trefor to see if he wanted a plate of roast dinner but he declined , (which burst my being virtuous bubble somewhat) so I  will see how much I make and will plate some up for Animal Helper Pat later.

I placed the Christmas Wreath carefully on the front of the cottage and started to hang the few cards which have been delivered so far and placed my only set of battery lights on the mantle to make the cottage feel a bit more cozy.

The kitchen is already vaguely smelling of roast chicken and I’ve dug out some red berry jelly which was a gift from German Bernard & Rosemary who live on the other side of the village.

(Adding red berry jelly to any gravy makes for a superior jus) 

Dorothy is dribbling in the kitchen reading chair and Albert has turned up in the hopeful wait for a nice piece of breast.

In the end I had enough for Mrs H , animal helper Pat and Mr Poznan 

Great fun cooking again for more than one 

Yazz - The Only Way Is Up

Gawd it been a busy day

The four staff on duty today were on their feet all shift.

And when we finally finished work

My fellow staff nurse looked at me with tired eyes and said with succinct economy  “ I’m Fucked!”

I bought two cheap scotch eggs from the local spar shop as huge waves lashed the West Shore in Llandudno. 

The whole of the North Wales coast is under flood warnings this weekend as gales push the high tide South.

The scotch eggs weren’t too calorific or tasty 

So I didn’t finish them as I listened to radio 2 on the way home

The Only Way Is Up by Yazz kept me awake

It transported me back to The Roxy nightclub on Bootham in York circa 1988

A club frequented by nurses on Thursday nights 

Accessed by a door and a staircase, a stones throw from Bootham Park Hospital just outside the city walls.

Thursday nights were alternative nights

Where nurses partied hard, and where we shared the dance floor with gay men and women , a few moody goths and a couple of badly dressed transvestites/ drag queens who spent long hours sat at the bar like Barbara Stanwick and Rosalind Russell after a dozen vodka martinis

I always wore a red bow tie back then , which complemented a set of red braces over my white grandad shirt.

And I alway danced like loon with anyone who would dance with me

Happy days

I’m top left…..Martin Kirby is the guy in the light shirt (/we are still in touch) the lady in green is Tracy Birkin , a wonderful nurse who could chase and catch any escaping patient whilst wearing high heels and a pencil skirt x

Giselle

 Giselle is streaming from the Royal Opera House in 20 minutes

For 16£ you can see it too

I really recommend it…for it’s quite, quite lovely

See

https://stream.roh.org.uk/packages/giselle/videos/giselle?utm_source=wordfly&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=2021_Dec_Giselle_Stream_Countdown&utm_content=version_A&emailsource=56412

Notes

 I haven’t seen my doctor since the middle of lockdown

Mostly I have seen dealing with ANP nurses ( Advanced Nurse Practitioners) who have advanced assessing and prescribing skills.

The nurse said a strange thing to me today.

She told me that the doctor had thought that I had been mildly depressed when he last saw me 

This came as a bit of a surprise as he never relayed that news to me at that time and I told her so.

I wonder what else has been typed in those computerised notes locked away in the ether

AND JUST LIKE THAT

Ok no Magna 

Ok no Samantha 

Ok not much Stanford

But I’m looking forward to the reboot

It was very much part of my life in the six years from 1998

I must have known that originally it was a series about four gay men

I think the series will eclipse the awful movies

“ party of three ?” …squeal 

Had me totally

I always adored Miranda’s character

Watching

Irked today

I’d planned to meet an old friend at Chatsworth House in Derbyshire but I’m not 100% again

So I’m watching the mindless Shang-Chi Legend of the Ten Rings on the trendy blue sofa

Watched over by several pairs of eyes

Bra Straps & Dog Power

 Found myself a bit low today

So I've kicked myself up by the proverbials and have taken myself to Chester.

The antibiotics have made me feel nauseated all week and strange as it seems the only thing I feel like eating is avocado on toast.

So it's a visit to the Jaunty Goat Cafe and an afternoon showing of Power of The Dog.

