Sunday, 16 May 2021

An Old Greek Quote

Mrs Trellis repeated this apparent old Greek Quote only yesterday, 
She was less serious than when we met last
“ Happiness is when old men plant trees the Shade of which they know they will never sit in “ 

 I think the second lockdown has made me a little low.
Would I called it a bit depressed? I’m not sure . I always hate, with a vengeance when people bandy around self diagnosing here and using the very serious descriptions of depression where something like despondency would be more appropriate. 
But I concede, I’ve felt low enough to be tearful almost daily and flat enough to react in an exaggerated manner when the church laburnum was felled.
I also found myself mulling over a recent contact by my ex husband who messaged me wanting a more friendly communication .Alas it’s very easy to be magnanimous when you have moved on and you are happy and perhaps all you want are things  to be neat and tidy and filed neatly and away, guilt free. 
I found myself wanting more communication from him, not the best thing when you are not happy, lonely and you’ve not moved on as far as you would like.
I’ve asked him not to contact me again.

Back to Mrs Trellis’ adapted quote
I bought a replacement laburnum tree to replace the felled beauty in the graveyard and village elder, Islwyn helped me plant it
I found the whole thing rather moving



Happiness is indeed when old men  plant a tree , the shade of which we will never sit in

Anyway

Dorothy passed a small plastic fish in her poo on Friday 
It was popped on top of her turd like a cherry on a tart
The fish was one you find in sushi boxes filled with soy
I haven’t eaten sushi for months 

Time to smile again

109 comments:

  1. Welcome back John. Has been strange times for the last year.

    Like your remarks about being depressed an expression too easily used. Better to say feeling a bit off, or feeling low.

    The tree will look wonderful and some will enjoy the smell! There is a laburnum tree in the corner of my churchyard.

    Exciting times in my neck of the woods as the church, and adjacent house, are to be used in a “grand historical film”. Filming starts next week.

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  2. I hope you get to see your tree grow and thrive. I think I know how you feel, down, but not quite out? That's how I feel at times, especially with threats of new local lockdowns with new variants etc. It doesn't help. We just have to keep swimming - perhaps thats where Dorothy's fish came from, she just kept swimming and caught a fish :D x

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    Replies
    1. I’m not moaning any more, time to move forward

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  3. After two broken marriages I can sympathize, but I think you made two good decisions...asking your ex not to contact you and planting a tree, both positive steps.

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    1. Mrs Trellis’s earnestness moved me

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  4. Great news about the tree...laburnums mature quickly...you will see it!
    You sized up the situation with your ex exactly right, and made the best decistion.
    When the weather picks up a bit we will all feel better. Thank God it wasn't like this last year!

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    Replies
    1. I won’t , but that’s fine , I’ve left something of me here in the village
      Forever x

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  5. I'm glad you are back, feeling better and you told the ex to leave you alone -- seems you have cried in your gin & tonic enough!
    You planted a new tree and sweet Dorothy pooped a trout! Way to go, Dotty! LOL

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  6. PS. Sue from A Smaller and Simpler Life had a great quote the other day, which made me feel much more cheerful:
    'Breathe Darling. This is just a chapter. It's not your whole story.'
    The great times to come will seem all the better set against this.

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    Replies
    1. I know sue,, I’ve met her many times
      She’s a wise soul

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  7. Having suffered depression myself in the far distant past John, I agree that people bandy the word around too freely. Laburnum are quite fast growers - you will easily be basking in its shade. And most important of all - welcome back.

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  8. F-the ex. he's just doing this to make himself feel better. i'm glad you are back! and glad you planted the tree. who is the dude with the beard?

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  9. Welcome back. You were missed.

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  10. It's wonderful that you planted a tree and left something of yourself there. However, I have a feeling a big part of you will always be in Trelawnyd in part of the history of the village and in the hearts of the people.

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    Replies
    1. So right ,,,,but half my heart will always be in Sheffield

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  11. Rather than get old tat for Christmas I asked for a native tree - there is an online NZ website that will plant one for $10. A gift that gave me more joy than a bath bomb or a voucher.

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  12. Joan (Devon)11:18 pm

    No matter how low I am feeling I would never say I feel depressed as I have seen depression at its worst by a family member and it isn't something to say lightly.

