Brian Sewell

Last night, after I had cut the lawn, I took a cup of coffee and a book over to the Churchyard and sat in the faint glow of the setting sun to read.

My book was a gift from a blogger . 

Sleeping With Dogs by Brian Sewell

I never really took to Sewell . On tv I always found him snobbish, acerbic and rather pompous. But this " peripheral" autobiography which is a lyrical chronicle of all of the dogs in his life, has rather charmed and moved me, so much so that some of his writing actually reduced me to tears.

I will share this moment from the prelude.

"......I have ever since slept with all my dogs, one, two, three, or four at a time, waking, as I always do,with the not-quite dawn, but often making no attempt to leave my bed, so luxuriously seductive in the warmth on all sides. For an hour and more I have lain in this cocoon at least ten thousand times, ignoring the insistent thoughts of coffee and the working day, mindlessly drifting in and out of sleep, as immobilised by my companions as by anaesthesia. This, when the time comes, is how I wish to die"

After I read this I put down the book for a moment and sipped my coffee to think. I later found out that Sewell died of cancer in 2015.
I wonder if that final wish was granted.

Gob Shite

I've fallen out with at least two people fairly recently over the behaviour of their dogs.
I'm not shy when coming forward when I see a dog which is out of control, non socialised or ill treated and nothing sparks friction more than a critical word or a dirty look, when dogs are sparking and anxieties are high.
I am also intolerant of a phenomenon I refer to as " dog chatter" 
Dog chatter infuriates me.
I know it shouldn't . I understand why people do it, but it drives me batty.
Dog chatter is the often inane conversations pet owners have with their dogs.
I will give you an example of what I mean.
The other morning I was at the vets. I took Mary in as a rush job, after she started to cough unexpectedly. I feared it was kennel cough, (it actually turned out to be a plastic tooth pick lodged in the side of her throat. ) and as I stood at the reception desk I overheard the " conversation" a woman had with two morose looking basset hounds .
"Now Bertie will you stop pulling, mummy's arm is very sore.......Molly will you behave , look at that sweet dog over there being all nice and friendly........now please sit down and let me get my handbag out , it shouldn't be too long now then we can go home and get some Shopping done" 
The conversation went on like this for an age and before you tell me off for my thin skin, I know, I know" it shouldn't bother me but it does.
Similar conversations parents have with very small toddlers also drive me potty.
DOGS AND VERY SMALL BABIES DONT UNDERSTAND CONCEPTS SUCH AS " BEING NICE and FRIENDLY" AND WOULDNT KNOW WHAT A HANDBAG WAS IF THEY WERE BELTED OVER THE HEAD WITH ONE
I wanted to shriek the statement at the basset hound lady.
But that would have been inappropriate and cruel and so I didn't
...but I oh so wanted to.

Eight years ago I once took a racist woman to task over a comment she let fly in a vet's waiting room.
I must have cut an odd figure as I had a bald Indian runner duck on my knee wrapped in a tea towel
I've just been reminded of it and surprisingly found an account of the incident here
https://disasterfilm.blogspot.co.uk/2008/06/nellracism-and-red-valerian.html

What thing that shouldn't irritate you DOES.?

Heels

I adore my feet being rubbed...it has been a lifelong passion. If no massage is forthcoming from the academic, I will content myself with a good licking by one of the dogs.
Dogs love cheesy feet!
Years ago now, I was a reflexology " volunteer". My good friend Joy and her classmates were studying for their massage exams and needed a regular pair of feet to practice on almost on a daily basis.
I was more than happy to be their guinea pig, having my feet rubbed then was the idea panacea to the world's stresses of running a busy spinal injury ward.

One evening, I went round to Joy's house for a " rub" and got allocated to one of her new colleagues who needed some extra practice. The trainee reflexologist turned out to be a shy British Telicom workman called Charlie who had just started his training . He looked slightly awkward as I was his first " client" and he made a point of saying that all his "practical" work had been done on his wife.

