On Valentine’s Day, the mental health charity “ Calm” shared some important research.
In it, they found that nearly half of men never say “ I love You” to a friend.
The research,co funded by a brewery company, didn’t make it clear that they were talking about male/male relationships exclusively ( I suspect men find it easier to tell a female friend that they love them, and visa versa) but I liked the initiative championed in The Guardian last week, to tell a friend that you love them.❤️
I’ve been reflecting on my own ability to tell my own male friends that I love them, and tonight, as I was quietly sitting with a patient in the wee small hours, I listed my closest male friends and tried to remember if I had shared this simple but vital piece of information with them
Mike, Colin, John H, Nigel, Ben, Marcus, Jim,Mick
Four I had shared my feelings for, sometimes after a drink mind you and four I hadn’t.
But this simple exercise got me to thinking of my female friends , and family, and people who I may not love per se, but whom I think of fondly and with affection.
How many people do we properly share our feelings with?
Answers on a postcard please
I tell my close and favorite family members who keep in touch with their old great aunt. Recently a very special friend to me for years became seriously ill… I told him after many conversations during the crisis as I wanted him to know in case he did not make it. I would know the last thing I told him was that he was loved.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up, my mother never once said to me, "I love you" Hard to know why...she was a child of the depression, World War II, hard times, repressed feelings, and perhaps an example of her generation? When she turned 80ish, out of the blue, she told me I was always very much loved. It meant everything. It's never too late. X
ReplyDeleteI come from a very reserved family, certainly my parents never said they loved me/ us kids[and perhaps did not?]. I tell my children and my dog I love them, and long ago I'd tell my now-ex-husband I loved him---he'd say 'so what? who cares, what have you done for me lately?'
ReplyDeleteHow do your friends react to the revelation--pleased or baffled? You're such a warm person.
My parents might have told me once in my life that they loved me but I've never questioned it.
ReplyDeleteI dont think I've ever told a friend I love them but I believe I show up for them when it counts
My wife often asks "Do you love me?", to which I always give the typical male reply "Of course I do!". I suspect this is as far as most men go. Of course I do love her dearly.
ReplyDeleteI would never tell a friend I loved them. I loved Ray, and I very much regret not telling him more often. I do tell my tenants Phyllis and Kosov that I love them, and I do, kind of like children, but I don't have authority over what they do.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I say I love you several times a day. I tell my children I love them. I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable telling a friend that I love them, though. I might phrase it more along the lines of appreciation. xx
ReplyDeleteI feel uncomfortable saying those words out loud, except to my sister.
ReplyDeleteThose people you show your love to, by sharing the good and bad times, words can be forgotten actions stay with you.
ReplyDeleteyes.
DeleteI don't recall if you've ever actually said those words to me but I do know you mean them and have shown it in so many ways over the years - Bel Ami
ReplyDeleteAn interesting post John. I didn’t have a childhood where it was said as such, you were expected to just know by actions I suppose. It wasn’t a very demonstrative upbringing. As an adult I.. struggle with saying the words to friends, it makes me feel anxious and I tend to overthink it. I am working on it though and my friends are aware that just because I say it rarely, doesn’t mean I don’t love and value them - I’m just a bit awkward. With family that was harder, I was a teenager when I hugged my mum for the first time since I was very young, now we hug all the time and always sign off texts with a love you. My siblings, we have an odd relationship of tolerating each other and at a surface level we are friendly but I couldn’t confidently say we loved each other. My wife and children I say it frequently and easily, they are the ones I’ve never once had an issue with saying it or with showing physical affection which is how it should be I think.
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