I didn’t blog yesterday because blogger was playing up and wouldn’t allow me to download photographs.
We have had the wettest May on record this year, so the unexpected sun had us all in the garden potting up plants and weeding the planters.
I’m 59 in a few days time....
Now sometimes I feel a very old 59......and before the deserters start their usual “ Stop moaning I know a lot of people older than you you who feel vibrant and vital and young”
all I have to say to them is try wearing PPE for 12 hours in an non air conditioned environment and see how you feel as a burly support worker is peeling your white sweaty flesh from beneath blue plastic, figure hugging pinny.
12 hours in PPE makes even 25 year old nurses feel old .
Being 59 in gay years is neigh on being dead,
a phenomenon which thankfully doesn’t bother me too much as I am not particularly attracted to younger men. Unfortunately most of my fellow 59 year old gay men are attracted to younger specimens so the chance of dating someone remotely sanguine and normal is somewhat limited.
I’m not particularly arsed about all that.
How do I really feel about being 59?
Rather ambivalent to be honest
I dont feel almost 60, though it is sobering seeing the numbers written down- but I must admit that I do now walk like JohnWayne after sitting too long in at my daily car commute and I do enjoy an occasional crafty nap in an afternoon.
In 1984 my father was 59
He looked ten years old older than I do now, to be sure, but also to be fair to him, he still ran a successful business full time, was a mason and a full time councillor with a chain of office and everything.
What he didn’t do was wear PPE on a hot day....by gum if he did that the heart attack that eventually killed him at 65 would have probably occurred a great deal sooner.
He chain smoked too, something I have never done, but I concede that the nicotine probably kept him going
.... but like me he kept his hair
I can’t abide the smell of cigarettes
Hi John, all your plants and garden look lovely.
ReplyDeleteI know I coudnt survive in all that plastic, although working in the polytunnel on a hot day, might train me, but then I am 81,sometimes I feel young,other times not. You will feel about 20 again, when you are freed from it all. Enjoy your garden in the sunshinen
Kathy xxx
A nice lesion Kathy x
DeleteIt's a good job there's no smellivision on zoom
ReplyDeleteIndeed no one would ever say hello
DeleteI hope you can get out of all that very soon! It must be awful. Such lovely looking weather. It's fecking freeezing here <3
ReplyDeleteOh for a period of fine weather x
DeleteStill a puppy, even in a figure-hugging pinny.
ReplyDeleteBollocks x x
DeleteHappy Birthday dear one in a few days - and hopefuly PPE will soon be nothing but a memory. Appreciate what you say about finding a soulmate as you age. At 88 I no longer even look - I don't think it is related to gender-related issues - soul mates these days are hard to find. Two wonderful husbands make me thankful for what I have been lucky enough to have. You seem to have so many interests, so many good, reliable friends - hopefully somebody will appear in your life without you even looking - I hope so - you deserve the best.
ReplyDeleteXx
DeleteI will never understand why people get to tell you how you feel, or how you should feel. People are interesting. Not always good, but interesting.
ReplyDeleteYour garden looks overflowing with loveliness. You've a birthday card coming, but it will almost certainly be late. Have a good day, John.
Yes..trolls, family , blog readers, all tell you what you should be feeling
DeleteNot smoking will make a huge difference in your health over your father's, as you know. My dad also smoked heavily and he's no longer with us, but he made it to 79, which is pretty amazing all things considered.
ReplyDeleteYes today , it’s not part of the equation
DeleteYour pots look wonderful. Once summer arrives they will be magnificent.
ReplyDeleteI can’t begin to imagine how debilitating wearing PPE all day must be. You have every reason to get down about it.
