I was Out Last Night

I was on a  SAMS shift last night....when I was out my husband TWEETED this photo

Obviously he is packing for his OZ trip , he leaves on Thursday.....
I had to titter.....can you see the  bag of Tea Bags? ( right next to the diarrhea  pills )
My shit will be in a bin bag before I prepare to join him...
Don't you just love him 

A Post About Nothing

Forgive the second blog of the day....I've just stopped for coffee.....
It's a sunny day and I have one of my get-on-top of the shit heads on.
Windows cleaned, floors scrubbed..you know the drill
The front and back doors are opened and the breeze is airing the cottage like disinfectant.
I'm in the middle of making lentil dhal and the kitchen is devoid of animals.
It's afternoon and I know where they all are.
William is hiding away in his den under the bed in the spare room he has a passion for sleeping in the dark.
George is in his arm chair, waving his stubby legs in the air as he snores.
Albert, tired of killing things, is curled up on our eiderdown, dreaming his psychotic dreams
And Winnie, oh I know where Winnie is.....
The council workers are cutting the Churchyard grass
And she is standing at the front gate
Blowing kisses as them as they pass.
What a slag.

Moving On

John Parry of Trelawnyd 

This morning there was a call from the lane as I was right in the middle of tackling a regurgitated rodent which had been deposited on the living room floor.
It was " Trendy Carol " from the last house. We go to the same fat club.
She was collecting signatures in a large " Sorry to hear that you are leaving card", a card that was earmarked for an elderly couple who are due to leave the village after a lifetime in Trelawnyd .
The couple are now frail and at times in poor health, so they have reluctantly made the decision to sell up and move to an inner city house which is around the corner from their daughter.

When I was researching GOING GENTLY's sister blog " VOICES FROM THE PAST" (http://trelawnydhistory.blogspot.co.uk) - a personalised history blog of the Village Characters- I interviewed a couple of dozen residents that all had been born, and will probably die here in Trelawnyd and I thought then that the population was much more staid and immobile than it is now.
How wrong was I .
The pre national health and benefit time depression years of the early twentieth century saw villagers venturing far and wide from Wales in search of a better life. In the 19th Century the 100 strong Mormon community led by John Parry left Trelawnyd to form a new life in Salt Lake City. He turned out to be the first conductor of the city's famous Tabernacle Choir and more shockingly had four wives  ( the dirty beast)
Anyhow I digress.
I have been thinking today about the leaving couple, Colin and Yola, as I look at the beautifully carved eagle that Colin gave me on the day of the Flower Show. and I suspect that the move will be ( and importantly feel ) more positive than expected, I hope it will.

When the Prof and I left my hometown of Sheffield , ten years ago, there was no " Terms of Endearment" moment when we pulled away from our house for the last time. ( do you remember the scene when Debra Ringer says " pull away slow" to her husband and he guns the car?)
Our life was IN the car.......a car crammed to the gunnels with dogs and cats and OUR loved life shit.
I hope that Colin and Yola share some of the excitement that  we , that sexually exhausted John Parry, and countless others experienced when home had to be changed for something new......

I wish them well.

R U Happy?

Last night I was asked the question " when in your life were you the most happy?"
This threw me somewhat as it implied that happiness was only a thing of the past and not part of the present, so I threw the question back  to the person who asked it.
" Happy " means different things to different people
To me " When in your life were you the most happy" actually means " when in your life have you felt most comfortable with yourself and those around you"
" Happy " there really means feeling content, safe, and balanced
And so I would answer " NOW...now I feel happy"
The problem with people that want to be " happy" is that they confuse the short term happiness of say a new relationship, a promotion, a goal reached or a holiday with life.
And if you are totally happy on the same level with all aspects of your life, then quite frankly you are an idiot ..
And Idiots are always happy.....look at William...bless ,

Thick as mince and happy since the day he was born

The person that asked me the original question seemed envious of my good humour last night
" In all of the years I have known you, I have never seen you unhappy at work" she said
." That's because I only work one shift a week " I replied with a grin

Sans Teeth, Sans Eyes, Sans Teeth ....Sans Everything

On his way to church the Prof stopped for a moment by the field gate and asked what I was doing.
I thought it was obvious
I was lying down next to Bingley as he ate a bowl of corn in order to stop the geese pecking him up the arse.
Bingley is in his seventh year, and after his usual spring and summer not really eating and posturing at anyone in dark clothing walking up and down the lane , his age is creeping up with him.
Like an old man getting out of a low arm chair, he is staggering somewhat when walking and is reluctant to leave his house in the mornings. I wonder if something more neurological is going on
but I have no way of knowing
Now before everyone leaves a supportive comment of " how sad" I have to say...stop and don't..... Bingley is reaching his twilight time and that's ok..he's a bird....and not a dog.....

