The Walking Dead - Swear

I like Alanna Masterson's character on The Walking Dead. As the slightly lumpy, big hipped, wisecracking and at times gauche lesbian Tara, Masterson brings some welcome humour to a story so often filled with sadness and horror. 
In this her stand alone episode, Tara finds yet another community ( this time a totally female encampment called Oceanside.) The newbees are mistrusting on any stranger as they had all of their men over ten years old culled by Negan's saviors and the whole episode was really a reflective piece of the bad things , good people do, in the name of survival .
Oceanside kills strangers no matter now innocent they may be . The Alexandrians killed Negan's satellite soldier group in their beds and so no one comes out truly clean in this brave new world.
Tara, in a rather plodding episode had a chance to explore this concept.
Oh and with her big hips swaying like a grand Southern Mama she killed 50 sand covered walkers in the most hammy and bumbling kind of way, it made me like her even more .

The Führer's Penis

The hardest thing to do on intensive care is to care for a patient who is confused and desperately ill. 

They often seesaw precariously on the very edge of sudden and often disastrous  deterioration because they do not understand the need to comply with medical and nursing treatments. 

I looked after such a patient yesterday. 

I was somewhat fraught after 13 hours of it. 

Driving home , I thought of all of those unpaid carers in this country who deal day in day out with their confused and disorientated loved ones at home. Work which often has limited or no respite, and which may carry on for years and years and years. 

Thirteen hours of it, doesn't sound at all bad eh?

When I was a student nurse in psychiatry, I took an elderly lady called Jean out Christmas Shopping in Chester. 

She had schizophrenia and early onset dementia and although physically fit, she remained muddled and disorientated for most of the time.

We ended up in Browns of Chester which was the flagship department store in the city at the time and as we walked through the make up department we were approached by one of those plastic looking salesgirls who was offering " squirts" of perfume for ladies to trial.

" Would madam like to try?" The plastic woman said with a plastic smile

And Jean duly held out her wrist for a tester.

I watched her reaction carefully.

Jean took a sniff of the scent and nodded that she liked it, so.., sensing a sale the plastic woman moved in for the kill.

Jean then smiled a sweet smile and beckoned the woman forward and whispered the following statement in her ear

" I knew Hitler you know, he had a massively HUGE COCK,! "

I'll leave you with a big up of the Village Christmas Fayre which takes place in the Memorial Hall on Saturday.....hope everyone can make it

Hey Ho again

Shite day at work.
Came home to a stressed Prof who couldnt quite sort the smoking fire out!
Walked dogs
Ate tea,
Watched the sweet Lisa Snowdon getting kicked out of the get me out of here

That almost rhymed 

Royal Arse

After sorting out the valve system on the radiators I was just getting all testosterone and full of myself when the council  bin men lorry pulled up outside the cottage and one of the hairy arsed bin men knocked loudly on the front door .
I was half expecting them to be in a pissy mood after all I had left half a ton of plumber's packaging and bin bags out for collection but the binman wasn't bothered about the rubbish, he was more upset than anything
" One of your birds has smashed into our van" he told me
Apparently they had just turned the corner at the bottom of the lane when " a soddin massive black bird" had appeared from nowhere and had bounced on the roof of their refuse lorry, just above the windscreen.
The bird then " shat" down the windscreen ( probably in shock) then bounced into the hedge.
" It's still alive" the binman told me " it was hissing at us"
" It's probably Camilla Parker Bowles "I told him " She's a crap flyer"
The binman looked confused.