You are rich in friends, of whatever orientation, and that seems to me to be likely to bring you happiness and well-being even if a soulmate isn’t on the horizon. Enjoy your garden, Hugs for your birthday on Monday. (it’s our son’s too)
Thank you Virginia
DeleteWhat gets me is that I haven’t lost any weight with the PPE on lol
If being 59 in gay years equals being nearly dead how d'you think I feel at 74? Yes, you're right - even more nearly dead.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of which, my downstairs neighbour passed away on Sunday. I think he was somewhere late 60s but, if I say so myself, looked [even] older than I am. No tears from me as that's the end of 10 years taking in several verbal feuds. I referred to him for others as 'Mr Nasty' - heavy drinker and smoker despite having most of one lung removed plus a heart by-pass, so it's a wonder he lasted so long. Left his wife and daughter to live alone here in flat under me. Hope his replacement is more affable and considerate. Could hardly be worse.
Btw: not only has it been the wettest May we've experienced for a very long time, it's also been the coldest start to Summer since records began over 150 years ago. Today down here we're basking in 17C, a temp we haven't seen since, well, that freakish short spell in March.
Incidentally, I know this is only one year but it had been said that global warming could mean that for the likes of us the effect could be that we'll get colder - in Winter at least, maybe Spring too, nearer to Canadian climates. So don't put that Arctic parka away just yet.
And I'm with you on the matter of ciggies also.
If I miss it, wishing you any happy ones for THE day. Hope you get your b'day kiss from li'l Dottie.
Oops. Last line, 'any' = 'many'.
DeleteRaymondo
DeleteLovely to hear from you, it’s been too long ....hopefully my film reviews will return soon as will yours x
My fault it's been so long, JayGee, as I've been shamefully neglecting blogs in recent weeks - frankly too much time spent watching YouTube on American politics, which both captivates and alarms/horrifies me as the BIG LIE continues its idiotic survival.
DeleteI'll make an effort to come back where I belong.
Oh, and I don't think there'll be many [even ANY?] film reviews coming from this direction as I've more or less given up on cinema now [perhaps just a very few times in a year] - and anyway I don't feel comfy leaving the pussycats alone for long for various reasons. But I WILL be reading your own reviews when you post them.
DeleteAny thoughts on joining the big gay quiz Ray? It's a new season tonight and I'm looking forward to winning again with John. We're an enviable team from the comments we've had. It's all fun and no prizes.
DeleteI really have often thought about it, M.M., and I still do. I love most TV quizzes, especially those which do not give alternative answers to choose from. You either know it or you don't. Shouldn't let good luck play a part.
DeleteI'd genuinely like to join you and JayGee, but what's stopping me is, firstly, that I've never used this 'Zoom' thingy and don't know how it works. Then second, I'm particularly self-conscious about how I'd look on-screen, and ever moreso since my tripping accident about 4 years ago which pushed my front teeth further up into my gums, giving my appearance a rather disconcerting look whenever I have to open my mouth to speak. Dental surgery, very expensive in this case, has no guarantee it'll work, and at my age I'd rather not disturb it. It's not as though it NEEDS to get fixed as I'm hardly looking for a romantic liaison any more. It may sound like a trivial reason not to join in the quiz, but it's very real to me. So - I'll think further about it, but it won't be for a while. Thanks for the ask though.
I wouldn't worry about how you look. You couldn't possibly look worse than I. I barely have a tooth in my head.
DeleteRaybeard: If you really would like to attend but your self-consciousness and lack of familiarity with Zoom are the things holding you back, there is good news.
DeleteFirst, Zoom: In order to use it you will want a microphone and speaker (either already built into your computer, or an external headset you purchase), possibly a webcam or camera on your computer, and the Zoom program, which is easy to download and install from the Zoom website. You can optionally sign up for a Zoom account, which is usually unnecessary but has one feature you might find helpful (that I will get into below).
To join the quiz you will probably be emailed a link. Click the link and the Zoom program will start and join you to the meeting.
Often, the custom at Zoom meetings is for people to show both their video and audio. However, this is not always mandatory. My Internet connection is rubbish, so I request that my camera be off during meetings, and the organizers usually accommodate this. Other participants then see my name on a black background, but they can hear my audio when I unmute.
If you have a Zoom account you can log into that account before clicking a link. The advantage to this is that you can then set a picture to use as an avatar. Then when your video is off they can see your picture. (Maybe it is possible to set this without being logged into a Zoom account, but I have not found this option.)
