Never Surprise An Old Bulldog.

Everywhere you look there seems to be a man in a white van delivering something.
This afternoon just as I was leaving a message for the Church warden to say that I will continue with the Church cleaning rota I heard a bang then a scream by the back door.
I had put Winnie outside to finish her dinner only a few minutes before so hurried through the kitchen and opened the door. There was a white van in the lane and standing on the other side of the wall was a very frightened looking delivery driver.
Standing with her paws on our side of the wall was Winnie and she was puffing like a steam train with a very angry look in her eyes
" He's ripped my pants !" The man gasped grabbing at his overalls . A broken bit of wall on the floor told me everything I needed to know of what had happened.
The delivery man obviously couldn't be arsed walking down the lane to our old wrought iron back gate which is covered in honeysuckle and clematis and had vaulted the low kitchen patio wall from the lane with a leather bag for the Prof in his hand. He landed with a clatter which surprised Winnie as she mooched around the back garden and like a bull she had launched into sudden protective mode and had attacked. The man had knocked the top of the wall off as he bounced back over the wall with the pocket pulled off the leg of his combats.
" Fucking hell" the man swore as Winnie gave him a series of short barks and as I took the package I decided to have a bit of fun with him.
" Think yourself lucky " I told him " "he put the last delivery man who surprised him in hospital " 
" Fucking Hell" the delivery man repeated with eyes as side as dinner plates.

Grey ( Gray) Journey Home

Thank goodness it's now all over.
Negotiating a rainy Euston station in the rain with a paper carrier bag stuffed with gifts whilst you are still full of cold and after no sleep ( thanks to a slightly deflated rubber mattress I may add)...is not a bag of laughs.
But it is part of the rich tapestry of family visiting just after Christmas.
I've already told the Prof not to "bang on about rubbish" as I am in no mood for it.
You may think I have been somewhat direct but at these times I have found it easier to be direct rather than subtle. A pale expression and a silent demeanour is lost on The Prof.
Mother in law Sorrel was full of the same Yule Plague as I, so I felt sorry for her having to feel that she had to look after us whilst under par.
I've tried to help out at every turn though I do feel slightly guilty that there still was a fairly untouched raspberry pavlova sat on the cool table in her conservatory when we left this morning.

I've only got the dogs to pick up, the fire to light and apologies to give when we get home. Apparently Winnie peed on her hostess' new sofa throw the first night she was away, which is unlike her. I don't think she could be arsed going outside on a wet and windy night.

Normal blogging service will be resumed tomorrow......

Mad Fuckers

What is it with Brits, public holidays and taking a dip into icy waters?
We braved the torrential rain on Broadstairs beach at midday to watch several hundred locals run screaming into the cold cold waters of the English Channel ( then run screaming out of it almost immediately!)
Most had donned various illfitting and inappropriate pieces of fancy dress....including this lunatic in a sombrero
It was all great fun.
Happy New Year

2017 Review

It's round robin time.
Thank goodness ( I think) I have a sense of humour, so it shouldn't be that painful.
It's only a snatched post too as we are between relative visiting.
I'm " doing " The in laws so to speak!

Compared to most we've had a peaceful year.
No deaths, no trauma, no real angst.
Animal numbers have remained static and apart from Winnie piling on the weight post hysterectomy and William's eyesight failing so much he constantly walks into the ironing board the dogs have been lucky.
And so have we......
We've had them for another year.
The new kitchen arrived and I retired from a career which has served me well for three and a half decades.
I was ready to go. Clinical Nursing is a young person's game and now I still fart when I bend over. I have noticeably thinning grey hair and a bald spot the size of a fried egg!
I look like my dad.
Which is a blessing......my mother looked like the wreck of the Hesperus when she was older

2018 will offer new adventures and no antisocial shifts to muddy home waters, which is Grand.

2018 is the year we travel a little more. Bosoms will be resurrected and old friends will be connected with. 2017 has taught me the fragility of health ( a lesson I never really learnt in nursing) and loved ones are only loved ones when you've got them.
Make the most of people is the phrase du jour

So dearhearts, be brave, head up, tits out
2018 will be fine, and bright and new
Let's enjoy it together xxxxx

Where Are We?

Forgive me for not replying to my previous post's comments
I have read each reply and as usual they eclipsed my original words and thoughts.
I've just woke up after a sneaky nap on a blow up mattress
We spent the day in a rather picturesque British city and I was tired
Where are we?
Here is a little clue

Thoughtful

Tom Stephenson's blog will affect a few readers today.
Suicide and the debate surrounding this, the most emotive, most irrational and to some most selfish of self destructive acts will bang on to the end of time.
Soon I shall me mentoring new Samaritans during the final parts of their extensive training.
In between the time wasters, the sex callers, the lonely, the unhappy and the distressed they will be faced with the suicidal caller and how the newbies cope with those first calls can have a profound effect on their careers within an already shrinking service.
I remember one particular caller when I started as a volunteer. A young professional man sat in his car on an unamed beach somewhere in Britain who was taking an overdose.
I remember throwing everything I had into that call.
Every " trick" I had in my arsenal was brought into play to bring some positive resolution out of a terribly sad situation but after an hour of talking the caller finally ended our conversation and I was left unsure of the outcome of a person I had suddenly come to care about.
At my debrief my mentor just let me talk about the call
She simply reflected that I had done my best.
and that's all any of us can do in situations like these

Winter Morning

Not sure I have anything to say today.
The cottage is uncharacteristically quiet
The sun is weak and watery and all I can hear is the tick of the clock and the squabbling of the hedge sparrows by the front door

In All Seriousness

I had a laptop for Christmas and my computer skills are noticeably lacking given the fact I am now so used to iPad workings.
Taking a break from acer this and Firefox that, I ambled through social media news with it's memes, fake news and photos of kittens.
One " party game" caught my eye
It was titled " NAMING YOUR VAGINA!" 
Apparently your vagina ( and presumably penis) name is that of a recently watched movie you have enjoyed
God help us.....with all that is happening in this world , I am reading a list of vagina names ..named after movies?!
However The First Lady that answered made me guffaw
" With my luck with the opposite sex......it would have to be Disney's FROZEN " she typed