Seventeen years ago
I wrote this, on one of the very first blogs I shared publicly, I was reminded of it today by an odd comment, overheard
It’s just one small reason I love my sister so much
little actions of kindness
Today I have been thinking of something that happened on a Christmas many years ago.
It was a little action of kindness that had a profound effect on me and made me believe in the humanity within man.
One sunday, I think it was around Christmas, we were having lunch at home, all of us "visiting" my parents. My twin sister and I would have been around 26, my elder sister and her husband in their forties. My mother was a not-so-secret drinker and was pretty smashed as I recall. She carried on preparing the lunch and serving it as though sober, but it was all too apparant to all how much she had indeed drunk. In typical English/family secret way we all tried ignore her slurring and clumsiness, but as she tottered off into the kitchen my father could not bare it anymore and burst into tears.
We were all mortified!, and concentrated on our lunches as though they were the only meals we had ever been presented with. Only My elder sister reacted. Immediately and gently, and withour undue fuss she lent over and cupped her hand on my father's cheek. It lasted but a moment, but in that one tiny act of kindness she gave him her support,affection and control, it quietened him and he carried on his meal as we all did.
That gesture strengthened us all, and I have never forgotton it, it was something unique and special andthese things are often surprisingly overlooked in our self absorbed lives.
It was a little action of kindness that had a profound effect on me and made me believe in the humanity within man.
One sunday, I think it was around Christmas, we were having lunch at home, all of us "visiting" my parents. My twin sister and I would have been around 26, my elder sister and her husband in their forties. My mother was a not-so-secret drinker and was pretty smashed as I recall. She carried on preparing the lunch and serving it as though sober, but it was all too apparant to all how much she had indeed drunk. In typical English/family secret way we all tried ignore her slurring and clumsiness, but as she tottered off into the kitchen my father could not bare it anymore and burst into tears.
We were all mortified!, and concentrated on our lunches as though they were the only meals we had ever been presented with. Only My elder sister reacted. Immediately and gently, and withour undue fuss she lent over and cupped her hand on my father's cheek. It lasted but a moment, but in that one tiny act of kindness she gave him her support,affection and control, it quietened him and he carried on his meal as we all did.
That gesture strengthened us all, and I have never forgotton it, it was something unique and special andthese things are often surprisingly overlooked in our self absorbed lives.
It's the small things done without thinking, naturally, that have the most meaning
ReplyDeleteHumanity
DeleteSometimes, all it takes is a light touch to show you care. Ranee (MN) USA
ReplyDeleteWords often are easy go toos
DeleteActions speak volumes
It's the small things...
ReplyDeleteXOXO
Yes….being properly human is the small things all linked
DeleteI was on holiday and browsing in a charity shop - the volunteer assistant I had only fleetingly spoke to a few times previously must have noticed the quiver of distress in my voice - She walked closer and then hugged me and I felt the compassion x
ReplyDeleteSweet
DeleteConsolation is a great comfort. Your sister's one simple gesture said, "I am here. I see your pain. I love you." And it was all your father needed at that moment. Bless your sister for having the eyes to see what was needed.
ReplyDeleteActs of kindness and caring are important. We could all do more.
ReplyDeletePerhaps we could do more by not stopping ourselves
DeleteOh golly, this brought me to tears, as you have often done. Family secrets, family unspoken, unbreakable rules of behaviour/survival/denial. My father was a high functioning alcoholic and his drug use and behaviour was never mentioned, as we all tried to keep calm and carry on. What havoc it wrecked down the generations. So sad.
ReplyDeleteAnd, to be fair, what societal pressures, and lack of support, made changes almost impossible. I also wonder how many families were affected by war damaged men, returning home isolated in their ghastly memories, and nowhere to get help.
So many people post trauma use alcohol as medication just as people with undiagnosed mental illness so often do
DeleteWhat a lovely kind gesture that was, your father was obviously in distress, a small gesture but a very powerful one.
ReplyDeleteYes..I was say 20 at the time
DeleteAnd I grew a few years in that one moment
Yes.
