Saturday, 8 March 2014

A First!

Yesterday was a bit of a red letter day
for the Berlingo got a spring clean
An archeologist would have a field day piecing together
a sociological profile of the car's owners once they sifted through 
the detritus of its contents
Here is the list
Five neurological testing pen torches
Fifteen ballpoint pens
6 assorted scotch egg wrappers
7 cans of diet coke ( empty)
I desiccated canine stool
I pair of white ( sorry grey) underpants
2 scarves
2 woolly hats
I blue vase of unknown origin
£ 4.26 in assorted coins
a half opened bag of cat litter
The remains of a Marks & Spencer individual pork pie
22 egg boxes
4 books,
I china cup ( no saucer )
1 black sock
an unopened tin of evaporated milk
I jar of swarfega
2 screwdrivers
I dog lead
A photograph of a duck
A toothbrush
A Cadbury creme egg
Assorted food wrappers
A book of stamps
And old box of KFC chicken bones


73 comments:

  1. A photograph of a duck? May I ask why?!!! x

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    1. I don't know why a duck. why a no chicken? (groucho marx)

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    2. It was an old photograph of my old orphan drake called Halleh when he was a duckling

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  2. wow! i have a slow cooker in the boot that i bought as a gift on the VERY SAME day the intended recipient bought herself one. i cant figure out what to do with it so there it stays. most of the other detritus is bits of paper

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  3. I thought my car was a mess - five pen torches?! Was the desiccated turd inside the dirty underpants?!

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    1. No the mummified turd was found lurking in the passenger door store

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  4. I take it the pork pie wasn't nice enough to finish then?

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    1. I was surprised that the dogs hadn't found it

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  5. what ever is a swarfega?

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    1. Swarfega is a gel used to remove grease, oil, or in my Dad's case printers ink from your hands before washing in normal soap and water.

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    2. Thanks for that penny

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  6. I feel sorry for the poor person who had to deal with that. Or was it you? ;-)

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    1. Yes it was me armed with rubber gloves and a bin bag

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  7. interesting contents; and I second jaz@octoberfarm - what is swarfega?

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    1. Swarfega......Hand cleaner of an industrial nature, unsure why John's delicate pinkies would require this...

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    2. Nothing like climbing into a wetsuit filled with Swarfega and nettles...

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  8. I will feel so much better now when I look at my automotive steed.

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  9. every body should have a tin of swarfega my dad used tins of the stuff hum blast from the past but one black sock very odd

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    1. The swarfega is a MUST where dirty hands are concerned

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  10. Where did you sit and did Chris enter this vehicle?

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    1. Chris has always driven the car. But always through gritted teeth

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  11. Do I sense a road trip coming on? The car probably smells better now lol.

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    1. It smelt like ,a skip ( a dumpster)

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  12. Outstanding...the cleaning and the list :) I see you can go on that cruise now (but only if there's enough to take Chris otherwise it's Scotch Eggs). When you finish your book about the menage you can write one using this list as your inspiration...PLEASE!

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    1. Lol...I'll see what I can do x

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  13. It is amazing what collects in our cars. I only drive mine once or twice a week, and I have tried really hard to keep this one clean, and I know there is a lost umbrella, a stuffed bear, two window scrapers, a bike helmet and gloves rattling around in mine.

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  14. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  15. I'll try again and include all the words this time! Was it a 'special' duck?

    I have serious dog envy for your Welsh Terriers.

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    1. See above......the duck was Halleh, a duck that was adopted by a broody hen...... We had him on the field for a few years

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  16. I'm sure that must qualify for the Guinness Book of Records under some heading or other. Biggest collection of oddments in an old car? Biggest number of egg boxes in an old car?

    Presumably in an emergency you were planning to brush your teeth with the toothbrush and the evaporated milk? Or the contents of the creme egg?

