A Cheap Card, Hastily Written..

 


I usually take down my Christmas decorations and cards on Boxing Day night. If not then, the day after at the latest. After the 26th , to me the frippery, just looks, messy.
I’m working a long day again tomorrow , so just can’t be arsed collecting everything now.
My tired feet need a bulldog’s attention 
So I’m sat with almost both big toes in Dorothy’s mouth surveying the Christmas cards looped on string curves under the ceiling beams.
I am thinking about my mother.
I don’t think about her often.
I inherited my love of receiving cards from her as every year I would observe almost obsessional behaviour as she would carefully document each card as it was received in her much used Christmas Card Journal , ticking away in black in that year’s column . 
If, God forbid, no card was received ( especially if one have been sent ( this too was documented btw ) then a Red Cross would be entered into the year column .
Two consecutive red crosses would mean no card would be sent the following year.
She was ruthless
She was easily hurt 
And she was precise 

This year I was reminded of her. Sitting on her couch behind a heavily laden coffee table which was covered in carefully arranged piles of cards. Sheets of stamps, a selection of ball point pens a ruler and a very large gin and tonic. 
I remember her now, as resembling the old lady from the far side all be it as a wiry haired brunette and not a blonde………

I make light of this huge undertaking of hers, but it was quietly important to her and sometime in the late1970s, I remember her  sadly reviewing a card sent by someone she once was close to
The card was flimsy
A last one chosen from a box of fifty.
It had baubles on it and could hardly stand when it was placed on the sideboard
She was upset and hurt by it and her words have strangely remained with me to this day, 

As she showed the card to me she said sadly, in way of advice…..

“ A Cheap card, hastily written, should Never be sent” 

and…my mother was right 

95 comments:

  1. good advice for gifts too. i hate gifts when people put no thought into them.

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    1. Yes….they can be incredibly hurtful

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  2. Anonymous9:48 pm

    We used to do as your mother did. Two chances, then that is it. The rule has gone now as barely anyone sends cards except us. Mother's well to do friend sent us the cheapest card imaginable.

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    1. We are products of our birthdates Andrew x

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  3. Barbara Anne9:50 pm

    My mother had the same Christmas card system, minus the G&T. If she didn't receive a card two years in a row, she'd write a note to those folks to ask if they were okay.
    Your cards look so nice as they added color and good wishes to your home. Hope they extended all of the way around the room, and perhaps into the kitchen this year.
    Is your G&T close to hand?

    Hugs!

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    1. No babs , I’m having a single beer found in the fridge, I’m up again in the morning x

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  4. Well John-I had the most disturbing experience regarding a Christmas card-I had decided to send Seasons Greetings with the intention of offering an olive branch-almost instanly through my letterbox was inserted a card-shockingly additional to their name a large dollop of saliva-I thought it wise to cross the person off my list too x

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  5. I have been known to toss a flimsy, cheap card into the bin in a fit of pique.

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  6. I continue to send cards to people who are important to me, even when I don't receive a reply. Kind of like blogging, I do it because I want to. Taste in cards varies.

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  7. My mum had one of these books. Gran had one with births deaths and other trivia like a new carpet!!!

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  8. Am I the only one who hates cards? I do send them, but reluctantly, because it's expected, I guess. But I never send cheap cards, or the ones that are too overtly expensive; the ones with all the bells and whistles and sickly sentiments. I think I'm the Grinch! xx

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  9. How unkind. I am thrilled with any card.

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    1. Nope ..I think you are wrong ..sadly

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  10. Well chosen cards and gifts are important to me as well. I only select cards and gifts that I would enjoy receiving.

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  11. I love sending and receiving holiday cards, it's the one thing I love about the holidays and I always take the time and write a personal note. I did drop someone off my list when for the ump-teenth year they sent a generic typed-letter that wasn't even signed, with all the sweetness of a bag of sugar, in a envelope with a computer label, that was pre-stamped. I haven't heard from them since, and I'm okay with that - even though I've known them since I was about 15 years old.

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  12. I agree. I love the way you have hung the cards from the beams.

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  13. It's incredible how many rubbish card designs exist out there. I have often felt that the familiar saying "it's the thought that counts" is also rubbish. Sometimes there is no thought!

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  14. Yeah, I've received more than a few cards like that over the years. Makes me wonder why they bother. If you're going to go to the trouble and expense (especially these days) of mailing cards, then buy quality cards! Go big or go home, eh? Hahahahahaha!

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  15. Someone I know keeps a book of Christmas and Birthday presents; both given and received. She never wants to repeat a gift, or risk giving something too expensive to the unworthy. I find it obsessive, but she enjoys her fastidiousness.

