“Can’t you see I’m disabled ?”
The shouted comment was like waving a red flag to a bull,
I have spent most of my adult life working with “disabled” people
and I absolutely hate when disabled people use their disability as an answer to everything
“There’s nothing wrong with your eyes” I countered, a reply that sent the man puce
Perhaps you need some context here
The car park at Prestatyn beach. I am parked in a regular parking spot near the promenade with the doors open, waiting for a dithering Mary to jump into Bluebell
Roger was staring out to sea looking somewhat gormless
The man in the large disabled cart was making a slow wide turn over several empty spaces in order to return to his wife, daughter and their Labrador. He had been barking brusque orders at his family for ten minutes or so, which had irritated me, as I had followed him up the Prom back to the car park.
He came so close to Roger, that the poor sod jumped and whimpered ( he is a wuss) but my paternal juices started flowing hence the sharp( but not unfair)
“ Watch where you’re going!”
The rest you already know, except for the hysterical turn the man then took.
With his voice going up at least two octaves he instructed his wife to take Bluebell’s registration number
“ Get it on your phone Jean !” He yelled making another pass
I felt that I had turned over my wagon and the Indians were circling
But by the look of things Jean didn’t look too bothered.
He kept shouting about discrimination,
I told him for the last time to watch where he was going, which I didn’t need to
And so it continued
Now the man had brand new trainers on so cheap Shoes would have been inappropriate comment so would have been my usual and usually effective Jog On put down , so I resorted to
“ knock Yourself Out” before getting Roger in.
He was still swearing and circling when I drove off , so didn’t notice when the world weary Jean mouthed the word “ Sorry” as I passed her.
Ps 
The village Male voiced choir is in Swansea today , singing centre stage before the six nations Rugby match between Wales and Italy.
Poor Jean
ReplyDeleteMy assessment of her #situation could be way off the mark, but I’m pretty good at judging a room when I walk into one
DeleteAn arsehole is an arsehole whatever their abilities. But then, you already know that! xx
ReplyDeleteThere are rules written and unwritten
DeleteDH worked in a spinal cord unit decades ago and said some people in wheelchairs are a-holes. Apparently you met one of them. And, yes, poor Jean!
ReplyDeleteGlad you were able to leave without more bother, but the serene sea-side was rather the poorer for him.
Hugs!
I’ve taught many people to “ use” a wheelchair .
DeleteThe first thing is to teach them to use it safely and appropriately
Oh John isn’t it always the case of some people thinking they are more entitled🤷♀️. My maternal gran always said ‘manners and smiles will carry you miles’ it is just a shame that some folks cannot grasp the idea. Jan in Castle Gresley
ReplyDeleteEntitled perhaps
DeleteAngry definitely
What a jackass! I too, feel sorry for Jean.
ReplyDeleteI suddenly felt very sorry for Jean. And it’s an interesting discussion to have. Disability especially chronic issues, often bring the more negative traits out in human nature. Irritability and impatience and lack of control , can allow pain and discomfort to dictate behaviours never usually seen and if that’s a daily problem , well then it’s a massive thing for the carers, family members and sufferers themselves.
DeleteI saw controlling and aggression in his behaviours with his family.
Nature or nurture
It's frustrating when people use their disability as an excuse for everything, especially when it's unwarranted. Your encounter at the car park sounds like quite the ordeal, but you handled it with composure. It's important to stand up for yourself and not let others bulldoze over you, regardless of their circumstances. Hopefully, the man learned a lesson about respect and consideration for others.
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised by you posting this and your reaction to the disabled man. As you'll well know 'not all disabilities are visible' and the man may have mental issues besides physical ones. We could all be a bt more sympathetic and patient.
ReplyDeleteThere's no excuse for rudeness irrespective of disability.
