Flirting

Today I read with some amusement Tom Stephenson's story of a one sided flirtation episode at a Bath supermarket .
It reminded me of one of my most embarrassing incidents which occurred over 23 years ago. I may have blogged about it before, but it is worth repeating I think .......especially as it's a bit of a slow news day

 Back in 1991 I was celebrating the multicultural social events organised in Sheffield when the World Student Games were held in the city.

I went with a friend to the Crucible Theatre which was hosting a free night of folk music and dance (in the foyer!)...as usual I was dressed down for the event (t shirt and ripped jeans! - remember the fact I had ripped jeans on)
but as the whole event was very relaxed I kind of blended in!
Anyhow I remember sitting on the steps of the bar looking down at the singers and crowds below..and one guy, who was sitting at a table with some friends caught my eye!
I looked at him.....he looked at me! and suddenly I thought "my lucks in!!!"
Anyhow this game of glances carried on for a while ( I remember the guy looked a little like a bearded Jake Gyllenhall) and I did that half smile and hair toss flirting thing! before I caught sight of him downing his pint then weave his way through the tables to walk to where I was sat up on the stairs!
He leaned over slowly so I could smell his after shave and whispered gently into my ear
"Hey mate...I wanted to tell you that you have a rip in your jeans and one of your b*lls is sticking out!"...he suddenly left and went to sit down again!!
What happened to me?..........well I died .....died in a pool of rancid shame

Lurid Red Ball

Chris is away all week and I am presently in the living room reading Gerald Durrell's second book " Encounter with Animals"... It's a cracking read.....
Last night it was Meg licking a pained Albert that caught my attention
Tonight it is Winifred
She is lying in front of the fire with her lurid red ball
( she adores this tiny bit of plastic in an unbelievably unhealthy way)

A few minutes ago, she woke up with a start,
Turned her head to check if the aforementioned ball was still there
Craned her head a little more
Kissed the ball
Then flopped down back to sleep

They never fail to amuse me

New Members

Cameron's first draft of the official Flower Show Poster

Now The Trelawnyd Flower Committee is in some dire need of a technology update. We have a new secretary (me), a new Treasurer, a new honorary chairperson. We have fairly new signage, An updated and colourful website and we have Chris throwing him into the breech like Audie Murphy in a WW2 foxhole to man Auntie Glad's stall, but what we are lacking on the committee, is a computer expert school boy who can design posters and come up with trouble shooting ideas at the drop of a hat .
Luckily the Flower Show Committee has now conscripted it's youngest member. A secondary school student by the name of Cameron. With him we now number a slightly worrying but definitely healthy  13 souls!
(Incidentally the age gap between the oldest and youngest member is an incredible 82 years!)

It's never too early for succession planning.i always think

Albert's Stiffy

I was just about to go to bed tonight.
( BBC's " Crimewatch" had sufficiently depressed me so)
When I watched Albert walking in to the darkened living room after an energetic burst through the catflap
His gammy leg must have been bothering him and he was limping, and after his usual head rubbing with each of the dogs in turn, he sat in front of the fire next to Meg, and stretched his right rear leg out stiffly before him in the heat of the stove.
Gently Meg picked her head up, leant forward, and started to lick his obviously hot knee as Albert shut his eyes peacefully.
They sat like that for some minutes
It's the nicest thing I've seen all day

Albert showing his stiff right back leg a few nights ago

Bosoms stripped, Bosoms Refilled & Little Ass Kicker Stays

French beans gone. Cauliflower seedlings gone. Cabbage seedlings gone. Sprouts gone. Kale gone.
All gone
Only the broad beans, onions, potatoes, leeks and peppers are left.
Bosoms have been stripped.
Over the weekend a local, who will remain nameless, gave bosoms a visit and forgot to shut the allotment gate. Subsequently the sheep have had a field day ( literally) and have eaten everything in sight
Hey ho

This afternoon , I have spent up the entirety of my birthday garden vouchers and have restocked up on cabbage, kale, sprouts, French beans and the like . All afternoon I have planted out hopeful rows of veg, watched from a discreet distance by the sheep and by the new diminutive cockerel who has been named as " little ass kicker" for his ability to " giving it large"

Guess where that name came from?

Little Ass Kicker  lords it over the Ukrainian village

Chester Zoo

The only photo I took.....in the butterfly house

We went to Chester Zoo today, which turned out to be a strangely melancholic affair. The zoo in undeniably animal focused now, with it's wonderfully green and spacious enclosures, but instead of the formal gardens, stunning flower beds and English country house feel with the add on of a zoo , I experienced and loved  as a child, the place is now more like a Jurassic Park themed movie set, complete with " jungle" fencing and bamboo everywhere!
Hey ho

I'm fucked

TAKEN FROM THE DAILY TELEGRAPH 2010

"Brits' sense of humour fails at the age of 52, study finds

'Victor Meldrew Syndrome’, when adults become more grumpy than happy, kicks in at the ripe old age of 52, scientists have found

It is then that both men and women begin to suffer a sharp decline in their sense of humour and get increasingly grumpy, according to scientists at the University of Glamorgan.

Victor Meldrew knows that being curmudgeonly is a comfort

The study also backed the long held belief, epitomised by Meldrew, that older men are grumpier than women – four times grumpier in fact, for those in their sixties.

Researcher Dr Lesley Harbidge of Glamorgan University said: "The Lifetime of Laughter Scale shows that there really is a law of diminishing returns when it comes to laughter.

"We laugh twice as much in our teens as we do in our fifties. And our findings suggest that it's all downhill from 52.”

The study found that while an infant can laugh aloud as many as 300 times every day, life rapidly becomes far less fun."

Dr Harbridge is a twat

I have just opened 16 cards ( thank you bloggers who sent me one btw....the postman had great fun sorting out the vague addresses) ......received two garden vouchers, 2 T shirts, 3 smart shirts, three pairs of pants, a small wooden chicken, and tickets to see 12 Angry Men

And although it is only 08.35 and I have not even finished my first cup of coffee as yet

I HAVE SMILED THREE TIMES ALREADY!
Mind you...one of those were as a direct result of an overly large bowel movement

So read that and weep Harbridge........you smug cow

Cheap

I have a good friend who has the same birthday as I do
Today I received this email from him

Hi JG

Thank you for the small package that arrived this morning. I shall open it tomorrow. I am hopeful that its diminutive size does not reflect its value, although given the hastily-prepared package and careless handwriting, I suspect I will need (as usual) to prepare for a soupçon of disappointment.

He knows me so well

I sent him a tin of this from Tesco

I am such a cheapskate

It's a lovely sunny afternoon

I've been  picking flowers from the churchyard 

Before the council workmen mow the lawns