The other night I had an interesting conversation with a friend about the notion of shame.
It was on the back of a situation when one of his neighbours, high on drink or/and drugs had a fist fight with another woman in the street, and even though police were called, and all of the other neighbours had been involved, the self limiting emotion of public shame was not enough to limit this antisocial behaviour to something more "manageable"
Shame is only an effective boundary marker , when you feel you are a part of a community that you effectively care about. That community may be family and peer based (the "new" mini communities of the new age) or it could mean the community in which you live.
Unfortunately, the wider definition of the word "community" no longer exists for many of us, and without having a respected audience for bad behaviour, shame and the feelings of being ashamed are rapidly disappearing.
There is perhaps still something to be said for that knowing, tight-lipped shake of the head by the local battle axe senior, when your front room net curtains had been left to go grey.
The other day I found bottles of beer that had been left on the church wall. I knew who had left them, I had seen the culprits downing them in the street the night before, so like an over-the-hill, self proclaimed super hero, I picked them up and lobbed them over a nearby privet hedge back into the garden where the "drinkers" hailed from.
Would the owners of the bottles be shamed by my passive aggressive antics?
Of course they wouldn't
but it did give me a brief moment of satisfaction
It was on the back of a situation when one of his neighbours, high on drink or/and drugs had a fist fight with another woman in the street, and even though police were called, and all of the other neighbours had been involved, the self limiting emotion of public shame was not enough to limit this antisocial behaviour to something more "manageable"
Shame is only an effective boundary marker , when you feel you are a part of a community that you effectively care about. That community may be family and peer based (the "new" mini communities of the new age) or it could mean the community in which you live.
Unfortunately, the wider definition of the word "community" no longer exists for many of us, and without having a respected audience for bad behaviour, shame and the feelings of being ashamed are rapidly disappearing.
There is perhaps still something to be said for that knowing, tight-lipped shake of the head by the local battle axe senior, when your front room net curtains had been left to go grey.
The other day I found bottles of beer that had been left on the church wall. I knew who had left them, I had seen the culprits downing them in the street the night before, so like an over-the-hill, self proclaimed super hero, I picked them up and lobbed them over a nearby privet hedge back into the garden where the "drinkers" hailed from.
Would the owners of the bottles be shamed by my passive aggressive antics?
Of course they wouldn't
but it did give me a brief moment of satisfaction