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    Replies
    1. I used the toothbrush to clean out the sheep's hooves

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  17. Swarfega and a pair of underpants....erm.....
    Jane x

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  18. !!!!! You have my deepest sympathies! I am very surprised that there was any room left for you to drive. That is some list!

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  19. I don't know what to say. You've made me feel a lot better though.....

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  20. wondering about the duck photo too...sadly, my car is in the pre- clean state...

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  21. Well now! We hauled an alpaca in the back of our mini van last week and she didn't leave a single trace! The kids on the other hand....I'm always amazed at the detritus I find under their seats. I haven't found any underwear yet though.....and I'm not sure that I want to!

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  22. So the question is, if Darryl Dixon and the gang had stopped by your car, abandoned on the roadside, what would they have taken?

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    Replies
    1. Daryl would have taken me!

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  23. A lot more interesting than Tracey Emin's f***ing bed - literally!

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    1. Give me 100,000 £ and you can have it

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  24. I'm surprised there was room for you...

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  25. Thats an impressive list. And I thought my car was messy. lol

    X x

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  26. Around here all that stuff is standard winter survival gear. Should you slide of the road an be buried in a snowbank you could survive for 2 weeks on it.

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    1. Or come the zombie takeover

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  27. where else will you find poop? In your found some in your pocket and now in the car... this must be precious poop. how come one of the dogs didn't eat the crème egg?

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    1. The egg was sucked away in the glove compartment
      The poo was in the passenger well

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  28. Ugh...
    Sorry. Words fail me. (Which is not easily achieved.)

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  29. To be fair that just sounds like my handbag only on a grander scale

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  30. An impressive list.

    'A photograph of a duck' made me laugh out loud, I don't know why it is no more abstract than any of the other things.

    And at last we have proof that you are of the lower classes .... a china cup and NO saucer..... how terribly uncouth ;-)

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    1. Lower classes my arse
      I have you know I was just BORN for better things

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  31. OMG Compostman is always on about the state of MY car - but it is nowhere near as "crowded" as yours....

    I bet is smells sweeter, now ?

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  32. I adore Cadbury creme eggs and when they appear in stores, I know spring has really arrived. :)

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  33. Trees fell over and weeds shrivelled as the Berlingo drove by.
    Tsk, tsk !!

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  34. Sounds like a scavenger hunt list! ... and somehow ... different :)

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  35. I have to say I had to google swarfega, I thought it might be something edible, a condiment for scotch eggs maybe!! And the underpants?

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  36. Quite the collection, John. :-)

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  37. ...and a Partridge in a Pear Tree.

    cheers, parsnip

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  38. Seriously, how do you live with a dog poo in your car and not notice? Your dogs must have a diet that makes them do sweet smelling poos. Please share your secrets! Mind you I hope no one ever has to do an inventory of my house!

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  39. This is not a Dear John letter.

    Dear John, the only purpose of rubbish and dirt is that it makes us feel so good when it's all cleared out/cleaned up.

    I suppose you were forced to do it to make room for the next load of rubbish begging to be taken on board.

    Reading (your reply to Nick) the reason for the tooth brush made me laugh. Where the hell are 'sheep hooves' in my life, John? Where?

    U

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  40. That's quite a list. I'm surprised the dogs all fit in there with you when you took them to the beach.

    The truck has remained remarkably clean; the car is a different story. I do keep extra gear over winter-jumper cables, two blankets, and other assorted items. Still the car could do with a good cleaning.

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  41. It would drive me insane to have all that stuff in my car. I can hardly bear to get into Willy Dunne Wooters' car, the backseat of which is so full of clothes he thinks he might suddenly need that it's kind of a suitcase on wheels and I don't mean the little wheels so you can roll the suitcase around the airport. The dash is so filthy that if I accidentally touch it my fingers turn black. Next to the stick shift is some hideous sticky substance that he must have spilled years ago. I'm trying to convince him to go to a car wash where they clean the car inside and out.

    Love,
    Janie

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  42. Thanks. I think I'll walk...

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