I will review the movie later

Later

The Power Of The Dog is Jane Campion’s first film in well over a decade.

It’s an interesting piece. 

Beautifully shot in New Zealand (doubling for 1920s Montana) it’s a brooding, tension filled but unhurried drama which explores themes of loneliness, isolation, jealousy, obsession and anger in between members of a dysfunctional and blended ranch family living in a dilapidated , cold mansion in the middle of no where.

Benedict Cumberbatch plays an angry, brutal but intelligent ranch man who lives in the past when he enjoyed a manly old west life with an idolised ranch hand Bronco Henry.His quiet passive brother George( Jesse Plemons)  ,tired of this bleak lonely existence finds solace with a gentle local widow Rose ( Kirsten Dunst) who he marries and brings back to the family home. 

And then the story really cranks up as the bitter, pained brother embarks on a psychological war against the woman who he perceives has come between him and his old life and relationships .

Having said this, the story is so much more than a two ( then three) handed power struggle, for Campion  adds to the mix the brother’ odd relationship with their mostly absent and passive parents, a back story of Phil’s  homosexual relationship/ obsession with Bronco Henry and the sudden introduction of Rose’s effeminate possibly autistic son Peter (Kodi Smit McPhee) who isn’t quite what he seems 

Kodi SmitMcPhee

Kirsten Dunst

This is a beautiful film to look at. With a sense of decay and sadness in almost every scene . 

Dunst is fabulous as the simple and gentle Rose who can break your heart just with the lost look of a woman who is completely out of her depth, but really the film is totally Cumberbatch’s as he totally captures the blind jealousy and loss of a man haunted by grief and obsession .

Soul Food

 The cottage remains cool, almost , but not quite cold…

I’ve been chasing up the fire workmen ….

Mary had the right idea and slipped under the trendy blue Sofa’s throw to sleep

The sight of her brought a lump to my throat

Just returned from choir 

We sang some lovely African songs which fed my soul

Never Just One Thing

 

One of my bad points is that I’m quick to temper.

I know myself very well and understand that the recipient of my ire is often not the main cause of it.

It’s a common phenomenon and one which , when you are in the centre of things , is very hard to see with clarity.

Yesterday I managed fairly well

Fairly

I finished three night shifts only to face just one day off before a long day shift, and when a colleague acted in a self absorbed, needy way I found my temper rising like lava from a volcano .

Luckily I walked away, muttering like Mutley from Dick Dastardly 

Distance and very cold air whistling in from the North over the Goat free Orme, cleared my head with timely pleasure.

My colleague wasn’t the problem

Tiredness, four courses of nausea inducing antibiotics, a cold cottage without a workable fire and elevated blood infection markers were the problem.

I got that all straight in my head in the calming panacea of the wind and within the hour organised to take an annual leave day today, during which I slept 10 hours overnight, only being woken by a wide eyed bulldog pushing slowly down on my windpipe.

An incorrectly viewed slight from a loved one was taken too personally yesterday resulting in a sharp email which wasn’t worthy of me. 

Another upset I managed to mull about during a warm bath and the temper subsided instantly like the bath bomb I treated myself too from the kind goody bag the hospice nurses received last year from a now defunct Debenhams 

When I was mentoring and teaching new Samaritans and nurses I often explored just why people became irritated or angry with you and themselves 

It was always a knotty and complicated discussion.

I follow a Buddhist nun on tiktok

I understand that this sounds a little flaky and indulgent 

It isn’t.

This elderly Australian speaks more sense in 30 seconds than most can share in 30 months .

Pragmatic and calm and sincere

Her calm voice is true mindfulness in days that can be filled by slights and upsets and tiredness and sickness.

Like everyone, I’m a work in process.

Sometimes I can be good at recognising where my “temper” leaches from 

Other times the camouflage is just too thick.

But let us remember……

It’s never just one thing…….