I'll make sure he's got food and water and the odd small plate of dog food ( which he adores) and I shall watch to see if he's comfortable, but if he goes off his feet, well it will be his time to go...sentimentality? There's no real room for that I tell myself.

When I reach the same stage, when my turkey legs no longer can keep me going ....I hope to god that there is " dignitas" clinic just down the road where I can go with my family and friends with my dogs on my knee

I've only been to Switzerland the once ....and I didn't like it much.

Oz

I'm sat hidden away on the loo typing this....
The Prof is in a slightly " stress head" state given the fact that today is the only day he has to organise everything he needs for a pacific sailing holiday. He flies to OZ in the week, and will be working consistantly up to the time he goes.
" we need to get a sweat vest" he ventured this morning over eggs and toast ( in bed I may add)
The impossibly fit people he is sailing with suggested this by email this morning
" what the fuck is a sweat vest" I said...( not being very helpful) " and where do you get one in Trelawnyd on a Saturday?"
I fly to Sydney in the beginning of September, so I have time to sort out the factor 50, a set of clean underpants and my selection of Walking Dead T shirts....so my stress is low...well low until I have to check in ........all the animals have been sorted and the lady at the kennels has the name of a reliable house sitter for our next holiday " she does geese too" the woman said helpfully......" Ah but does she do headless rabbits?" I asked
The kennel lady said she would ask...

Bingley on his well behaved trip to the vets 5 years ago

So today, wish us both luck.......we may be heading for a pre holiday row-ettte!
Btw old Bingley the turkey collapsed briefly this morning as he manfully tried to eat a whole piece of white bread before the geese got to it....The old boy is fading a little now.but after a brisk bout of back slapping and feather rubbing he came to, albeit rather shakily.............I'll try to have some quality time with him later...............the circle of life eh

I'll leave you with this fabulous photo of some Flower Show Dahlias taken by the teenage boffin.....

Bake Off

Marie fucked up her French Arlette biscuits 

With our guest winging his way back to the big city, And with the rain lashing down here in Trelawnyd, I have just had the opportunity to catch up with The Great British Bake Off.
The sixth series remains good fun and the secret to that , I think, is that the majority of contestants seem rather nice, well rounded people.
Of course, some of that comes from the fact that baking is basically an altruistic pursuit . Feeding people IS sociable and giving, although I am sure there is always an element of showing off present with the flashier classes.
This week it was the Scottish Granny Marie that got kicked out after a pretty bland show of her biscuits. Junior Doctor Tamal's innuendos about wet pastry elicited a " ooohhh arrrrrrh" moment and Sue Perkins broke poor Nadiya's box top whilst Mary Berry showed a set of thin lips when Dorrit  brought out a frog shaped biscuit cutter!

Sue fucked up Nadiya's box

" Bake Off" is a safe pair of hands on tv. It's sweet natured, ever slightly bland, and despite accusations of positive discrimination towards certain minorities , it is a showcase for talented amateurs to share a bit of skill.......
And skill is so often missing from modern day tv.

The New Girlfriend

Claire had a best friend called Laura who she had lesbian feelings for
Laura married David and had a baby.
Then Laura died of cancer.
Claire supports David and finds out that he likes cross dressing.
He dresses in Laura's clothes .
Claire is married to Gilles.
Claire secretly meets David and supports his fetish.
David falls for Claire
Claire falls for David ( but only in drag.....when he is Virginia and looks remarkably like Laura)
Claire tells Gilles David is gay
Virginia and Claire almost have sex but he has a penis ( which we see in full glory) so she says she cannot go through with it.
Virginia is knocked down by a car and goes into a coma
Claire dresses the unconscious David in Laura's clothes and he wakes up
Claire , gets together with David ( sorry Virginia )
The end

What a load of shit