Safe in the garden?
My father never backed down from a confrontation.
Once a visitor to his shop called him a twat for taking his time over serving an elderly customer, to which my father promptly punched the guy on the nose!
You could do that in the seventies, twat was a very rude word back then.
My elder sister and I have inherited his dander, so to speak. Neither of us like confrontation but when pushed we can rally forth like Joan Crawford brandishing a wire coat hanger.
We are not shrinking violets when it comes to right and wrong.
Yesterday one of the haylage lorries knocked the top corner from our garden wall as it was negotiating the sharp bend by the Church . I found masonry in the lane, which was lucky as the bachelors had been asleep all afternoon under the hydrangea on the other side of the wall. If the stones had been knocked in the other direction, carnage would have ensued!
I flagged down he lorries as they passed a little later and but my " pissed off and serious look on"
The secret of sorting something like this out, is surprise. Catch the culprit. Don't let them get a word in, and give them a solution.
Within a few seconds the driver had agreed to return to fix the damage.
Worked like a charm
We shall see if he turns up!
A few weeks ago I was just about to collect a trolley at Tesco when two boys of around 7 climbed on top of them in front of me. I turned to a group of fat armed women who were gossipping nearby and asked if the boys were theirs but only received a passive aggressive " look" ,a shrug of the shoulders and one half arsed comment of " Robert Get down from there"
Robert, as it turned out, wasn't going anywhere fast, that is until I caught his bum cheeks in the wire mesh of the trolleys as I smartly pulled two apart, he soon shifted then! But it was the attitude of the fat armed women that really got my dander up
I turned on them
" is this trolley park an adventure playground?" I asked them
They just looked at me as though I was speaking Spanish, so I repeated myself but this time in my best Brian Blessed type voice
" Is THIS TROLLEY PARK AN ADVENTURE PLAYGROUND?"
Other shoppers by this time had stopped to watch my heroic stance against the great unwashed so I added with a flourish" GET CONTROL OF YOUR CHILDREN!"
The fat armed women frowned under their chav facelifts *
" fuck off" the nearest one spat out
Like I said
Confrontation...works like a charm.
* https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Croydon_facelift
Easing fluidly into being a grumpy old man.
ReplyDeleteOh yes!
DeleteThere is no way I would want to run across you when you are in that mood
ReplyDeleteVery wise, i can be a real bitch
Deletecall it out, john! arseholes abound everywhere!
ReplyDeleteAint that the truth
Delete"I am mad as _ell, and I am not going to take it anymore!"
ReplyDeleteAnd he eventually shot himself on tv
DeleteThe British government should draft you in to the Brexit negotiating team. You would soon put that Michel Barnier fellow in his place.
ReplyDeleteI'll be nicer to you next time we meet ;-)
ReplyDeleteBe sure you are
DeleteI take no prisoners either. A sharp right, then walk away looking innocent.
ReplyDeleteAnd with you with the face of an angel
DeleteYep the older I get the grumpier I get!. Neighbours took down the boundary fence, put down plastic grass erected a trampoline right at my conservatory patio fence, 3 screaming lads and a neighbours little girl who one of the brats kept biting!.looking over chucking balls. Sorted painted the fence with a mix of sugar and honey water!. Wasps love it!. No more bouncing n screaming there!.
ReplyDeleteWay to go girlfriend!
DeleteDon,t get me wrong I love the sound of happy children playing!. Just not the unsupervised on a trampoline out of sight of mum and dad as they want peace so put it as far away from them as they could but inches from me on my peaceful herb patio!.i have seen horrific injuries from children unsupervised on trampolines!.
DeleteSo absolutely sublime, will be adding this recipe to my own arsenal.
DeleteGary any type of sugar works!. Found out of date icing sugar, made to thick gloop painted on !.wasps are dying this time of year but mine seem revived n buzzing!.😂
DeleteI don't go into battle after I have lost the war, but I mumble a lot.
ReplyDeleteAwwwweeee
DeleteGood going Mom. I'm sure little Robert learned a fabulous lesson there. Pffffffht!
