Recently I have felt let down by one friend
I understand they have their own shit to deal with
But They really did let me down
And uncharacteristically I told them so
As soon as I said my piece , I knew I had done the right thing
Carrying around the bad feeling does us both a disservice
I told them I was unhappy
And they accepted the fact
And we are still best friends
Hey ho
How many of us have done this??.....
I understand they have their own shit to deal with
But They really did let me down
And uncharacteristically I told them so
As soon as I said my piece , I knew I had done the right thing
Carrying around the bad feeling does us both a disservice
I told them I was unhappy
And they accepted the fact
And we are still best friends
Hey ho
How many of us have done this??.....
A true friend
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to have an absolutely perfect friend when there are no perfect people. I know I'm not perfect myself, however I do the very best I can to be a good friend. As long as you were able to hash it out together and end up in a good place I think your friendship is about as good as they get John.
ReplyDeleteI was candid once with a close friend & it backfired. I don't regret having been forthright, but it cost me a ten-year friendship.
ReplyDeleteLike Bea, my experience didn't go well and ended a long friendship. It was probably heading in that direction anyway, but being candid can backfire.
ReplyDeleteI'm not good at that. At all. Easier for me just to let the friendship die a natural death. I'm not proud of that.
ReplyDeleteSadly, my experience didn't end well either. I had two back-to-back surgeries in August/September, and texted my bff of 15 years three weeks after the second and told her how disappointed I was that I hadn't heard from her since the night before the first surgery. She cut loose with some stuff that still makes me cry to think about it. We, with our hubbies, had been inseparable for years, and had always made meals, or cleaned the other's house, or got groceries if the other wasn't feeling up to it. Her vitriol knocked off my feet, and the last thing she said to me was I was no longer her friend. I did send her a note a month later (after she had blocked me from all social media and even her phone!), saying I missed her. She sent me a letter back saying she was done with me. It still hurts to think about it. I texted her hubby last night and asked him to wish her a Happy Birthday for me. It seems after 20 years of marriage, she packed her stuff a month ago and drove her car back to Texas, where she's from. He's talked to her once and all she said was she's done with him. So, yeah, I probably wouldn't try that again.
ReplyDeleteThat's terrible. She must have had some real problems if she was able to dump everyone in her life just like that. Hope you are feeling better.
DeleteSounds like it was more her issues than yours. So sorry.
DeleteMissFifi
I did this about a year ago and it did not go well. I do regret the loss of the friend but no regrets about what I said or why. It concerned something she did that I could not and would not support (I considered it to be fraud and it is ongoing). I explained why I felt this way and offered to move on with the understanding that we would not ever discuss the situation - but that wasn't good enough - so the friendship ended. It has actually been a relief - it was time to end it.
ReplyDeleteI have a dreadful "habit" of saying the wrong thing continually, so I am likely to be the one who needs a verbal kick to remind me that I am lucky to have anyone as a friend.
ReplyDelete"Glad to see you didn't make an effort" was one such time. Swallow me up Hades.
My situation was even worse than most. My sister, a physician, moved my parents 1200 miles away to be with her so she could take care of them (her words). She spent the next 12 years abusing and taking advantage of them. I desperately tried to intervene and when they finally passed 4 months apart, I told her that she was overwhelmed and abusive. She needed professional help. In that one conversation I lost my sister, my nieces, and another sister (who desperately wanted to stay in good graces with her even though she agreed with me). A psychologist friend always asked if this was the hill you wanted to die on. Yes, it was.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was very young I treated a friend badly, not because I meant to but misjudged a situation. She told me quick smart and I felt dreadful but we've stayed friends ever since.
ReplyDeleteI don't have many friends and I don't want to lose them so I've never taken the bull by the horns like that
A few years back I made it clear to some friends that I thoroughly disapproved of their very bad behaviour. They tried to turn the blame on us; luckily no-one believed them. They are now ostracised, and we have lost our friends. It's all been quite stressful; more for them than us.
ReplyDeleteIt is better to say something than harbour ill feeling, and the person will think twice next time.
ReplyDeleteMy best friend of 12 years standing has been less than helpful or sympathetic during my and my husband's illnesses of the past year (husband's is life threatening and shortening). Fair enough, some people can't cope with illness. However, over the weekend I had to go to A&E twice with indescribable pain...my 'best' friend made an unbelievably crass and insensitive remark. I let them know how offended and upset I was, they made it clear they didn't really care. We're no longer friends.
ReplyDeleteI'm so pleased getting it off your chest with your friend worked for you, John. It didn't work for me.
Oh my goodness I am always getting it wrong and I love that y friends hold no punches in telling me, because being honest is what matters. I never mean to be thoughtless, I just am, sometimes. Frighteningly so. But I will also call out bad behaviour. My approach is generally a "you're better than that" one. Passive aggression ravages our society and I don't want to play, although i do as it is also a hard habit to break!
ReplyDeleteIt ends badly if they are not really friends. Sometimes you do need to clear the air. It always helps to be polite though sometimes I let things build up until I go pop.
ReplyDeleteI think your ‘true friends ‘ would be able to hear valid criticism and their friendship would continue. Having written that , I was once very honest with a close friend, she clearly didn’t like it , but we are still in contact but not as closely as before . Also, people do change over time; different priorities, fears, illnesses etc and I think it’s easy to forget that, particularly when we are needing support ourselves. xx
ReplyDeleteSometimes it is hard to utter the truth.
ReplyDeleteYes a year ago I had to tell a very good friend that her behaviour towards someone else was out of order. We have drifted since.
ReplyDeleteIt is the way best friends are. If not, then the are not your best friend.
ReplyDeleteI wanted my best friend as matron of honour at my wedding. My mother said 'don't. She will let you down.' I stood up for my friend but my mother persuaded me to have little bridesmaids instead. Come the day of the wedding, my best friend did indeed let me down and didn't attend my wedding. Had I asked her to be matron of honour her not attending would have created a disaster. If I hadn't stood up for her to my mother I don't think I would have felt so bad about it. I couldn't bring myself to speak to her for two years.
ReplyDeleteI haven't, but I have simply stopped responding to a couple of people. By breaking it off, I have ended all chance of reconciliation, telling them what I thought might have kept the door open. I am trying to be less passive aggressive - a behaviour I learned from my mother.
ReplyDeleteOhhh that's hard. But necessary if we want the friendship to continue. I've had friends with whom I've had some words but we have gone back to being close after that.
ReplyDeleteHave one friend who I thought would stick with me after I had a terrible argument with one of his new friends. He took her side. We've never talked after that. It was hard for awhile. Now I barely miss him....
XOXO
Oh, god! I wish in the very same circumstance the person would have remained friends with me. She could have, but did not feel she should have, and so it goes. You are so fortunate; it can be the reverse.
ReplyDeleteIt is very difficult to tell someone how you are really feeling without making them upset. One has to chose words very carefully in this situation. I received some advise about this many years ago and was told not to say "You always" or "You never", instead say "When you do(or say) this, I feel this. In the heat of the moment, however, I usually fire sharp, poisonous arrows! I generally never say anything and end up bitter and resentful!!!
ReplyDeleteI had a 30 year plus friendship that was maintained by both of us out of habit. We both needed help at the same time and neither of us were of any use to each other. Our lives were very different and we had grown apart. It faded out, I don't really miss her x
ReplyDeleteI have done this as well and also regret I didn't do it with one particular friend when I should have.
ReplyDelete