Twanging Of The Underpants

Well Springtime is here!

It's not the weak sunshine that has heralded the season.

It's not the clumps of miniature daffs in the corner of the garden either

No, it's something ,  just a little more sexually malevolent

that has raised its  phallic head when I was bent over the chicken feed bowls this morning

Yes, Bingley's hormones are back!

Now even when he's twanging the elastic band on a guy's underpants

( one of his favourite stalking pastimes)

He remains ever the gentleman.,....and never pulls too hard

But there IS a noticeable insistence in his stalking behaviour which is characterised 

by constant heaving breathing and predisposition to  24 hour frotting

Like a guy rubbing himself on you on the London Tube

It's all rather unsavoury 

To protect the general public

this warning sign has been dusted off for the summer

Health & safety has even reached a small field in North Wales

I was going to end this post with a quick shot of Albert looking a little brighter

but you will have to settle with one of George looking like a 

little statesman,

Albert was last seen ambling towards next door's bird table

with a determined look upon his face

Out & About

Albert is under the weather today and has taken himself off to bed as poorly cats do.

He was vomiting in the night

Our sleep was interrupted by noisy waterfilled retching

And by hysterical dogs running amok 

Dogs love poking their noses into cat puke

It's a delightful habit

This afternoon , I took the dogs out to get get Albert some chicken 

It has been a lovely spring day

So we spent a little time out and about

The dogs sharing a few of the  chicken bits

as we made a quick circular drive a mile or two around Trelawnyd

The North Wales coast

Gop Hill from the North West, Trelawnyd is on the other side

The tiny Norman Church in the neighbouring village of Llanasa

Poor Albert, peaceful in a dog free bedroom

Is it bad form?

I am going to my  Uncle's funeral on Friday. It's will be held  in Rotherham in South Yorkshire, so I am going over to Sheffield on Thursday night . There's method in my madness, cos I am meeting up with my three best friends, camp John, straight Mike and sweetie Jane on Thursday night for a love fest in Sheffield's all bar one
Is that wrong?
It doesn't feel wrong
But IS it?

Should I ask for a drumstick?

I did  a 3am- 7 am shift at Samaritans this morning and had an ostrich steak for breakfast when I got home.
How bleeding odd was that?
Tesco's now sell the bird as part of their " gourmet " range and I couldn't resist buying a couple of steaks that were reduced in price when I went shopping on Friday.
I don't think the clientele of Tescos Prestatyn are quite ready for ostrich.
Non of it was looking as though it was flying off the shelves

Even though it is incredibly low in fat , Chris refused to have the steaks cooked for his supper, hence my slightly odd choice of breakfast
It was bloody tasty  too.

Anyhow that reminds me:-

  A man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat and sits at the bar. The bartender walks over to them and says, "What can I get for you?"

The man says "I'll have a beer", the ostrich says, "I'll have a beer", and the cat says, "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." So the bartender says, "OK, that will be £ 4.87"
The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him. About an hour later the bartender goes back over to them and says, "What'll you guys have?"
The man says, "I'll have a beer", the ostrich says, "I'll have a beer", and the cat says "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." The bartender gets them their beer and says "That'll be $4.87."
The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him. A couple of days later they come back into the bar and the bartender walks over and asks "What do you guys want today?"
The man says, "I'll have a scotch", the ostrich says, "I'll have a bourbon", and the cat says, "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." So the bartender says "OK, that will be £ 8.55 The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him.
The bartender's curiosity got the best of him and he asks, "Why is it that every time I tell you the amount you owe you always have the exact change in you pocket?"
The man said, "I found a bottle with a genie in it and she granted me 3 wishes. My first wish was that I always have the exact change in my pocket for anything I buy."
The bartender says, "That's a great wish...better than asking for a million dollars. A million dollars will run out but that never will. What were your other 2 wishes?"
The man says, "That's where I screwed up. I asked for a chick with long legs and a tight pussy."

Lie in Sunday

A First!

Yesterday was a bit of a red letter day

for the Berlingo got a spring clean

An archeologist would have a field day piecing together

a sociological profile of the car's owners once they sifted through 

the detritus of its contents

Here is the list

Five neurological testing pen torches

Fifteen ballpoint pens

6 assorted scotch egg wrappers

7 cans of diet coke ( empty)

I desiccated canine stool

I pair of white ( sorry grey) underpants

2 scarves

2 woolly hats

I blue vase of unknown origin

£ 4.26 in assorted coins

a half opened bag of cat litter

The remains of a Marks & Spencer individual pork pie

22 egg boxes

4 books,

I china cup ( no saucer )

1 black sock

an unopened tin of evaporated milk

I jar of swarfega

2 screwdrivers

I dog lead

A photograph of a duck

A toothbrush

A Cadbury creme egg

Assorted food wrappers

A book of stamps

And old box of KFC chicken bones

You're kidding!

I am so jealous 

My best friend Nuala has just texted me

She's in New York

And was standing next to Meryl Streep at a bar!

We need another trip to the big apple

It's been too long

Chris and I in Central Park a while back.....a selfie  before selfies were famous

Rockefeller

Some things are not passed down in your genes. My father was an excellent businessman. I have as much entrepreneurial chutzpah as an average potato. Such is life.
Above are my egg " takings" for the week. I keep them in a preserve jar in the kitchen cupboard. It's been a good week....I shall have enough money to buy the animals' feed, and should have enough left over in order to buy the dogs flea treatments and some wormer for Albert.
If I am lucky I shall have just enough to treat myself to an arthouse film at Theatre Clwyd next week or maybe a cheeky scotch egg

Some people have the impression that selling eggs is a money spinner.
I can tell you right now that it's not.
 Now , to be fair, I generally only sell to a few locals, friends and people at work, People that do me favours will get eggs for free, neighbours and friends get discounted eggs and gifts of a half dozen or so can lubricate good will with the most crusty of characters.
Customers that may be used to supermarket bought eggs go crazy over mine, as they have that amazingly strong taste and bright yellow yolks of those eggs you used to remember having when you were a child.
But 14 regular buyers won't finance a cruise of the Queen Mary!