    I always feel sad when trees are felled and I'm glad you and Islwyn planted a replacement. You will now have the pleasure of seeing your tree grow and take on a splendour of its own.

    It must have been hard to do but you took control with regard to your ex. Well done.

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  13. You're right not to try and pretend to be all buddy-buddy with your ex-Prof until such time that you actually can be because you have fully healed and moved on yourself. I was/am friends with some of my exes, but not with others. It all depends on the circumstances of the relationship/breakup, I find.

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  14. Planting a tree is an act of hopefullness.

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  15. When they go it’s not just the emotional void that is hard, sexually transmitted debt takes away our choices. Flexibility on how much to work as we age and the option of living elsewhere.

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  16. Time to smile again ... yes, and making and taking the time to do it well is perhaps the most important step of all. Sunshine helps too doesn't it - it really does.

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  17. Anonymous12:02 am

    A few years ago I was totally crushed and heartbroken by someone. They wanted to be friends, and I allowed it. I wanted so much to let them know that I also had moved on, that everything was "okay" and all was fine and forgiven and I was happy and in a good place. It was exhausting. It was depressing. I'd let them decide how the relationship would be. I let them have control and it was not what was best for me. Good for you for telling your ex to not contact you. Communication with him will only prevent you from continuing a productive process of moving on and it may even siphon off the energy needed to pursue new life experiences. My old quote for the day, is "to not look back, you're not going that way."

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  18. Good for you asking him not to contact you. I think it would only make you feel worse.
    Good to see you back.

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  19. The gift of the fish from Dorothy I believe to be a very lucky sign of Happiness for you John x

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    Replies
    1. Surely there is an old Chinese proverb...
      fish in your dog's poo means very good things to happen in your future.. or some such proverby thing. :)
      Sunshine best medicine in the world and it's free.

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  20. Anonymous12:18 am

    It's wonderful to see you posting again, making good decisions for moving forward. Do you intend to spend the remainder of your life in Trelawnyd? Xx oo -Mary

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  21. The New York Times had this article about "the middle child of mental health" recently. They called it "languishing."

    https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/19/well/mind/covid-mental-health-languishing.html

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  22. Here in North Florida we have a species of oak trees called Live Oaks. They can live for centuries and are majestic. I have several of them on my property that are so old they are in their dying phase and I mourn that. In a way, I feel guilty because it's happening on my watch but honestly, I know there is nothing I can do about it. But there is a young live oak on the property and I am guarding it with love. And at the last house I lived in, I planted a live oak sapling and every time I drive by there, I am amazed and happy at how big it is getting.
    We do not plant these trees for ourselves. We plant them for those who come behind us. And that is a joy.

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  23. FUCK YOUR EX! block him on your phone! planting the new tree is a lovely gesture.

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  24. In time everything passes - just like the plastic fish. Look to the future, ever forward. Love will find you when you and where you least expect it. So glad to see you are back on the blog.

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  25. Welcome back, John. I don't know if you are clinically 'depressed' but I take meds for that and they help. I'm glad you told the Prof to leave you alone, I see it as a gesture meant to make himself feel magnanimous and caring. Who needs that shit, hey? Fishy poo made me smile, Dorothy knew you needed a smile. So glad you're back in our fold.

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  26. Barbara Anne1:38 am

    So glad to see you here again but am sorry you've felt so down due to circumstances beyond your control. Hope the tree planting helps and that the unexpected deposit of the plastic fish brought a chuckle. You can count on dogs to help lighten things up.

    Big hugs!

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  27. Good to see you back. You were missed. I'm glad you did what is best for you. Love the new tree and it is good size. In no time it will be as glorious as its predecessor. That's our girl, Dorothy!

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  28. YAY! Nice to "see" you again John. I could say many things but they'd just be repeats of what everyone above has said.

    And with that, thanks for ruining "sushi boxes" for me, LOL! Seriously though, I'll crack a smile the next time I see one and I'll think of you and Dorothy.

    Hugs!

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  29. Good decision on the ex. Some people can't ever see the pain they've caused others.

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  30. The good thing about small plastic fish is that they don't have to be pulled out :)

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  31. I love that quote.