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    1. I also keep a similar book. But for different reasons. I've kept it for 12 years and it's interesting looking back and seeing the changes over time and when I get stuck what to buy a person or if I've missed someone off.
      Carolx

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  16. Choosing appropriate cards so so important -our cards express our conviction about "the meaning of Christmas" We do send an "annual catch up letter, with a few photographs in it, but always with a personal note as well. We keep a list of sent/Rec'd partially so we are aware of who might have died, or moved. We really enjoy hearing about our friends lives, including those people we only manage to catch up with when we're in the northern hemisphere. It does help us keep connected. Each to their own.

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  17. Well, good job I am NOT your mother. I'd be SO HURT I'd throw myself off the next cliff (they aren't far away). This year I haven't had one card. Not one! Neither have I written any. I phone, I email, I receive calls and emails to exchange felicitations of the season - but I am not in the business of financing the card industry and the post office and their, frankly, ludicrous prices for a stamp; the missive being delivered to the wrong address (in-joke).

    Alas, my dear John, and I hope you won't take this the wrong way, you are your mother's son after all. You too are easily hurt. Or at least that is my perception of you - maybe wrongly. You tell me.

    Seriously, to measure your life and other people's affection for you in the number of cards (or followers)? Jesus wept.

    As to "cheap". Well, now we know where your insult re "cheap shoes" comes from. A cheap card? Taken as an insult? Well, where I come from the adage was "It's the thought that counts".

    And yes, I am the type of person who makes her own cards - when I still did.

    As I am on a roll: Taking down Christmas decorations on Boxing Day? What's the rush? I bond with my tree (Norwegian Fir) and can barely part from it come late January! Wrest it from my dying hand and you'll have to fight me.

    Anyway, before I round off this - not hastily written - lengthy comment of mine I'll leave you with an observation dear to my paternal grandmother. Loosely translated: "If you insist on what's "right" there'll soon be a hole in your tissue".

    Greetings,
    U

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  18. This was a memory of my mother not all about me

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    1. It was a memory of your mother AND you. After all, you were the one remembering her.

      U

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    2. I'm a bit down after reading that-cheerful bloody charlie-if you don't mind me saying x

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    3. Well, Anon, it's hardly as if your contributions elevate and add to content.

      U

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  19. I suppose it depends on the purse of the sender. If cheap cards help someone stay within budget over Christmas then I'd much prefer that than to think they'd overspent in trying to impress.

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  20. My aunt always sent 2 lots of cards"My favourites"-I received a large embossed one x

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    1. My Dear Aunt wishes me to make a correction-"My Specials"x

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  21. Now we are all wondering what card we sent you and if they were good enough!

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    1. Thanks for the smile, Sue. I do have a friend whose "quality" control of other people and their scribblings is such I once told him it's a miracle he, oh so graciously, allows me to still feature in his life, decades down the line (we met in the sandpit).

      Should you need validation (I don't - it's one of my USPs, unique selling points) take it from me: You are "good enough", judging by your comments. Maybe even better. But then, as they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

      U

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  22. Anonymous9:57 am

    blah, blah, blah

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    1. Yogi bear12:45 pm

      Boo boo

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    2. More pseudonyms ….you will running out of names soon

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  23. Mary C.11:21 am

    Some people can't afford to buy anything other than cheap cards. The cards plus postage have to be carefully budgeted for.
    Your blog post is unkind.
    I have to think carefully how I spend my state pension, rent, gas, electric and food are priorities.

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    1. Mary, hello. Have to jump to John's rescue here. Whilst I do understand your reservation and, yes, the "cheap card" aside was thoughtless, the main body of John's blog post was rather moving. Not least since he rarely mentions his mother. What he wrote was honest and, to a large extent, raw. He painted a vivid picture.

      Hope you'll be alright, Mary, not least warm, best wishes,
      U

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    2. Mary you couldn't be more wrong
      The whole jist of the blog ( bloody hell this is turning into Christmas card-gate) is about a card sent with a LACK OF THOUGHT not LACK.of money

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  24. I would rather have a cheap flimsy card than no card at all.

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  25. Audrey12:18 pm

    It must send you broke replying to each one of those Christmas cards with a thoughtful expensive card in return.

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  26. I think some readers have failed to understand the phenomenon of the cheap card and the link that exists between the sender and the recipient which is the cheap card phenomenon in question here. It has nothing to do with wealth or lack of wealth.

