Sometimes, when challenged with another dollop of animal product , The Professor will bellow out a lusty " I'm sick of living in this midden"
It's only recently when I found out that a midden is a " pile of kitchen waste"
I've been scrubbing and cleaning for three solid hours now and still, I don't feel as though I've made a dent.
20 individual pet feet, a rain sodden village, a real and sooty fire and a small cottage all seem to conspire against a home which could spring out of the pages of " Homes and Gardens" .
I've just cleaned the fluff from under our bed and found a mummified mouse amid the debris.
Yeah, like I said, the entrants of "Hello" Magazine don't have these problems.
The low point of all this elbow grease occurred just as I was scrubbing away a rather tenacious " mark" from the toilet bowl. Winnie, who was keeping me company as I worked was suddenly caught short and peed like a horse on the toilet pedestal mat soaking both my knees.
I had to forgive her, as she is presently suffering from " in season frequency"
Yes, we do indeed have a toilet pedestal mat! How very 1970!
Where does the fluff under the bed actually come from ?
And the dirty hairs under the bathroom radiator pipes?
Why do the windows constantly look dirty even though I've just cleaned them
And WHY HAS ALBERT WALKED OVER THE COOKER TOP WITH SHITTY FEET YET AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!! 20 MINUTES AFTER I'VE JUST DONE IT?
I was wiping down the paintwork in the living room where William rubs him itchy bum when the postman knocked on the window. He waved a package cheerfully at me and as I opened the window
he chirped up with an irritating " a woman's work is never done " comment
Anyhow the package was in fact an original painting by Jill Chandler!
I've put it on show after polishing the dust clouds from the living room side table.
I've just written this in a twenty minute coffee break
Sat at the kitchen table.
And from this vantage point
I can see two peas, an old fork, a mass of fluff and a crust of bread down the side of the cooker
Hey ho