ReplyDeleteπΊπΈ
DeleteI remember reading this and am very glad you chose to post it again. Take good care my friend. Jackie
ReplyDeleteSo many years ago
DeleteThat's a wonderful and profound story. Thanks for sharing it with us, John.
ReplyDeleteYou are welcome x
DeleteI once had a girlfriend who's mother was a serious daytime drinker. I was invited to Sunday Lunch where the mother was noticeably absent. I later learned that she had thrown the huge roast beef joint out of the window, and it had had to be 'dusted-off' by another daughter before being brought to table. Everyone behaved impeccably.
ReplyDeleteThe family of a drinker Learn very quickly to act as though nothing has happened
DeleteWhat a poignant story and it shows the power of a loving touch. How kind of yu your older sister. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteShe’s a good woman
DeleteThe power of love. xx
ReplyDeleteAin’t that the truth
DeleteLovely.
ReplyDeleteThank You for these small stories about your life.
woof, the square ones
They make me feel a little more immortal
DeleteIf I am feeling distressed, any small act of kindness or compassion is guaranteed to end with me in tears.
ReplyDeleteYes, I’m the same ,πͺ
DeleteHer action spoke louder than words. x
ReplyDeleteThey always. Have
DeleteThis brought tears to my eyes. So many brief and powerful moments in our lives.
ReplyDeleteAwww big hugs
DeleteA shop assistant was visibly distressed and told me the previous customer had been complaining about her mother. 'She's lucky she's still got hers. I lost mine last month,' she choked. I wanted to hug her, but instead put my hand on her arm. Sadly, today's ultra PC mentality would probably accuse me of invading her space.
ReplyDeleteNo, I think you judged it right. I bet she felt that touch much longer that you may of thought
DeleteA gentle touch, a welcome hug, a kind word or just a smile and a good morning from a stranger on the street can completely change my day from a bad one to the most special day ever.
ReplyDeleteYes, I get tyat
DeleteIt's these little acts of kindness and compassion that stay in our memories and give us strength. The literal cornerstones of our lives. Your father must have felt cared for, acknowledged, supported and understood by ALL of you in that one gesture from your sister.
ReplyDeleteHe was embarrassed too, and our chatter covered it
DeleteWhoa. Such beauty in that story. Pain and love walk hand in hand in so much of life within a family.
ReplyDeleteAll families have such stories me thinks
DeleteThat story just reminded me of my not-so-secret drinking mother-in-law. She managed to ruin every Christmas dinner we had with her. She insisted she wanted to cook the turkey and bring it over and I would do the rest, but every year something would go wrong, she would forget to defrost it on time, or she would leave it out defrosting for days while she was on a toot so once again, no turkey. We all just ignored and carried on as if not having turkey was no big deal. When she was sober she was a fabulous cook, so we never knew who she would be. It was so sad. No treatment ever helped her and she died alone with a bottle in her hand at only 60 years old. I guess she did me a favour because I could never drink after seeing how it messed up her life and also her sons, my first husband. Gigi
ReplyDeleteHow sad..Christmas is often stressful for some people , it’s also often an excuse too
DeleteYou and your sister are so caring, what a wonderful gesture that touch was to your father. Gigi
ReplyDeleteI was never his biggest fan, but I felt for him that day
DeleteA very touching story John - interesting how even the smallest gesture can remain all one's life as a talisman - something to hold in one's memory like you have done with this.
ReplyDeleteI can remember the table top too..with a tureen of pees
DeleteFamilies are complex. We all need kindness.
ReplyDeleteFamily secrets are complex and often very unhappy
DeleteA little kindness can make such a difference.
ReplyDeleteAin’t that the truth π
DeleteThe don't talk, don't trust, don't feel rules. They don't get applied evenly or all the time but they are often there. She broke the rule and gave comfort. It's the tiny things that matter.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteKudos to her kindness.
ReplyDeleteyes yes yes it is the good deeds of ordinary folk that keeps evil at bay or at least makes life's ills bearable.
ReplyDeleteIt seems the gentle and kind empathy *gene* is strong in you and your siblings! Wonderful memory to have! Susan M
ReplyDelete