ReplyDeleteI doubt that!
DeleteQuiet Gentle Soft . . .
ReplyDeleteUntil
Injustice
Stand Back,Watch Out . . .
(Stood up on a chair in the middle of a pizza place and threw a piece of pizza at my college roommate for clicking away on her typewriter in the middle of the night. Night after night after night!)
(Late 50's, when typewriters were "the thing!")
(Point well taken!)
You cow!
DeleteUncontrolled children........aaarrrgghhh... they're everywhere!!!! Well done John...... Hugs! deb
ReplyDeleteOh dear. Now all I can think about is that I have fat arms and my hair quite definitely qualifies to be described as a chav facelift.
ReplyDeleteHopefully I never do anything to deserve your wrath.
You are much too sensitive a soul dearheart
DeleteHa! When I first read it I accidentally put a comma between "fat" and "armed" and let out a big gasp!!
ReplyDeleteWell at least you felt better for trying. I commiserate. Not a summer goes by that I don't ask at leat one errant parent..."Does my yard look like a public park to you?".One summer I found a mother and child in my back yard if you please. When confronted with a slightly quizzical expression she said, in adoring tones, "he was chasing your cat." To which I replied, He was damn lucky he didn't catch him. That was one nasty cat.
ReplyDeleteBuy a gin trap
DeleteI Googled "chav facelift." What's a gin trap? A bottle of gin left out for thirsty parents who trespass?
DeleteA metal trap with teeth!
DeleteLazy parenting, it's rife. I can't stand badly behaved kids. Well done for making a stand.
ReplyDeleteHahahahahaha!! I love you John Gray!!
ReplyDeleteI won't ask if you would "like" me to comment. Obviously not. I ask, will you give me permission to comment? Think of it as another chance to keep your "dander" up.
ReplyDeleteU
Dander, i learned today is another name for dandruff! Go figure!
DeleteTwat was the same then as now. The difference is you could punch someone then for saying it and get away with it but you can't now.
ReplyDeleteThe police were called i recalled
DeleteI applaud you. Too many people/mothers in too many places drag their children along to shop or whatever but they don't control the children. Not that long ago, a stupid woman left her baby in the seat of a grocery cart and walked way down the aisle shopping and talking on her cell phone ... while the baby cried then decided to try to get out of the cart ... which would have been a terrible fall ... I didn't want to touch the baby or get involved, I would be blamed for something ... so I stood by her cart in the aisle and called ... loudly ... your baby is going to fall .. she scurried down the aisle to the cart ... still jabbering away on the phone ... didn't thank me .. I have low expectations for that baby.
ReplyDeleteSo sad for that baby. My cousins are raising their children on a small holding, home schooled, my Arse.!. Those poor children have no social skills, are feral. Will get no exams. But they believe they are living the vegan good life!. No friends, they are in rags and smelly, isolated. But social work only see fresh veg, nourished kids, barefoot running around , think it is great!
DeleteMy hubby once trod on a chav's offspring in Asda - he didn't even know he'd trodden on him as the child was darting around the entrance like a mad thing. She tracked hubby down in the aisles and gave him a big fat mouthful! Hubby couldn't get a word in edgeways! Feral kids!!
ReplyDelete
DeleteFeral adults raise feral children I think ..
They sound vile.
ReplyDeleteThey were not nice
DeleteI learned this about age two, from my grandmother, when she said sharply and clearly to a woman half the trolley away, "Mother, look to your child!" Good old days.
ReplyDeleteI still do think that English children are very well behaved.
ReplyDeleteGreetings Maria x
Think again maria x
DeleteMy son told me he was cycling home from work down a quiet lane known as the old Roman road where there are no cars. He didn't have his hands on the handle bars and an old chap on a bike coming the other way bellowed at him to put his hands on the handlebar. Joe smiled & wiggled his fingers in the air. I expect it infuriated the old boy more than if he'd told him to Fuck Off !
