Finally..... a bit of levity.
I guess it was my fault, but I left the meagre detritus of my egg breakfast on the kitchen table just after 9pm.
At eleven I walked back in to see what only can be described as a bulldog disaster
Winnie sat guiltily on top of the table , all 30 kg of her balanced precariously on one delicate corner.
The chair which she had hauled herself up on was lying on the floor and everything, table chair and floor was covered in water, from an upturned flower vase....
William's and George's paw prints peppered my newly scrubbed kitchen floor.
To add insult to injury all of my paperwork , bills and correspondence had been knocked onto the soaked Lino, like sad confetti .
I hauled Winnie off the table with an over-the-top- cry of " you fat bastard!!!" And smartly smacked her bottom, something you just don't do with bulldogs, for moments later she had flounced into the living room with all of the umbrage of Bette Davis in All About Eve where she jammed her grim face into the darkness between an arm chair and the wall.
And there she stayed sulking for well over an hour and a half
You gotta laugh
I smacked my dog once. He deserved it but I found out that a sharp word hurts dogs possibly more than hitting them .. which confuses them .. they don't get it. You just hit her. She might not be stupid but I don't know if she connects being bad with getting hit ..
ReplyDeleteMy dogs were big dogs .. German Shepherds * so freaking smart you could sit down and discuss why they did a Bad Thing * and a Standard Poodle who would just be tragic because he did a Bad Thing and hates himself for it. I always ended up trying to make him feel better.
Not what you need, especially when you are feeling poorly but, good to have the old John back !
ReplyDeleteYou and Rachel are leading parallel lives .... I think that things will be on the up for you both ..... I can feel it in my water ( oops !! 🚽 ) XXXX
Just the mental picture of Winnie flouncing has made my morning! That Diva Bitch has a lot of determination. I'm going to be smiling all day. Thanks John and Winnie of course.
ReplyDeleteI once gave a home to a two year old standard poodle as her owner,a breeder of poodles, said she was barren. Not only did she present us with 12 mongrel puppies but she once stole a whole days baking off the work top when I nipped out for an hour. Frozen meat, left out to defrost was no problem either. We had her until she was 14. I still have the pie tin with a dent in its bottom, where my husband bonked her on the backside after she'd ate his steak pie. Gotta love 'em!
ReplyDeleteWell there's life in the old Winnie yet
DeleteDon't they know you by now? What could they expect? My daughter had a black lab Shelby who snagged a large chicken breast defrosting on the counter. Shelby got sick after gulping it down.
ReplyDeleteNote to self: don't leave food on the table or even on the kitchen counter.
Oh I'd love to have seen Winnie's diva sulk! Our Betty (half bulldog, half shar pei, just under 2 y.o.) knows when she's done wrong, but when we tell her off she's just got to answer back and have the last word. Cheeky monkey (but I love her to bits).
ReplyDeleteMy Betty, half Boston Terrier half Jack Russell managed to break the gargoyle by the front door today. I loved that little gargoyle. No point shouting at her, smacking her or trying to discuss things with her, she was having a little snooze when brains were bring handed out!
Deleteto see winnie flouncing...priceless!
ReplyDeleteI'm not laughing - I'm weeping for poor W with her smacked botty :-(
DeletePoor Winnie. That was hard work for a big girl. She must have expected praise for her super heroine efforts. I think you need one of those little cameras in the house to catch their goings on when you're away.
ReplyDeleteIs there such an occupation as a bulldog social worker? What's their hotline number?
ReplyDeleteWhitehall 1212
DeleteYou must be mistaken. I phoned up and that is in fact the bulldog clip department!
DeleteI already commented on your last post that I couldn't help myself from laughing. Our animals can be so naughty but of course they don't see it that way and can't understand why we don't want them to do certain things that seem perfectly acceptable to them. In the end we love them and so it just has to be and we have to remember not to put temptation in their way. Tomorrow is another day! x
ReplyDeleteOh, John! Thanks for the laugh! I can just picture the scene. And Winnie putting her face to the wall... what a character!
ReplyDeleteWinnie's face to the wall sulking. I guess you could call it a self imposed time out.Thanks for the laugh.
ReplyDeleteYou DO gotta laugh. I wish I could have seen her.
ReplyDeleteIs the table OK?
ReplyDeleteYes, the chair which she climbed up on seemed intact too
DeleteOh My Goodness !
ReplyDeleteShe is naughty, and like Sue asked, how is the table ?
cheers, parsnip and badger
I hope she didn't see you laughing otherwise she will have won that battle!
ReplyDeleteI didn't laugh pat.........I ONLY smiled 2 hours later
DeleteOur old cat used to go and sit in the corner with her back facing towards us when she'd been away at the cattery. She put the cat in cattiness!
ReplyDeleteArilx
Perhaps her own breakfast wasn't big enough ;-)
ReplyDeleteIt's never big enough
DeleteI wonder if she connected the smack to the table incident.
ReplyDeleteBulldogs are bright, she knew it was a no no...she got caught because she couldn't get off the table!
DeleteI was just going to ask could she have got off the table herself. She must have been a mixture of relieved and scared to see you!
DeleteShe obviously knocked over the chair so couldn't get down...the guilty look said it all
DeleteOh, I see. I feel even more sorry for her now. It must be like smacking your grandma for wetting her knickers whilst dancing on the table during a less lucid moment.
DeleteWinnie has no confused moments she has an IQ GREATER than Derek Faulkener
DeleteWould she have jumped eventually?
DeleteWouldn't we all?