    Good job with ex! Impressively strong. I have to see my ex almost every week and at holidays bec of the kids. It is hell. I strive for pleasant civility.


    Lovely tree. I think they grow quite fast,, maybe you'll enjoy its shade.
    love

    lizzy

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  32. Good on you telling your ex to hike it. I have to see mine once in a blue moon because we have kids. This lock down has been a blessing for that anyway.

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  33. I totally agree with your Greek saying. I love planting trees, and often give them as presents. I have also planted trees on the exact day each of my grandsons were born. Well done with the Laburnum; I hope people remember your kindness.

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  34. Lovely to see you've returned. I've given rose bushes as presents; never a tree. In my experience, emotional tentacles can be tricky things to sever, regardless of who ends the relationship. Warm regards to you. -A.K.

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  35. I've suffered clinical depression....fortunately, not at the moment, although stress-related despondency does attack sometimes. I've found a good way to help is to make sure I do something, even one little thing, of my choice that makes me feel happy. This weekend it was watching Calamity Jane and drawing a picture of silver birch tree trunks. Do something you really like, John - it's your present to yourself.

    As for your ex - good decision to kick him into touch. You don't have to accept his magnanimosity (is that even a word?). xx

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  36. So glad to see you back on line John you were dearly missed.

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  37. So good to see you back. I think your decisions are definitely the best ones. I was once told that "poo" signified good luck (or maybe it was stepping in it that was!!) and a fish is a symbol of life ~ so it looks to me that all is going to be well for you. We all have these glitches that stop us for a while and especially with the recent world situation. i am so glad you are back. Keep well & safe. Hugs Ro xx

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  38. Looking backwards is never a good plan - it means you can't see where you are going.

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  39. Well done you for buying that replacement Laburnum tree. Saw one yesterday on our way to Brecon, and it reminded me of the ones up on field margins on top of the mynydd above Brechfa. Why grow them by fields where stock could get poisoned by them I wondered when I first saw them. Apparently during WW1 farmers couldn't get fence posts for love or money as all the trees were being cut up to go to hold up the trenches. All sorts of other wood was brought into use for fencing including, it would seem, Laburnum. Which now looks as beautiful as it is deadly . . .

    Chin up - these are such strange times and you must be lonely - as we all are when denied the company of friends and family. You did the right thing by requesting no contact from your ex-husband - though I imagine it was a hard step to take.

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  40. Good to see you back. I hope you're feeling more like yourself again. Re-iterating others regarding your ex. You don't need that baggage dragging you down. So sorry you've been feeling low, but better times are on the horizon, I'm sure. Trust Dorothy to know how to put a (puzzled) smile on your face. Made me giggle too! Even if you leave Trelawnyd, people will tell their children about the tree that John planted in the churchyard. xx

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  41. Glad you're back - I thought of you each day and hoped each was bringing you more pleasure in life. A churchyard is a good place for a Laburnum - I understand they're poisonous to livestock, so they can look beautiful and not do any harm there. You made a decision for your own best interests in not communicating with your ex - it might be "nice" for him, but it's of no benefit to you. Looking forward on your own terms = much better.

    I hope the sun shines warmly for you tomorrow.

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  42. It is good to see you back.

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  43. Just how long would that fish have been inside poor Dorothy? Perhaps it has been giving her grief all along, after all, a dog can't really say 'Please would you take me for an x-ray because there's something swimming around inside me that shouldn't be there.'
    Hopefully you will both feel better now. Onwards .....

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  44. I would say welcome back, but my comments rate soared while you were taking a break. No, I'll say it anyway. Welcome back.

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    1. I clicked on your link to consider adding another comment to your ratings but just got a "profile not available message" and no link to a blog

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    2. Well I don't know what happened there, but thanks for considering.

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  45. Good to see you back ,John. I think planting a tree is an act of healing. I find when I am 'down' growing things helps me more than anything. xxx
    Kathy

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  46. Having a bad chapter myself at the moment so it lifted my spirits to see a post from you (especially the poo story). Sending you a virtual hug. xx

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  47. The replacement tree is lovely! I think your ex is very unkind 'wanting' more friendly communication from you. What he wants and what he gets are two very different things! I am sorry you feel down. I feel downbeat too. Hopefully as the weather improves (it has been dreadful here) so will our optimism. Take care. x

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  48. Way to go John. Onwards and upwards. So pleased you are back, I missed you.

