An Eyeball On The Carpet

Chris has been musing about promotion 

A city university

With clean lines, red bricks and wall to wall civility

This morning the Bette Davis strains of

" OH MY GOD," 

had me leaping from my bed

Chris had spied the headless corpse of a rabbit at the foot of the stairs

" There is a single eyeball lying next to the body" he said weakly

and he was right 

a lone and rather  morose eye looked at us from the carpet

" please remove it" chris ordered 

He sounded and looked like the Dowager from Downton Abbey

I sighed

Sometimes the countryside  with a rabbit  serial killing  feline does get him down!

Goodnight Jim Bob

I'm looking my age

 I've suddenly friggin turned into a cross between Grandma Walton and Mary Berry. Admittedly I think the start of it all could have been the blue gingham style shirt I stole from Chris' " never again" part of the wardrobe, but the success of the baked pies last night, I think, have gotten  me all " let's prepare for the snows of winter"
Before Chris put down his empty boiled egg shell ( breakfast in bed I have you know) I had collected a load of over ripe tomatoes from Bosoms and from animal helper Pat's greenhouse and was busy making pasta sauce for freezing.

Since then I have baked more apple pies for the freezer, stewed more apple which I have boxed up for the freezer also and made a stew which again has been ferreted away

All I need to do now, is to look slightly exasperated , dust the flour from my forearms at the porch door and shout at the young 'uns who are having all sorts of Blue Mountain adventures in 1930s  Virginia.
It' has been a little all too much for Chris
He's gone back to work in the 21th century University!
At least I haven't found a pair of dungarees to wear!
So he can thank goodness for small mercies.

Chris is in his usual " I love  Canada" mood.... So because of this Winnie has been wearing her Canadian Flag Bandana all day!
I'm off to cook some grits..........and there's a load of firewood to chop before I amble down to the creek to fish for supper
Yeah ha

And to end with.............. Who thinks she knew EXACTLY what she was doing?

Oh P L E A S E!

                       My vagina is like Newark. Men know it's there but they don't want to visit.

RIP Ms Rivers

Love Token Pies

Ps.......first blog of today was movie centered

The second is a brief "emotionally based" one.

Chris returns home from Canada today

He's been away since the weekend

Now it may surprise you when I say that I am not a heart warming emotional sort of old queen in practice 

But I am looking forward in having him home.

I am not the sort to wave a white handkerchief from the garden gate

I am not the sort to gush emotional platitudes over the phone either

But I am the sort to lovingly bake you two types of pie

For when you return home from distant shores.

Montana & Paris

My top ten  favourite films have varied over the years but since 2002 the French fantasy film Amelie has always figured in the top five. I adore Jean-Pierre Jeunet's work. Amelie and A Very Long Engagement pulled at the old heart strings until I sobbed quietly into my cardigan and even the less emotionally engaging Micmacs proved to be great fun to watch, so it was with some anticipation that I went to see  Jeunet's latest fantasy movie The Young And Prodigious T.S Spivet at Theatre Clwyd yesterday afternoon.
Adapted from the Reif Larsen novel, the film tells the story of T.S Spivet ,a ten-year-old genius who secretly leaves his family's ranch in Montana where he lives with his cowboy father and scientist mother and travels across the country aboard a freight train to receive an award at the Smithsonian Institute

Jeunet's warm visuals dominate his movies

Typically of Jeunet, the film boasts some outstanding visuals, with some breathtakingly colourful scenes of rural Montana and the American Mid West as well as his signature scenes of " fuzzy" domestic life but instead of having a central character with the charisma and the talent of actress  Audrey Tautou Jeunet relies on the skills of the pre teen actor Kyle Catlett , who despite being very good, is just not strong enough to give the film the dramatic and innovative  punch it needs, something that Amelie possessed in bucket loads .
It's a sweet film........which passes the time nicely
7/10

Tautou's crowning moment in Amelie

I watched Amelie again last night, and fell in love with it and Audrey Tautou all over again. It is one of the most delightfully uplifting films I have ever seen and I  always remember 
the  scene when Amelie finally realizes that the fantasy world she has constructed for herself is a foil that prevents her from feeling real despair and loss. It is ,in my opinion,one of the most moving scenes in cinematic history.

I'm With Stupid

Yesterday was a kind of non descriptive day,which was spent , for the most part, strimming the field.
I only left the village at 5.30, when I had to take William to the vets .
His summer itching has hiked up,a gear, and he was in desperate need of a steroid injection or a Valium 

We drove to the satellite surgery around 6 miles away and had to wait three quarters of an hour to see the vet. George Clooney vet and the mad Irish Colleen vet were not on duty but the pretty baby Russell Crowe look-a-like  vet was on duty, so I wished I had brushed my hair and changed my tea stained t shirt before I left the house.
 But C'est la vie as the frogs say.

