I’ve always been slightly wary of single men sitting in their cars at the beach car parks.
Shadowy memories of childhood references to perverts and saddos.
Vague thoughts of lonely men, predatory men after girls ( not boys in those days)
Something not right.
Tonight, the rain fell lightly around seven and it broke the humidity
The dogs were all fast asleep , so I sneaked out to break the claustrophobic feel of the day and drove the ten minute drive to the beach .
On a whim I went to Karl’s Chippy and bought a fish and chip supper
I haven’t had one for years , so balancing everything out on passenger seat and dashboard a sat at the beach car park and ate my supper, alone without the usual canine bunfight.
The car park was busy , even at dusk , and there were still a few swimmers in the sea which surprised me , so rather pleased with myself I tucked in a cod the size of flattened slipper.
I only noticed the two women in the car next to me a while later. As I turned I caught them laughing then as soon as they realised that I had seen them , they turned their heads together embarrassed.
They had been laughing at me,
Presumingly the saddo , eating his tea all alone.
I recognised their body language , and their pity and awkwardness at being caught.
I knew what they were thinking .
Of course if I had three dogs in the car, they would have saved me from the epithet of sad pervert, saddo
Single fish and chip eater…….
Dog owners, by nature of the beasts are seen as warm soft characters ,especially if chips are being shared out between four mouths.
No an older man in a car alone at the beach means something else to people. And as I wrapped the scraps up for the dogs
I felt a little tearful and shamed by them.
Maybe that’s what they were doing. It’s certainly possible. But it’s better to not project or mind-read. Maybe they were talking about jumping you for your fish and chips. That's my opinion.
ReplyDeleteNo I read it right
DeleteYou get very big servings of fish and chips over there. I think Mitchell is right....they were going to approach you and ask where you bought it....hoping you would offer them a taste and then try to chat you up.....both lusting after you and viewing you as potential suitor.
DeleteLol I don’t think so
DeleteWhy are people so fast to pass judgement? It really is not a good trait. As you state, it happens. Just chalk it up to commonality and nothing more. The less you care about what others are thinking the better.
ReplyDeleteI know…I just felt
Delete“ exposed”
Well you are probably unused to being hit on by women...You're hot stuff so you have to expect this kind of attention when you are alone out and about...you should have started laughing too...put your head out of the window and said Sorry lovelies...there's a huge waiting list for me ...no vacancies...I would offer you some fish and chips but you both look as if you are not going without too many hot dinners!
DeleteHaving a solo supper is not sad..it can be bliss!!..but other people's attitude is
ReplyDeleteOf course I bloody love food
DeleteOh, John....you've come so far and have such a good life with your friends, family and pets. Don't allow petty idiots to rain on your parade. Those sort of people aren't worth a penny. Hugs from the base of the mini-mountain in Maine. By now I'm hoping you went home to your pooches and put on some great music, etc., etc.
ReplyDeleteI’m not allowing them anything, I’m just describing how I felt in that moment. Xx
DeleteI realize that there is an extra connotation for a single male vs a female, but believe me when I tell you that older single women do not get much of a pass on this stuff. After a certain period during the pandemic, I was really desperate for any kind of restaurant food. There is a fast food chicken place near my house so I got in the habit of using their drive through, then sitting in my car and eating, even in 15 degree weather! I'm sorry that these thoughtless young women were nasty. If you had a conversation with them, you would probably end up pitying them for being simple. Meanwhile, I cannot tell you how envious I am that you have a 20 minute drive to the shore. I am approximately a 9 hour drive and haven't seen the ocean in four years.
ReplyDeleteNina
Nina I take it for granted, I’m 10 minutes drive ( and a 650 feet drop) to the coastal plain and the beach
DeleteActually, I just realized that today a man walked past my table as he was being seated at a restaurant, and he made eye contact as he passed, then said, "You're not eating alone, are you?" I replied yes. How in the world do people think this is their business???
ReplyDeleteNina
I think cafe and restaurant etiquette is more forgiving for single diners although the cafe owner may grieve for at least a couple on a table
DeleteThere's a thing about eating alone, from the restaurant hostess who says JUST the one then? to people seeming to criticize silently. My son lives alone, goes all over the place alone happily, shore, park, concerts, drive ins, and I'd be surprised if he even notices! He's not tuned in as you are.
