I'm in the process of sorting my life insurance out and foolishly put my details into one of those " we'll do everything for you" kind of websites this morning.
My mobile has been ringing out of it's tiny mind since.
I've rejected all of the calls so far as I am still drinking my bucket of coffee for the day sat at the kitchen table underneath a mound of paperwork, but they keep on coming!
Finally, only a few minutes ago I answered the call!
I was all breathless and pretended to sound upset!
Meryl Streep couldn't have given a better performance
" Can you PLEASE stop calling my phone" I gasped....."I am presently lying face down and in a great deal of pain at the outpatients of my local hospital .
I am having my haemorrhoids lanced and my doctor has requested I lie very still
Thank you"
That will make for a bit of amused gossip around the Basingstoke call centre
That's made me laugh so much!!! xx
ReplyDeleteMy partner usually speaks in Welsh to them! Twice he's had Welsh speakers at the other end and had a lovely chat with them.
ReplyDeleteI had a lovely bloke on today when I rang the life insurance department..he had a voice like chocolate
DeleteWhy bother? You'll be dead.
ReplyDeleteCtitical illbess?
DeleteCritical illness even
DeleteExcellent response.
ReplyDeleteDiva esque
DeleteI didn't even know that having haemorrhoids lanced was a thing!
ReplyDeleteWhat a pain...but not as bad a having haemorrhoids lanced...do they DO that? Made me wince!
ReplyDeleteGuffawing into my tea here.
ReplyDeleteIts a silly rubbish reply but it may hsve made em laugh snd think
Deletethat's one of those mental images you can't stop seeing.
ReplyDeleteOh John that’s fantastic - really made me giggle - and no doubt you have caused some merriment in Basingstoke ... “Calls may be recorded for training purposes” ... you could go down in history! And is haemorrhoid lancing a thing? It doesn’t bear thinking about!
ReplyDeleteHopefully the irony of silliness of the reply wiyld have given the callcentrealarf
DeletePS thank you Google - it really IS a thing! Ouch!
ReplyDeleteWicked sod comes to mind as I chuckle reading this post.
ReplyDeleteLOL!! Where's our video of that? :D
ReplyDeleteGood one ! I pretend that I am my own secretary and tell the callers that I am not available, it makes me giggle every time.
ReplyDeleteDid it work?
ReplyDeleteI've had some cracking 'play along' calls for insurance, changing electrical companies etc ... I just say whatever comes into my head. Although I did feel guilty after responding to one 'we've heard you've had a slight accident in your car recently' ... with 'you call losing my husband and children when we crashed into a steamroller a slight accident?'. It shut her up and made me smile briefly ... oh gosh I hope she wasn't too traumatised!!
ReplyDeleteOh My God !!! I let them prattle on about my car accident then inform them that I don't actually drive or own a car !
DeleteLet's hope that you'll never be forced to make a living by joining a call center. These people are doing a job. No need to be abrasive and rude.
DeleteU
Get a sense of humour Ursula instead of always trying to drag John down.
DeleteBen, try and read what I said. Never let dislike of someone (yours of me) cloud your better judgment. I wasn't "trying to drag John down". I replied to A Smaller Life and BadPenny.
DeleteU
See my comment at the end. I've had shite jobs... Literally.
DeleteWhy don't you have a Blog where we can comment on what you say Ursula ?
Bad Penny, as I said just now, somewhere further down, to Truth and Honesty
Delete"My own blog? What title may you (and others) suggest? Something along the lines of social comment ... otherwise I'll, most likely, go into free fall, stream of consciousness."
Make it quick. I am living on borrowed time on this thread as John can get a little tetchy on his blog being used for purposes other than his own.
Blow you a kiss, John, to make up for my short comings. Remember Elton John before you shoot me down: "I am still standing". Emphasis on "still".
U
Ursula open your own blog again, this isn't YOUR forum
DeletePlease be fair, John. What do you want me to do? Not answer those of your readers who address me directly? That'd be pretty rude.
DeleteYou KNOW that it's never been my intention to make YOUR blog (indeed anyone's) MY "forum". As I said before, to me a blog is like a party. You, the blogger, are the host, those who comment are your guests. And guests should be allowed to mingle, without a gagging order.
Cheers,
U
Let's keep things friendly and if you want long debates then it seems common sense to open you your own blog again , does it not.
DeleteI'll keep things friendly John after I tell Usual 'to shut the fuck up ... you are the very definition of a wet blanket'.