On the way home, I thought I would treat ourselves to a KFC ( oh shush up) - well it was after tea time and Chris was still away in Canada so we decided to pamper ourselves and made our way to the drive in.
There was a cheerful woman at the order window, when I ordered myself  some popcorn chicken , and she smiled at William , who smiled back at her from the passenger seat and pointing at him sat up against the sear back as Welsh terriers do, she,asked
" is he having anything?"
" are you having anything?" I asked William who suddenly looked very interested
" He'll have large fries" I told the girl
" do you want a bag with that you lovely boy?" She asked William, obviously enjoying the little game
but William had suddenly started to lick his bottom and the girl looked at me instead

" Dont worry, he's not being rude....., I've always told him not to talk to strangers" I told her in way of explanation

My own little world

" Stealing flowers" and How To Tame An Animal

Village tongues may be clacking this morning as yesterday, I was seen leaving Pat ( the animal helper's) house with a large bunch of garden flowers. Pat is on a holiday cruise , so I am watering her tomatoes everyday.......the flowers I had permission to remove.....
I thought I'd just get that straight.
Anyhow,
Last week, at the animal wholesales, I bumped into Bunty the lesbian smallholder from Llanfair
Talhalarn. I was buying layers pellets , she was looking for rat poison. Though part of me thought that Bunty didn't really need poison to kill anything. She always looks as though she could strangle a hippo with only one hand.
I asked her how the geese were, the ones that she bought from me last year.
" the snotty bastards are still keeping their distance" Bunty moaned " I still can't tame them"
I didn't have the heart to tell her, that with her big booming voice, she was never likely to...ever.
Animals need the Penelope Wilton approach rather than the Brian Blessed

There are several rules that need to be followed where the taming of animals are concerned

1. You need to move slowly at first and get on with doing quiet routine jobs around them without looking at the animal you want to tame.
2. If you have jobs or zombie games to play on the ipad, sit down near the animal and keep quietly busy. The animal invariably will come towards you to give you the " once over". When they do approach talk to the animals quietly. This works very well with geese and sheep who are naturally curious...if you are up for it.....lie down in the field face down ( although don't do this with pigs!)
3. Use food bribery using favourite food stuffs.  Cheap white bread is nectar ,to sheep and geese and turkey's and hens adore teats of dog food. Always leave the animals " wanting more" use the same feed bucket or bowl every day and use a consistent animal call to " Marshall the troops" 
4. Try not to dress in different clothes and hats . Consistency is the key.
5.  Never try too hard.

Things you mustn't do when taming animals

1. Don't have a crafty piss when geese are about beak height is invariably at willy height
2. Never scream like a girl in the vicinity of potentially hysterical Indian runner ducks
3. Never hold an animal tentatively. Most animals will go " limp" if you hold them firmly
4. Keep small screaming children and toddlers locked up in a cage if possible. 

Irene and Sylvia will now eat corn out of my hand and do so every morning 

Bingley will sit on my lap for a taste of dog food

Camilla, has a natural reticence with people but will allow herself to be picked up

New cockerel  " Capaldi" is a work in progress

No one Likes A Smart Arse

Charity lines , get their fair share of prank calls
Unfortunately that is the way of the world, and last night I was on the receiving end of such a call, a call made strangely by someone with insight and education.
The call started off plausibly . A well spoken, obviously articulate upper middle class doctor was having intolerable pressures at work. His private life was in tatters, a mistake at work had floored him.
It was a story I could believe in given my background and experience.
Although I didn't believe him.
Sure I made all the right Samaritan noises, and asked all the right questions but from the start I felt the caller was acting and playing to an audience.I also had the sense he was recording the call

Our conversation went on for sometime until after I repeated a somewhat heartfelt and emotion phrase about his medical experiences , the caller changed his tone completely and delivered his pièce de résistance line " now that's the plot of episode 7 of Grey's Anatomy ..do you think I should buy the DVD  of episode 8?"
Smart arses like the " oh duh" moment when the  realisation of a prank is seen to hit home, and although we are trained to end calls like these on recognition of a prank status, I wasn't having any of it
" can you tell me the real reason why you phoned this evening?"I said in my best, quiet and caring voice
The caller then repeated his punch line again which I ignored again
" there must be a reason why you needed to contact us, something that is hurting you , something you need to talk about" I asked quietly
He tried to save face by laughing and repeating his punch line a third time, but by then I had turned into his grandmother and I needed to shame him by kindness.
" well if you do ever want to talk about what is bothering you please call us anytime, we are always here to help" I dropped my voice even further
" but I do find this kind of joke disrespectful, not only to me but to those thousands of volunteers that give up their own time in order to listen to distressed and vulnerable people in need"
It wasn't a joke anymore  and he knew it and my angry need to rattle the man until his teeth fell out had passed.
I ended the call before he could either switch off his recorder or say another word.
Intelligent people taking the piss.....you cannot forgive them
They really ought to know better