ReplyDeleteCafes and restaurants are different , I think
DeleteAlone in car
Has a certain connotation
Boud - I have often told my young granddaughters who worked in restaurants to NEVER use the words "JUST one" when seating a single patron. I told them it was demeaning and implied that that particular person was somehow being denigrated for having no one with whom to dine. "That poor soul!". Since I have been single nigh onto 35 years, I had to learn early on to be able to walk into a restaurant and eat alone without any hesitation. My dollars are just as important as those of one-half of a couple dining together.
DeleteAmen, Ana! I feel exactly the same way! I have been eating alone for a long time!
DeleteAna
DeleteWell,said thank you
Don’t assume what they were thinking. Truly you could easily be as wrong as right. I’ve been on both sides of this situation. It’s usually nothing. And anyway, high school is over — it’s your life — do what you want and own it. Many times I’ve so wanted to be alone without intrusion. Sleep well.
ReplyDeleteI could be wrong, but I wasn’t
DeleteWe all understand those moments
Rubbish! They probably just fancied you and were deciding who would get first dibs - or would that be worse?
ReplyDeleteNo they were laughing at me x
DeleteFish looks amazing. Probably not feasible for me to order delivery! Love to Roger, Cecil
ReplyDeleteWe used to have what’s called in the UK. A Chippy tea perhaps once every 8 weeks
DeleteFish chips and gravy or curry sauce
Sometimes people can be so disappointing. Why on earth they didn’t give a cheerful wave of a hand or a thumbs up that they were enjoying the fish too surprises me. How unkind. I spent a week by myself in London. I enjoyed the occasional random chat with someone who was waiting in line like me, or sitting in the same cafe. Seriously they missed chatting to a very kind, interesting man. Their loss. We all would happily sit and share some fish with you on a beach. Jean in Winnipeg.
DeleteI agree that a man alone, whether in a car, on a bench or just standing on a street, can be seen as somewhat predatory. Mind you, by the same token, a woman alone can be (and often is) seen as prey. Sad, but true. xx
ReplyDeleteGood point
DeleteWaste NO time on those who think they your betters. Be your own best person.
ReplyDeleteDo not get down about this.They were two sad old women who had nothing else to talk about.Rise above this.You are better than them.Much better.Barbarax
ReplyDeleteI’m ok, just reflective
Deletethat fish/chips dinner looks scrumptious.
ReplyDeleteBest chippy in prestatyn
DeleteNot to be crude but- Fuck that. What other people think of you is not your business.
ReplyDeleteDitto, Ms Moon. You were eating in your car, for heaven's sake! You weren't masturbating.
DeleteI know and sometimes easy to say but it was the end of a lonely and long Sunday , and it smarted
DeleteWell it did occur to me later to wonder just how much pleasure you were taking in your fish and chips. If there was lip smacking and moans of pleasure, perhaps their confusion was understandable. (I joke! I joke!)
DeleteSad state of mentality, that......... their loss (and ignorance). Those fish and chips look to die for!
ReplyDeleteSusan M
Fish and chips, what bliss and at the seaside, the cherry on top.
ReplyDeleteReminds me of The Fishery in Louisville, KY - YUM!
As for the women, you're home, full of good food, happy dogs from the sraps and all is well.
Hugs!
They are not in your family and you're not married to them. Bugger off. Jen
ReplyDeleteI always think it's freaking rude to look at other people in cars by the sea. Eyes straight ahead and let t hem have their food/ cry/ snog/ chat
ReplyDeleteIt was years since I parked alone at the beach , perhaps many years
DeleteI can understand being leery of perverts but what is sad about a person sitting alone in their car having a take out and watching the ocean? I don’t think this “sad sack” idea is a thing in American culture. I see people sitting and watching the ocean or having dinner out by themselves all the time. I loved going out and doing things by myself when I was a young adult. Still like it now that I’m over the hill. Never saw a stigma about it.
