This week I'm working 48 hours on night shifts.
In between I've got two more valuations on the cottage to supervise and a few hours being banboozled by my financial advisor, a Sams shift and a trip to the theatre to see the acclaimed Home I'm Darling,
The theatre trip was something to keep me sane, even though I'm going on my own.
" keep me sane" was a phrase I heard a few times at the conference I attended on Saturday. One guest speaker was a rough diamond who hailed from the other side of the railway tracks. He had been put into care at Bryn Estyn as a boy in what was to be known as one of the most dysfunctional and abusive children's home in North Wales.
He survived his experiences through searching for a finding love from his partner. It was that gift of giving and receiving love for the very first time that saved him he told us and he qualified just how difficult that was for him
" I had to search out and find for myself all of the things you nice people have taken for granted....
I had to learn to trust, learn to love, learn to obtain warmth and kindness and smiles and sweetness....all for the very first time and all on my own"
I wrote down his words as he spoke them and was thoughtful and humbled when he talked about how Samaritans had supported him ( and in some cases not supported him) as he struggled with the aftermath of his abuse.
He noted sadly that many of his fellow abused friends had committed suicide over the years
" You are all no doubt good people", he addressed the deligates with a wry smile " drinking your half pints in a nice pub at the weekend and living your safe life in your nice houses ...But you don't really understand what it's like to live with no hope...no hope at all"
And I guess he is right.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/North_Wales_child_abuse_scandal
Salient words indeed. He rather stuck it up the ever so comfortable people in attendance.
ReplyDeleteI think in a nice way...I think it's interesting to look at our demographic
DeletePeople who harm children and then cover it up are the only reason I wish I believed in an after-life hell.
ReplyDeletei had never heard of this and just finished ready the entire article. my god! i don't even know what to say.
ReplyDeleteIn our own back garden
DeleteThat he survived and stayed sane is a testament to his strength of character.
ReplyDeleteHe's right. It's unbearable to live without hope.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with Ms Moon ... there should be a special Hell for people who harm children...physically and mentally. It is a harm that never really goes away .
ReplyDeleteHow brave this young man is/was to dare believe a better life was possible. His words are powerful and his childhood situation unimaginable.
ReplyDeleteI was one of those with no hope.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry mage x
DeleteThis brought tears to my eyes John. I taught in schools during my teaching career where there were children who had very little hope and who so appreciated a hug, a word of encouragement, a listening ear, five minutes quiet time after school. Many of these things are frowned on now - especially hugs. But they did a lot of good in the right place and by the right person. Bless you xx
ReplyDeleteI so agree about the hugs pat
DeleteUgh. People who take it on children are the worst.
ReplyDeleteChildren’s homes are a cesspool of abuse and dysfunction. Kudos to anyone who survives them.
XoXo
Such a chilling truth. I'm so glad he found hope and is perhaps able to enlighten others.
ReplyDeleteHe works now with probation
DeleteI'm glad he managed to turn his life around so successfully. But he's right, those of us from comfortable backgrounds have no idea what utter hopelessness feels like.
ReplyDeleteSometimes just saying you dont know how it feels allows them yo yell u
DeleteIt is too easy to take too much for granted. Thank goodness for groups like the Samaritans.
ReplyDeleteJohn, taking onboard your own personality, combined with your current situation.
ReplyDeleteWould you consider looking into Professional Fostering, as a career for yourself?
l believe that you are just right for this role
As a vocation which is now recognised as much as a career with financial support as well.
I know you would be a worthy candidate and l would love you to give this serious consideration.
Tess x
Brilliant idea, Tess. I would add it can be a very difficult job with children severely traumatized or damaged by prenatal drugs and alcohol but if anyone can do it well it would be John.
DeleteAs John's email address is freely available here why don't you email this sort of thing to him? He cannot be expected to deal with it in the public domain.
Delete"You cannot understand..." We can never totally understand what it is to walk in someone else's shoes but if we are emotionally intelligent we can imagine and we can empathise.
ReplyDeleteExactly.
DeleteA sobering reflection, isn't it? I never knew how lucky I was to have a solid childhood until quite late in life. I feel for those who did not have that foundation. Feeling is not the same as intimate knowledge, though.
ReplyDeleteIndeed
DeleteAs I was teaching my class about World War II this afternoon, I reminded them that we were not here to judge, as no one really knows what it is like to walk in someone else's shoes unless they have themselves done that walk.
ReplyDeleteAnd talked the talk
DeleteI suppose he was talking about us privileged and entitled folks. What a wake up call his words must have been for the audience. You certainly 'got it', John. I am wondering and hoping a few more did as well. What a strong brave man he is now.
ReplyDeleteIf we are fortunate enough to have at least one parent/guardian/care worker that really cares, then we have a much better chance to survive.
It was a salient reminder to all of us do gooders to be a lityle more humble
DeleteDo you find that a SAMS shift reminds you often just how fortunate you are (even on days when life is difficult)? I find it grounding. And humbling.
ReplyDeleteDespite the crank calls the sex calls. The chatty calls. There is always one call that you feel you have made a difference to
DeleteYes. At least one.
DeleteWe had a friend who invented something in the 70s and he became a millionaire.
DeleteHe spent quite a lot of time volunteering and donating to causes dear to him.
He said that he believed that there was a reason that he became successful and it wasn't just so he could buy anything he wanted.
So he volunteered and donated quite a lot of time and money.
He would spend a couple of days a week in a children's hospital reading to the little ones.
He sai to my husband, it reminded him of how lucky he was.
Bryn Estyn is a story which, as John will know, has been a source of shame in Wales for many years, but I don't think that anyone should assume that those now in a comfortable, outwardly successful life have never gone through terrible periods including of abuse, even by family members. It would not surprise me at all to find out that many of your fellow Samaritans have experienced significant issues - it is often what makes people want to help others who are going through their own personal hell. We are aware of it when brave people speak up, but we can't assume that because people keep silent, that it is not there.
ReplyDeleteI agree...who knows what dark places any of us have lived in
DeleteI have had a shit week and have avoided the Internet, only to take a dip into the festering pool to stumble upon this blog entry. I have been humbled, and given much needed perspective on my self pity.
ReplyDeleteAs sure as the sunrises in the morning, there are always new beginnings, new opportunities. If we can offer a ray of hope, open a door, reveal and opportunity we can make a difference. I did a webinar a couple of weeks ago encouraging attorneys who no longer need to earn a living, to do free legal work for people who can't afford a lawyer, and have problems beyond our imagination. Many of us dreamed of making the world a better place, now is the time to act on that dream.
ReplyDeleteHaving two babies right now I will not bear to read about it. But I agree with Ms Moon, I do hope there is a special level of hell for people who harm children.
ReplyDeleteI am always stunned at how hard life is for so many people and in awe of those who still get back up and keep on going when they are knocked down.
ReplyDeleteDitto Lilycedar.
DeleteI can't find the right words, I have tried to put pen to paper before and pressed the delete button, the cruelty out there where a young man has to learn to love and be loved is heart wrenching it takes a strong person to rise above the pain and suffering and teach us all what's important.
ReplyDeleteWhat a very sad affair; thank goodness he survived. It's a terrible thing to abuse those who most need love.
ReplyDelete