Reflection

 I’m writing a presentation today on a Gestalt therapeutic intervention 

After this I have one client presentation to write and give and one assignment on diversity in the workplace to complete. 

Then if I have all of my counselling hours in place by May I will graduate.

Three years have shot by and only now, do I feel that I could become an effective counsellor.

So what have I learnt in these years?

I’ve finally understood what a therapeutic relationship is and how, by walking beside someone who is actively engaged in therapy you can reflect and support and help with their ability to change.

I’ve learned to be still and to listen and to use supervision as a tool to learn and to grow

I’ve engaged with my own therapy and used it to understand my own motivations and patterns of behaviour

And I’ve realised the importance of self care, not only within the counsellor/ client relationship but generally in my everyday life

Obviously there are the academic theories and ideas to be added to this list, as well as IT skills and the like 

But I’m a very different person than I was three years ago

I’m kinder

Kinder to myself

I’m having my last personal therapy session this afternoon

Hence the reflection

He Used To Be Mine

This isn’t a love song

It’s a song about change

And is all about self awareness

It’s One of the most moving pieces of musical theatre I know

Flow

 The best film of 2025 so far is a strange rather epic post apocalyptic animation from Latvia. 

It’s a true delight. 

The narrative is seen through the eyes of a small grey cat who lives a quiet life in what we presume to be his or her former owner’s cabin

There are other animals living in this lush wilderness but no humans, and the animals act as animals do in this green world that is suddenly engulfed by a flood of biblical proportions .

Director Gints Zilbalodis keeps explanations minimal . The animals don’t speak, they have no names and for the most part they act as their species would dictate but when a damaged sailboat arrives five animals find themselves thrown together in an uneasy alliance . The pragmatic cat, a benign and calm Capybara, a dim Labrador , a loyal but aloof Secretary bird and a prissy lemur obsessed with trinkets meet by chance, and this group navigate deserted ancient mountain topped civilisations and their own innate animal drives to work together for a common good.

The obvious metaphor isn’t driven home too heavily , but you do find yourself rooting for this odd little band of brothers.in one of the most visually stunning films I’ve seen in a long time.

It’s rather delightful and a timely story given some of the Trump loving and nasty blog posts I’ve read recently 

 

Mindful

I’ve been home all day.

I’ve been mindful and still 

Listening to the radio with the fire lit uncharacteristically early. 

Donna Ockenden an interesting listen on Desert Island Discs)

And then reading on my bed, 

Not a novel but an interesting study of the treatment of PTSD.

I fell asleep for an hour and woke with the Welsh curled up either side of me and the twins at my feet with paws tucked under them making them look like egg sitting hens. 

I’ve always been moved by the animals’ need to sit with me

Tonight I’ve made noodle soup with ramen stock, chicken and pak choi, and the cottage feels toasty with the limestone walls warmed by the roaring log burner

The Welsh are sleeping. 

And the twins are in the bathroom play fighting in the shower cubical

 

People That Yell ( and plastic tulips)

 I cannot abide loud people

Specifically people who yell.

I have a neighbour who roars at his yappy dogs. 

He bellows and I’m sure has no inkling that he does so even though in a partially passive aggressive way, I often call back with a pointed call of  “Stop The Yelling” or my more favourite. always exasperated “ For Fuck’s Sake ! Shut the fuck up” 

I’ve never pretended to be Rachel Zegler.

Today I went to Sainsbury’s for breakfast ( avocado on sourdough with eggs) when in the next booth some great unwashed harridan decided to tell her teenage daughter off loudly, rudely, swearily and publicly. 

Did I say something?

You bet your arse I did and I would do it again in an instant

She spoiled my breakfast 

I turned around, looked the woman right in the face and told her “Will you STOP yelling” firmly and with as much distaste as I could muster at such an early hour.

I was wearing my third best Walking Dead T shirt, which I’m sure detracted slightly from my credibility, but the woman surprisingly shut up and didn’t follow through with any back chat which surprised me.

Before you say anything I know I am lucky.

Yelling accompanied by anger is a childhood fear.

Many children who suffer it regularly by angry parents often are timid and shy

And I was a shy child.

I’m catching up with home stuff today, and with the doors and windows open I hope the yappy dogs refrain and their loud owner is struck dumb

Otherwise I’m fucking playing Edith Piaf full blast.

After breakfast , and ignoring the nasty looks from the next table, I went to the village garden centre to buy some delicate violas and surprisingly some plastic tulips. 

The tulips will sit on the kitchen table and obviously won’t need water, water which Roger upsets regularly when he climbs up on the kitchen table in an attempt to see out of the kitchen window.

Covid 5 Years on The COVID Nun ( Revisited)

 BBC Radio 4 has been broadcasting a series of programmes exploring the ramifications of Lockdown.

I’ve been thinking about them, on my way home after a lovely day with Nigel in Chester, where we shared coffee and Phad Thai over tables together and sat and talked on a bench in the cathedral grounds.

We both had very different experiences of lockdown. 

He enjoyed his

I hated mine

Unlike millions of people, I worked full time on the front line. I wore PPE everyday and felt and looked like a pig in a condom But this story , out of everything is one that I remember about lockdown, and is one I choose to cherish 

My patient was admitted from home, incredibly poorly. Their family requested a Priest to be called , little did they know that unlike nurses and Doctors, Priests where not making hospice calls during covid

I stayed with the patient and hissed a request at a pragmatic smart support worker   “ Get Me A Nun”

During lockdown , it had been almost impossible to get any chaplaincy support, but knowing that there was a nearby Convent I thought a nun was better than nothing , and even though nuns can’t officially give the last rights they can provide their version of the prayer over the dying to give comfort.

An elderly nun duly arrived in what seemed only like a minute or so .she was well into her eighties and looked valiant as she glided in breathless but twinkle eyed. 

I had seldom seen anything so brave.

The nurses immediately surrounded her, 

Helping her into PPE and mask and gloves and  apron, with gentleness and respect

And clutching a bible and some holy water the nun hurried to the patient’s bedside seconds before they passed away

I wish the official inquest and the BBC had heard that story , which stands up with a thousand others that should be heard 

A brave old nun, not frightened or bowed by covid 

Doing the right thing at the right time

Glad

 It’s March 20th

14 days ago it was March 6th

I had forgotten the significance of that date until today

Back in 2015 it was my wedding day.

I’m glad I forgot, 

It says a lot of where my head is finally at 

I’m glad

Solar Panels

Mary in her new Jumper

Roger

 A few more pounds lost this week and I’m now back to what I weighed when I started at the hospice. 

I’ve decided that having a chronic condition will work to my advantage so I contacted the  rural Advice Wales department who deals with the energy efficiency of cottage properties like mine in Flintshire.

Apparently I am eligible for an air source heat pump and heating upgrade, a full home insulation job and a solar panel system for free! 

Bloody hell.

Bloody Hellllllllll

How good is that? 

The helpful man-on-the-phone laughed when I kept saying what’s the catch? 

Apparently there isn’t one ! 

The company that completes the work will be contacting me soon. 

I know several villagers who have had the work done, so I know it’s to the highest standard

Serendipity strikes again.

So today has been a chore day. The Welsh are having a groom and haircut so I’ve been out and bought Mary a jumper, given that the weather remains chilly. I will post a photo later when I have a mind to 

I’ve given Bluebell a jet wash , shopped and drank coffee in the nature reserve at Rhuddlan where I watched a group of swans push a floating log about a pond.

I’m now pottering around before collecting the dogs