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  49. Mrs Trellis is like The Oracle at Delphi. Another one of her wise sayings is I believe: "It takes a determined man to scale the trellis of love". I applaud your planting of the laburnum tree. Hopefully it will thrive and become your special gift to the future so that in days to come folk will tarry in its shade, not knowing who planted it or when or why.

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  50. It's a tough time for everyone right now. You are right: diagnosing someone in a facebook comment is not cool. However, we can wait quietly with you while you trundle through the tough times. Speaking of tough times, passing a plastic fish doesn't sound like a good time either. Welcome back.

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  51. Your bra straps are hoisted, the weather will improve and we can all meet up again and hug ..... something to cheer us all up. Onwards and upwards John. 😘 XXXX

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  52. You should have begun moving on a long time ago instead of holding onto the grudge.

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    1. Northriding5:52 pm

      Hurt rather than grudge?

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    2. Northriding5:53 pm

      Glad to see you back

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  53. I was speculating yesterday what the first words of your post would be and I thought Mrs Trellis and sure enough it was. Nothing seems to have changed.

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    1. Perhaps not , thank u for that

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    2. You have had a break from writing your blog. That is what you wanted and I trust you benefited in some way from not writing every day. In what way you benefited I am not quite sure, I doubt it has anything to do with blogging whatsoever. Perhaps you could write a post on how not blogging affected you.

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  54. I'm glad to hear you planted a new tree. This lockdown made many of us feel weepy. Being outside and enjoying nature helps. A plastic fish in Dorothy's poop is hilarious 😂

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  55. I find that when I have felt badly wronged by someone I know I have found they don't really want an in depth discussion about it and understand how badly I am affected by their behaviour-they prefer to brush it all under the carpet and"lets move on"-then they twist it and say that I'm the problem or I'm too sensitive-b******s-if you don't mind me saying x

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  56. John, glad to see you back. I can also relate to the despondency and flatness. I think for me, it's a by-product of Covid, and then other things amass on top of that and it all feels like too much. A dear friend of mine advised me that my most important work (always, and not just now) is self-care. If my cup is empty, I can help no one. So, at times, it may look to others that I am selfish, tending to my needs first in whatever form that may take, and well, too bad. I must. And leave it to Dorothy to break the spell! Sending much love, and gratitude to you - for being light in this dark world.

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  57. There! You got that done, John. It was time to put all that into perspective.
    Planting that tree was perfect.....so many will admire it in the coming years/decades.

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  58. Good move on the ex. No joy there. If it hadn't been for that windfall from the unclaimed money, you'd have lost Trelawnyd, and it's worth 1000 of him. The new laburnum could well surprise you. 5, 6 years ago, I planted a live oak in the back yard to replace a huge one the previous owner had (stupidly) taken down, and the thing has gone from a scraggly 8-10 feet to being big and thick enough to start shading the house.

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  59. Welcome back. You have been missed.

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  60. Glad to see you back. It helps you and us to hear about your feelings - you get to talk it out and we can offer our support! It makes us think and you almost always give us something to smile about. (Thanks, Dorothy!) xx

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  61. Congratulations on cutting the ties with your ex. Definitely the right move.

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  62. Yorkshire Liz2:58 pm

    Welcome home, cariad. Remember it is the paper cuts that hurt more than broken limbs, and for the strong the lesser hurts hurt most. So your ex husband has his new cake but still wants crumbs from the old? Greedy, seeking self justification and, if I may reflect so, less than fair or considerate towards you. To achieve what? For you, I mean, except to be dangled over a precipice not of your making.New tree, new life, new page in the book.Deep breath, shoulders back,and on to pastures new. There are more fish in the poo, and not all are plastic!

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  63. Even if I am content and happy with the situation, I do not need an ex contacting me.

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  64. Oh so good to have you back! Take care of yourself. We love you. Judy

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  65. Milli4:09 pm

    Welcome back - missed you!

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  66. I think your ex has caused enough pain without expecting you to just be friends. Planting the laburnum is a great step towards the future and hope.

