Anger



I deal with grief most days 
And I see how much anger often smokescreens it
It feeds grief and effectively insulates it when in excess

I know the story.
I’ve lived it .

Covid with its rules, has compounded anger
Anger in isolation, anger in blame
Anger in the pure unfairness of it all

And grief, in many cases has been halted and denied its natural way to go

77 comments:

  1. So true John. Stay safe Sylvia

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  2. I hope if we learn anything from this sh*t time, it is some understanding for people in grief. Losing my Dad to dementia made me angry at the world, and I felt a pressure to mask it and get over it. I hope lots more people have a respect for grieving people, and remember that it takes a long time to be able to return to any kind of normality, and that it is okay to grieve at your own pace....

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    1. And it’s ok to be angry, unless the anger stays

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  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. This reminds me of what I was reading the other day. I was reading some of Derek Jarman's poetry. It was interesting -and moving- reading what he had to say about that epidemic in this epidemic.

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    1. Do you like Sherlock Holmes ?

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    2. Snap! I asked the same question of him. I also like Derek Jarman but that's another story.

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  5. Impotent anger is the worst.

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  6. Joan (Devon)3:46 pm

    You have a way with words John. Grief does need an outlet and this pandemic is bringing out the anger in the bereaved especially if they were denied contact with their loved one before they passed on.

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    1. I know what it feels like to be unresolved in a certain issue, unresesolved grief must be the worse thing

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  7. We'll all end up with mild to strong PTSD with this pandemic...

    XOXO

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    1. I think you are right. And it’s nothing new

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  8. Such wise words...

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  9. I wrote about this same thing yesterday. Anger can be such a stopgap for our truest feelings.

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    1. The easiest one to mobilise often enough

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  10. How true. When we feel anger we poison ourselves without realizing it. There is a lot to be learned from this past year. Take care of yourself John. x

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  11. Here is the 'United' States hatred has replaced discussion, disagreeing, rationality and the ability to look critically at an issue. Hatred is our modus operand, our first line of thought. On our public radio, NPR, I heard someone say (unimportant about what) that he had made up his mind, and no facts or data would make him change his view. Where does one go from there?

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    1. Everyone in American seems to be shouting all of the time

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    2. Trump has much to answer for...Obama was so calm and rational...couldn't we swap him for Boris?

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    3. We are not ALL shouting...

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    4. Sorry Lizzie, didn't mean that...

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  12. Hey, you should write a book. love ya

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  13. Anger and grief go hand in hand. I am feeling a bit of both right now.

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  14. Thanks for your wise words.

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  15. I would also add that people grieve in different ways. I don’t think there is one right way to grieve.

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    1. Indeed....there isn’t but there are more unhealthy ways

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  16. Yes. You have spoken the words that many cannot even find.

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    1. I couldn’t find them at one point

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  17. For most anger is one of the stages of grieving, I can only imagine the added toll of isolation when death is expected.

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    1. Isolation is the big issue , I think too

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  18. An interesting take on things John.

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    1. It’s been an interesting few days pat x

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  19. Personally, I find anger to be overwhelming, masking other feelings and shouting so loudly I can't hear what the backstory really is. Dealing with the real story, for me, is the only way to extinguish, or diminish, the anger.

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    1. Anger is so easily mobilised because it’s like steam out of a kettle

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  20. You couldn't be more right. My dad was diagnosed with covid amost a month ago. He started out in one hospital, got transferred to another on the far side of our metro area and then was transferred to a rehab facility. He has no home to go to (it's complicated) and always indicated to us that he had everything under control. He does not. He is still in rehab (covid tested negative) and I am trying to find a place for him to go (live) without no POA or Executor authorization. I have limited access to any paperwork that verifies his liquid assets. He, on the other hand, calls me constantly, telling me what I should be doing (in a nutshell - get me the heck outta here) and then hangs up before I get a chance to ask any questions or look for any answers from a man who is hard of hearing and is struggling with his hearing aids. He's angry, he's hurt, he's sad and so am I. Insurance is running out and I'm sitting here waiting to hear from a new social worker to find out what his actual health status is (how assisted of living will he require - affects price) and what is the next move. Yes, isolation is a big factor. Masks make it very hard for him to hear and understand. I feel almost as alone as I'm sure he feels right now. Ranee (MN) USA

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    1. I can feel your frustration Ranee
      I hope the social worker steps up to the mark and helps x

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  21. Lovely poem. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. Really?
      My intention wasn’t a poem

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  22. So true, John. I think anger is easier than admitting we are scared. No one wants to be seen as weak, or vulnerable, and anger tends to be big sharp fence around us to keep "danger" away. I'd rather go out yelling than crying, you know?

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    1. And anger is often up ad running before we are conscious of it

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    2. I think you have touched on something important - anger is almost reflexive.

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    3. Exactly ...and when mobilised it can energise the person out of low mood and make them feel more alive

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  23. Years ago, when I was very unhappy in my marriage and used to cry a lot, a friend said something about the crying and I told him I was consumed by grief. He said he thought I was out right angry.
    I'm still not sure but it's interesting that I seemed to react differently to most.
    I'm trying to imagine what other times in history there has been so much loss, so universally felt. The world wars and the great plagues I guess

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    1. I’ve observed this too, in my own life x

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  24. When I have felt grief in my life through loss I seem to only recall being struck by extreme inability to move much at all-almost rigid.I have felt my body heave and vomited when my dad died.With each loss my house has become more chaotic x

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  25. Barbara Anne12:54 am

    Amen.

    Big hugs!

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  26. I am so sorry Mindo xx

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  27. I find I'm either angry or despondent. Hubby and I don't go anywhere, and my moods swing like crazy. He's a saint.

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  28. Loss of life and general hardship caused by COVID has brought a lot of anger. Our way of life has been terribly disrupted. Nobody has gone untouched. The question is: Where to put this anger?
    I once read a definition of grief as: Loving someone that can not love you back. (author unknown)

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  29. Anger will come and then it’s appropriate x

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  30. I saw a commercial today that said "it's okay to not be okay". I needed that message today.

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  31. We’re all a bit pissed, i would say. And rightly so. ‘Normal’ is gone and may never come again. There’s really no one person to blame. Although, trump deserves some blame for being so ignorant of facts. Oh, and lazy. Okay, i’m done, now.
    Debbie

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  32. I saw a very disturbing video made by a nurse in the usa, expressing her horror at how many covid patients that came her way were "covid deniers". Even though they're ill, she said, they still deny it exists and tell her to take off her ppe. She says they tend to stay in a state of angry denial right to the end. Chilling to watch.

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  33. Here I was, so touched by the blog post. Then reading through the comments, thinking... WTF? If there's going to be one human being blamed for COVID-19, shouldn't it be the President of the People's Republic of China? Who actively kept the virus under wraps until it spread into the world at large? That would seem a bit more appropriate. But there's been far, FAR too much outrage in society. It's truly toxic. And it's got to be exhausting to hate all the time. Can't be good for one's immune system.

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  34. I lived at least the first 30 years of my life that way. Couldn't cope or didn't think I was supposed to express my grief, so let my anger cover for it. I learned it from my father, so thought I was being "a man" like him. So many regrets for my behaviour.

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  35. Sadness and fear often reside under anger.

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