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    1. Yes thank you Rachel.
      It's all to do with effort and thought. A homemade card that costs nothing but time is priceless in my view. A thoughtfully written card of any description is a joy too
      My mother in her quote of cheap card hastily written underlines LACK OF THOUGHT AND ANY EFFORT Andis never a comment about monetary levels

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    2. I am one of those readers. Not that I feel I have "failed". I just don't get why "cheap" was even mentioned. Either you cherish someone's message, cherish someone thinking of you or you don't. Give me a crappy piece of paper in absence of anything else and a heartfelt scribble and I'll keep it forever. Unlike John who discards his carefully "curated" cards on Boxing Day, having kept score.

      Doesn't really matter. What's another tree felled to keep alive a largely empty (English) tradition? At least that's where the internet and email have one over paper. Anyway, if it's not too much trouble, Rachel, I'd appreciate if you elaborated what you mean.

      U

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    3. Those tuned into the subtleties of human relationships will understand. You need to be able to differentiate between "the heartfelt scribble" you refer to and the "couldn't care less about you really so this will do" or worse.

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    4. Thanks, Rachel. I get it. I once lost a friend when I remarked on her ludicrous Red Robin letters next time I met her in the flesh (she and her young family had moved to Australia but came back to visit her parents, other family and friends). Red Robins, maybe, were the forerunner of Facebook. Everyone gets the same message. Indiscriminately. Sprinkle with Instagram ambition and and yours truly (that's me) feels she has turned into some dystopian parallel. Not that I subscribe to Instagram but those who do will let you know about it. What the eff are people doing with their lives? Other than me spending this morning on John's blog. Must be worth quite a few meaningful Christmas cards in lieu.

      U

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    5. Anonymous4:35 pm

      "last card from a box of fifty" does indicate cheap as in inexpensive.

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    6. You put your comment here in the wrong place I believe.

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    7. Anonymous10:08 pm

      No, it's in the right thread, but thank you for caring.

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    8. She doesn’t and nor do I

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    9. Anonymous10:52 pm

      Ha ha ha!

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    10. Breeze11:25 pm

      Wafting with sage

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  27. I do cheap cards now since cash shortage-eg poundland or wilko but write a letter which some of my friends still enjoy x

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  28. Back in the 90s when I was working as a district nurse for a rural GP practice, I along with the other nurses on the DN team received a Christmas card from the head of the practice. The other (female) nurses also received cards with their names, 'seasons greetings' etc. Mine was entirely blank. This was at a time when local NHS Trusts supplied district nurses to GP practices rather than GPs appointing them as they did with other practice staff. The GP didn't like this arrangement and also in his comments made it quite clear that he didn't think men should be in nurse roles - ie he didn't want a male nurse in his country practice. I threw the card in the bin. I'm a straight man but believe from inferences he made he was homophobic. I left the practice after gaining the relevant qualifications to go into public health work shortly thereafter. His Christmas card said what he thought of me. The bin said what I thought of him.

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    1. Oh P this touched a cord with me... I hate it that being a man in nursing equated with you been gay. I have nothing bad to say about gay people.... my lovely son came out to me as gay at 15, but his response ignored the fact that all people can care for others. I am not a nurse... I don't do tendony things but I do support work with elderly and have done so for 25 years; it irks me that "the people that should know better" equate "caring careers" to women or gay me. But if you are a Dr you are a better Dr if you are a man. I hope you had a Happy Christmas and I wish you a very Happy 2022.

      Jo in Auckland

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    2. Gah.... my hasty angry response left the "n" off of gay men! Apologies.

      Jo in Auckland

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    3. Thanks Jo. I think his remarks were intended to be a slight, but it came across as ignorance. When I was a student nurse I had a midwifery placement with a community midwife. When I turned up her displeased reaction was "oh you're a man". To be fair she did allow the day to proceed unlike my obstetrics placement, where myself and the other male student were told to go home and 'study' rather than undertake the placement. We were also chaperoned on the children's ward placements when changing babies nappies. This was in the 80s and I'd like to think we now live in more enlightened times.You're right, making assumptions about people on the basis of their gender or sexuality is abhorrent - we have to work towards a better world. Best wishes to you and your son for 2022. Px

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    4. I agree P
      His words were cruel

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  29. countrygal1:33 pm

    I remember very well my own mother with her 'Christmas card' book - she sat and smilingly ticked the ones received, however her lips pursed when someone had forgotten. In her defence I have to say that many of her friends were the same.

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  30. Anonymous1:38 pm

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    1. Jeremy Fisher1:47 pm

      Fact is you are a bitter nitpicker

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    2. Ah Anon, It makes me sad think that you feel so bad inside that you keep needing to utter these bitter, horrible things.

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    3. More pseudonyms penned by one person ….smacks of mental illness

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  31. Holy hell, John, who'd have thought your post would stir such controversy?! Can't we just be kind? I suppose that's a Pollyanna-ish way to feel, but dang, why the vitriol from some?

