Thursday, 28 June 2012

The Peril of over tight Knickers


I was a youthful 21 when I realised that doctors were not infallible.

I was a first year student nurse on my first placement and the doctor was an elderly locum covering an "out of hours" admission to the psychiatric ward. The patient ( and there always has to be a patient in these cases) was a large, cheerful, red faced alcoholic on her uppers.

Now,I was acting as chaperone during the admission procedure ( yes I know I was and am a male...but at the time (1983) this small fact didn't seem THAT important) and given the fact that the doctor , I suspect, was showing off somewhat, the examination seemed to take an absolute age.

With incredible patience and good humour, I remember the patient answering every mind numbing question politely and in detail. She rolled her eyes only a couple of times when the doctor tried four times to draw blood and by the time she was asked to partially disrobe for her physical examination even I was getting bored by it all.

The elderly doctor gave the woman a good going over. He described this and noted that and so excited was he at having a captive audience in me, he obviously decided to teach me everything , he thought I needed to know about the body of a 50 year old woman!

After an age he pointed to the woman's ample abdomen and said rather pompously 
"look at this scar..absolutely wonderful surgical techniques have been used here.....see can you see it? it's an old appendix scar!...so neat....so precise"
The woman looked down to survey his findings and looked slightly worried
She grabbed my arm when the doctor turned away to wash his hands
and she mouthed at me
"I've never had me appendix out!"
It must have been a mark left by some over tight knicker elastic

27 comments:

  1. Now that's a cut that wounds...

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  2. Doctors Schmoctors. Last time I had a health check-up the sum total of their advice was to eat less meat (... I've been vegan for decades and plastered this all over the earlier paperwork and interviews ...)

    I think they are just taking the piss when they give you a paper cup and point you to a bathroom. When he sent me in there I fetched him a cup of water. Apparently the results said that my kidneys are natural fluorinators.

    Mind you, I was there on a day when they were obviously making black puddings, given the amount of blood they syphoned off.

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  3. Ha ! I was diagnosed with toncilitis once... seemed highly unlikely as I had my toncils out aged twelve !

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  4. I'm just recovering from a nasty cold. Well, I think it's a cold. Or it might just be the tight knicker elastic....

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  5. dentists too. when my own dentist was away I went to see his partner, who was horrified at the "tartar" in between my back teeth and ordered me to go to see the hygienist the following week, who pronounced my oral hygiene to be very good. Puzzling about it later, I realised the "tartar" was simply the biscuit I had eaten on my way to the lunch-hour dental appointment!

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  6. I thought she was going to say it was where she'd been knifed in a fight!

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  7. Goodness knows what surgical stockings might do to you!

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  8. I coulda done with some tight knickers when I was fishing the other day..... might keep them mozzies out!

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  9. As any truthful woman will tell you John - we all know the feeling.

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  10. Architects are just the same - in general.

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  11. The moral of the story is : showing off can lead to looking like a complete plonker.

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  12. Thanks for a good laugh at the end of the day :-)

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  13. "The elderly doctor gave the woman a good going over." Shouldn't you have reported him to the BMA? I mean, I know the lady had issues but he surely shouldn't have taken advantage of her like that... and while you were watching too! Disgusting!

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  14. It's all just a big guessing game, isn't it.

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  15. I went to a walk in clinic and had a student Dr take my details... I had a reaction to a mosquito bite.
    The 'real' Dr came into the room
    "Did you get it's name?".furrowed brows from me..."Did you recognise it?".
    I thought the Dr was a nutter.
    The student had diagnosed a dog bite...real Dr looked a complete prat...I found a GP really quickly.
    Jane x

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  16. Too close to home! Someone once asked me about my appendix scar when I was changing once, it was just a line where the fat bit had folded over as I was slouching in a chair!

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  17. My doctor's wonderful, but I'm still waiting for her to tell me I'm pregnant. She diagnosed just about everything else.

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  18. Or the quack in a French hospital emergency room picking up my husband's file and addressing him cheerily by the name of his illness...written on the folder by the triage nurse who all too obviously knew who she was dealing with....

    Bonjour, Monsieur Miller-Fisher....

    Then diagnosing bronchitis while husband sank into a coma on a trolley in the corridor...

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  19. Each time I went for my ante natal check-up (many moons (see what I did there?!)ago)at the local maternity hospital, I always went to M&S first to buy new knickers to wear. On one occasion, a very large and handsome African doctor proclaimed my pink and black polkadot numbers to be 'very feminine'! I didn't think doctors were allowed to comment on your underwear - maybe your doc was just being polite!
    ps Broody Hen's broody days are numbered - bottom-dipping and solitary confinement in sin bin is awaiting her tomorrow as we speak!

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  20. FITW
    miller fisher.....bloody hell... I have not heard of that for a while

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  21. I totally dislike doctors, would much rather see a nurse over the age of 30!

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  22. Methinks the old doc needed specs!

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  23. Hehe.
    You all have a wonderful weekend, John!

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