Neighbour Totoro


Weigh ins are on a Monday morning.
Like an old boxer before a fight I stand on the kitchen scales in my under crackers
And pray I’m the desired weight.
This week I’ve lost 6.2 lbs 
There’s a lot to be said for a diabetic diet.

I have a busy week before going to see Nu next Monday
I’ve been distant with her which has been related to me not feeling well, a complicated reaction to a physical malaise. 
I’ve felt ashamed at my weight gain, my lethargy and my need to hide away and
She has been patient with me, just waiting for me to return or not, without drama or guile
So I’m returning to London next Monday to see her and to take her to the theatre.

In between now and seeing her, I’m busy. Today after taking Trendy Carol’s Hubby for a hospital appointment, I’m going to my counselling centre to complete the miles of paperwork demanded of us “ counsellors”. Tomorrow I’m in University then I’m having my personal counselling later afternoon. My 80 year old counsellor has been ill since Christmas, only bouncing back to work this week.
I’ve missed her Irish brogue and quiet wit, and now have the energy to climb the steep stairs to her cold apartment where we sit infront of the fire and talk.
Wednesday I’m working a full day shift at the hospice and Thursday I’m seeing clients in MIND.
Friday I’m on a one off night shift, a favour to a colleague

Monday we are going to see the return of My Neighbour Totoro which wowed the west end over two years ago now, it will be lovely if we enjoy it. But theatre doesn’t matter much really, it’s Nu , who I’m going to see

76 comments:

  1. Jackie12:59 pm

    Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver the other gold. Congrats on the weight loss!

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  2. Anonymous1:06 pm

    I enjoy these “ reflective” posts . You know yourself very well, and you describe those insights with the minimum of words

    Lee

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    Replies
    1. You put into words just what I was thinking Lee

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    2. Kindle and Kath, I’m getting better at self reflection

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    3. Anonymous9:33 pm

      Keith here
      I’d like to meet Lee
      I think the same and I mirror a lot of her ideas
      Come back to NewYork John , I will meet you both in Manhattan , it’s a train ride from Ohio
      Xx

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    4. I hope to visit New York in the next year God willing so I’m on for it keith

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    5. Anonymous9:47 pm

      I’m an unashamed old fag hag so if you are gay Keith
      Im says fucking yayyyyyy!

      Lee

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  3. Seems that the line of your life graph has taken a dip in recent days. Seeing your old friend Nu should give you a necessary boost. Sharing your most private stuff with her will again prove that "a problem shared is a problem halved". Chin up old chap!

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    1. I’ve reviewed my posts for the week and I wonder if you can see something I can’t
      Xx

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  4. The background feeling unwell, has a much wider impact than the physical being. We/I am glad you are feeling better.

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    Replies
    1. I’m feeling miles better than I did, I have energy and optimism

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  5. Nu is a true friend who doesn't demand anything from you other than friendship. She obviously realises (possibly better than you) that you have needed time and space. She might not recognise the slim man who greets her! The weight loss seems to be giving you a bit of a spring in your step! Well done!
    PS I think most of us have been there with the scales. Cut finger and toe nails and trim hair. Strip down to the bare (!) minimum and breathe in! If only it was that simple. Sigh! xx

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    1. I’m not slim as yet, as at my heaviness I was 22 stone !!!!! I’m now 19.5

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    2. My hubby was over 20 st at one point. He's now around 13. You're on the right trajectory! xx

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    3. That’s encouraging

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    4. He's now got ribs!🤣 xx

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  6. Glad you are feeling better and ready to get out with friends again. Keep up the good work!

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    Replies
    1. Will do, I don’t want to return to that fatigue EVER

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  7. Anonymous2:09 pm

    Congrats on the weight loss. Hard to lose weight, but so easy to gain. You are keeping yourself busy. Glad you are going to see Nu. Friends are tonic for the soul. Cali

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    Replies
    1. Nuala has ALWAYS been my touchstone

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  8. Seeing Nu and enjoying your time in London will be great.
    I'm glad you are feeling better, and your weight loss is very impressive.

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  9. You are diabetic and your sugars were high, of course you were lethargic John. I wonder if men struggle more with their body's giving them a hard time than women. Women have to contend with periods, PMS, babies (not everyone), and menopause. Our bodies give us the royal run round at times, but maybe that helps us to have more compassion for when things go off the rails? I don't know. I shouldn't assume every women's journey is the same. Anyway, I'm glad you're feeling better, glad you have more energy, and glad you are going to see your friend Nu.

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    Replies
    1. Men are babies when unwell and in pain, of course women cope better, ( perhaps they don’t as they suffer more neurosis )

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    2. Anonymous11:40 pm

      Women struggle mentally because a lot of the mental and domestic load of daily life is on them, on top of which they are not safe when out or in many cases at home either (statistically one of the most dangerous places for women.) We work harder and get paid less and get daily microaggressions that wear us down. ("That guy is so cowardly he should be wearing a dress" the latest one I heard.) We are judged too fat too thin too neat too scruffy too talkative too quiet too many kids not enough kids etc etc. Our husbands frequently blame us for every time they aren't happy, even if it is actually something at work that is doing it. Then we are taught that not coping is a weakness. No wonder we get "neurotic".

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    3. Neurotic wasn’t a criticism

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  10. Your weight loss is impressive and I am sure it will give you a much needed boost seeing Nu.