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  67. "Happiness is indeed when old men plant a tree , the shade of which we will never sit in." This is deeper than just a tree.

    As for contact with your ex. I've been there. I have done it with Billie on several occasions. It is never fulfilling. It never goes anywhere. You never know what the picture is like on the other side. Seldom is it as rosy as you think.

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  68. John, you've made me happier this morning. Thought you might have taken a bit longer away was pleasantly surprised. Everyone has said it all so I'll just say, "Good to see your new photos and read your offering." Thank you & take care. Hugs from the base of the mini-mountain in sunny Maine.

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  69. Keep in mind how loved you are, John. Often from afar, but truly loved.

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  70. Depressed? No. Frustrated to the point of distraction? Probably. At least in planting that replacement tree you've left an mark on the village to commemorate this sorry year & whatever it turns out to be in the end. And Dorothy had a go at amusing you.
    As to being "more friendly" - you're far too busy with you valuable work in the community, plus your burgeoning social life to have time to think about that right now. Let him stew.

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  71. Dear John, of course he wants to tidy things up. He wants absolution for his behaviour. You are not required to give it. Not until you are ready, even if that takes literally forever. I'm friendly with some exes but not others. The degree to which you were hurt has a lot to do with how things go afterwards. You did the right thing by asking him not to be in touch.
    Thinking of you, and sending you strength.
    Elizabeth

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  72. So glad to see your post. Please don't hide yourself from us, we are friends, in good times or bad...

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  73. Bravo for planting the laburnum. I don't know how long a laburnum takes to grow, but who knows -- you may get to sit beneath it after all. :)

    You've got to follow your heart on the ex question. If it's time for a friendship you'll know it -- and it may never be time, which is fine too.

    I wonder where on earth Dorothy got that fish? A bit of sidewalk snacking, maybe? He sodium levels must be through the roof from all the soy sauce -- LOL!

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  74. Shelly Williams6:49 pm

    Hurrah , you are back xxx

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  75. Dorothy gives the gift of the smile at the end of the day.

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  76. Looks like the top of that sapling will already cast a bit of shade that you could sit in.

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  77. Welcome back :-)

    I had to sever all ties with my ex. He wanted to be friends and drop in and out of my life when it suited him. He once complained that I wasn't in when he "popped by" unannounced. He also let himself into my house when I was out. I agree with everyone who says your ex wants it all neatly tied up and box ticked. You have to do whatever will cause you least pain xxx

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    Replies
    1. I managed to get a decent amount of distance from mine by always being in the process of cooking something he hated when he was "just round the corner" (well, I'd moved near to Camden in the mid 90's, so possibly true). And I probably was going to have broccoli for dinner, though can't be certain I had as much seafood as I had him think. Best freakout from him was when I ordered a chocolate beetroot cake in a cafe.

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  78. Thank you all for your comments
    The weeks break from blogging took a bit of pressure off me but Rachel is right , nothing really changes much , you just regroup and move forward.
    And that’s what I’ve done .
    That’s what we all do

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  79. Forget the x do not respond back.
    Mine sent me a letter saying boo hoo hoo it was everyone else who made me treat you all so bad. I think it was a letter they make you write in Counseling to those he wronged.

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  81. Late to the party again sigh.... echoing all the sentiments above...Welcome back....I missed reading. Planting the tree gives a new beginning. Great timing despite the old Laburnum being felled. Boo to the ex...Hurrah for Dorothy passing the plastic fish, I bed her tummy feels better.

    Jo in Auckland

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  82. Anonymous2:46 am

    So glad you're back. Not depression, situational things that you have dealt with. I think you are pretty welled balanced. Everything you say and do are pretty much on the money. If you went on with life as fine and dandy then that's when you worry.

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  83. It's been a rough year for the world. Everybody seems grumpy and sad and just worn out. You also work some wicked hours.

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  84. Its fine to not feel fine to grieve ,to have blue days to just to not want to be. As you grow older experience tells you that sometimes you just need ME time and another day brings a different emotion , be kind to yourself John thats all it takes

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  85. Glad you're taking care of yourself. I've found "doldrums" sometime describes the state I'm in, quite stopping short of depression, though your spontaneous tears developing seems to suggest a bit more.

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    ReplyDelete

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