When I at work, I touch people constantly.
I wash and I turn people in bed hourly and will sometimes take my latex glove off to comfort someone, certainly to stroke a brow or tidy a hair which is out of place .
I hear my old tutor from my psychiatric nursing days at these times….
“Being stroked by a gloved hand can be painful and unnatural “ Leslie Brint would say
There are social rules when it comes to touch too,
Some people abhor it.
Others crave it
You have to read people effectively and quickly
Safe “ zones” for touch are innately understood by most
But not always.
Watch out for cues
Huggers often give them
People in grief often regress to childhood states
When touch can heal most things
I don’t hug when I’m counselling.
It’s my strict rule.
But I do always shake hands with my clients.
It’s formal but warm
I like handshakes.
I’m off to work, shortly
With Roger on my knee as we sit at the kitchen table
He’s like me, when it comes to hugs
But he can ask for them where I seldom do
I’m glad he can
Lovely post, John. I always remember the few people who not only shook my hand, but brought their left hand to briefly cup my right hand that was being shaken. It was heartwarming.
ReplyDeleteHoping you have a peaceful shift and safe travels.
Hugs!
Touch is so important, as you know, John. I was just visiting an elderly woman whom I occasionally Oma-sit. She is recuperating from a surgery and was in great discomfort when I saw her in the convalescent hospital. I alternated between gently stroking her shoulder and arm for a good portion of my visit.
ReplyDeleteI do hug my loved ones, although my son in law doesn't like hugs, so I suggested we choose something he's comfortable with (handshake, fist bump or whatever) that means the same to us. He now lets me briefly hug him. We're making progress!
ReplyDeleteHair strokes remind me of when I was a child and feeling unwell. Very comforting. Sometimes a touch can say so much. xx
I wasn't hugged as a child but always hugged my children. That is until my first husband involved me in things that made me feel unclean. I stopped hugging then!
ReplyDeleteI think it is more difficult now to know when touch will cause offence. I remember one man going to shake hands and my reaction was a step backwards We had a minister who gave bone crushing, manly, handshakes even after I told him that I had painful finger joints. It stopped when I told him very loudly, so the whole congregation heard, that if he did it again I would administer a womanly knee where it would hurt.
ReplyDeleteInstinctive reaction was to step backwards out of reach. We are conditioned as women to be polite, but some male touch feels quite threatening.
DeleteHugging is good for people, not only emotionally but physically as well, it raises oxytocin levels. I was not raised by huggers but became one. I do ask if I don't know the person though because as you said, not everyone likes hugs.
ReplyDeleteWell I know you didn't ask for one but I'm sending one to you right now.
ReplyDeleteXO
Hugs from afar.
ReplyDeleteThat was a lovely post John ,you are such a thoughtful person! I always hug my husband ,son and grandson! And I think that hugs from our pets are so true and full of the love they have for us! I do miss my cats hugs every day. still miss him he was such a loving cat! Hope you have a good night at work John! Love and Hugs from Mary D
ReplyDeleteI had a therapist once, the best I ever had, the one I think saved my life, and she would sometimes ask if I needed a hug which was respectful and yet so kind.
ReplyDeleteI always did.
I shake hands, can manage a NY style air kiss. Hugs are stilted and offered only to very close family. Gloves on medical personnel are fine, required even--better yet they don't touch at all. Pls introduce yourself by name a station. On the other hand, a new phenomenon [my mom saw it first], doctors and nurses who look only at their tablets or laptops, no attention given at all. last visit to GP I ended up saying [to his hunched back] Am I talking to myself? So..my needs are simple, shake my hand, look me in the eye, don't touch me and pls don't kick the foot of the bed to wake me up esp in the hospital.
ReplyDeletePS Is Mary still w T Carol? Or did I miss something? I hope she is okay?
ReplyDeleteI was raised in a very cold family. I married into a family of huggers-oh the shock. I hug my children and husband and people I think need it but I'm still not much of a fan of being on the receiving end. Except of course for dog cuddles which I love.
ReplyDeleteI was raised in a small family that did not touch, did not hug or express emotions physically or verbally ever...and it took me a while once I left home at age 18 to learn and appreciate the art of touch...was a whole new world for me. You mention you seldom ask for hugs yourself....but my suspicion is that they are offered often, given and gladly accepted by you. Yes?
ReplyDeleteSusan M/ Calif.
I'm a hugger who doesn't much like being hugged herself. I think it's because I like to do the selecting.
ReplyDeleteI do like hugs and get plenty of them from my adult sons, friends and at church. I read that Mary Oliver had it in her poetry workshop work contracts that her dog must be allowed in the room. The poetry students really blossomed when they met her dog. Could you bring your dog Roger when you do counseling?
ReplyDelete