TikTok is rubbish

 ……but when you are lying on the couch with a poorly old dog , it sure makes you smile 

Mary slept with me again last night and remains a little shaky today . 

She’s eating and a tad breathless 

And the fire has gone out of her eyes 😒 just a little 

My old girl …..

Finlay, Meg and George

Both sides Now

 Mary collapsed this morning

One minute she was barking vaguely at a passing dog Roger had seen , and the next minute she was lying on her side in the throws of a fit. 

Her gums were blue

I scooped her up and we sat in the kitchen reading chair for an age. 

Roger’s nose pressed against my elbow 

Watching

And slowly things quietened and her breath came back to normal 

By midday she ate a small dinner of casserole beef and drank a beaten egg

She looked tired and had a wee on the living room carpet

This afternoon we listened to music on the couch, her head resting on my neck and I fed her bits of cheese which she took politely 

Bun joined us, or was it Weaver ? 

I still can’t be sure

Only one cat for the last week 

Joni Mitchell sang as we all fell asleep in a heap

Hey ho! 

How Green Is Our Valley

Richard Llewelyn wrote How Green Was My Valley even though he was English and seldom visited Wales.
I always thought that Sara Allgood who played mother Beth to be the only Welsh actor in the cast but recently I found out that she was indeed Irish. 

I always loved this scene, where her sons return home, even though , that house would have been a two up two down in real life

The rain that we’ve had overnight for the past two nights has lifted the countryside around Trelawnyd back into a hopeful green. Things feel fresh again. The Velvet Voiced Linda and her volunteers held an afternoon tea in the hall this afternoon . 

I missed it

I took a card round to the youngest Randa gal, who has got a’s and a+’s in every exam . I hear she’s planning a career in medicine. I’m so proud of that little girl who I used to make zombie cookies with and who brushed Winnie’s teeth with the Prof’s toothbrush. 

Ten years ago I wrote this blog about Liv 

Enjoy

“What made you laugh last?

Now, I'm not talking about a furtive titter at a joke, or a polite ha-ha in a casual small talk conversation here.
I am talking about an unrestrained, let rip chuckle or belly laugh that underlines a moment of pure mirth.
Yesterday I took the girls through the churchyard to see if the wedding flowers had been left around the Church door. Liv, who is Margo Channing in a 6  year old's body , skipped around the graves like an Marta from The Sound Of Music before asking about the large 13th Century Cross which stands on the South lawn.
" It's a prayer Cross" I explained, " it's where services were taken before the church was built"
Liv rolled her eyes theatrically then rather dramatically clasped her hands in prayer and knelt at the foot of the cross with all of the grace and chutzpah of a drag Audrey Hepburn in The Nun's Story.

Now this tickled me. I am not quite sure just why...I think it was all just too camp for one Wednesday afternoon to cope with , but I laughed a big belly laugh laugh all over the churchyard

When did you laugh last?
And why? ”

Let Not Poor Nellie Starve

Nell Gwynn by Jessica Swale , is a warm, witty, bawdy and at times moving romp into Nell Gwynn’s rise as London’s first leading lady actress. A former prostitute, hawker and orange saleswoman , this quick witted and humorous survivor of the slums developed as a talented actress through natural skill and sheer tenacity. Played with some gusto and cheeky charm  by Rose Shalloo the audience at the Grovernsor Out Door Theatre in Chester, warmed immediately to her rather moving scenes with King Charles 11 ( Guy Wolfe) and I think we all felt that we learned rather more about the characters than his final words of “ let not poor Nellie Starve”

 

Tony

 

Lunch out with a friend then more cinema today. We went to see the biopic Tony , which told a 1976 based snippet in the early life of Chef and writer Anthony Bourdain. 

Set during a summer in Provincetown Massachusetts, we meet Tony (Dominek Sessa) the entitled, selfish and generally obnoxious 18 year old as he drinks and does drugs whilst trying to impress university girl Nancy ( Emilia Jones). By change he meets a stern Latin seafood chef ( Antonio Banderas ) who employs him as a dishwasher and the older man, mentors the thoroughly dislikable teen and reigniting his own love of cooking, shares it with the famous- chef-to-be.

Banderas steals the acting honours here, his eyes twinkling charmingly behind his beard. Sessa is bravely conflicted as Tony, and British actor Leo Woodall is both attractive and repulsive as Tony’s kitchen sous Chef friend, Cal . 

The film isn’t as good as everyone would hope , but it’s an easy watch on a rainy ( thank god )day

Wednesday

 I didn’t much feel like counselling today, but I pulled up my socks and got one with things. I’ve seen three clients ,I’m glad, I always carry out a “ chemistry “ test on the first session with a get out clause for both of us, if the fit doesn’t feel quite right. 

You can’t fanny arse around with only seven sessions to play with

I bought pork mince on the way home and made spicy pork patties for supper, as I chatted to my old friend Nigel on video. Tomorrow I’m off out with my friend Ruth and Friday my sister and I are off the see Nell Gwynne at the outdoor theatre in Chester on Friday.