DeleteA Smaller Life xx
Indeed, John.
DeleteSue, keep spreading the love. World peace, here "A Smaller Life" comes.
U
Indeed, John.
DeleteSue, keep spreading the love. World peace, here "A Smaller Life" comes.
U
Now, for the moment I have had the last word. Let's see how long that lasts.
DeleteInsure you life for who?
ReplyDeleteMight that be the Basingstoke call centre in India?
No one THANKS ANDREW. just to cover mortgage
DeleteHa ha, you devil!
ReplyDeleteI am a wag !,
DeleteLmaoooo
ReplyDeleteThat was perfect!
XoXo
I've heard better x
DeleteThat was YOU?!? Your hemorrhoids have gone viral ... on Twitter.
ReplyDeleteI am an internet sensation x
DeleteConsidering that most of John's readers think of themselves as kind and what-not I can't help but wonder, every so often, why so many of you hold such contempt for people who do their job (call center staff, even worse - for the staff - cold calling). I am sure most of us rather be nurses (Angels) or Mozart (an Angel). Alas some just have to make do with little choice how to make a living.By all means express that you aren't interested in their services but, please, do not take your irritation out on them who are just implementing their marching orders/company policy. You know, those people at the other end are human beings too. Not out to annoy you. Not that I don't concede that some of the strategies employed are just vile. However, let's not stoop. Be polite (whilst firm). And, maybe, as elaborately humorous - knock them out - as John was.
ReplyDeleteU
I've had a very rude lady call me once though Ursula.It was evening,I was cooking and I politely told her so,she said "let me finish"in a abrupt manner.I placed the phone back into the receiver x
DeleteI think all is fair if THEY are soliciting YOU and not the other way round
Deletethis hard sell abc constant calling is intrusive, and potentially very rude..
I chose humour today but I have been equally blunt and dismissive when faced by a barrage of cold calls
Well said, my daughter works in a call centre, she came home in tears last week , the abuse they have to put up with is unbelievable, my other daughter quit her job in the same call centre because she couldn't stand it any longer, lots of the staff end up on sick leave because of the stress, don't cold call people by the way.
DeleteI get annoyed by calls, but am always nice in dealing. Tell them firmly that I am not interested and wish them well on their efforts in doing their job. My son put himself through college as a telemarketer. Just like all of us, those telemarketers depend on their jobs to live.
DeleteThe irony of a lecture from Ursula on maintaining polite discourse.
DeleteOMG Mavis, you made me spit out my water!!! I was just thinking the same thing!!!!!! She's a fecking hag and here she lecturing us 😂😂😂
DeleteDitto
DeleteMavis, keep moaning - as long as it's not in my earshot.
DeleteU
Sheri, try and keep control of your water.
DeleteI am not lecturing anyone. I made a recommendation.
Greetings from the "fecking hag",
U
Oh you are awful Ursula- but I like you x
DeleteUrsula
DeleteDo you have a blog of your own. I am just asking before any suspected vitriol exhales.
Honesty and Truth, hi.
DeleteMy own blog? What title may you (and others) suggest? Something along the lines of social comment ... otherwise I'll, most likely, go into free fall, stream of consciousness.
U
Reminds me of the old Seinfeld bit when he tells the caller he's busy, and asks for his home number so he can call him back. "Oh, you don't want me to call you at home? Well now YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!"
ReplyDeleteI've never seen Seinfeld .. it's on my bucket list
DeleteI remember that Seinfeld episode, Tom, and I say AMEN!
ReplyDeleteWhat a brilliant comeback, John! I imagine all in the call center are still laughing, wherever they are on the planet. Ta for the morning laugh. :D
Hugs!
I hope it made their day
DeleteI think it's good sometimes to tell someone how you feel.We are only human and cannot accept never-ending stress without sometimes saying so.I liked that you said a thank you at the end.I have been taught to always be polite and say thank you x
ReplyDeleteThe chap I spoke to this afternoon used to holiday inwales with his gran and grandad
DeleteThat's much nicer isn't John x
DeleteI shall keep this reply for future use when solar panel salesmen pester.
ReplyDeleteAlternatively you could start to unbutton your pants and offer to show them
DeletePardon?????
DeleteLol
DeleteI get 6 or more telemarketers a day. I occasionly talk to them in chineze, and I have never had a chineze lesson in my life. sometimes they try different languages on me.none of wicth I understand.
