A Slippery Little Sucker

Last Night was a bitch of a shift,
Four admissions,one death, a staff at full stretch and at one slightly surreal moment, a broken sink tap and an unexpected flood.
As always, the predominantly Filipino staff soldiered on with good humour but by 8.30am after 13 hours on my feet I was ready to kick the shit out of the noisy monitor system without any hint of unprofessional irony.

George, being "quietly cheerful"

I had a 90 minute sleep covered in dogs when I got home then went out for a walk up the Gop then around the village where I bumped into the ever cheerful Sandra, who was out on her allotment.
"do you want an extra hen?" she called out as I passed "she's a good layer!"
"what's wrong with her?" I called back and Sandra explained that she was a constant escapee from her allotment hen house and an avid eater of young plants from not only her veg patch but from the vegetable plots from all her neighbours allotments
"she's a slippery little sucker" she laughed!
and so, remembering the film where the heroine uses a version of that line ..a new Rhone Island Red who has a passion for escapology will be arriving today. Her name? Vivian Ward....of course!
Now name that film?

The Peas Were Right

My favourite Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes' joke was told by the wonderful Frankie Boyle on some tv show or other a while back.
With his usual dour Scottish delivery he remarked that when he went to Tom and Katie's house for dinner he looked at his plate and Katie had written ,"Please help me" , with the peas.

Working later

hey ho

(variation see http://www.hark.com/clips/klxgbfhgkx-i-swear-you-can-see-katie-holmes-mouthing-help-me)

A Rat Under The Duvet and Other Stories

A couple of weeks ago I decided to kick alcohol on the head
It's been an easy decision to make for I have been thinking about it for several months, ever since my brother died in fact.
A large glass or two of a decent pinot a night can become a bit too much of a habit as you are unwinding with a good film, a good blog and/or a good Zombie Blood fest and now I have reached that "certain age", I feel it's time to take that final step towards a better and healthier lifestyle.
I think, for me, it's far easier to stop totally rather than just to cut down.....that half opened bottle of wine in the fridge is just too much of a temptation to finish off at the end of a busy day........do you know what I mean?

Andrew's premature death from motor neurone has been a catalyst for the re evaluation many of life's bits and bats, of that I have no doubt.as many other family members have reviewed what is really important to them in their own lives over the past six months ago.
It's not rocket science..but for me, it's time
I have not really missed it ...a fact .which has surprised me...and I am looking forward to my next proper weight watcher's weigh in so see if those non glugged fluid ounce  calories have had their desired effect.on my fat arse.......
oh to have the hips of a snake.........

.

Ps I rolled over in bed at around 7.00 am this morning and promptly came nose to nipple with this little chap who had been thoughfully deposited on chris's side of the bed (  and UNDER the duvet!!!!!!!!!)

That cat will drive me to drink!

The Peril of over tight Knickers

I was a youthful 21 when I realised that doctors were not infallible.

I was a first year student nurse on my first placement and the doctor was an elderly locum covering an "out of hours" admission to the psychiatric ward. The patient ( and there always has to be a patient in these cases) was a large, cheerful, red faced alcoholic on her uppers.

Now,I was acting as chaperone during the admission procedure ( yes I know I was and am a male...but at the time (1983) this small fact didn't seem THAT important) and given the fact that the doctor , I suspect, was showing off somewhat, the examination seemed to take an absolute age.

With incredible patience and good humour, I remember the patient answering every mind numbing question politely and in detail. She rolled her eyes only a couple of times when the doctor tried four times to draw blood and by the time she was asked to partially disrobe for her physical examination even I was getting bored by it all.

The elderly doctor gave the woman a good going over. He described this and noted that and so excited was he at having a captive audience in me, he obviously decided to teach me everything , he thought I needed to know about the body of a 50 year old woman!

After an age he pointed to the woman's ample abdomen and said rather pompously 

"look at this scar..absolutely wonderful surgical techniques have been used here.....see can you see it? it's an old appendix scar!...so neat....so precise"

The woman looked down to survey his findings and looked slightly worried

She grabbed my arm when the doctor turned away to wash his hands

and she mouthed at me

"I've never had me appendix out!"