The Big Switch On

 

I have a twelve inch Tree

I’m one crazy Christmas Bitch

The Aardvark

 

Picking the right gift for someone is fraught with difficulty.

I once realised that a relationship was going south when a boyfriend bought me a microwave oven for Christmas 

I was right, that relationship failed 

Not because of the Microwave, 

But because he was a knob.

I’m usually pretty good a buying the right gift for the right person.

This year I’ve concentrated on slightly alternative gifts

For friends I have bought tickets to the Royal Ballet, The Liverpool Philharmonic and to the famous Folk Festival here in Trelawnyd. Of course I’m going as well which means that I have in effect bought myself a whole set of Christmas Gifts too ( there’s method in my madness) 

Other gifts have been more eclectic . My sisters always the pragmatists make a Christmas list each, so I’ve gone in quick sticks and ticked off all of their nicest wants before anyone else can get to them. 

Other recipients will get a whole plethora of alternative presents. A toboggan ride on a mountain, a simulated sky dive, trees planted by the National Trust and an “adoption”of the most beautiful of aardvarks in Chester Zoo.

I finish nights at 8am this morning and have been rostered back on day shift tomorrow.

So today will be a rest day.

I will have to pop round to see Mrs R sometime today. She left me a somewhat tearful message on my land line in the middle of my night shifts which I only picked up yesterday. 

Her husband had died suddenly and over the years I had given her practical advice about his health matters

On a brighter note Rachel over at the riding stables has just had a healthy baby boy and Affable despot Jason’s older girl Eve has just celebrated her 16th birthday

Ebb and flow 

I may cancel my landline. I never use it

Iawn

 

I have little to talk about today.

Thanks why I’ve posted Madge & Bisket, who are on good form

I’m on my break and it’s almost three in the morning

The last word I uttered was iawn ? 

Which is the Welsh word for ok 

It was in question form and my patient nodded 

Iawn is pronounced similarly to down with emphasis on following the W 

My Welsh has improved over the last couple of years

I can watch the welsh tv soap Opera Poble y Cwm  without English subtitles and more or less understand what is going on .

Hundreds of Trees were felled here in North Wales last night in the storm

Particularly badly hit was Happy Valley in Llandudno

Just across the town from the hospice

Thanksgiving

 

I like the thought of thanksgiving

We don’t do enough of it.

That is probably because we seldom go to church as a nation.

Mind you thanking God is something I’ve never done

So what am I thankful for? 

Recently I’m thankful that the people I care about , generally are well and healthy

As you know I haven’t been feeling well recently and this doesn’t half focus the mind about what is important 

Health is important 

And it’s a concept you only subscribe to when you are older 

Storm Arwen roared into Wales last night. An old friend from ITU had her roof blown off  ( reported “live” on Facebook) and on the way home this morning , I noticed scores of trees had been felled on either side of the A55 and on the village Whats app group Karen M had shared that her greenhouse had moved next door.

When I got home, I spied my old flower Show nemesis Terry, retrieving the contents of my recycling bins from all down the Lane and after a quick check of the cottage , I found nothing more than cosmetic damage to planters, and bushes even though food tins filled the Lane verges like confetti 

I smiled before I took the dogs to bed

Even my delicate young laburnum sapling in the churchyard had survived the night 

Arwen

 Storm Arwen is pushing down from the North Sea and we are expecting snow on high ground here in North Wales later today. 

I’ve still not heard from the workman who is relining  my chimney so the mobile oil heaters are the only things keeping me warm so far this winter. 

I will chase him up today .

Yesterday I met a friend for lunch at Bryn Williams at Porth Eirias, which is a water sports centre along the coast. I love the recycled art work which has been commissioned to decorate the Promenade and public areas and especially love this cormorant made from recycled plastic, metal and rubber tyres.

Nights tonight, yesterday I lazily mooched a lovely lunch from the contents of the fridge…half a smoked bacon joint, caramelised in velvet Voiced Linda’s jam, garlic infused long beans and a jacket potato softened with turkey gravy .

