Friday, 18 October 2019

Two Words

It's a good hour before dawn and I'm sipping strong sweet coffee at the kitchen table
It's a work day.
..and I've just re read some emails from yesterday...
The day out with my sister overshadowed real life...it was fun....
One email was from my solicitor who informed me that my decree nisi had been legally pronounced on the 3rd of October
The cottage was quiet save for bulldog snoring from bedroom and sofa
And in the quiet ,
You realise that there is nothing more lonely than an early morning before light

I've just had a good long cry. 

65 comments:

  1. Aww bless you John, you're forging ahead with all sorts of good things, but a decree nisi notification is a real thump in the chest. I like early mornings, but much prefer light ones....there's something about dark early mornings that makes dark stuff seem even darker. If you know what I mean. Chin up and chest out, John, hope you have a good day at work x

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  3. Onwards and upwards ..... a good, long cry often helps. Thinking of you. XXXX

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  4. The darkest hour is just before dawn, so the saying goes. Sending hugs. Xx

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  5. Sometimes a good cry is good.Its Natures way of leaking out any hurt that is inside us...so get a tissue,wipe your eyes and face and throw it in the bin.That gets rid of some of the hurt.Thats what I tell my self.Love n Great Big Hugs from Debi,xx

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  6. OH bless you. Big hugs.xxx

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  7. Sending you hugs.

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  8. I think we all feel your pain and hopefully that will lighten it a little. When my decree nisi came through I went out and had a small tattoo (I was no longer a youngster but well into my 60's) it felt very liberating and rebellious!!! Sending you hugs from Italy... Ro xx

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  9. Please wear our best wishes like a warm, comfy jumper - with a pom-pom cap.

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  10. I cried yesterday. It will be good for you to be at work today. X

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  11. Heartfelt hugs and oceans of caring are flowing your way.

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  12. Oh John. I feel like crying too. Sending you lots of love. xx

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  13. Morag8:15 am

    Ouch to the dry legality of the notification. Hoping you soon hear the legals for the house are concluded, too. Glad you're at work today xx M

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  14. Thinking of you John and sending love x

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  15. Just a small ((hug)) from Suffolk from someone who also lost someone they loved. Crying is OK but it makes your eyes all puffy so I don't anymore.

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  16. Indeed, that's often when reality hits you the hardest.

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  17. It's best to let it all out John a good cry is healthier than bottling it up. I hope the sun came out for you today John.

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  18. Cry, feel sad and then move on. Hope you have a good day at work.

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  19. Aww … John, I wish I could give you a great big hug.

    Wipe that face and take those puffy eyes out for a treat after work. I got a celebratory tattoo when my decree absolute came through … but then I wanted my divorce yours was thrust on you, very different :-(

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  20. Just wanted to send you a hug.

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  21. Sending love and hugs x hwyl Suz

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  22. Sending you a good long cyber hug.

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  23. a big hug for you all the way from here.

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  24. And wonder how time keeps moving on....

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  25. A therapeutic cry I hope. While it has been so rough for you, you are onwards and upwards. I've had to learn to hug in my older years. It doesn't come naturally, so no hug from me, but a heap of thoughts, concern and care.

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  26. Hugs from afar, then the sun rises and a new day calls out to you,

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  27. two words - forward march. look ahead. adventures await.

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  28. And now its finally over. Sending a virtual hug to you. x

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    1. Be prepared for the decree absolute in a few weeks time, John, then chin up, shoulders back, look towards the horizon and feel the sunshine on your face. The dark days WILL recede and you will have a bright future ahead. xx

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  29. Cry whenever you need to John,shout and swear and scream.Life sometimes is shitty but then out of the blue it's wonderful again.There is a lot of love in your life John and you know you'll be with someone special again x

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  30. Lonely? Or maybe just simply peaceful.

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  31. Barbara Anne2:00 pm

    Sadness, indeed, but then there are those yellow roses...

    ((Hugs)) from me to you.

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  32. Take solace from the love in the sound of a snoring dog x

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  33. Of course that would make you cry. One more stop on the grief path. Has to be done to get from one place to another.

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  34. Hugs...hugs..hugs...and a sweet healing kiss on your forehead from way across the pond.

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  35. I had the same thought as Mr. Pudding -- sometimes lonely, sometimes merely peaceful.

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  36. Aw John, It'll all be over soon.

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  37. Hugs, and hope your weekend will be restful. xx

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  38. Even though you knew it was coming it still is a shock. Time to change the locks and step into the future. You are loveable.

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  39. Hugs from here.

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  40. Extending my sympathy.

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  41. Major hugs John even though the logical side is accepting the inner voice always wants to know if you did enough. You did - perhaps too much which perhaps is the way of givers. Know that you have done your best or more at the end of the day. I know you perhaps don't believe it quite yet, but the tears are bit by bit releasing that tight ball held up inside for such a long time. Don't be afraid to shed or share them for it is human to do so. It is also letting go of the monkey on your back. I am just pleased that you are to stay at the cottage with the pack and Albert where you belong. Some things are just oh so right and I think the cottage has been your past, is now your present and your future. Don't be hard on yourself its just that sometimes for whatever the reason or whoever's fault it is people have to travel different paths. Remember that you have shared good times and bad times and you could not have done more than you have. I still think you have a fantastic book in you and that might be the way to secure your future longer term. At the end of the day whatever happens you will do it in your own inimitable way, time and style. Love those that don't stay and let them go into the ether. Letting go with love makes you the better person. Hugs and support as always Pattypan xx

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  42. More hugs. You can't have too many :)

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  43. Good to have a good long cry John - it relieves the tension. I have them often - nothing wrong with that.
    Hugs too.

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  44. Nothing better than a good cry. Cleansing. Hope your day went well.

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  45. The knowledge that it doesn't feel like that every minute, every hour and, some times, not every day helps though. Though it hurts, we can count on some relief from our dogs, friends and, when we are doing well, even from ourselves.

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  46. Working all day tomorrow too
    Busy xxxx

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  47. Hugs from here too. Thinking of you.

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  48. I don't find them lonely at all. That's when I take my dogs for a walk.

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  49. Another hug from way over here. Chin up and move forward.

    Jo in Auckland

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  50. I read your post when it first went up, it being late at night here. I had no words then or now, sometimes things are just too deep to verbalize.

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  51. Sending hugs John.

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  52. Sending hugs from way over here too.
    Thank goodness for the dogs...sending love.

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  53. Yorkshire Liz12:19 pm

    The courage is in daring to cry and daring to grieve. And to share it. The problem with having a big heart is there is more to break. Letting the feeling out is best, and it has taken me my whole life to learn and allow that simple truth. Remember there are a lot of people out here who love you. Not empty words!!

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  54. A good cry is okay. Then you keep moving on. I know; I've been there. And it does get better, because you are making it so.♥

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  55. Hi hun, Oh John sending you a mega *hug* xxx.It is hard seeing it in black and white that it is final. But lovely man, there is someone amazing out there for you and when you meet them your past will fade away. You are such a lovely man, kind and considerate and deserve someone who will *see you*. I know at the moment that may be hard to believe but when you are not looking for it, it will come and smack you in the face. Trust me, I am living proof of it!*Big hugs* goldensunflowerx

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