Going Gently

Humanity

Owners of bulldogs always say that their dogs have true humanity in their personality

This evening is a case in point.

I looked up from my paperwork around nine

and carefully watched Winnie sitting comfortably in her armchair gazing into the middle distance

She was obviously thinking about something important

It's dawn and as one particulary dozey bulldog sleeps the sleep of the righteous with her head on my foot, I am mentally ticking off jobs that need completion.
The list seems endless
Noticeboards for the children's art ( tick)
Make Chocolate cake ( tick)
Make Coffee Cake ( tick)
Make Boiled fruit Cake ( tick)
Mrs Trellis reminded of entering that nice rose in her front garden ( tick)
Collect the previous winners' cups ( tick)
Box up the hundreds of craft hearts made by June from Kent to be sold ( tick)
Photocopy the international novelty vegetable entries ( tick)
Unravel the bunting ( tick)
Challenge teenage boffin Cameron into entering another poorly supported class ( tick)

Luckily there are more ticks than not in my mind at the moment, but there are outstanding jobs to be done
My mother's hand embroidered tablecloths are yet to be ironed,
A quiche lorraine needs baking
I need to mooch around Alan Walker's garden to pick his entries for the flower section ( he's been a bit under the weather recently )
Susan from Erw Wen needs gentle bulling about that bloody lovely dahlia she's in two minds cutting
Oh and I need to check if the hot water heater is still working in the hall's kitchen.

A few minutes ago, when I was wandering the lane in my night clothes, I spied " Trendy " Carol standing in her doorway with a wooden spoon in her hand ( she was dressed btw in designer paint splattered jeans and a floaty top)
" I've just made a carrot cake and there's not one on the schedule!!!!" She wailed

Such are the trials of running a flower show.

Big Pants On The Line

There's a big funeral at the chapel next to the village hall today.
It's so big that there is a PA system set up from the chapel to the hall which will act as an overspill.
It's a farmer from the next village of Llanasa who has passed away.
Old farmers always seem to have big funerals!
Seeing that there was agood turn out, I placed a few extra Flower Show Schedules in the hall's foyer,
and confessed my sins to Claire ( wife of the affable despot Jason) who lives next door.
" I better get my big pants off the washing line" she said, " we can't have them flapping in the wind when there's a big do on"

The " Feeders" & Jason Bourne

On the opposite part of the village, in a neat little house live Rosemary and her husband Bernard- the- German.
They are a sweet couple who spend a great deal of their time cooking, baking, preserving fruits, pickles and making jams.
I found myself at their door last night, selling my 356 th raffle ticket and within seconds of ringing the door bell Rosemary was spooning me dollops of mango curd , lemon curd followed by fruity sharp lime marmalade in an impromptu taste test....all of it going on , on the doorstep in full view of the people living opposite. Who must of thought it slightly strange that husband and wife were soon feeding a rather robust looking middle aged man stood on their doorstep!

By the time the mango pickle came out, I was feeling just a little nauseous, so I said my goodbyes, weighed down with jars of jam in my raffle bag.

I'll leave you with a brief review of Jason Bourne. We went to see it this evening.

Ok if you like watching Matt Damon walking quickly down corridors

What Fresh Hell Is This?

The Prof is on holiday for one month

One month!

So on, this, the fourth day of the break

he's just had breakfast in bed

Two pieces of toast with butter and marmite!

Topped with two lightly posched eggs!

Speech

This afternoon I wrote Gladys' Flower Show speech supervised by a very talkative and very on the ball Auntie Gladys.

" I've had a woman from social services come around this afternoon " she told me " she came around to see if I was looking after myself...to see if I was eating"

I pretended I didn't know of the visit and said " oh yes? ...what did she find Gladys?"

" I 'll tell you what she found" Gladys said with a somewhat satisfying laugh " she found me eating a full chicken dinner in a gleaming kitchen that's what she found"

Little Britain

Only fans of Little Britain will understand this one.
Winnie was beside herself last night. For by a quirk of fate she found herself in the arms of our friend Nigel, who let the old bulldog heave her multiple saggy titties onto his lap, where she slept as pleased and as contented as Scarlett did in Rhett's manly arms.
After an hour, however , the circulation was effectively cut off in his legs and he had to extricate himself as she waved her fat paws in some resigned and futile pleading.
" Fucking hell, it's like being sexually molested by Bubbles Devere" he observed