ReplyDeleteThat’s nice and encouraging
DeleteI don't suppose they were laughing at you at all. People laugh for all sorts of reasons; usually out of embarrassment. They were probably envious of your fish-n-chips.
ReplyDeleteThat’s exactly what I though
DeleteNaw, I read the body language
DeleteMean spirited old cows!! If I were next to you with one of my friends we would have been making the international sign for wind the window down and asking for a chip or two! Definitely their loss in more ways than one. Sharon x
ReplyDeleteScrew them! It's not against the law to be scoffing fish and chips on your own in a seaside car park. They would be better off looking in a proverbial mirror and seeing themselves.
ReplyDeletePerhaps it a was a bit of thank goodness it’s not me
DeleteSorry they upset your lovely chip and fish supper. It’s okay to be upset but remember it’s their loss, their problem, nasty, judgemental witches. Hugs, Noreen
ReplyDeleteI was just reminded that I was lonely
DeleteThere are some really horrible people around as well as mostly likeable ones! I can relate to your feeling although not as a man. Why cannot we simply enjoy the view of the sea while eating our take away even when others are in groups? I sometimes feel very odd when alone in situations where others are not. It's as if we somehow stand out to be noticed and be different. Also that feeling if we catch someone laughing at us with someone too.
ReplyDeleteA vulnerable moment - but they don't know that your life is full and good and that in mocking you they cheapen their own. But we do. I agree with YP!
It’s the pack instinct
DeleteTo peck at a stranger
As a single, confident woman - the same age as you John - I have, on occasion eaten my meal in the car with a fab view too. Being a woman doesn't make any difference in small minded attitudes.
ReplyDeleteI've been laughed at and in that laugh, belittlement - you don't mistake it.
Big hugs, and encouragement - up the fish and chip supper!
Gen
DeleteThank you, and all good meaning commentators take note
When we know we were right, we were right
It's amazing how someone can make you feel suddenly so sad and bad isn't it. Other people's looks can whittle you down in an instant. I really hope that them realising that you had seen them laughing put a damper on their ridiculous assumptions and made them feel just a little ashamed.
ReplyDeleteI was reminded of my own occasional loneliness that’s all that happened
DeleteWhat in the world were THEY doing sitting there?
ReplyDeleteI am sorry, that fish and chips, I would've shared with you or had my own with you !
You were doing nothing wrong, please don't feel that you were. I wonder why I always park away from other cars when doing such things.
I know , but it was the power of the moment
DeleteNope I read the room
ReplyDeleteI am sorry this happened John. I read through all of the comments and I am sure you are right, that you "read the room" correctly. People can be very cruel. The two women reminded me of middle school students.
ReplyDeleteThank u
DeleteNothing tugs at my heart as much as seeing a child sitting alone eating. Older people sometimes, but they usually have extenuating circumstances or don't mind eating alone. I certainly wouldn't be laughing about someone else eating alone. Yeah they probably were laughing at you but maybe they just were people watching making up silly stories about the people they saw.
ReplyDeleteOh ....I get it.... I truly do......and it hurts....BUT..we are on our way to better things...X
ReplyDeleteOver a gin we will discuss xx
DeleteThe most important point of your post is how the unfolding experience left you feeling.
ReplyDeleteAnd you're right the situation holds completely different connotations regarding if it were male v female.
I've been solo for 20 years in a few days and only once in all that time was I in your exact position. I was happy for the first five minutes...fish and chips...just on dusk watching the sun go down...then a flasher, then was hit on, then pestered by a group of teens who rocked my car. I drove home my uneaten meal on the seat with tears streaming down my face..tears of utter despair and that feeling of utter aloneness in that moment.
Your post touched me deeply.
Yes so many readers missed the feeling behind the post
DeletePS not for a moment did I mean to detract from your feelings with my wee tale...but I'll know you'll forgive me ☺️
DeleteI know that, your intelligent comment was much welcomed x
DeleteI must have missed this post on the first go-around. I hate those moments when I feel like I'm being talked about or laughed at. It does happen occasionally, but others are wise to advise taking a deep breath and moving on! (Easier said than done, I know.)
ReplyDelete