DeleteDo you know that You have to have an acceptable level of eyesight equivalent to a car driver to use a large disabled cart which may be used on the public road . Remember Roger could have been a baby in a pram
DeletePoor Jean, poor Roger, and perhaps poor disabled man (who potentially would be nicer if he wasn't so unhappy/uncomfortable). He does sound lacking in charm.
ReplyDeletececi
Absolutely , we all have to rub along,
DeleteWhat a foul person he is - disability or not x 💩
ReplyDeleteNot foul Flis, just unlikable
DeleteOh anon, you are so right but the argument goes both ways and we all have equal rights remember that …equal
ReplyDeleteHusband worked in a spinal unit for a while as a student. One of the patients told him "Just because we're in wheelchairs, it doesn't make us nice people." I echo, poor Jean.
ReplyDeleteI worked in one for 18
DeletePatronising patients was something we never did
Why use the word patronising? It was a patient who said this.
DeleteThe spinal injury rehab of patients was devoid of patronisation . It started with idea that we are all equal .
DeleteAn example of Saint John not behaving like Saint John
ReplyDeleteJesus what a shitty thing to say
DeleteLee
He’s never said he was a saint. The man was rude and thought he was entitled to use his disability to excuse his behaviour. Poor Jean.
DeleteInteresting….the reference to Saint John.
DeleteInteresting ? Hardly
DeleteInteresting because it gives away who the anonymous is- the wording is the same. Not very clever “anon”
DeleteAm I missing something?
DeleteOh, I am missing something too. Patiently waiting for blanks to be filled in.
DeleteA dead leg and a Chinese burn would have also worked. I hate people like him.
ReplyDeleteWere you a public schoolboy Gary? Lol
DeleteSadly all boys private school.
DeleteLol
DeleteI bet Jean would like to show him the edge of a cliff, really close up.......x
ReplyDeleteSome people are just c@@ts !
ReplyDeleteTayz x
DeleteHis family must have a miserable time in general. Coping with a disability plus an intemperate disposition.
ReplyDeleteI agree
DeleteThere’s a few entitled people on mobility scooters who are more important than others 😢😢
ReplyDeletePhoenix nights come to mind
DeleteI was 'friendly' with someone who told me she and another friend of hers used to hire mobility scooters in shopping centres and ram people from the back! I'm obviously no longer friends with her. I was appalled. She had mobility issues, as did her friend. Neither was in a wheelchair or mobility scooter permanently though. Both vastly overweight, which had an effect. I think it was young women in particular they enjoyed ramming into the back of. I've largely blotted it out. Unbelievable. I'm not sure what reaction she expected when she told me. I was speechless and avoided after that. Ruth
DeleteYour patience knows no bounds.
ReplyDeleteI’m not a patient man
DeleteMaybe the man's inappropriate behavior, his rudeness and anger, came from a place of pain and fear stemming from his disability experience. Sadly it seems he put your dog in dagnger and ruined your lovely beach day. I wonder if such a person will in the future be referred to you for counseling, sounds like he needs it maybe?
ReplyDeleteSometimes there are just too many variables to take into account
Deletethere is never cause (well, almost never) for such rudeness as this man displayed. Disability doesn't even enter into this encounter, as I see it. Pure rudeness and bile. Glad Roger didn't get run over! And I think you were quite civil!
ReplyDeleteSusan M
I suspect he was a bully
DeleteSome individuals are angry all the time and choose to be inappropriate. Avoiding them is best. That said, this guy could have hurt Mary if his cart bumped her. He needed to be told. Poor Jean, her life must be difficult.
ReplyDeleteOf all the emotions anger the the easiest to mobilise especially when one is not in a happy place
DeleteHence our mutual escalations
Hardship reveals the substance of a person.
