Wendy from Gwaenysgor

Phone rings

"Hello?" I say

Woman's voice very breathless on the other end

"It's Wendy from Gwaenysgor........ I've just found a chick running around outside and I don't know what to do with it!"

"have you a hen sat on some eggs?"

"Oh god.......er...... let me think?....oh God! ... YES! Its a buff, she's been sitting in her nest for years!"

"Shut her away and place the chick underneath her"

"oh Lord this is exciting! I've never had a chick before! It's chirping very loudly!"

"They do, it's fine...there's probably more chicks on the way, best leave them all well alone for another day"

"Oh God! what else do I have to do?"

I covered chick care briefly

"Right", Wendy said, " I will go and put the baby back!"

Hangs up!

Two minutes later phone rings again

"Oh God! it's Wendy! I have put the baby back and I have just found a sad looking Sussex sitting outside the hen house  and she looks like she has lost something?"

"Has the sussex been sitting on eggs?" I asked

"no!..... yes!,,,,no! er .......sometimes? ...... I am not sure"

"She needs to be sitting for three weeks solid to hatch out a chick!" I reminded her

"Well no then!" she sounded confused...."is it always so stressful when you have your first chicks?"

"Yes, calm down, "put the baby back and see if the buff accepts him"

"ok!"

A few minutes later the phone goes

" Its Wendy!"

(I guessed it might have been)

"Everything looks ok, I have send my husband out for chick crumbs and I have put water in the coop is there anything else I have forgotten?.... I am so sorry to bother you!"

I went through some pointers again.

"It's no wonder I drink a lot of wine!" she gasped finally

I need a drink!"

"Go and have one" I said with a smile....

Sarah Jane

This is Sarah Jane

She is the mumsy vicar's wife contestant in BBC's

The Great British Bake Off

and she is a real scream!

With a slight "little girl" personality and a self effacing sense of humour

she had cried, laughed and blustered her way through the tv baking competition with a great deal of English 

"spirit the won the war" bon viveur!

Her tearful monologue about how crap a cook she is whilst sheltering under a huge see through umbrella

is worthy of something Alan Bennett could write

Don't worry SJ..we have all cred over a bad tart at one time or other

Look out for fellow contestants Catheryn (another natural comic),

The Camp and slightly know all Brendan,

and the lovely ITU consultant Danny from Sheffield

all of them delightful characters

Its a cracking watch

(APOLOGIES to those who have not got a flying f*ck of an idea just what I am banging on about)

Shady Pines

Well after the previous sweat inducing post , I thought I would try and get back on an even keel

The field population of hens has reached somewhat of a tipping point.

Yesterday I collected just one bloody egg!

I have 38 hens ( I audited them all this morning how's that for being anal?)

This year 12 of the very old hens have died.1 young bright thing was taken by the fox in the middle of a funeral and 2 other youngsters drowned themselves by accident in one of the water butts and after checking over the remaining girls, I now realise that I have effectively have only  8 young  egg laying birds in their prime.

The rest ( the crackhead whores, my original black hookers from when I started off keeping chickens and all of the fat old buffs) are getting on a little now, and all are entering that twilight time of their poultry years.

I will have to face the fact that I am now the matron of a hen home for the aged, infirm and physically knackered .

I am renaming the field "shady Pines"

Time to get some fit new girls me thinks

ps/ now what 1980s comedy show characters referred to "shady Pines" when they threatened  to send one of the "older" members of their group to a retirement home?

I wonder..........

......Just why I have posted this video?

Autumn in Wales

Sitges Promenade

I am missing Sitges.

I especially miss the early evening promenade walk, when what seems like the whole population (with their dogs in tow) come out to amble under the palm trees, and chat and greet in the warm autumn sunshine.

The Spanish have the right idea. Their "outsides" become mere extensions of their living rooms, The promenade is simply another "room" to be shared and enjoyed without worry or selfishness.

Of course the Spanish have better weather

Autumn in this country means wetness and cold

Autumn in this country means hiding away in your own living rooms

and autumn means dark evenings, The return of the Downton Abbey pantomime and the prospect of 14 celebrities learning to ballroom dance on Strictly Come Dancing.

Man in a blue dress

Last night Jerry Hall thoroughly enjoyed herself as she vamped it up in true drag queen/Tallulah Bankhead style as Strictly dragged it's sorry arse back to the small screen and tonight sees the lovely Matthew Crawley boring the tits off Lady Mary in Downton.

Delightfully Boring ( bet they shag like little rabbits though)

The Brits are now all set for Autumn

We disappear into our living rooms during those dark evenings

and watch the television.

Perhaps we will experience an Indian summer?

Perhaps with global warming the beach Promenade down in Prestatyn will suddenly sprout palm trees and will allow for the spotty drug addled youth of the town to throw away their hoodies to play half naked volleyball in the sewage free sand........

A typical couple of Welsh farmers unwinding on Prestatyn Beach

Of course September and October will be freezing, wet and miserable...and of course I am such a hypocrite when I say that the goggle box will not have some "pull"  for me as Winter approaches

In 4 weeks time The Walking Dead series 3 returns...

there is nothing like a zombie massacre to lighten those dark days before Christmas me thinks

hey ho

ps two new characters may be joining the field population very soon! I am off to see "them" on Tuesday!!!!

