Old Man

 I cannot abide people behaving badly in public

Men can be lumbersome and stupid when drunk but women, can be just as bad in their own way and can infuriate me more by hiding behind their sex.

Last night before getting home, the sanctuary and quiet of an intercity train was broken by joining aviva trails wales. 

It’s like the Wild West.

A large good natured hen party got on the train and the crowded carriage grew loud with squeals and laughter. 

That was mildly annoying but acceptable, it went with the flow but as the hen party separated into two groups, one younger faction joined a load of Irish scouts on the floor of the vestibule next to the loo and outside doors. Sending people wanting to get off in the opposite direction. 

Near our stop , one man in his forties was stopped in his tracks when he tried to get past the party sat on the floor, something I wasn’t having, so I moved past him with a not unfriendly but assertive “Come on  People EVERYONE UP! “

No one moved, and I was faced by twenty pouting lip faces

“ We are getting off EVERYONE UP ! Now !” I repeated 

Somewhat groggily the girls got to their feet but still filled the aisle so no one could get passed 

So like Hattie Jaques in a Carry On film I bellowed “ Everyone to the right” and I led the passengers towards the doors like Moses did with the Israelites out of Egypt

It was was then that the how dare he ‘s ? started

One woman yelled “That rude old man can’t speak to us like that!” 

And Janet suddenly pissed herself laughing as did I ! 

We mouthed “ Old man” together at each other and laughed loudly.

The Scouts and girls started muttering and geared themselves up for a fight, but was wrong footed by our chuckles

By the time we walked onto the platform, we were hysterical in laughter

Janet pointing to me cackling “ You RUDE OLD MAN!”