OFFICIAL Somewhere over the Rainbow - Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwoʻole

Heard this on Maura's blog and its kind of stuck with me

Men with hammers and a sweet little kindness

Last night Geoff and daughter Helen came round to help me construct the goose house. It was all very testosterone, what with hammers being hammered and drills being drilled.

We had to build it in the cottage garden so we could use the electric drill so provided a somewhat chavi scene especially when Geoff started to swig some beer out of a can.

As we huffed and puffed with the timber 7 year old Helen amused herself with completing all of the uncompleted jobs on the field including filling all of the water feeders. She seemed to enjoy herself dragging heavy buckets to and fro.......it was lovely having a small slave for an hour or two

As it turned out the completed goose house is robust and rather impressive. Thanks to Chris and to my two sisters who bought it for me for my birthday.
The Small "village" of animal houses on the field now number 18.

So it looks as though it is going to be be another hot day (okok Tex not as hot as the Lone star state but hot enough for a lilly livered Welshman), I have a mountain of weeding to do and an even BIGGER mountain of paperwork to catch up with, Chris is a bit low, he is just about to board a plane to Halifax in Canada before flying on to Quebec, he hates being away from home.

After taking the dogs for their morning walk. I returned to the cottage to find a small carrier bag tied to the front doorknob. In it was a tiny beautifully wrapped homemade cake and a brief hand written note. It was from a lady in the village that I chat to occasionally (you know who you are) ; the note made me fill up....it said simply
"Just heard that you have lost your Maddie,

Chin up

x"

Laburnum lifts the mood

I feel a bit more human today. Chris had some old colleagues over for a visit this morning, so I have been busy being the hostess with the mostess....having said that I was not too busy to notice the stunning laburnum which is in full bloom in the Churchyard. It really does lift the spirits . This afternoon he has left for a weeks conference in Canada, so I am left with just the animals and all of their needs for company.
The temperature has soared up into the 70s, so I do not feel guilty at resting in doors this afternoon and I may have a quick snooze after I write this....after all I was up at 6am making sure the house was clean and tidy for our visitors!
Chris' friends were three senior nurse academics, so when they get together it is all talk about past nursing exploits.....all of the women agreed that nursing had changed way beyond recognition and made me laugh like a drain when they discussed working on a stroke rehabilitation unit in the early 1980s. At 5pm every evening before the patients were fed, the nurses would all get together in the office and all would treat themselves to a martini!!!! I had to giggle, not everything was better in the 1980s me thinks.

This afternoon I painted the tin cockerel on the field gate and touched up the goose house( below) before Geoffrey and I do some heterosexual male bonding and put it all together.

With Maddie dying I feel as though I have neglected the other animals for a while. This morning I still set out four bowls with dog food, but with coops to clean and water butts to fill, I just sighed and got on with things. Keeping busy is so therapeutic. I have made sure that I have put writing to Maddie's vets on hold for a while. Writing a complaint must be done in a measured and non aggressive way; I can't trust myself to be objective just yet

Pirrie got an extra cuddle this afternoon then was treated for lice and mites, and Theresa the female turkey "on loan" got her lice check up and dusting

I have wormed the rapidly growing chicks (below) and all seem a little stir crazy in their small pen. They are still too small at 2 months old to be let out with the old bruiser hybrids and the cockerels as yet but it won't be too long

In a week or so, the eggs beneath Blanche, Kate Winslett and Lilly should be hatching too....then the goose eggs in the incubator may well be piping....I have more than enough to keep me occupied it may seem

Thanks to everyone who left me a supportive comment on the blog over the past few days and to those that sent me emails and cards I send another big thank you.

I have been moved by the kindness of people and I appreciate it.

johnx

Another day, another dollar

I was up early this morning. After the dogs had their dawn walk they all scrambled back to bed for their usual lie in and my birthday was forgotten and life moved forward without Maddie.
Yesterday I was asked several times by people if the dogs would "miss" Maddie.
And after some thought, I realised that the answer is probably "no".
Maddie was third in the dog pack pecking order, and typically of bitches, she would fly briefly if challenged over food or indeed a stick, but her interactions with the other dogs generally was a little distant.
I have already set four bowls of food out on the kitchen worktops, and searched for that final lead before our evening walk, habits that will only be broken with some time. It will be a difficult period for a while, I understand that....we have been through all this before with Finlay, but this time I think Chris has been more deeply affected as Maddie was more "his girl" whereas Finlay was definitely "my boy".
As I look at the untidy knots of fur sleeping contentedly on the duvet, it is crystal clear to me, that dogs will always figure in this household despite the gut wrenching feeling of loss that accompanies their passing.
As I told a distraught Chris yesterday, the joy a dog gives you during its lifetime , in balance , outweighs totally that awful pain you experience when it "leaves"you ..........looking at the scruffy bundles asleep next to me, with tears just about to flow, I am still grateful for all what we have.