ReplyDeleteSeen from the other side
DeleteI do try to see from both sides - impossible sometimes !
DeleteSounds like you are slipping into crumudgery quite easily, John.
ReplyDeleteOh no sharon, ive been a sod for years now
DeleteLiar. You might be cranky but not a sod. Nor are you a curmudgeon yet .. I think I will be , before you :)
DeleteI know "sod off" but the word has too many definitions to know which applies here. Live and learn.
DeleteOoh my dander is up just reading about those parents. You reap what you sow. I hope the parents realise this. Those children in 10 years will have no respect for their fellow men. Children live what they learn. I have taught young children for many years and can spot bad parenting on day 1. (Off my soapbox now) Well done for confronting. I have to point out though that many young children are a credit to their good parents and grow into lovely humans.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend like you John - she is wonderful and guides me through life like a charm. I can always rely on her to sort everything out.
ReplyDeletePS Not sure what a 'dander' is - just hope it is not anything rude (I keep reminding you of my innocence.)
Apparntly Dander is corruption of dandruff......it is also another word for ferment......
DeleteGetting under your skin! And reaching boiling point you choose
There is a sad trend for parents to not be able to discipline their children these days. And when I was a den-mother for a boy scout troup I was told I was not to scold the boys. Well, when young Alex ran out into traffic I certainly did scold the little shit. Had he been hurt, it would have been my fault, of course! (I didn't last long as a den-mom...needless to say). I am glad you said something to the women in Tesco! The parents need to know this is not how children should behave.
ReplyDeleteI feel worse NOT saying anything anymore
DeleteIt is actually illegal to smack your children in NZ... comes under abuse...go figure... I got my arse smacked more than once... didn't hurt me for very long.. but I certainly didn't do whatever it was again.
DeleteJo in Auckland, NZ
Way back in the depths of time I was a student in Liverpool as was my then girlfriend, now wife. One time we were walking to the University via Prescot St, at the back of the hospital. Two girls, of the type you describe, were leaning on the hospital fence and when we passed fell into step behind us and started taunting the "soft students". "Giz yer money or we'll do in yer girl.", one said. Now threatening my girlfriend was a red flag to a bull event. I'd lived in Liverpool a few years and came from a town where there were plenty of scousers. I swung around to face them and let rip with as fine a range of scouse profanity as ever left a docker's gob. A bit of a surprise from a "soft student". That shut them up and stopped them following too.
ReplyDeleteA blow for the little people
DeleteHahaha! I'm in class today. I looked up "scouse" too. It's a stew associated with Liverpool. Hmm.
DeleteA scouser is a liverpudlian ( a person from the city of liverpool) liverpool is where the stew was invented
DeleteAt work I have to be careful with every word that I say but one day I will just explode and say it how it is to some people...and lazy parenting is on the increase and boils my blood.
ReplyDeleteLike dogs there are no bad children just bad parents, some adults shouldn't have either.
ReplyDeleteSADLY, THERE ARE BAD DOGS AND BAD CHILDREN. OF COURSE, THERE ARE BAD PARENTS TOO, BUT TRAINING/EDUCATION DOES NOT ALWAYS WORK.
DeleteI find I tolerate loud children a lot less these days, maybe a sign of getting old. lol. Good for you.
ReplyDeleteBriony
x
I tell (some) people to
ReplyDelete"FUCK OFF" quite often.
Sadly, it rarely works.
p.s. I was recently threatened
with death by a young mother
after I shusshed her son in a cafe.
I hope you smacked her
DeleteYou know there is a shampoo for that?....
ReplyDeleteLast month, I was rudely awoken up by loud music and even louder voices at 6am. As it was hot, we had left the bedroom window open and it now sounded like they were right under the window. I put on my robe and slippers, stomped out to the fence and bellowed "Excuse me, some people are still trying to sleep!!" They did apologise ... and I didn't here a peep again. My husband thought I was nuts, but I am less and less likely to put up with this nonsense as I get older.
Barb
I wish there was an app for rude kids and parents...maybe carry a small air horn!
