Incoming

“ You have to be kidding”

I managed to leave out the fucking in “you have to be FUCKING kidding” 

But it really DID deserve to be inserted there as I stood for a mini second with urine in my face, urine seeping under my mask into my mouth and eyes and all across my head.

The patient and the nurse-who had forgotten that she had left the urine standing inside a covered bedpan looked at me open mouthed 

I lost my usual bouncy sense of humour and bolted to the sluice where I ripped off my sodden mask and washed my face and hair

Urine in open eyes and mouth is the equivalent to a needle stick injury and has to be taken seriously 

After a shower, a failed blood taking effort by the hospice doctor, a long talk to occupational health and cup of hot tea, my sense of humour slowly started to reappear.....just !

 

Once I nursed a psychiatric patient who would intermittently delve down his pants , grab a large and rather wet turd and fling it at the nearest nurse. 

The staff would get used to the melodramatic warning cries of “incoming !!” as turd left hand and a blob of brown hurtled through the air of the ward like a smelly hand grenade .

* photo of Dorothy tonight , sleeping in front of Trendy Carol’s log burner