Going Gently

Double Entendre

Knock on the lane window around 1.30 pm
It was old "Mr Hughes" brandishing an Aldi Carrier bag

He's a brusque fellow, not really known for his warmth,
I came out to the kitchen wall and said hello

Apparantly his street Warden had given him a couple of ready meals that were not quite to his taste
" I thought your dogs may like them!" he said with uncharacteristic generosity
I looked at the container

" I hate offal" he said seriously and I laughed
" Oh I haven't had a nice faggot for an absolute age !" I replied ....giddy as a kipper!!!

Mr Hughes sort of half smiled and there was a faint twinkle in his eye

" Aye..... that's the lockdown for you we've all had to make sacrifices "

Some may a bit of help to get this joke
See

faggot

/ˈfaɡət/

See definitions in:

All

Sex

Savoury

Needlework

noun

1.

INFORMAL•OFFENSIVE

a male homosexual.
2.

a bundle of sticks bound together as fuel.

Nearly 58

My back garden

I've done practically nothing today

I was still so tired.

I've read more of the wonderful book " On The Red Hill " by Mike Parker surrounded by bulldogs and only moved to go to the loo where I continued to read, still surrounded by bulldogs before returning to my original resting place

The lane was busy with walkers, so when I eventually ventured outside to buy pet food conversations were had with German Bernard and Marjorie, Animal Helper Pat ( who was adding her garden waste to my field bonfire) and Meirion ( a meeting I cut short with the excuse of feeding the animals as he likes a rather long chat)

I returned to the sofa soon after and was interrupted by a neighbour who was worried about the disappearance of one bantam cockerels who live the gardens around here.

Mary, Dorothy and I went for a scout round and found lumps of sad feathers in a nearby field
I remember well, my livestock keeping days, they taught me well the ways and habits of the fox and badger

I will break the news to the locals later . They all have grown to love the bachelor cockerels.

The single surviving bantam quietly made his way across my garden to his roosting tree in the graveyard at dusk tonight.

It's sad to see him alone.

My sister has just asked what I want for my birthday and after long think I've asked her to upgrade by tiny front garden with her green fingers and some colourful planting.

We are 58 in a week's time

58! The last time I really noticed I was 40
My sisters are a constant in my life...I've known them both 58 years!

Where does the time go?

Flip Flop

Over two days of twelve hour shifts I have run the gauntlet of PPE
I'm not complaining , it's just a statement of fact
IMAGINE a large pink hairy pig being squeezed into a flaccid sky blue condom
Add to the mix a tight plastic mask , the size of a large breathless yogurt pot, clinging blue latex gloves and a steamed up visor which looked as though it may have been born in Chenobyl and you may get the gist of what I have looked like since early yesterday morning.
One of my colleagues , whilst finally helping to peel the sweaty plastic mess from my slug like body summed it up thus
" Jesus!!!!!You smell like fucking Gandi 's Flip Flop!"

I Say

This week I wanted to say this to someone I know

" You are a nice person

But you'll never be a kind one "

but of course I didn't

In the great scheme of things .....
It's not important

But Inso need to say it !
Hey ho

What We Shall Remember

Do you remember the covid lockdown daddy?
The nights we had Zoom night quizzes with the family?
Where The Mummy, A cowboy, Indiana Jones, Johnny Depp, Charlie Chaplin and Princess Leia amongst others battled for a single Cadbury's cream egg!
Do you remember those days daddy?
Do you remember?

Pottering

Yesterday I planted out deep red geraniums in pots, Spanish style,on the kitchen wall
The winds increased to gales this morning and I found all of the pots hidden safely in the shelter of the front garden stone wall, saved by a kind passerby.
I was going to use the word nice here rather than kind to describe the Good Samaritan but in my considered opinion many nice people are not kind.
Kindness is an action
Painfully nice people just use words
I made avacado on sour bread toast with eggs for brunch
Sorted out cupboards and drawers
I took Dorothy and Mary for a walk out of the village to the East, past Chic Eleanor's. Large White washed home
By chance she saw me passing and invited me onto the patio with a swirl of her scarf in the wind
" Darling John, do have a socially distant double shot coffee and we 'll brave the storm together!!"
I sat on her windswept patio as she made coffee from scratch
"Forgive me, I look a right sight!" Eleanor gasped " I have my lockdown tat on"
This made me laugh as Eleanor would look good wearing a bin bag
We chatted for a while before the dogs got bored and needed to move on

I made chicken salad for lunch and prepared chicken noodles for my lunch tomorrow at work.
For the first couple of months of lockdown the Hospice kindly made all of their staff a free lunch, which was incredibly kind. Now, realistically that kindness cannot be sustained so it's back to preparing my own.....
Not a bad thing

This afternoon I'm making a hat with a sign on it
The sign reads Happy Birthday Chris written backwards
I'm attending a Zoom family quiz and it's my nephew's birthday !

I ve just popped into Church to leave my donation for bell ringing , I re positioned a painted stone I found on my wall yesterday...it's a pass it forward good wishes stone left by a local child and videod the laburnam , which shines golden in the sun.

Affable despot Jason has added to his huge collection of morale boosting videos on the Street warden's social group...I'm watching them now as I juggle writing this and making soup

The Bells The Bells

Well I must say Deborah Kerr in Black Narcissus made pulling the fuck out of the Great bell on the side of the Himalayas look like a piece of cake.
Hattie and My efforts were all a bit shaky compared to that nun in a heavy habit
As you can see
Great fun !!!!!
One less thing on my bucket list

Shut Up And Dance With Me

I was tired and emotional yesterday

Today's glorious sun has taken over from my aggressive tendencies and after a long sleep in after getting up too early

My mood has lifted.

It's 7pm and the cottage windows are wide open to the near summer conditions

Mary is out with Hattie and her boyfriend Adam

Hattie and I will be ringing the Church bell tomorrow at 8pm

The bulldogs are down at Trendy Carol's, respite which allowed me to clean the floors and scrub the patio.

Trendy Carol is wearing her summer linen.

We have our old , more cheerful postman back....he left me my ordered Korean disaster movies and an early birthday card from Marilyn ....thank you! My birthday is not until June 1st

Yes , I'm a Gemini

A week or so ago I posted a wonderful dance video from classic Hollywood movies. Today I will leave you with this more modern day version.

It's a triumph of editing ....

Enjoy

It is pure joy