I was going to go to the cinema in Chester early evening, but the city is hoping to hold a firework show at the Roodee and parking will be a bitch so I’ve decided to stay home.
The fire is lit and the dogs are bored
And I am reminded of a bonfire night from 1975.
Seventies Bonfire night for us Brits was a big night.
Council fireworks on the beach brought out the crowds even though it was bitterly cold and my sister Janet and I were wearing matching duffle coats in the back of my father’s car.
We were adjuncts to his role as head of the town council
And even at eleven we knew it .
The fireworks were watched together without him
And he marshalled us only when the press photographer wanted a “family” photo.
It took him a few minutes to arrange his chain of office over his sheepskin coat .
The photographer shouted for smiles and my father hugged both of us
Something he never did in real life.
And my sister half smiled through the cold
Whereas my stern expression never changed at all.
Even now I can sniff out a physicality that is false
And my back still stiffens
Colder than a witch's tit x
ReplyDeleteNow there’s a comment DeArheart x
DeleteKids of age 11 are no fools. You 'd had an sad life lesson early.
ReplyDeleteSincere hugs!
We grew up in an unhappy house but didn’t really know it until we went to my elder sisters home and my grandparents house
DeleteThen we realised
Not all memories are happy ones. I remember bonfire night when we were kids. We could see bonfires in almost every garden across the fields. Our neighbours (3 elderly sisters) always made treacle toffee for us kids, and we baked potatoes in the embers. Those were happy memories! xx
ReplyDeleteMy parents never made an effort with anything ( my mother did with Christmas to be fair ) so holiday time like bonfire night etc were really ignored
DeleteWe don't easily forget do we, even after so long.
ReplyDeleteNo I’ve never forgotten a hurt EVER I’m having counselling soon as part of my course, perhaps I can forgive a few recent hurts eh)
DeleteThat’s sad, something I expect you will always remember. My dad was a hugger, I miss his bone crushing hugs.
ReplyDeleteI will always remember the hurt
DeleteBut that will energise me not to repeat it
Can so very much relate to your feeling....I have similar history. On a happy note: so glad to know you're going to NY - much closer to where I live. You'll enjoy it so much. Hugs from the base of the mini-mountain in Maine., Regina
ReplyDeleteNew York is JUST for me…a visit to reclaim the city just for me
DeleteYP has also talked about how Bonfire Night was a big deal in his youth. It's a shame it seems less prominent now, though we still get pops and bangs as people set off firecrackers. My dad was better at showing affection than my mom!
ReplyDeleteWe have hijacked Halloween Steve
DeleteThank you my dear American friend. X
Ir the weather where you are is anything like here best stay snug round fire with dogs. Fog 'til two then cleared by rain which is still falling.
ReplyDeleteIt’s been an awful day
DeleteThe dogs are cm from me and have been all day
I love a good bonfire. Flames shooting high and warmth everywhere it is all so glorious. Some people are cold fish, there are a few in my family too.
ReplyDeleteEvery family has them
DeleteAnd my back still stiffens - that captures it so well.
ReplyDeleteYes, it was the best way for me to describe it
DeleteNailed it
DeleteThank u , it’s important to me that some people understand my writing
DeleteFolks who only show emotion of what they think is expected of them are almost sickening to me. My mother-in-law was one and my sis-in-law is another.
ReplyDeletePeople are driven by all sorts of demons
DeleteThe stiffened back comment is spot on. As a kid I had to visit another family on Christmas (without my actual family), and those folks all wanted me to sit on their laps, etc. I'm still cringing at 72.
DeleteNina
All of us have an internal barometer , few of us listen to it
DeleteMy pussies will be HATING not just tonight but tomorrow evening as well! Poor things!
ReplyDeleteLook after those pussies xx
DeleteHardly a 'pop' heard last night, though it WAS raining. This evening will be dry so we'll all four be glad when it's past.
DeleteDad was a hugger. Mother was a bully and a hugger for show. It hurts.
ReplyDeleteI have always enjoyed watching fireworks displays from a distance. So much easier to appreciate.
Children remember unfairness the most , 8 always think
DeleteI lived in Rhyl in the seventies and I can remember some boys calling "One penny for the guy". I lived in North Wales four years.
ReplyDeleteMy brother was infamous for saying it to a mum with an ugly toddler in a pushchair
DeleteAfter decades of trying to cope with emotional injuries from my youth I finally made a decision that freed me - I simply
ReplyDeleteforgave anyone that had ever hurt me -period.