I have never been to the Quiz but I bet you would enjoy it, and that others would enjoy your company. Maybe Mavis or John or another person could help you practice with Zoom beforehand so you would feel less nervous using it for the quiz?
Once tried ,.....it’s easy xx
DeleteOh, I came down here to assure Ray that he wouldn't have to have a camera on. He could just leave it on but he would still be able to talk and interact and see everyone else
Delete59...i just turned 69. how did i get here? it's strange being the same age as old people.
ReplyDeleteI'm nearly 62 and feel rather pleased to still be here as both my parents passed at 56-I look old now but I'm not too bothered- when I look in the mirror I'm quite tickled-but lucky in some ways as I don't have to cover myself in plastic though-think I'd have a panic attack- Hope you drink lots of water x
ReplyDeletePerhaps we are all young at heart
DeleteYour garden is a delight, Jon. I love Dorothy's backward glance, so chic! I have never had to wear PPE, yet I have much compassion for all the workers who do. My sister is a dental hygienist, and they are literally cloaked from head to toe. She is 65 and can't retire until 66 and 1/2, the weird age here in the states where you can have ALL of the Social Security that you have worked for your whole life. Her daily work is wearing her down, and I pray she can stay physically well long enough to retire and have a life left. I pray for all of you that must wear the PPE, for your comfort and health. Sending love and light from the States.
ReplyDeleteA pinny is an apron.
ReplyDeleteThank you for translating
DeletePPE for covid consists of long sleeved plastic gown, gloves, mask, visor,
Hopefully the plastic wear, will start to go away this year. It seems like just yesterday, 30,40,50,60 speed past. The alternative to getting old, is dying young, not a good option.
ReplyDeleteHummmm
DeleteI don't know how you and all care workers survive a shift in full PPE. I get hot and bothered just wearing a mask round Tesco. I'll be 67 in July, and so to me, you're just a baby! As Weaver said, your soulmate will turn up when you least expect it. xx
ReplyDeleteLuckily often you can get out of the constraints of the plastic in a shift
DeleteHappy birthday. I hope you get to spend it exactly how you want and enjoy the day. Hopefully without the mask. Xx
ReplyDeleteNice to be happy that’s all I want x
DeleteWearing PPE all day must be horrible. I'm sure the day when the virus is declared under control and PPE is no longer needed can't come quickly enough.
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday! Nowadays fifty nine is still the prime of life. Enjoy!
Oh no nick not in the nhs
DeleteYour garden is really beautiful. Happy B-day. My outlook on life is: If it is meant to happen, it will, if not, it's not meant to be. Enjoy life's unlimited possibilities The PPE will be gone soon. No air conditioning? This seems wrong.
ReplyDeleteThank u susan
DeleteStop moaning I know a lot of people older than you who still feel vibrant, vital and young. I was lucky to be able to retire at 56. To be truthful I could not have endured another year in a perpetually stressed out school close to the bottom of the achievement ladder. I do not envy you wearing PPE for such a long time. I can hardly bear wearing a COVID mask for more than half an hour.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I would add, Dear John, that I know a lot of people much, much younger than you who are wrecked, or dead...
DeleteYeap so right
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. Life is hard, especially alone, isn't it.
ReplyDeleteYour garden looks lovely.
previous comment depleted due to typos.
lizzy x
It is harder than I remember lizzy
DeleteHappy early birthday John. Nursing is a job that takes a huge toll on the body. My feet and back have gotten the worst of it and never stop hurting. I can't imagine wearing full PPE all day. When I'm in interventionals I have to scrub in and wear lead, a gown, hat, goggles and gloves but thankfully that only lasts for an hour at most.
ReplyDeleteI turn 59 in the fall and it's a strange feeling. You talk about gay men ignoring older gay men, straight men ignore older women too. It's kind of nice though, liberating. I'm no longer looked at as something to be fucked, which is how girls start to feel at puberty. We are objects, not people. So braless now and long white hear. I feel like a witch at times and I like it.