Anyhow, off he went squeezing and rubbing and being the ideal reflexology model, I gave him feedback and asked appropriate questions of his technique.
Now, I never fully understood the science behind reflexology, all I know is that it feels bloody good.....so after Charlie had given the sides of my heels a particularly thorough seeing too, I made a point of complementing him by saying
" that was bloody amazing!..you could do that to me all day"
Charlie blushed and looked particularly awkward
But I pressed on regardless
" what part of the body corresponds to the heel area" I asked...trying to sound like the ideal student
Charlie coughed and looked uncomfortable
And Joy, who was rubbing another volunteer's feet nearby, leant over and stage whispered the answer into my ear
" your Bollocks," she said with a smile!
I closed my eyes and tried to look invisible for the rest of the session

Pissed

Recently an old physiotherapist friend of mine  reminded me of a boozy night out many moons ago where I stole a rather expensive oil painting from the party host's living room.
I had all but forgotten the misdemeanour but on reflection I realised that she was indeed right, I had stolen the painting and although pissed as a fart had the presence of mind to pop it in the boot of my car before crashing out .
This dreadful " habit" wasn't a one off....in the 80s and early 1990s I appropriated a whole shopsworth of precious items- most of which I returned to the owners within a 24 hour period
A silver sugar sifter , and set of silver spoons .
A tea caddy
And a terracotta planter complete with small Bay tree , were just a few items I woke up next to, in those heady days of The Leadmill nightclub, nurse parties and lock ins at the Springfield pub.

I stopped drunk stealing in 1998. It was on a warm April Sunday Morning in Sheffield and I had decided to walk from Ecclesall Road back home to Hillsborough at 2 am in the morning.
Big mistake
For when I eventually got up late morning the following day, I was surrounded by vases, pint glasses jam jars and teapots full to the brim with hundreds, literally hundreds of stolen golden daffodils.

What's the worst thing you have done under the influence?

The face I made in the queue at the vets

Promenade

Sometimes you just need to find a place in order to watch the world walk by.
Having only myself to cater for Mary and I took ourselves off to the Promenade at lunchtime.
It was overcast and spitting with rain, but Colwyn Bay was fairly busy with visitors so I found an empty bench and set out lunch
I had an advacado and cheese bagel and a skinny coffee.
Mary had a packet of sliced ham.
And we both sat for an absolute age and watched the world promenade in front of us.

Friends.. I love 'em

Jonney H ....my Sheffield friend

Recently I asked an old friend if I looked my age,
I think I have eight close friends I can ask this kind of indulgent and honest question to
He laughed his usual camp laugh and cooed loudly
" Darling you always look mighty fine" 
I preened myself briefly until he added
" all you could do with is a lot of ......moisturiser ! " 
....................I .Love you J x

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

Spoilers
If you want to go and see a good old fashioned, romantic weepie that makes you feel all emotional warm and fuzzy go and see The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society.
It's a rather delightful piece of whimsy.

The perky Lily James

Impossibly beautiful authoress Juliet Ashton ( a perky Lily James) is at the height of her success in post war London when she receives a letter from Dawsey Adams (Michiel Huisman) an impoverished but well read pig farmer from the Island of Guernsey. Adams is part of a literary group formed on the occupied island by a group of lonely and isolated neighbours and his account of this strange band of misfits at first intrigues then enchants Juliet who subsequently visits the island to get drawn into a rather painful wartime mystery.

So you can see , the film has everything. Wartime hardships, shoulder pads, a delightfully eclectic set of characters, beautiful scenery, Nazi cruelty and Mr Huisman who makes the wearing of a dirty and hole filled fisherman's jumper an art form. He is basically the most beautiful man I have seen on screen in a long time.

The ensemble cast has been picked perfectly from Sunday night tv.
Jessica Brown Finlay is excellent as the mysterious and brave Elizabeth McKenna, Katherine Parkinson plays a ever hopeful gin making spinster rather movingly and heavyweights Tom Courtenay and Penelope Wilton provide warmth and gravitas in spades as the de facto grandparents of the group
Their society meetings have a real drama and pathos on screen.

Having said this , apart from the dreamy and soft spoken Huisman, I have to say that Lily James carries the film admirably. She possess a doe eyed sweetness which is perfect for the film's gentle innocence that finally, after a somewhat contrived will they, won't they? finale ends with a kiss that would make even the most hardened of watchers swoon.

It's a lovely film.