ReplyDeleteHe didn't have much
And anger sometimes comes from a need to control his own life and environment ,,but it’s not always an effective coping mechanism
Delete“I felt that I had turned over my wagon and the Indians were circling”
ReplyDeleteThis description I loved
Keith
Xx
It tickled me too keith
DeleteDear John, your post today knocked me off balance. Nothing to do with you but the situation you observed. I was a child with a disabled mother. She had had a miserable life. Experiences in WW2, a lousy marriage and then MS however this did not give her the right to abuse her children. Her disability was a free pass to be as mean as she liked. There were times she absolutely crucified us yet the response from adults, if we ever dared complain, was "how could you say such an awful thing about your poor mother". I could see her manipulating everyone and then smirking when she got her way. She had respite care twice a year and oh my out came the sweet old lady routine, neglected by her children etc. She was visited everyday by one of us. Working in long time care I saw this story played out many times. When co workers said negative things about absent families I would remind them there was always a reason. Paradoxically some people with obviously difficult parental relationships are scrupulous about the care they provide, including my family. I like to think despite lingering emotional wounds we have worked very hard to be decent moral human beings, a thought that gets me through some dark days. So much more I could say but I think you will get the gist of it.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your honesty
DeleteI have dealt with hundreds of disabled people and their degrees in coping have always interested me .
Often worlds can become incredibly small and control, even of the tinniest thing can be of the most importance .
Healthy relationships survive a sudden disability , unhealthy ones don’t
I think some of us are still like those abused little children, still trying to get approval from the parent despite all, whether our harsh internalised parent or the real one. I am aware of this ironic urge even as I continue to care for my mum, who was only absent but allowed an abuser into our home for 20 years. I tell others that only they know what is owed to parents, if anything. I don't believe that a crap parent (or mean partner) has earned automatic loyalty.
DeleteHe was having a bad day, and taking it out on the world.
ReplyDeleteYou are very generous. But I suspect he is just the same every day. It is a power and control thing so many people like to use as a stick to beat the rest of the world with.
DeleteJean mouthing "Sorry"
ReplyDeleteindicates that she,too,
judged her husband's reaction as unacceptable
behavior.I have seen people act as though their having a physical problem gives them a license to rudely mistreat others.I'm glad you rebuked him
for upsetting little Roger.
-Mary
Shame that the Trelawnyd choir did not inspire Wales to victory over Italy. As for that pillock in the car park - just because you happen to be disabled does not entitle you to be rude to other people. You should have taken his car registration number.
ReplyDeleteLarge disabled carts don't have car registration numbers.
DeleteDisabilities do not entitle anyone to exhibit bad behaviour. Full Stop! And as to family putting up with abuse... from personal experience I say. "Blood is thicker than water, and it makes more mess" but we can draw a line about what we will tolerate. Abusers can only do so if the abusee is willing to hang around and be the victim. There is help available to help you change the family dynamics. I'm glad Roger is OK.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong with a wooden spoon; no nothing at all. Someone had to win it!!!!!
ReplyDeleteTrue that anger is often the easiest emotion to mobilise in that sort of situation. He was putting others at risk by his behaviour.
ReplyDeleteI wonder what he thought he was going to do with your car reg? I am just glad that Roger came away unscathed as it could have been much worse!
ReplyDeleteThis blog post says a lot about John Gray. He should have his dogs on a lead in a car park.
ReplyDeleteThey were on a lead at all times, the Welsh are never off the lead ever, this blog answer says a lot about the writer too
ReplyDeleteYour post reminds me of a patient I had a few years ago that was in a wheelchair - I was taking her to an operatory and accidentally and barely bumped her foot on the side of the door, and she YELLED at me, "Watch where you're going, YOU IDIOT!!" I think you may agree that may have been the wrong thing to say to someone who was going to be treating you with sharp and pointy instruments..... But it still makes me roll my eyes and grin... ☺
ReplyDeleteMy husband was a dentist for 30 years. Once he had a patient whom he'd seen often but who suddenly accused him of taking his broken partial denture to melt down for "the gold." It was such a sudden turn from his usual pleasant self that it caught everyone off guard. His wife later apologized and said he'd had a stroke which changed his usually sunny personality. Still, when things like that happen out of the blue, it's hard to deal with them in the moment.