Is there a gay male equivalent of a wise old witch?
Hope you have a lovely birthday.
Thank u xx
DeleteIt's the circumstances that grind you down, not the numbers (though granted, I'm not swathed in plastic)...and THEY can improve...let's hope.
ReplyDeleteLet’s hope x
DeleteAmazed more nurses are not collapsing in full PPE on their long shifts. I so hope it will be safe enough soon for you to get back to normal. It must be horrible!
ReplyDeleteIt can't be easy at all meeting someone new. I hope there is someone out there who will love being with you and you will feel the same about.
It is horrible
DeleteHello John. I'm four years your junior, but I think your profession (anyone's profession) can help dictate how old you feel. I only had to be masked every day at work and I was always so grateful to peel it off as I walked to my vehicle at the end of the day, so I cannot imagine what it feels to essentially have your whole body masked! I always love reading your blog, but don't always comment. I think you have great insights and a wicked sense of humour! -Jenn
ReplyDeleteMy humour has been tested of late , but it’s still there
DeleteAgree totally on the ppe wearing. On holiday at present and retiring from NHS in a 1 month cant wait. I'm also 59. Visiting Newmarket today horse racing museum. After 20mins in my mask the horses bucket of water outside stable looked tempting. Take care xx
ReplyDeleteU too x
DeleteI had no idea there was no air conditioning at the hospice. Mercy! No wonder the PPE is stifling and enduring 12 hours wearing it is draining. I join in the hopes that the PPE will soon not be needed.
ReplyDeleteSurely the sight of your lovely garden, colorful flowers and Dorothy lifts and gladdens your almost 59 year old heart.
Might your next dog be a basset or are you still considering Mary having puppies? How is that for a non sequitur?
Oh, and Blogger has twice blanked out my comment the moment I clicked 'publish'. Bother!
Hugs!
She does xx
DeleteYou are the same age as my younger brother, but you are in much better shape, both physically and mentally. I don't know if gay years are equal to lesbian years, but at 62 I've given up the expectation of finding a partner. I don't have any interest in being with a youngster and having to explain all my cultural references. Mind you, if a gal my age came along, well, I'd be interested. But, I think I've outgrown the ability to live with someone else. I'd love a friend with benefits! Lol.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your birthday, John! I'll toast you from the other side of the globe. Cheers!
Thank u , I hope you find a lesbian soulmate x
Delete59 as a straight chap is very much the same John. Where women used to insinuate 'have you got the time' they now approach one to ask 'have you got the time - sir' indicating your wrist watch...
ReplyDeleteI get it...perhaps we should have a pint together lol
DeletePenblwydd Hapus John.
ReplyDeleteDiolch
DeleteThe old adage....'you are as old as you feel'. And age really is just a number, John. Depending on what we do we may feel old/tired one day but not the next.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you would feel/look a lot older if you had had kids. That takes a toll.....but I am sure it has its rewards as well, they say.
I think you sometimes feel older if u live alone, as my older sister pointed out you have no one to bounce off
DeleteI'm nearly 4 years older than you. Some days I can't believe time has gone so fast, other bad days I wonder how much longer. It all depends on my aches and pains and what's on my mind. Wearing a mask (and not a full up PPE version) drains my energy and that's just from wearing it short times in stores, I can't imagine what I'd be from 12 hours of full gear. I salute everyone who slogs through day after day like that. I hope the need for it goes away sooner than later. Straight women have been dealing with the age thing for centuries. Unless the male is looking for a nurse, maid, cook, and/or money to look to his needs, it seems like anyone over 35 is too old. Another very good reason I'm happy I'm not single.
ReplyDeleteIn case I miss your post on the day - I hope you have a good birthday. Same to your sister.