I need to use my holiday time well

I want to do something wholesome and just for myself at this time. I need to regroup and recharge.

I need it 

I’ve just bought two books Dead Now of Course by Phyllida Law and Grief is a thing with feathers by max Porter.

Porter’s book was suggested by a counselling client , who is grieving, I think it’s going to be useful professionally .

I will leave you with the art instillation at theatre Clwyd , the cardboard box city…quite lovely

 

Phyllida Law

She died yesterday ….🙀

On The Sea

 Set along the coast at Menai Straights, On The Sea is the very first gay Welsh film, I can remember seeing ever! It’s a serious, slightly bleak but surprisingly tender film, by writer/ director Helen Walsh who tells the story of middle aged Jack ( Barry Ward) who is a mussel fisherman feeling his age in a family business dominated by his boorish brother (Celyn Jones) 

Jack is a kind man, who worries about his slightly wayward teenage son ( Henry Lawfell) he has been with his wife (Liz White) since they were 16 and has never left Wales, but it is clear that he is quietly attracted to the Scottish deckhand Dan ( Lorne MacFadyen) the single crewman of his friend  fisherman Bernie ( Danny Webb) and they embark on a secret affair which is complicated by Jack’s health issues, and the tight knit Welsh community’s  reaction to gossip. 

There is little humour in this story and the cinematography by Sam Goldie is muted, and strangely devoid of colour save for one memorable scene where the two men are happy together on a sunlit trawler trip in the sea east of Anglesey .

Barry Ward is impressive in the lead role. And while Closeted and conflicted gay characters are not rare in cinema ,he makes Jack a complicated and sympathetic soul with his scenes with MacFadyen passionate and movingly tender.

The Finlay Memorial Cup

 Today is the first day of my holiday from the hospice. 

I’ve kind of wasted the day making mental to do lists, but on the positive side, I’ve also made a chicken and leek stew which I ate with some relish. Roger had a haircut and the stew leftovers 

Mary has a gippy tum , so had chicken and rice.

I’ve had to shampoo the bedroom carpet 💩💨..poor old gal

The First of the flower Show trophies was delivered home today. 

It’s the Finlay Memorial Cup a solid silver cup of good style and value

Seeing the cup again, prompted me to clean his headstone, tucked away by the agapanthus in the front garden 

And I will share this blog entry and memory of Finlay from 24 years ago

“

A Happy Dog

I was reading Yorkshire Pud's blog last night and was reminded of  an area in Sheffield I used to know very well. YP rented an allotment off Hagg Hill, which was the back road between the surburbs of Crooks and Walkley and Rivlin Valley which led into Hillsborough.
At rush hour these essentially country roads were often gridlocked with commuters so  the usual five minute journey across the valley could take a frustrating half hour or so.
Back in 2002, we had only one dog, a bouncy, lively Welsh Terrier called Finlay.
Finlay loved Traffic jams , for it was the only time he was " allowed" to drive the car.
Ok when I say drive the car, he used to sit on my knee with his paws on the steering wheel and his head sometimes out of an open window, a position of power where he could  watch the world move slowly by as we edged our way through the traffic home.
His happiness of this simple little treat always made my day.
On one of these treat days, We were spotted by the traffic police. I never saw the policecar behind me, so the sharp knock on the window threw me slightly
I wound down the window fully and Finlay stuck his head out to say hello to a slightly amused policeman
" What are you doing? " the policeman asked as Finlay smiled broadly at him with big goo goo eyes.
" He likes to drive" I said lamely
" Has he past his test?" The policeman asked
" well  no but , I do the peddles for him " I tried to be funny
" In the back" the policeman ordered with a smile, and before he walked back to his car he kissed a very happy Finlay very gently on the head.”

Finlay leading the charge with Meg and George

The End Of Oak Street

 

Set in an American Small town Suburb in 1982, this dino thriller is clearly a homage to Spielberg’s ET and Poltergeist as well as the obvious nod to Jurassic Park. The Platt family ( Anne Hathaway and Ewan McGregor) have a troubled marriage. Daughter Audrey (Maisie Stella) is finding her way before college and son Brian ( Christian Convery) worries about his parents and is bullied by local boys . 

The family dog Starbuck makes up the family. 

Suddenly a large circle of the  neighbourhood is inexplicably transported into prehistoric times, and the family has to band together in order to survive the resulting dinosaur threats. 

It’s a daft film, which entertains but doesn’t quite thrill. 

David Robert Mitchell wisely makes the family fallible. Closet lesbian Audrey hides in the garage to gain solace from the Steve Winwood song Valerie, Brian’s only injury comes from an encounter with the bully and father Greg wears some unforgivably nasty shorts and boring white y fronts 

The dinosaurs too are not quite Spielberg. We have slightly unbelievable. giant snakes, copulating herbivores being photographed by Hathaway( the most amusing moment in the entire film) , and quick moving crocodile lizards who know how to break into houses 

Ok the final message is pure optimistic Spielberg , family is everything , and always follow your heart and in the end 

Does the dog survive ? 

I can’t possibly say 

Help

 On the way to work last night, my phone screamed out the emergency text message .

