A Rat Under The Duvet and Other Stories

A couple of weeks ago I decided to kick alcohol on the head
It's been an easy decision to make for I have been thinking about it for several months, ever since my brother died in fact.
A large glass or two of a decent pinot a night can become a bit too much of a habit as you are unwinding with a good film, a good blog and/or a good Zombie Blood fest and now I have reached that "certain age", I feel it's time to take that final step towards a better and healthier lifestyle.
I think, for me, it's far easier to stop totally rather than just to cut down.....that half opened bottle of wine in the fridge is just too much of a temptation to finish off at the end of a busy day........do you know what I mean?

Andrew's premature death from motor neurone has been a catalyst for the re evaluation many of life's bits and bats, of that I have no doubt.as many other family members have reviewed what is really important to them in their own lives over the past six months ago.
It's not rocket science..but for me, it's time
I have not really missed it ...a fact .which has surprised me...and I am looking forward to my next proper weight watcher's weigh in so see if those non glugged fluid ounce  calories have had their desired effect.on my fat arse.......
oh to have the hips of a snake.........

.

Ps I rolled over in bed at around 7.00 am this morning and promptly came nose to nipple with this little chap who had been thoughfully deposited on chris's side of the bed (  and UNDER the duvet!!!!!!!!!)

That cat will drive me to drink!

The Peril of over tight Knickers

I was a youthful 21 when I realised that doctors were not infallible.

I was a first year student nurse on my first placement and the doctor was an elderly locum covering an "out of hours" admission to the psychiatric ward. The patient ( and there always has to be a patient in these cases) was a large, cheerful, red faced alcoholic on her uppers.

Now,I was acting as chaperone during the admission procedure ( yes I know I was and am a male...but at the time (1983) this small fact didn't seem THAT important) and given the fact that the doctor , I suspect, was showing off somewhat, the examination seemed to take an absolute age.

With incredible patience and good humour, I remember the patient answering every mind numbing question politely and in detail. She rolled her eyes only a couple of times when the doctor tried four times to draw blood and by the time she was asked to partially disrobe for her physical examination even I was getting bored by it all.

The elderly doctor gave the woman a good going over. He described this and noted that and so excited was he at having a captive audience in me, he obviously decided to teach me everything , he thought I needed to know about the body of a 50 year old woman!

After an age he pointed to the woman's ample abdomen and said rather pompously 

"look at this scar..absolutely wonderful surgical techniques have been used here.....see can you see it? it's an old appendix scar!...so neat....so precise"

The woman looked down to survey his findings and looked slightly worried

She grabbed my arm when the doctor turned away to wash his hands

and she mouthed at me

"I've never had me appendix out!"

It must have been a mark left by some over tight knicker elastic

A "Lovely Show"

I offered up 2 month's free eggs as one of the prozes of the Trelawnyd Carnival Raffle, so I was up early this morning to deliver this week's ration to the winner, who, by sod's law, has more poultry than I have.

Go figure that one!

Anyhow, as I was walking through the village, I noticed that the Conservation group had been hard at work planting out the flower beds outside the pensioner bungalows and on the small village "green"
It is, what old ladies from all corners of this sceptred Isle, would refer to as a "lovely show"

so I thought I would take a few photos of the new floral displays in situ, so to speak.

Chris and I keep meaning to help out with the conservation group volunteers, for it is their hard work which puts the "icing on the village cake "

I just hope that we eventually get a little sunshine soon.....the newly planted out flowers  and the veg in "my bosoms" despirately need it.

High Street

The Village green in dire need of some real sun

Having that all this..... as William and I made our way home past the parents dropping their kids off at the village school.....I had to sigh to myself, as yet again it started to rain

"The Rude Man with the dogs"

This is an open letter to the car drivers of Trelawnyd

To whom it may concern,
I am writing to you all to explain away my behaviour when I am out for a walk with my dogs between the hours of 6.45am-7.30 am and 9-00 pm-9.30pm.
You should recognise me as I am :-
-The only guy in the village that walks three dogs together
-I am a bit of a scruffy bastard
You should also remember me, because I am the chap that does not move too swiftly when you approach me in the lane.Please understand that I will make you slow down

I understand that sometimes you will become frustrated that I will hold you up somewhat before I amble to the side of the road to let you pass, but I must tell you here and now that I am not being "difficult" when I do this..... there is some method in my madness.