DeleteOh my, I can just see Winnie balanced on the table! Why think how much effort it took her to get up there! After getting caught I'm sure she did have a bit of a Bette Davis look to her. Even when they cause trouble how can we not love our animals! I do hope you are feeling better John. I'm sure the dogs were just trying to distract you from your pain.
ReplyDeleteIt's a flat pack table , 30 kilos could have buckled it
DeleteOh bless her xx
ReplyDeleteGosh John sorry you had the mess to clean up but you do tell a good story that I can't help but laugh at Winnies antics how she managed to get on the table must have been worthy of a video another chapter for the book I reckon.
ReplyDeleteNow Mary on the table I almost expect..but winnie
DeleteIt’s better to laugh than cry. I tell ya.. 🙃☺️🤪 Gabs
ReplyDeleteUnderstood!
DeleteHilarious. It appears Winnie was insulted.
ReplyDeleteLike some bloggers she's easily offended
DeleteAnything for a nibble...so sorry about all the mess.
ReplyDeleteMine don't climb on anything, they just stand there and pull things off.
ReplyDeletePoor girl...she didn't mean to :(
ReplyDeleteWe've made up... she gave me a kiss before she went to bed
DeleteSomething very similar happen with my cocker Lotus, after telling her off I out her out in the yard.
ReplyDeleteA bit later heard scratching on the door, something she never did. I opened the door and she dropped a dog treat at my feet. (She often hid her treats in the flower bed) We forgave each other.
Oh My Goodness, I love this story.
DeleteOne Thanksgiving about 2 decades ago, our beloved (and dearly departed now) tricolor Bassett, Daisy, managed to get a bowl of turkey off of the kitchen table. With her very short legs, she decided pulling on the tablecloth would help. It did. The bowl broke, but she ate much of the turkey in the short time before we all arrived to see what crashed. She looked at us as if to ask what could be the problem? She was with us for 15 years and could count to 4 at bedtime to make sure we were all home. We miss her still.
ReplyDeletePlease give your dogs a hug for me. We now have two cats and they are NEVER at fault. Sigh! Albert would understand that.
Ugh! All those wet pieces of paper to carefully seperate and dry out. And I wouldn't be surprised if she tried the same trick again if something tempted her. I'm glad you've 'made up'!
ReplyDelete30 kg is a lot of bulldog. I would have gone off for a good sulk also, maybe I am part bulldog, more likely part diva.
ReplyDeleteWinnie is the delicate flower of womanhood. There's no getting around it. It takes a delicate touch to deal with a sensitive soul such as hers. Good luck, John. But I'm glad you're feeling better.
ReplyDeleteI admire Winnie's fortitude in dragging herself up onto the table in the first place.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had that flounce nailed as well as Winnie.
ReplyDeleteThat DID make me laugh John, you'll appreciate when I tell you we've just arrived at our hotel in Cyprus after a TWO HOUR transfer from Larnaca airport to Paphos, and hubby has discovered he's lost his passport and wallet. I want to go home now, where it's safe and cosy. Cheers. Cathy xxx
ReplyDeleteA co-worker had a notoriously bad dog, he could find trouble anywhere. My favorite story involved a neighbor returning from the grocery store, removing bags from the car trunk when she hears the phone ring. She ran in to answer and returned to the car to find Rufus sitting in the trunk eating her groceries.
ReplyDeleteWe had a cat, appropriately named Lucifer, who could get a bite out of the bread every.single.time we came home from the grocery store. He was sooo sneaky! And we, apparently, were not up to the challenge.
DeleteOnce he got the corner from a cake by leaping past the edge of the table and sticking his paw to the side and knocking the cake bit onto the floor!
He was a great cat.
She is surprisingly agile in spite of her clumsiness! No doubt watched Albert and thought she could pull off a cheeky circus stunt without you ever knowing. What is the idea behind her hiding her face in the dark? Funny dog.
ReplyDelete"I guess it was my fault, but I left the meagre detritus of my egg breakfast on the kitchen table just after 9pm."
ReplyDeleteBreakfast is normally served in the morning, so if you didn't clear the table until after 21:00 then I am not surprised that Winnie had time to get to the leftovers.
Helen
Yeah, I will laugh if you were able to save your papers. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteBeing a Diva at times, myself, I never minded a tap on my derrière.
ReplyDeleteOhhh..bless! For her to make the table shows how fit she is for her age & weight. Big change to a couple of years ago when she eas so ill. Hope your feeling better too John. Elle xx
ReplyDeleteAh she misjudged that one didn't she! I'm glad that she has kissed and made up though.
ReplyDeleteI'd say that's a pretty impressive balancing act by Winnie, but given the peed on pillow incident, your patience with pet escapades must be wearing thin. Hope your waterworks are still improving.
ReplyDeleteThe little madam, but how can you stay cross at the old lass. My dog is very contrite if she does anything wrong, she commando crawls toward me looking for forgiveness. Hope you're feeling better.
ReplyDeleteWinnie . . .
ReplyDeleteAre you listening?
You may not know better . . ,
but you must!
Now come out from behind the chair
and apologize . . .
John has enough on his plate!!
Got It!
One Christmas I left the cooked turkey to cool on the worktop whilst I picked my Dad up from church, came back to find the cat had taken bites out of the breast! She never normally nicked food. Didn't tell anyone, just cut that bit off!
ReplyDeleteI came back from holiday at the weekend and picked up my Jack Russell from my friends house where he had been comfortably boarded. He spent the entire remainder of the day sitting upright on my sofa, facing the cushion, with his back to me. If I reached out to stroke him he would pull away in a gesture that shouted 'Don't touch me, you pig!'
ReplyDelete