It must have been a mark left by some over tight knicker elastic

A "Lovely Show"

I offered up 2 month's free eggs as one of the prozes of the Trelawnyd Carnival Raffle, so I was up early this morning to deliver this week's ration to the winner, who, by sod's law, has more poultry than I have.

Go figure that one!

Anyhow, as I was walking through the village, I noticed that the Conservation group had been hard at work planting out the flower beds outside the pensioner bungalows and on the small village "green"
It is, what old ladies from all corners of this sceptred Isle, would refer to as a "lovely show"

so I thought I would take a few photos of the new floral displays in situ, so to speak.

Chris and I keep meaning to help out with the conservation group volunteers, for it is their hard work which puts the "icing on the village cake "

I just hope that we eventually get a little sunshine soon.....the newly planted out flowers  and the veg in "my bosoms" despirately need it.

High Street

The Village green in dire need of some real sun

Having that all this..... as William and I made our way home past the parents dropping their kids off at the village school.....I had to sigh to myself, as yet again it started to rain

"The Rude Man with the dogs"

This is an open letter to the car drivers of Trelawnyd

To whom it may concern,
I am writing to you all to explain away my behaviour when I am out for a walk with my dogs between the hours of 6.45am-7.30 am and 9-00 pm-9.30pm.
You should recognise me as I am :-
-The only guy in the village that walks three dogs together
-I am a bit of a scruffy bastard
You should also remember me, because I am the chap that does not move too swiftly when you approach me in the lane.Please understand that I will make you slow down

I understand that sometimes you will become frustrated that I will hold you up somewhat before I amble to the side of the road to let you pass, but I must tell you here and now that I am not being "difficult" when I do this..... there is some method in my madness.

The reason I keep you all waiting is because of this little chap

His Name is Albert 

and he is four years old.

He is a small, difficult-to-see-in-the-dark cat who broke his right hind leg rather badly three years ago and the injury, which as mismanaged by the vet, has left him with a painful and stiff leg, a bad limp and healthy disregard for the local animal health care system.

It has also meant that when he accompanies us on our morning and evening "wee" stops, he sometimes finds it difficult to get out of the way of local drivers who occassionally act a little blasé when they use the lane as a cut through

So when you see me, lumbering in front of you, without a seeming care in the world, I am not being rude when I hold you up, I am , in fact, being a bit of a feline hero by preventing a funny little cat who resembles Sammy Davies Junior, from becoming another road kill statistic.

With Best wishes,
Happy Driving

John Gray

aged 50 ( and a bit)

Bwthyn-y-llan,

Trelawnyd

Where the Hell is Matt? 2012

Do you remember that rather sweet video of Matt dancing with a whole plethora of "locals " in his dance video from all around the world?
Matt's original video
well this is the updated version.....it's sweet, infectious and if bottled could solve all of the world's problems
( thanks dia)

Tall ones at the back please!

I love this photo

I love group photos period.

They amuse me
The recent bad weather has taken it's toll on the pensioner hens this month, I have lost five of my original girls who were all over six years old in just 2 weeks
The above photo is a collection of the Crackhead whores and the rescue hens

The photo has set me up for the day as I am gearing myself up for a bit of a bunfight down at the Nat West Bank this morning as my wages did not go into my account last Thursday.

We are living on a technical knife edge in the modern day computer "APP" age are we not?

All it takes is a computer f*ck up, and "goodbye civilisation, Hello Dark ages"....

Granny had a the best idea.......she put her cash under the mattress....

Anyhow, I hope that the Bank staff are better informed than the "lady" from the Nat West call centre I spoke to on Friday .All she kept saying is that she had not idea what was in fact happening.....

an honest answer for sure....but a useless one all told.

In the 1980s I was a bank clerk in Rhyl's Nat West. That was before the internet banking age, where our massive works computers resembled something out of a poor  Science Fiction movie.

Every bank had a manager, sub manager and an extensive staff of clerks to support it and the public....now, there will be just three white faced saucer eyed staff to face the worried and the disappointed general public this morning......

and  all the computer will say is "no!"