8/10
American Hustle
8/10
Stupid is as Stupid does
There are two ways to go when you are faced with tactless people
You can get angry at them
Or you can be amused by them.
Luckily, I am generally amused by them.
Years ago, when I was a psychiatric nurse, I remember " observing" a teenage anorexic patient in her room.
The girl weighed only a matter of a few stone and was placed on 1 to1 observation
to prevent her injuring herself.
The girl was quietly reading a book, as I sat in the doorway, and as we sat there the domestic, a cheerful Caribbean mama ,was buffing up the wooden floor in the corridor.
As the domestic passed the doorway, she waved cheerfully at the young girl and sang out
a rather surprising greeting of " hello fatty"
a salutation that made the girl open her eyes as wide as a bushbaby
And made me almost choke to death laughing.
It's the verbal equivalent of a suicide bomber
Potentially dangerous psychologically
But incredibly funny
More recently, at work, a colleague that does not know me very well,
heard me talking about Chris. My conversation was pretty mundane and my co worker
Interrupted with no hint of self awareness
" Could I ask , in your relationship with Chris who plays the woman?"
The comment was so left field, that I promptly burst into laughter
But I did make sure that the girl understood what I really thought of her question
when I clarified my laugh with the smiling reply of
" what a fucking stupid comment"
Tactless people can be amusing
But stupid people
do need a slap from time to time
do need a slap from time to time
Aseptic Technique?
Remember the " muddy coloured hen"?
Well the old gal is going from strength to strength
Everyday she comes into the kitchen to have a bullying injury on her vent cleaned
And will stand quite still and nicely for the whole procedure to take place
Dabbing a cut on a hen's arsehole on the kitchen table eh?
Chris will have a fit!
Scrubbing Eggs
I don't know if you all have noticed, but it shall never ever complain
About the dirt, shit,cold,wet,occasionally painful, expensive
Vet visiting,emotional heart string plucking nature of animal care
It goes with the territory and the choice of living in a place where the
Kitchen floor is constantly in need of being mopped
a mouth or beak is always in need of being filled,
and a shitty Klingon always needs to be cut off a shitty arsehole
However
There is one job that I absolutely detest with a vengeance
And that is
Cleaning shit and mud covered eggs.
I HATE THE JOB!
I hate it more than anything else in the world
Chickens roll their eggs with their feet, so wet winters mean
Dirty bleeding eggs!
Tonight I am doing a twilight overtime shift at work 10pm until 6 am
So before I go, I will complete all of those little needy jobs at home
And that includes sorting the eggs out!
Has anyone got an easier way of cleaning the little bastards?
Please let me know
don't look down.......
There is just one thing that terrifies me and that is height.
I am unable to climb a ladder beyond the sixth or seventh rung, I cannot lean out of a first story window and I once had to be led off the observation platform of Seattle's Space Needle by a friendly Japanese tourist when I " froze" at the guard rail.
It has been a life long fear.
Having said this.....when I was 22 , I did jump out of a small Cessna airplane at 1500 feet for charity ( a fact that I am sure my sister in law Jayne will testify to here for she watched me do it!) and to this day I cannot quite believe that I actually did it!......perhaps it was just the foolishness of youth......perhaps it was just the borrowed Ativan tablet...who knows.........
Today, I still cannot cope with anything above seven feet!
And yet I am totally fascinated with height. I have made a point of going up as many skyscrapers as I am able.....I love flying ( although I am getting more and more nervous of turbulence the older I get).... And one of my favourite films has to be Towering Inferno.
Last night I watched a tv documentary about the free runner, James Kingston called rather unimaginatively Don't Look Down .The 22 year old has overcome his intensely felt fear of heights and spends much of his free time hanging from and climbing up cranes and towers across the UK.......
Height literally has given him the ability to discipline himself and his life.
It was an interesting study of self discovery.
A Mouse Behind The Freezer
Night shifts can feel incredibly short, especially when you have a busy patient to deal with. My patient was poorly, so the twelve and a half hour shift shot by as fast as a spinster passing an Ann Summer's slumber party.
All I wanted when I got home was an eggy Bagel
But there was a typical drama when I got home
" There's a MOUSE behind the freezer" Chris informed me as I walked through the door
( some of you may remember the " there's a rat under the sofa incident" here which was was a blog entry that started in a very similar fashion)
I wasn't surprised.
The four dogs and and cat where all lined up with their serious faces on , sniffing the gaps
" well, pull the freezer out and let them finish it off" I instructed
"Nooooooo" cried Chris
" yessssssssssss! " cried the dogs
" bring it on" muttered Albert.....
A mouse is to cats and terriers what Downton Abbey is to snowbound Americans
It makes for wonderful entertainment
Now
Is it me? But is removing a rodent from behind the freezer a big job?
No!
You just make a cat sized gap between freezer and wall.
Whip up some excitement amongst the troops by whispering " KILL, KILL KILL THEM ALL!"
in a few moments it's a job well done
Simples!
Seconds later I had hurled a flat and very dead mouse out of the back door
And peace returned to Bwthyn y llan
I had my eggy bagel
And went to bed for a couple of hours..... Chris's bell ringing ( no jokes Tom) woke me around 11.
Hey ho
Behind Closed Doors
 |
| No my mother wasn't Talulah Bankhead..she just thought she was |
It was one of many
And it went a bit like this
" you will never know a person unless you follow them home"
It is, of course another slant of the " behind Closed doors" saying and it perhaps eludes to the darker , sadder and private parts of all of our psychi.
What we present to the world is often very different from the lives we are in fact living.
I have been thinking about this today when I went past the burnt out cannabis den house on London Road. Outwardly the house was being renovated in order for a new family to enter a village community . In reality, two enterprising drug dealers were bypassing the electric supply in order to sell on " happy resin" to the no- copers of North Wales.
Outwardly a new purchased,hopefully happy, family home
Inside, the reality was just a hopeful " get rich quick " scheme .
The darker, hidden parts of ourselves , the problems, the worries, the hopes and the flaws are the parts that ultimately makes us more interesting, after all wouldn't it be just awful to live a life of three score years and ten and have someone quote that immortal Tallulah Bankhead quote at your departing coffin
" There was less to him that met the eye"
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)