Bloody lovely I’ve plated up leftovers for supper at work

The dogs adore the left over gravy sweetened with the jam infused juices from the bacon and have to given their share separately to stop spats.

I’ve been back to the doctors early  this morning ….more double strength antibiotics more urine samples and more blood tests 

Hey ho

Gay and Grey ( Gray)

Just four weeks to Christmas and The Norwegian Postal service has filmed a gay themed advert that centres upon two older gay characters.

It’s sweet and relevant and underlines just how older gay men are often made invisible, in social media, cinema and television. 

Of course we will always have the waspish, screaming queen stereotypes in such shows as  Vicious but serious and positive depictions of older gay life have been few and far between.

I spent a good hour this morning, walking the dogs and when ambling, I listed all those gay films I could think of. The Korean film Twilight’s Kiss (2019), the American Love Is Strange 2014 and Pitstop 2013

and the French/Israeli movie Kol Erev ( 2010) 

Not a definitive list, but it is a short one

Pitstop

Love is strange

Twilight’s Kiss

Kol Erev

Anyhow like I said , it’s almost December.

And today it feels it, as there is a crispness to the air.

Having said that, the sweet peas that have covered my garden arch over the front gate are still blooming albeit delicately and I have cut them with the remaining geraniums, yellow roses and oxeye daisies and have put them in a small vase on the kitchen table

This morning I’m wrapping the Christmas decorations I bought yesterday. Every year I send some to friends in Australia and Derbyshire and this year I’m on point with the tradition. 

Tonight I’m writing Christmas cards, which is another tradition I have always enjoyed.

There is something constant and warming and comforting when you sit down with a quality pen, a pile of cards and your address book.

I think it’s an old fashioned activity now.

Pottery

 Back to pottery tonight. 

I’m the only one not making Christmas decorations 

I’m making a selection of spoons 

The camp instructor clapped his hands joyfully when I told him

“ I love  spooning ! “ he chirped 

Suitably I made soup for supper on this cold night

Smoked bacon and butter bean soup with a hint of chilli 

Bloody lovely . 

The dogs and Albert are all on the couch with me watching The Repair Shop

Plan

 

 I never expected to be working full time at 60 years old let alone at 65 or older

(I’m seven months from reaching 60)

And to keep my home safe  and my mortgage paid I will need to be in employment until I am almost 70

Nursing full time is physically not really an option for me I know, so recently I’ve had to seriously review my work future

( an odd thing to say seeing that I’m already in receipt of my nursing pension) 

I’ve decided to complete my counselling degree. 

Back in the 1990s I completed several counselling courses at Sheffield Uni but too much time has gone by for those to be of any use to me now, so I have to push through the degree from the start 

I may be able to incorporate study days from work given the nature of the course but we shall see but the idea in principle seems doable to me and is something that taps into my strengths and abilities 

Another door is perhaps opening 

I’ve always been a late starter…….

I’m A Celebrity

 I’m a celebrity get me out of here  is being filmed just a few miles west of Trelawnyd 

I have such a crush on the actor Danny Miller

The Last Song

Dorothy was quite badly behaved for my sister over the weekend . Picking fights with her dog, peeing and pooing. Demanding attention . I doubt she will be asked back. 

High Maintenance is the phrase she used.

Hey ho. 

Its a soup day today . 

Cold and bracing  

Butter bean, chorizo and garlic soup , extra thick by adding a potato… is heating in the slow cooker

I shopped, caught up with Nu by phone and listened to the new ABBA album in the car 

Comic con and London seem a long way away today .

Comic Con

Leo is presently getting photographed with some superhero actor.

I am lying on the floor, resting gently as a group of Spiderman climb up some metal girders nearby.

Its been a nice day.

I met Leo at St Pancreas and we took the tube across town.

I have never been surrounded by so many geeks since I was doing my film degree

We had lunch in a rather nice sushi place near Olympia then continued the geek fest 

It was lovely to see him again, he was my family and

I had missed him dreadfully