The reason I keep you all waiting is because of this little chap

His Name is Albert 

and he is four years old.

He is a small, difficult-to-see-in-the-dark cat who broke his right hind leg rather badly three years ago and the injury, which as mismanaged by the vet, has left him with a painful and stiff leg, a bad limp and healthy disregard for the local animal health care system.

It has also meant that when he accompanies us on our morning and evening "wee" stops, he sometimes finds it difficult to get out of the way of local drivers who occassionally act a little blasé when they use the lane as a cut through

So when you see me, lumbering in front of you, without a seeming care in the world, I am not being rude when I hold you up, I am , in fact, being a bit of a feline hero by preventing a funny little cat who resembles Sammy Davies Junior, from becoming another road kill statistic.

With Best wishes,
Happy Driving

John Gray

aged 50 ( and a bit)

Bwthyn-y-llan,

Trelawnyd

Where the Hell is Matt? 2012

Do you remember that rather sweet video of Matt dancing with a whole plethora of "locals " in his dance video from all around the world?
Matt's original video
well this is the updated version.....it's sweet, infectious and if bottled could solve all of the world's problems
( thanks dia)

Tall ones at the back please!

I love this photo

I love group photos period.

They amuse me
The recent bad weather has taken it's toll on the pensioner hens this month, I have lost five of my original girls who were all over six years old in just 2 weeks
The above photo is a collection of the Crackhead whores and the rescue hens

The photo has set me up for the day as I am gearing myself up for a bit of a bunfight down at the Nat West Bank this morning as my wages did not go into my account last Thursday.

We are living on a technical knife edge in the modern day computer "APP" age are we not?

All it takes is a computer f*ck up, and "goodbye civilisation, Hello Dark ages"....

Granny had a the best idea.......she put her cash under the mattress....

Anyhow, I hope that the Bank staff are better informed than the "lady" from the Nat West call centre I spoke to on Friday .All she kept saying is that she had not idea what was in fact happening.....

an honest answer for sure....but a useless one all told.

In the 1980s I was a bank clerk in Rhyl's Nat West. That was before the internet banking age, where our massive works computers resembled something out of a poor  Science Fiction movie.

Every bank had a manager, sub manager and an extensive staff of clerks to support it and the public....now, there will be just three white faced saucer eyed staff to face the worried and the disappointed general public this morning......

and  all the computer will say is "no!"

Evie's Christening

Mum Rebecca and Evie ( third from left)  my nephew Chris is far right

Being  middle aged old poofs, we are not really used to Christenings.As far as I recall they can be rather stiff affairs with one half of the congregation trying to look sombre as a host of small, scrubbed shiny children wriggle loudly in their parents' arms, desperate to be able to gallop around the aisles like puppies around a garden.
My great niece,Evie, was Christened today in Ormskirk's Catholic Church . At the very start of the proceedings the affable elderly priest,Fr Godric Timney, underlined just how informal he wanted things to be, and I suspect most of the congregation was just a little surprised just how informal it would be as he chatted away to us, the God Parents ( who her quizzed good naturedly about their roles) and to all of the children present, who he called up to the front of the church to participate in the proceedings.
Several of the children were given "jobs" to do. One was sent for the anointing oil, another held the Christening stole whilst another was sent packing to get the candles. It was a delightfully informal affair.
Towards the end of the "get together" ( I hesitate calling it a service), Evie, overshadowed the chattering kids at the front by crying away quite lustily and the Priest, who was obviously an old hand at these things sang out
"Bawl away Evie, I don't mind, for I have the microphone!!!"
It was lovely.
After the service we joined around 80 guests for a cracking meal at a local restaurant and by late afternoon we were winging our way back over the Welsh Border, both Chris and I asleep in the back of my sister's car, like a pair of big toddlers in our booster seats

and all I drank was diet coke!

Erddig and My Favourite Lesbian

Chris and I outside Erddig

Nigel and I 

Like Three middle aged old poofs Nigel, Chris and I all traipsed over to the National Trust House at Erddig for a mooch around the house, grounds and cafe. The rain held off and the trip proved to be a rather relaxing and enjoyable afternoon 
Speaking of middle aged old poofs.. here is a somewhat bawdy clip of my favourite lesbian Miriam Margolyes being interviewed a few years alongside the charming Stanley Tucci and the non-flavour of the month comic Jimmy Carr......
she tells a bloody CRACKING story
Enjoy x