Wednesday, 3 January 2018

Never Surprise An Old Bulldog.


Everywhere you look there seems to be a man in a white van delivering something.
This afternoon just as I was leaving a message for the Church warden to say that I will continue with the Church cleaning rota I heard a bang then a scream by the back door.
I had put Winnie outside to finish her dinner only a few minutes before so hurried through the kitchen and opened the door. There was a white van in the lane and standing on the other side of the wall was a very frightened looking delivery driver.
Standing with her paws on our side of the wall was Winnie and she was puffing like a steam train with a very angry look in her eyes
" He's ripped my pants !" The man gasped grabbing at his overalls . A broken bit of wall on the floor told me everything I needed to know of what had happened.
The delivery man obviously couldn't be arsed walking down the lane to our old wrought iron back gate which is covered in honeysuckle and clematis and had vaulted the low kitchen patio wall from the lane with a leather bag for the Prof in his hand. He landed with a clatter which surprised Winnie as she mooched around the back garden and like a bull she had launched into sudden protective mode and had attacked. The man had knocked the top of the wall off as he bounced back over the wall with the pocket pulled off the leg of his combats.
" Fucking hell" the man swore as Winnie gave him a series of short barks and as I took the package I decided to have a bit of fun with him.
" Think yourself lucky " I told him " "he put the last delivery man who surprised him in hospital " 
" Fucking Hell" the delivery man repeated with eyes as side as dinner plates.

50 comments:

  1. Good for Winnie...I don't like surprises either.

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    1. In the four years she has been with us, I have only seen her angry twice. Once with a meter reader who also surprised her and once when an Alsatian attacked her and the other dogs when we were out for a walk

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  2. You go girl! Him indeed.

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  3. Hahahaha! He'll think twice next time before taking a shortcut!

    Good job Winnie! Keep on protecting your home and family, that's a good girl!

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    1. When angry she looks like a very different dog. She holds herself very stiff with head held very high

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  4. Anonymous2:24 pm

    Go Winnie. Bless- she's just doing her job. Well done!
    wandax

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  5. Anonymous2:27 pm

    Lethal.. Just as I took a sip of my coffee while reading 'he's ripped my pants' which ended up being spluttered all over my laptop from violent a fit of laughter...

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    1. I suspect she ripped his combats with her paw....she has very few teeth

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    2. Anonymous3:34 pm

      Winnie wouldn't harm a fly.

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    3. there are many many dogs who are sweet and gentle but all of them can hurt a person. The only thing needed is to push the dog out of it's comfort zone. I'm all for recognising that dogs have personalities and emotions but lets realistically acknowledge the ones that may be dangerous, it makes us safer in the end

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    4. She would have gummed him to death lol !

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    5. Anonymous12:03 pm

      Me thinks a boyfriend may help ease Winnie's little problems. Trying to rip the mans pants off on a first meeting is hardly lady like. If she had succeeded in her mission the poor man would be stood half naked in your back garden and what would the neighbours think...... lol

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  6. Being of a less courageous species, they usually have to pry me off the ceiling when I'm suddenly surprised.

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  7. Now, now, naughty boy.
    Still theman deserved a bit of a scare - what does he think gates are for.

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  8. Oh, what a good dog! You go, Winnie!

    The thing is, if he had come in the gate and said hello to her, she would have been loving on him...

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  9. Idiotic behaviour from the delivery man! Winnie is clearly defending you all, what a star x

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  10. How about a warning sign.... "Beware of scaring our toothless, protective bulldog"? Include a picture of a delivery man bolting over a rock wall with holes in his pants!

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  11. I think the delivery man may have had the bigger surprise. Yay Winnie!

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  12. What a dipstick...the delivery driver not Winnie of course!
    Arilx

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  13. He deserved it .. .and more !
    Lazy ass delivery twit .. go to the gate next time.

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  14. My sympathy is with the poor delivery man. Replacing those pant is probably more than he makes during the day. Just because she wouldn’t actually do him any harm doesn’t mean that he was still scared witless.

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    1. It was only a pant leg pocket uk

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  15. Serves him right, good 'ol Winnie the trouser terminator.
    Late to the party as usual, belated good wishes for 2018.

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  16. dumbass dude! perhaps he will think twice next time! you go winnie!

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  17. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

    I love me some Winnie. When I come Wales may I please, please visit her and the rest of the pack? I promise not to surprise her.

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  18. Love that photo! What a face!

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  19. Hope he doesn't sue. LOL Vaulted, you say.

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  20. PS: The US Post Office has put out a set of Walking Dead stamps. They look really good.

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  21. Good for Winnie - that will teach the idiot to use gates in future !

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  22. That's why there's a wall. Maybe he'll think twice next time.

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  23. Winnie to the rescue!
    Oh my, wish I had witnessed that scene!

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  24. I never realised that Winnie was so vicious. It's nice to know she can differentiate between skilled tradesmen and white van men.

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    1. She's not vicious but will stand up for herself when pushed

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  25. You'd think delivery services would train their employees about the dangers of jumping over the wall into someones garden (common sense should really hit in here, you'd think) Good for Winnie, she did her duty.

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  26. Young whippersnapper deserved the fucking hell wrung out, one way or another.

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  27. As someone whose heart stops when I'm surprised by someone or something being where they weren't a moment before, I empathize with Winnie! I don't bark or rip people's pockets off, but I feel like it! Screaming is a poor substitute :)

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  28. Yay Winnie. I am tired of delivery people (and white van men) who think that rules/courtesy is for other people.

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  29. I am very nervous of largish dogs, not without good reason.

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    1. I wouldn't exactly say I am "nervous" of large dogs though do know what you mean. What I haven't been able to work out to this day, and it was drummed into me from a young age, how not to let on that you are afraid of a dog. Apparently they can "smell" fear and it sets them off. Great, don't you think? Talk about Catch 22. So far so good. But then I did grow up with the most magnificent black Alsation and he appears to have immunised me against his fellow beasts. Be they neurotic Dobermans, vicious Collies or the menace of Dartmoor. Touch wood.

      U

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  30. Seriously, he vaults over a wall into an unknown house and is surprised when a dog is startled - idiot. He should be grateful it wasn't Albert, he'd have been vaporised by a withering stare before he'd realised what had happened. Hope Winnie wasn't too affected by this thoughtless behaviour.

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  31. At least you can rest secure in the knowledge that you have a capable watchdog! That guy is obviously a novice at delivering packages.

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  32. Way to go Winnie....

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  33. Good girl Winnie, what an idiot of a delivery driver... there is a gate for a good reason.

    Jo in Auckland, NZ

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  34. Good for her, she was defending her territory against a surprise attack, most definitely in the right there girl 😊

    I always reward my girls for barking out a warning to us.

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  35. Silly man,he shouldn't be climbing over walls-hope he offers to repair the damage he did-Winnie was protecting your home.I always say thankyou when my dogs inform me of an intruder x

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  36. Good girl! I am convinced that my last words on this sphere shall be "bloody fucking hell"

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