ReplyDeleteor I act deaf, make them repeat everything several times.or just mess with them.
my favorite was when they got agitated with me , and started swearing at me. I told him I already knew those words in English, could he teach me to swear in hindu.
next thing there was 2 or 3 telemarketers swearing at me in English and their language. I kept telling them,''1 at a time, please, i'm old.''
they eventually hung up
Oh my!
DeleteDontmost sales teams record their calls?
An interesting day for those peoples jobs
Too funny! A friend of mine speaks Gaelic to them and that usually does the trick as no one can figure out what she's speaking!
ReplyDeleteWhen the mood strikes me I play along and keep them on the phone as long as possible - drives them mad!
At the moment we are being inundated with rob calls from the various political parties as we are coming up for a Federal election! Do they honestly think these annoying interruptions are going to make me favourably disposed towards them!
One chap this afternoon carried on the pitch after I told him I was at the checkout in marks and spencers
DeleteExcellent! Well done!
ReplyDeleteI don't get any rubbish calls since moving house but I used to just quietly lay the phone down and let them talk to themselves until they realise that I've gone.
ReplyDeleteCan't you just leave it off the hook? (the phone, I mean, not the haemorrhoids) - or can you tell I've never had one of those mobile thingies?
ReplyDeleteMy fingers are too fat for it
DeleteYou really are your own worst enemy at times!
ReplyDeleteThat's their staff Christmas round robin sorted.
ReplyDeleteLeave em laughing...isn't that the motto?
ReplyDeleteIn blogland it helps
DeleteYou can block these calls on your phone, you know?
ReplyDeleteI can just about to turn it on
DeleteAnd--now that you're single, you don't need life insurance, do you? Just a funeral policy. IMO.
ReplyDeleteI need critical life cover to pay the mortgage if i become ill
ReplyDeleteAfter a morning of the same company harassing me with twenty plus calls I said to the caller (all different ones of course), 'Are you the new vicar, Andrea, who can give me spiritual guidance after my debauched and unholy ways?' I never heard another word from the company after that.
ReplyDeleteI see im not the only actress here
DeleteI have to admit my worst comment ever was 'Are you calling from the Undertakers; as we're squabbling over the inheritance'. Strangely, I didn't get another call from that company either.
DeleteDo you have an insurance broker in the nearest town? They'll do all the hard work for you, find what's best and charge you only a small fee. Mine found me competitive house, life, car and boat insurance for the fee of £20. Great service and no hassle or hours spent on the phone and internet.
ReplyDeleteBoat insurance! Now thats class
DeleteHaha, brilliant John! (Hope you find cover at a reasonable premium!)
ReplyDeleteYes all sorted x
DeleteI ask for their home phone numbers and say I will call them when it's convenient for me - asking what time they go to bed...they usually hang up.
ReplyDeleteIts a dreadful job when you think about it!
DeleteIt is a dreadful job, I'd rather clean toilets.... and before I get comments from Ursula.... I have cleaned toilets, yep... cleaned loads of shit.
DeleteLOL I did a foolish thing too. I filled out a do it yourself will on website but didn't finish it. My phone rang off the tree and I received tons of email regarding said unfinished will. I never did finish it. Apparently it's not free as it said on website. I decided to go law library here in AZ to get their an example and maybe forms to fill out.
ReplyDeleteLolim not the only one
DeleteUnfortunately, they always seem to call at dinner time. And so many scammers out there wanting to infiltrate your computer, switch out your electric or cable company, etc. The last fellow had a very thick accent and was difficult to understand. I said "before we go any further, I need to know the color of your knickers." He hung up. How rude. X
ReplyDeleteI would have told u
DeleteThere's always the old one where a caller incorrectly dials your number and asks something like "Is Mary there?" The correct response is some version of "She's with another john right now but I think she has a free time at 3:15. What is your name?"
ReplyDeleteWhen they call about my recent accident I ask which one as I'm very clumsy. That gets them
ReplyDeleteBrilliant! Why can't I think of some such shocking response when I get yet another call-centre nuisance on the line?
ReplyDeleteI think your comment was hilarious laughter is always the best medicine and I think if you work in a call center it is probably a requisite to have a sense of humor.
ReplyDeleteI heard to answer your phone “sheriffs Department, Fraud division “ and the calls will stop. That’s the American version. I’m sure your law enforcement departments are called something else.
ReplyDelete