It’s a  creepy sound.

Foreboding, 

I was driving so couldn’t look at the screen 

Nuclear war ? The zombie apocalypse ? 

Trump ? 

When I pulled up at the hospice 

The emergency screen said this 

My Welsh isn’t that good 

But even I could tell it’s a fire warning

Nu

Met Nu today at Bryn William’s at Theatr Clwyd

I needed it x

 

Ecipse

 Jenny from the village , is celebrating the eclipse in her own inimitable way. 

I sat myself by the kitchen wall as the skies dimmed and The Archer’s theme bounced away 

Dum de dum de dum de Dee

Things That Go Bump In The Night

 

Just after four thirty this morning I found myself suddenly wide awake.

Had there been a crash ? 

Or had I been dreaming? 

I lay in bed for a while. 

Mary was asleep , curled up on my right side. Bun next to her. 

Bun was awake and her head was up listening.

I gathered my urology piping and went to investigate 

Weaver was sat on my desk, with her eyes to the ceiling.

I could swear that she was whistling 

Lying smashed in the inglenook fireplace was my gargoyle 

His decapitated head in the centre of the hearth rug. 

When Weaver was a kitten , she would often hiss at the gargoyle’s angry face as he sat quietly watching the room. She wasn’t keen on my dinosaur pottery figure either and even the stuffed dog toy I bought in Kenmare when I visited Nu had been spat at and cuffed as he sat in his box behind the sofa

I flicked two fingers up at Weaver who was pretending to ignore me and placed the gargoyle’s head on the mantlepiece

 

Where do u want to be John ?

Just worked a long day shift

I’d like to be in Madrid , 

But in the Autumn.

When it is cooler

I miss Dorothy tonight, who used to lick my feet until they tingled

I’ve been on my feet all day.

Weaver is in a particularly nasty mood tonight

As Bun greeted me with a yowl when I got out of Bluebell smelling of sweat and death

She sat low in the gloom of the weeping laburnum tree in the back garden 

And scowled 

Mary is not well tonight ,

I’ve given her pain killers 

And her breathing is now easier❤️

This was her twelve years ago 

When she sat in my paella bowl 

 

Timing

 

Jesus, sometimes planets just don’t align do they ? 

Today a friend of three years , called in on his way past from a holiday in Ireland .

He messaged me out of the blue.

I haven’t seen him for over a year, and when we last met, any potential romance wasn’t on the cards as he was negotiating a drama ish break up of his own and even though I fancied him rotten way back then , I accepted the situation with some measured maturity I thought 😕…yeah! 

Today , I fed him tea and cakes, and we talked films and theatre and gossiped and laughed about life in general and his past year regrouping and when he got up to go, he totally surprised me, on the doorstep with a kiss that could have floored a Disney Princess

“I ‘ll call you” he sang out as he walked to his car, waving

My cheeks were burning….

Jesus, I thought , I hadn’t expected that at all …..and I noted that I hadn’t mentioned the surprise of the kiss as well as the presence of the fucking catheter once

And before you comment dear reader 

They are important details…….

Hey fucking ho

Je Crois Entendre

 In 1988 I saw my very first Opera.

It was The Pearl Fishers by Bizet

One aria Je Crois Entendre, “ I think I hear”

Will always remain one of my most favourite pieces of music 

Sung below so beautifully by Pene Pati

I still believe I hear
hidden beneath the palm trees
her voice, tender and deep
like the song of a dove
oh enchanting night
divine rapture
delightful memory
mad intoxication, sweet dream.
In the clear starlight
I still believe I see her
half drawing her long veil
to the warm night breeze.
Oh enchanting night
divine rapture
delightful memory
mad intoxication, sweet dream.
Charming memory.

Family

 Yesterday, we celebrated my brother in laws’ 78th birthday. It was lovely to catch up with family, my niece and great niece and her partner in particular , all of whom I haven’t seen in an age as I’m usually working on weekends. 

It was nice to show off too, because, out of nowhere,  I was suddenly pricked by the ghost of my story telling mother last night, and launched myself in a few village tales to a new audience .

Hey ho

 

A Pack Of Welsh Wolves

 

Regular readers will know that I seem to have an eye for the sweetest of small human moments. I’m recalling one such moment now, from the village tea party of a few weeks ago. 

A friend to many in the village , is a chap called Nick

A bright and lively man, Nick, is facing a rare neurological illness which has affected him physically and psychologically, but still he arrived with a friend to the party and seemed immediately surrounded by more male friends from Trelawnyd. 

I watched them carefully, and was reminded of the close bonds forged by the male pack members of a wolf family. 

Without fuss, one friend brought a chair, another a drink and yet another put a gentle hand on a shoulder as they chatted away, watching the band play and the visitors gossip. 

As one pack member moved away, another took his place and for a group of Welsh men, not always known for their emotional intelligence , I saw a great deal of love and care in those simple interactions. 

I too joined the pack circle that afternoon, and thought at the time just how lucky I am to be a part of such a group of such genuine people .

Just a thought

For all my.  Friends 

 

For Roger and. Mary 

For the German 

For me