(watch this space) you may be surprised

Throwing Like A Girl

The back of the Cottage and the field beyond

To understand the content of this post, you, dear reader , will need to understand the layout of our piece of Trelawnyd. As most ancient cottages, Bwthyn-y-llan lies directly on the lane which snakes out past the Church and down to the site of the Felin ( Welsh for Mill) and  towards the villages of Cwm and Dyserth.

Our back door opens to the lane where only a low wall separates us from the lane then the Graveyard wall beyond.

The ground in the graveyard is six feet higher than our back garden, so when the likes of the Guinea fowl wander around , hopeful of a little titbit from the kitchen, they can peer directly down onto the back of the house and right into the windows.

This afternoon it has been a day for catching up. I have picked onions, broad beans and potatoes, cut the lawn and walked the dogs ( a short walk as Meg and William are both slightly lame following their disastrous kennel stay).

I have also done a little baking and knocked up some jam tarts with some abandoned jam from The Flower Show. As usual I had some pastry left over and after hearing the guineas calling from the Churchyard I took the damp pastry outside to throw at them.

( now this does not sound too odd, as I must let you know that most poultry go absolutely gaga over uncooked pastry dough. They love it as fat people love cream cakes.....)

Anyhow I took a handful of dough, called the guineas over and lobbed the pastry at them without really thinking about what I was doing.

I threw the pastry like a real girl.

And with a plop the wet pastry slammed against the back window of a passing 4 x 4!

I very nearly legged it into the cottage I was that embarrassed but luckily I recognised the driver when she stopped to see what had happened. She passes down the lane most days.

"Sor--ry I called out....I was throwing pastry at the guinea fowl"

"Course you were!" she called out cheerfully as though it was the most normal thing in the world to happen to her on a Sunny Saturday afternoon

A Fox At A Funeral

My head count is complete, and as far as I can tell there has been only one casualty during our holiday.

Last Friday right in the middle of the funeral of a lady from High Street, the guinea Fowl started their screaming. One of the guys who tends to the new Graveyard that overlooks my field was there and  was amazed to see a dog fox trotting slowly over the riding stables fields with a hen in it's mouth. The graveyard was full of people and the riding stables field was filled with horses which skittered around the fox nervously and with typical horsey challenges, but the fox seemed totally blatant and unmoved by anything that was going on and carried on regardless.

Only one hen..... it could have been a whole lot worse.

The turkeys and ducks under the watchful eye of Eirlys all returned wide eyed and healthy, and the blind Rooster Cogburn actually flourished under the watchful eye of neighbours Mike and Viv, who now seem to have a real soft spot for the blind old rooster, and I couldn't help but notice that they had scrubbed his feeding bowls to a shine only seen on my mother's silver teapot.

I was very grateful for all of my "volunteers'" hard work and despite all of their protestations I made sure all of them received some wine,miniature food hampers or chocolates.

The Welsh terriers returned from their boarding kennels in a much more sorry state than any of the field animals have looked this morning. Both stank of poo when they despirately clambered up into the berlingo when I picked them at at 9am and only when we got home did I notice both with dried faeces matted haphazardly  in their fur.

Not a good advertisement for the local and much lauded establishment eh?

Uncharacteristically for me I have not rang the kennels as yet to complain.. I must be filled with some post holiday good humour....but be sure I will be contacting the place very soon...I just need to get my Bette Davis head on for the confrontation!

I will catch up with some blog reading tonight.... It will be nice to sit by the fire ( those 30 degree Sitges days seem a very long way away now) with a needy Welsh terrier on my knee..... and catch up with some news

Back to Trelawnyd....Back to Normality

Holiday Photo at the Santa Maria (pre lamb chops)

It has been lovely

6 days of good food (Baby Lamb chops to die for at The Santa Maria)

6 days of Good Reading ( I actually caught up with Truman Capote's Breakfast at Tiffany's for the first time and LOVED IT)

6 days of Wonderful relaxation ( we never left the beach except to eat, pee and sleep)

and a chance for me NOT to feel like earth mother to 78 animals and for Dr Chris not to feel that everything revolves around a University computer.

Suffice to say, we had a lovely time....

I have felt spoilt to hell...he has recharged the old little grey cells and both of us have been reminded that we are just two old farts that love the same things in life.

Sitges in Spain has always retained some of it's old world charm, and the town seems to have a celebration, a parade and a festival for every bloody occasion!
when we were there, there was a wine festival, some sort of political parade ( which comprised of 50 school kids banging drums for 3 f*CKING hours!) and a gay "bears" weekend.....(where a load of fat, bearded and cheerful old queens from all over Europe descended on the town for some serious moustache twirling and drunken bouts of singing popular "hits from the shows" at 3am in the morning- most of them right outside our hotel window )

Anyhow apart from meeting the family for a few meals ( my elder sister, her hubby, my sister in law , my nephew and his wife and daughter had all decided to go to the "family "hotel when we were there!), we did very little but relax and "watch the world go by"

.....DID I TELL YOU IT WAS LOVELY?

me. sis. sister in law Jayne and bro  in law Tim

well it was.......

Anyhow we are back in blightly and I have started the long process of "counting the animals home" so to speak

So far Albert had reintroduced himself from his week alone with some uncharacteristic yowling and head rubbing and George has returned cheerfully from my sister's home where he has been spoilt rotten out of his little Scottish Terrier mind...

tomorrow I will count the field animals against my mental check list to see if any are missing and then I will and pick up the straggler animals from Eilys and William and Meg from the dog kennels and then and ONLY then, will I be back to normal......
* and YES I am covering my double chin