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  32. Your talk of Christmas cards brought to mind my parents, yes both together, choosing which card to purchase and send. A man would come to our home with folios of cards and they would sit together and point to cards they thought appropriate and discussed their merits.
    As a child I thought that this was how everyone chose their cards. As I remember, they always chose a lovely santa.
    Thanks for the memory, it came from deep in the past.

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  33. We don't get many Christmas cards, but they're all from people we're close to and they're a welcome reminder of long friendships.

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  34. Oh my. I shudder to think how many people I've disappointed with unsatisfactory cards over the years! I must admit I do not care a whit about Christmas cards, giving or receiving. I never send them anymore.

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    1. I should add that I USED to send them diligently every year -- and it was important, back in the day, to touch base with distant friends once a year. But now that we're all on Facebook it seems pointless to me.

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    2. Facebook seems a easy way out Steve ..I use it too

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  35. I understand you didn't mean cheap as in cost, but cheap as in no effort or though given. Isn't there a word for that? If not there should be. Does that mean including the annual update/brag letter some include in every card, signed with no note, a note that reveals they have no clue about your life, or ????

    I keep track of who's sent and been sent cards, and every 5-ish years delay sending ours out until right before, then send cards only to those who have already sent us one. My thought is that it gives those looking for a reason not to send us one the reason not to. It's cut down on the "they sent us one, we better send them on next year" waffling back and forth. Also those that don't send us one for 2 years get dropped off the list. This year we got 5 cards, 3 of them from businesses. I got the cards for the other 2 in the mail on 12/22.

    Normally our inside decorations are down by or on New Year's Day. It's somewhat weather driven, I don't want to be taking things to the attic when it's bitter cold out. I suspect at least some of our outdoor decorations will be pulled in for the year today due to lots of wind again for a few days.

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  36. I use to send Christmas cards yearly, but I stopped a couple years ago. I do appreciate receiving them. But I sometimes wish that they contained handwritten messages. Many of them are just family pics, no signatures which let me know, they were shoved into an envelope and my name and address just added to the outside.
    I can't complain though. At least I am remembered or thought of, even in haste. I can't complain because I don't send any out.
    In any case, when I did, it would take me almost a week to complete my card list, as I would write personal messages on the inside (despite everyone receiving the same card, everyone got a personal message on the inside).

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  37. "cheap" 'contemptible because of lack of any fine, lofty, or redeeming qualities' via dictionary. I am guessing this is John's and mom's meaning as opposed to inexpensive. I stand by my original comment of being happy with any and all cards and form letters sent. They give me a moment of happiness and connection and I love the tradition.

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    1. Karen6:10 pm

      The same here Lizzy - I appreciate every single one and that someone cares enough about me to send one. I don't care whether it's gold plated and embossed or 'the last one from a box of fifty' they're very much appreciated.

      John - what's wrong with buying a box of fifty cards anyway? They're the best value for those people who aren't so well off.

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    2. I’m not repeating myself with the answer I’ve already given. I can’t believe so many here have missed the whole point of this simple entry

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    3. Did you edit the post to be more explanatory. Seems like maybe?

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    4. Gave everyone something to talk about on a Monday morning. Good work!

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  38. For several years I received a beautiful Christmas card-handwritten calligraphy with gushy sentiments-always stating"forever friends"-this supposedly practicing Buddist verbally attacked me one time too many-I cut the cord-No card x

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  39. Anonymous6:04 pm

    Why do you need to refer to someone's religion in this comment flis?

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    1. Because the lady did not keep her religious beliefs private-on visits she would be reading her scripts regularly,spoke of teachings,went on retreats,she dressed as the Dali Llama,met with nuns- then bossed me around-I regarded her with respect and overlooked many instances of unpleasantness because Of her practice-I tried to stop her killing a beautiful moth"You are a Buddist!"-too late-x

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  40. Wishing you Peace and Joy, People!

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  41. Sometimes John you can't do right for doing wrong. The world just doesn't listen. Hey ho. Onwards and upwards. If I could spell it in Welsh I would, but for now - Happy New Year. All the best. Cathy xxxx

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  42. Thank you Ellen and Cathy for ending the thread on going gently on a high note, I thought for a minute I was on the wrong blog !!!

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  43. I'm so glad I responded to this post on Facebook and thereby managed to avoid 'card-gate'!!

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  44. John, sending you a hug, after reading through all the replies, I think you might need one ☺☺ Take care xxx

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  45. Not to stir up the pot again, but to be thought of during a celebratory time of the year is enough for me.

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