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  11. I always look at weight loss and gain as potatoes. 6.2 pounds is a lot of potatoes! I’m trying to gain back muscle weight. Last year at this time I weighed over 13 stone and wanted to trim off a couple of pounds. I now weigh a tad over 12 stone and my clothes are all loose. So glad you’ll be with Nu. I’ve always loved that friendship.

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  12. Well done on the continued weight loss! The week should fly with all you have packed into it.
    Enjoy your visit with Nu!
    Hugs to you and head scratches to Bun, Weaver, Mary & Roger.

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    Replies
    1. Weaver sat on me in bed last night and allowed for me to give her a good scratch

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    2. Traveller8:57 pm

      That is a break through!

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    3. Glad to hear Weaver is becoming friendlier. 😊

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  13. Barbara Anne3:43 pm

    Congrats on the weight loss. Hope the new healthier diet is still full of delicious tasting foods.
    As one who deals with lupus fatigue daily and non-restful sleep nightly (why nap?), I can say that fatigue can really get you down. It's annoying to accomplish so little because you need to sit. On the other hand, I read a lot and love that!
    Seeing Nu and enjoying the theater together will be just the tonic you need. It's been too long.

    Big hugs!

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    Replies
    1. I think you start to live with the fatigue and it overwhelms and affects everything rather insidiously

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    2. So true. Sigh!

      Hugs!

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  14. You are to be commended for that weight loss. Enjoy your weekend with Nu. Your posts sound more alive these days. Before they'd begun to take on a weary plodding tone, as if you were simply getting through your days. I am glad to see this change.

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    1. A weary plodding tone , oh lord !!!!

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  15. It's a shame the weight loss is treated as a public shameful humiliating weekly ordeal, instead of a private celebration of success. You are doing great, uge weight loss in short time. Positive vibes. Be proud!

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    Replies
    1. Strangely I’m not hungry
      Today I’ve had Greek yogurt and berries, lunch was scrambled egg and supper hummus, green beans and cheese

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    2. Jo in Auckland10:13 pm

      Eating protein in the morning in the form of yoghurt instead of empty carbs like toast will keep you feeling fuller for longer. I can never understand the NHS penchant for pushing empty carbohydrates onto their diabetic patients; going with the mantra of eating 6 small meals a day etc full of pasta, bread, potatoes and the like. All of those spike blood sugars like nothing else will and leave patients tired and lethargic and needing more insulin.

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  16. Give your good friend Nu a big, BIG hug!

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  17. Anonymous4:44 pm

    Happy that Nu waited for you to come out the other end. Your wait loss is mighty impressive. Hugs. Gigi

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  18. So glad that you are feeling able to see Nu again. You are making good progress in your new self care and Nu understands. Don’t let blessings go unrecognized. Have a good trip.

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    Replies
    1. I will, visiting her is long overdue

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  19. Traveller5:22 pm

    Good to see you back with a spring in your step.

    Agree with Lee, your self reflective posts are interesting and probably make some of your readers do a bit of the same.

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    Replies
    1. I blame supervision, and personal development sessions

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  20. I loved "My Neighbor, Totoro," for what it's worth -- but you're right, Nu will make it fun no matter what. :)

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    Replies
    1. I’m glad of this endorsement Steve.i was in two minds

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  21. Anonymous7:38 pm

    I sense your new beginning and a renewed lightness in your blog, well done you. Jan in Castle Gresley

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    Replies
    1. Oh lord , was it that glum ?

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    2. Anonymous10:19 pm

      No John never ever glum, but reading and a little analysis on your blog I sensed some unease in you, thoroughly understandable, so now the health and weight issue is resolving you are emerging in to a different light - bloody well done. Jan

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  22. A good week's plan and a well deserved trip.

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  23. Anonymous10:08 pm

    Lovely plans. Totoro was a favourite with me and the grand children. For a long time we had a large Totoro who was large, well loved,, soft, and nice to lean on when books were being read. Your counsellor sounds great, Nice to have someone you trust and can open up to. Spring is in the air and new beginnings. Good wishes. Jean in Winnipeg.

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  24. Can you tell me who Nu is, in your life? Relative, fellow counselor, just a good friend? Enjoy your trip to London.

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  25. This post came off to me as melancholic and hopeful at the same time. I hope your time with Nu goes well.

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  26. Well done on your weight loss. Last year I was diagnosed Type 2 not surprised lots of diabetes in our family and my eldest son is Type 1 from 11 years old. Any how since diagnosis just on diet no meds and my blood sugars gone down amazingly and I've lost 2 and half stone. Feel so much healthier and doctor very pleased with me. Well done you. Regards Sue H

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  27. Karla1:02 pm

    It is lovely that you have your Nu, a friend with whom you can pick right up and feel so very safe with, no matter what's going on in your life. We all need a friend like that, John. So glad you're feeling better and releasing that which no longer serves you. We need to feed our bodies, our minds and our souls. It takes some work and some suffering to figure it all out, that's been my experience.

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  28. Anonymous2:58 pm

    A healthy weight loss is 2 lbs per week otherwise you are losing from muscle. As the heart is a muscle perhaps you should get some advice from a professional in the nutritional field.

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    1. Anonymous3:27 pm

      perhaps you should add your name and credentials.

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    2. Point taken but I’m listening to my body

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    3. And as a diabetic I will be losing fat

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  29. Your post is very great.i read this post this is a very helpful.

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  30. i will definitely go ahead and take advantage of this.

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  31. You absolutely have wonderful stories.

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