I know that sounds simple,but it worked.
John, if I could remove any pain that memories might cause you,I would .
Hopefully just knowing that offers you a bit of comfort, -Mary
Mary, I forgave my father many years ago, for his inability to parent, given his history ( which I found out late in my life) I’m surprised he did so well
DeleteOne of my favourite quotes:
DeleteThe stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
I have not properly forgiven or forgotten my marriage break up , that’s a work in progress
DeleteMy favourite quote is
DeleteYour teeth fit their wounds
John , you were left with a grief that had to be dealt with out of the blue, you almost lost your house and had to reevaluate your working life as well as coping with your husband getting married again
DeleteThat’s a great deal to forgive
Sheeesh
Keith
Xx
I’m having counselling as part of my course ( we all have to emotionally/ mentally deal with process )
DeletePerhaps I can finally lay the Prof to bed
Saying a proper goodbye would be enough
DeleteYour teeth fits their wounds.
DeleteBloody hell….so right. I need to think on this one
I'd say that is a bittersweet memory but there is nothing sweet about it.
ReplyDeleteNo but it was typical of many 1970 childhoods
DeleteA few of my school friends had parents who didn't seem able to relax with them.
ReplyDeleteI suppose we have to remember that some of the parents of children born in the 50s and 60s had been through the war, possibly evacuated, not necessarily happily, maybe losing their fathers. We have to accept that a lot of their generation were damaged in some way.
My mum was evacuated to a farm near Frodsham, where she had a wonderful time, and my dad, who was recovering from diphtheria, was sent, along with his mother, to Anglesey.
They were both very affectionate people, big huggers, and I grew up knowing how loved I was.
I realise how lucky I am! X
Well said col, my father had an abusive father, and he protected his brothers from that temper….once I realised this I forgave him for his lack of affection
DeleteBut I too suffered from his father’s aggression
My mum was very loving - and dad strongly protective - they disappeared to another sphere x
ReplyDeleteYou were lucky flis, I’m glad to had them
DeleteYou had them
DeleteMy mother was a hugger for show and I found it very embarrassing. My father never hugged us but he had been brought up in a very strict religious family, hugging was not on. I knew my father really loved us and I have grown up being a caring but non hugging person. I loved being hugged by my husband but by no one else. That fire looks very cosy, nice to relax with the dogs.. hugs. Gigi
ReplyDeleteHugging is learned and I learned it from my grandmother and by the patients that needed it so as I started nursing
DeleteOoh yes, I know the feeling only too well. I remember my mother hugging and kissing me for the benefit of impressing a social superior and me shrugging out of it and complaining she only ever did that to impress other people. Which she did. I didn't get spoken to for three weeks as a result. I was six. That was when I learnt to put up and shut up. The insight of a narcissistic parent stands you in good stead for your entire life.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wicked thing to say to a 6 year old… I’m so sorry
DeleteThank you, John. But it is quite true that what does not kill us makes us stronger. And having awful parents gave me the best examples of what not to become.
DeleteHow sad…….I’m tearful…..for two 11 year olds
ReplyDeleteHester
It was a long time ago now
DeleteYou’d have been a great dad.
ReplyDeleteI would have been yes
DeleteAs fraternal twins were you often dressed alike? What did you think of that, when did you stop. Just curious....
ReplyDeleteWe only had coats the same
DeleteMy sister and I had love in its biggest amounts from our sister and our grandparents , we were lucky
ReplyDeleteIt's Election Time here in the states, and the mailboxes are flooded with these campaign ads of smiling politicians and their smiling families, and I often wonder, and wonder even more reading your comment, how much of that happiness is staged. Probably 98, 99%
ReplyDeleteThat's so very sad. Very glad you received the warmth and open affection from your eldest sister and your grandparents.
ReplyDeleteMany of my friends wished they had my parents. My parents were especially good at “public face,” too.
ReplyDeleteMy father grew up in brutal, abusive, alcoholic Italian home. Then he went to war and returned to become just like his father. I’m so grateful to see that my own sons have broken that cycle. I also credit their dad. He was older, wise, kind and never said a bad word to or about anyone. He was a great life teacher for them.
ReplyDeleteDiana
Best avoid the madhouse of parking.
ReplyDelete