DeleteWe have a young man here who is on the spectrum, but very high functioning with a serious anger issue. He had a fight with his mother when he was a teenager, set the house afire with her (wheelchair bound due to MS) in it. He's in his 20s now, and he is an aggressive young man who considers himself a business man, owning multiple properties. The properties fall into disrepair, and then he tries to sell them at a profit. It doesn't work well for him. He also fights with everyone he comes in contact with. For instance, the bus stops in front of one of his places. It always has. Once he took ownership of the building, he refused to allow children to wait for the school bus in front of the building. Alienated the entire community which is a bad thing to do. A business relies on the goodwill of the population it hopes to serve. Long story short, it has become yet another failed business and another empty building falling into decay, yet another building that he will sell at a loss. Yet if anyone takes issue with him, he is quick to point out that he is disabled.
ReplyDeleteOy.
I really feel for Jean. At least she knows what a jerk he is and tries to compensate. Gigi
ReplyDeleteAlternatively you could have simply said nothing and walked away.
ReplyDeleteBut that would require you to acknowledge and manage your own anger and depression.
Also it wouldn't have made a blog story which I am sure is a factor here.
Mr Gray, you are not fit or ready to counsel other people yet.
I hope you will read and reflect on this before deleting it.
well of course he will delete it!
DeleteSpot on Anon, this post is all about his anger and depression.
DeleteAnd lets use your own words against you anon ..you could have walked away today but no, you had to share a comment which suggests you have been raised by overly critical parents who showed you no love.
DeleteLee
You are so right there Lee - I am an expert at such a situation - My husbands mother was a nasty piece of work and to use his words - " I don't think she ever wanted me to be happy " x
DeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DeleteYour mother in law sounds just like my mother, flis; her only pleasure in life was to make others miserable, and here is dear little Anonymous doing exactly the same thing. I have been trolled online, and it is horrible, unfair and cowardly (daren't use even an approximation of a real name; how pathetic) and after time of horror and depression because of it, the only recourse is to leave these nasty bitchy comments there for all to see, and let Anonymous see the reaction to her poison by people who are decent and loving - like the rest of John's family of followers.
DeleteIn that quietly mouthed “sorry” lies a
ReplyDeleteGreat writing John, I could see the scene unfold as if I was there. I have come to totally adore Roger from your writings about him. Behind that quietly mouthed “sorry” lies a wife who is trudging through life probably just barely coping in her role, perhaps relishing every peaceful moment she has when he is not engaging with her or the world around them. She has the same name as me, Jean, so I totally feel for her. In that brief encounter although her husband took centre stage, it is her that you wonder about. (I typed the beginning words to this message, got a cramp in my hand and the words got entered before I wanted them too!). Jean in Winnipeg
ReplyDeleteWe all know and suffer people like this. It goes with immigrants who have lived in the UK for more than thirty years and pretend they have no English to try and avoid paying bus fares, (I am from Leicester; arguments of this sort between passengers and drivers could add ten minutes to your journey into work....) and 'senior citizens' - often younger than me, who say things like "Well, I am 62, you know" as if this answers all the world problems.
ReplyDeleteJeepers, I am 62, I would never use that as an excuse for anything! It's not old these days. People never cease to amaze me at how dense they can be .... hahaha
DeleteHardly racist to call people out on bad behaviour whether they are immigrants or not...but in this case they are and they do pretend not to speak English when it suits them...it happens here in NZ as well with some of the Chinese immigrants who are found out poaching our undersize seafood.
ReplyDeleteLiz, I’ve had no experience of the things you describe but north wales isn’t known for its cultural diversity when I lived in sheffield ( a melting pot of cultures) I didn’t either
ReplyDeleteI miss those diverse working days when my staff comprised of “ white , African English, Filipino , Asian and Eastern European nurses