hey ho.... the sun is shining and the goose house needs painting before we put it together

Butternut squash and kissing coppers

Chris had already taken today off for my birthday, but neither of us really felt like celebrating the day very much. Bless, he tired to be upbeat with my cards and gifts but his and my heart was not quite in it, so we have spent the day pottering away the hours. He with some sewing repairs and me with planting out butternut squash and some very dirty duck house cleaning (Why are ducks so bloody dirty?)
We also took a cake and presents down to my sister ( remember I am a twin!) to celebrate her birthday but again our hearts were not quite in it, even though we tried to sound upbeat.

Chris did buy me a card that HE KNEW would bring a smile to my face, given the fact I am slightly obsessed with tv police shows. Below is Banksy's infamous "kissing coppers"....somewhere on his travels Chris had found a card with a copy of the stencil on it.....he knows me so well!

Tonight we will do nothing much...perhaps a couple of movies on dvd and a takeaway.

Thank you to everyone who has left a comment and has e mailed me.......believe me, I have found all the things said incredibly sweet and supportive

x.

A curve Ball

. Maddie, Meg and William

Maddie died suddenly this afternoon.
The vet said that she had been looking brighter and more comfortable all day and thought it had been a sudden cardiac event. I couldn't really speak to her on the phone but managed to tell her that I would pick her up immediately.
The sing song nurse was on duty, which was kind of unfortunate and I didn't trust myself to talk to her or to the vet, and picked Maddie up and left the surgery in silence.

We buried her on the field, and steve, the local gravedigger kindly and without any undue fuss came over and helped me dig her grave properly.

We shall miss our old girl..... Loyal and eager to please , she always lagged behind the others in everything she did, but had the spirit and a personality as big as a lion.
Below is a blog from last year: I think it remains a fitting tribute

http://disasterfilm.blogspot.com/2009/09/maddieevening-stroll-and-new-plans.html

I'm the mother

I came home from work, had an hour and a half's sleep covered in three dogs then got up bleary eyed to face the rest of the day.
When I asked Chris if he had contacted the vets regarding Maddie, he replied,
"You're the mother, that's your job!"
In his way, he is correct.
I do assume the more motherly role between the two of us. When Chris or any of the animals is sick, it is me that does the caring, me that wipes the fevered brow and me that cleans up the piles of poo (or in Maddie's case no piles of poo)
The mother role, of course, is a little more complicated than just completing nursing duties with a little warmth and empathy (humm Chris seldom gets any empathy from me). I always think that it also encompasses those little thoughtful touches that makes home a little more , well, like home.
So I guess, it is those nurturing flourishes that make the difference.
The flowers in the vase in the kitchen; the cat being well fed and wormed and asleep on the spare bed, the old kilner jars on the sideboard being cleaned and filled with pulses,grains and flour and the garden borders all neat and well kept next to the cut lawn.
My own mother was not a warm motherly influence in our lives, she was too brittle and a little too bitter to be able to fulfil that kind of role. it was my grandmother who, I am sure provided us all with the ideal role model when it came to mothering.

Anyhow I must have got it from someone...as today, I slipped back into "being mom" and rang the vets to check up of old Maddie.

I caught Zoe, the senior vet partner when I rang, who gave me a brusque yet pragmatic outline of what was happening.
Maddie had passed a very small amount of poo, was still on the drip and and needed to stay at the surgery for at least another two days or so. According to the vet, she has a very narrow pelvic opening which doesn't help with colonic transit time and agreed with me ( and Nigel) that the recent hot spell might of pushed her into mild dehydration which complicated the issue.
The nurses were walking her regularly and letting her rest outside to encourage her to squat, they had realised that the old girl is fastidiously clean and would refuse to open her bowels in her kennel.
so it is another couple of days wait, and a couple of days worry......

update 2

Just about the start the final slog (dog walking, filling water feeders, feeding the troops and broody intensive care- ie each of the broody hens, Kate Winslet, Blanche and Lilly must be lifted off their nests, sprinkled with water to wake them up then fed and watered before, muttering loudly to themselves, they stalk back to their eggs)
Maddie still has not had a proper bowel result, but apparently is much brighter in herself. The vet has added liquid paraffin to her meals as well as continuing with her other laxatives.
She remains on an iv drip and will be reviewed tomorrow at 9am.
My obsession with her bowels continues.