It will be lovely x
DeleteLove your blog and great to see you hanging in with your always present wit and wisdom :) This line caught my attention especially: " Unfortunately most of my fellow 59 year old gay men are attracted to younger specimens so the chance of dating someone remotely sanguine and normal is somewhat limited." Welcome to MY world as a hetero woman of 62 :) Men my age, and older, are often looking for the younger wimmins. That's FINE if you're wanting a barbie for a g/f :) imho
ReplyDeleteI’m not that bothered Diana...xx
DeleteI hope you have a very Happy Birthday John; I beat you to 59 by 4 months. Can't say it's a number I cherish... but I don't feel any older and don't necessarily look any older than last year but I do think I won't be counting the numbers any longer I'm just going to go with the flow now. Not making long term plans just living in the every day. Fortunately for me I am not single and I would dislike being on my own as I really like being a couple and I would probably go mad. Your garden is a picture so very pretty.
ReplyDeleteJo in Auckland
Single people over 50 are invisible
DeleteInvisible to everyone
With the greatest of respect Dear John, I believe that is absolute nonsense, and I am 66. I suggest you consider a major change of attitude.
DeleteAnd yes, before you point it out, I am not single, but I know many who are, and anyway, many of the people of all ages I interact fruitfully with have no idea whether I am single or not.
DeleteI hit that "I'm OLD" feeling right at 60. Not so much the number as that's when the hair went mostly gray. Your comments about your Dad and the cigarette smoke brought back memories of my chain-smoking mother. She made it to 92. Never can make up my mind if it's because she managed to preserve herself like a ham in a smokehouse with all the smoke and chemicals, or because, like a friend of mine who met her was fond of saying "Heaven doesn't want her and Hell's afraid she'll take over!"
ReplyDeleteI'm grey now because I want to be and I embrace getting older and I won't be negative for long-today my hip and back have been giving me a bit of jip and I don't sleep well but as I was watching tv I heard the Pasadenas and also Jimmy Nail's"she's no good for me"and I was dancing-lovely x
ReplyDeleteSoz" ain't no one else"x
Deleteps-it's the minkepouss one John with the men with the big horns x
DeleteHappy birthday John and I love your glorious pots. We are heading for winter, very cold on the beach this morning. I have just planted pots of pansies. Old? No way, but I must admit I was dragged kicking and screaming into being 80, now nearly 82 I admit to slowing down. How did it happen? But I am still here, mostly enjoying life. Love your blog.
ReplyDeleteAt 79, I regret I ever smoked.
ReplyDeleteYour flowers are beautiful. Getting older is a strange thing. I dealt with it fairly well until recently. I think this past pandemic year has set me back more than I expected and I suspect others feel the same. Your job has become much more difficult since the pandemic due to PPE not to mention other things. I'm hoping we can all soon get back some of what 2020 took away from us and start feeling younger. May your 59th year lead you to a younger, more refreshed and happier version of yourself. xx
ReplyDeleteMy father died at 45 and I'm now 14 years past that (Yes, John, we're the same age) He smoked and I don't, so maybe that bought me time.
ReplyDeleteAbout two weeks ago I went for my second Covid shot and the woman at the Wal-Mart pharmacy looked at me suspiciously and asked if I was "rounding up" my age. God forbid!
I suppose the worst thing (for me) about Covid, is having to wear a mask for 30 mins once a week when I go shopping. After that 30 mins I feel exhausted, and I turn red. I can't wait to get outside again. I cannot imagine having to be PPE'd all day long. Nightmare!
ReplyDeleteA fellow NHS worker, bloody hate PPE
ReplyDeleteI think I might be in the shower of my decided temperature, forever if I had to wear PPE as you do.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday to you ,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear John,
Happy Birthday to youuuuuuu.
June 1st.
I hope the weather is superb , so you can get outside and enjoy it. Speedos and all.
Fortunately, I never had to wear PPE longer than an hour or so at a time before removing or changing with a break in-between during pre-Covid times. Can only imagine what you've been experiencing.
ReplyDeleteAs for age 59 -- gay, straight or otherwise, my dear, you haven't even begun to experience aging's 'delights' but I'm sure you must have some sense of that. Still, we never truly know until we live it as I've found out first hand. Do enjoy yourself, just being, if nothing else -- but you do seem to do so most of the time. Ups and downs follow us all.