I could have done without another little drama. I was still getting used to the heating system more complicated than the average ITU ventilator and had already fixed a leaking radiator single handed a few minutes before, so with slightly heavy and irritated heart I followed the binman down the lane to where his three colleagues were peering into the hedge.
" It's in there" one man chirped up pointing to a goose sized hole in the hedge
I looked in and sure enough Camilla looked back at me with her big black solemn eyes.
As I reached in and picked her up, the binman who had knocked on the door turned to his friends and said" her name is Camilla Parker Bowles !" They all nodded with interest in a chorus of " ooos and arrhhhs"

Apart from a massive crap stain on her back end , Camilla looked shocked but unhurt. So I thanked the binmen and apologied for any damage caused.
" It will have to be logged " , the senior binman said " she's dented the roof"  but they were soon on their way and Camilla was soon sat in a dark calm goose house under observation"

I wonder what the binmen would log in their incident file?
"Camilla Parker Bowles crash landed on our bin lorry today and she shat all over the windscreen "
Dirty girl.......

Getting Straight

Ten hours of cleaning and the cottage looks a little more normal

I'm shattered 

Oh Brenda

With the cottage full of workmen, I spent yesterday out and about.
After a trip to the animal feed shop, pet store , B&Q and walk on the beach . I called into the local supermarket to ." Go to the loo" 
I don't know about you, but I do so hate public toilets, and so, if at all possible I will always seek out the disabled loo in which I can have a sneaky number two in total privacy.
I know I shouldn't  but there you have it.
I'm a bad person.
Anyhow you will be glad to know that I got my comeuppance yesterday, as after a somewhat large " movement"  the door handle rattled loudly and I heard a woman's voice trill "There's someone in here Brenda"
I got up, flushed the loo and washed my hands, and as I glanced around , I noticed with horror as the toilet bowl filled with water and almost overflowed onto the floor.
The previous " user" had effectively blocked the U bend with what looked like a mixture of things both human and paper in nature.
In panic I tried to unblock the " bung" with the loo brush but that just made matters worse, then came the knock on the door
" Excuse me , but will you be much longer ?" The woman's voice came again and very very reluctantly I opened the door.
Two women , both pushing those triangular walkers on wheels were waiting outside
" The loo is blocked" I told her, my face burning red " I will go and report it, don't go in it''s not very nice" and I marched off , ostensibly in search of a supervisor.
The first woman pushed her trolley past me , and as I darted for the exit all I heard was a rather shocked
" Oh no......Brenda !!!!!"

The shame of it all.........

Helen Hayes: The Life Saver

The Prof came home late last night. He stayed long enough to raise a Roger Moore eyebrow at the state of the cottage, had a few hours sleep and caught the early train this morning. He won't be back until Saturday evening.
I am alone again with a bomb site.
At seven this morning Winnie knocked one of her claws out jumping from the bed. The blood trail added to the general " flavour" of the place....i.e. It resembles a particularly violent murder scene.
Hey ho
And in the middle of it all I have a funeral to attend at midday!
Thank goodness for all of yesterday's jokes.....and thank goodness for Helen Hayes

No..I'm not talking about the cute stowaway old lady who didn't really deserve a best supporting actress Oscar for her role in Airport, I am talking to blog follower Helen Hayes ( sp) who took the time, effort, expense and kindness of spirit to send me a gift.
And what a gift it is.......take a look.

Even two of the workmen came over to praise the work when I opened the box, and Welsh plumbers are the most fickle in the entire world!
It was exceedingly kind of you Helen , to have done this for me and I am so grateful and overwhelmed at such a gift.
It arrived, just at the right time, when my reserves and morale are just a tad low....
Thank you so very much.....

Bumming Chips

The lounge....the kitchen doesn't look much better! 

 The workmen have given themselves until late evening tomorrow to install our new heating system, which seems a huge job to me. Having three workmen in the cottage has been a trial today, so at the height of the bedlam Winnie and I took ourselves to the pub.
There was no one there for the first couple of hours , so we had a pub lunch, several pints of Diet Coke and the landlady all to ourselves.

Watching the diners

Later in the afternoon , two Lancashire couples came in for a meal and Winnie managed to wander over to their table to say hello.
By the time I had got up from my sofa by the fire, she had managed to beg two chips and what suspiciously looked like a croquet potato out of them.