ReplyDeleteCurmudgeons of the world unite.
ReplyDeleteI think I want that quote on a T-shirt!
DeleteWritten in blood
DeleteHoward has been known to adopt what he refers to as his "Paddington Stare"
ReplyDeleteI had to google that one x
DeleteAnother Google.
DeleteYour garden looks lovely, I m glad the bachelors weren't hurt. Maybe you need some bright orange traffic barrels on the road there. http://www.orange-traffic-cones.com/PROD/TRAFFICBARREL4INEG.html They are surprisingly inexpensive and would help your ire induced potentially high blood pressure.
ReplyDeleteAs for the kids, why get involved. Not your prob.
lizzy
We have them fitted on the corner... The haylage lorry was overhanging with hay, it was the blaes that knocked the wall
DeleteSuch kids ARE his problem. They're everyone's problem when they affect people around them. It still takes a village and all that, but too often the villagers turn into mobs carrying lit torches and pitch forks. Come to Texas and watch. :)
DeleteLimner. it was a couple of little boys in a shopping cart.
DeleteOh dear... It was an idle post about an irritation
DeleteLooks like a lot of people here dislike children? That said, I certainly never took my children to the grocery store. No they stayed home with the nanny, safe from mean people.
Deletebwahahaha stayed home with the nanny!
DeleteHave I told you lately that you are wonderful.
ReplyDeleteI've been busy, out in the world, and it's delightful to catch up with your life and writings.
ReplyDeleteI am indeed wonderful and nice to have you back
DeleteI can't abide the pramfaces that inflict their spawn on unsuspecting shoppers. I have been known to put my leg backwards-for balance, and trip up one of these marauding little shits! Such a pleasing splat as they hit the floor.
ReplyDeleteOh dear
DeleteI had to laugh at that one .... ;-)
DeleteTonight walking into town I came across a very large very lost dog so lost and terrified it didnt know whether to run away or bark at you when you spoke to it. Not scared of dogs (just dont meet them in the eye if theyre aggressive types) I kept talking to her and she went ahead of me eventually came and sniffed the back of my hand before darting away, which made me pretty confident I could get hold of her in a while...anyway big heavyweight guy bit rough looking came towards us as she went up someones short drive and said she was his but he started shouting nastily at her and she wouldnt come to him So in my best firm voice I said SHES TERRIFIED Oh says he she doesnt go out...(my radar flicks on thats an animal welfare flag especially for a huge guard dog size dog) He eventually got hold of her and Im standing there "does she never go out? Oh he says I take her out in the evening"... and then thinking about it..."and in the morning" then a car with his mates drew up and they all piled off. Leaving me wondering if it is his dog (and why was she so still terrified when her owner turned up...and then.. she is a very valuable breed??? and then i think if he had turned on me what could I have said to face him off ? I will set the Rugby Club/ Young Farmers Club on yer mate.I cant stand injustice, and will stand up for anyone vulnerable person or animal. Scares you afterwards but I have never suffered any backlash yet. It just takes one good man to say nothing whats that quote? Love to have witnessed the Brian Blessed voice though John :)
ReplyDeleteIts hard when you get that internal voice telling you that something is wrong.... All you can do, is what you can at the time......and be safe doing so
DeleteTrue North, I think the quote you are looking for is from Edmond Burke. "All that is required for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing" or words to that effect.
DeleteSorry that got a bit long xx
ReplyDeleteThanks for speaking up to the arseholes of the world. Lord knows there are enough of them.
ReplyDeleteHi John,
ReplyDeleteFirst time commenting here but I couldn't resist! Having a "moment" in public is always a mixture of exhilarating and shaming, especially when it involves ferals. Does get all the juices running afterward, though! I love the links that flesh out the "facelift".
It looks like your chickens are all plonked in front of the telly. What's going on in the shrubbery?
Greetings from Sydney,
Vanessa
Children tended to avoid me in our street, I had a sneaky way of standing on their toes and crushing them when they were out of order. I then gushingly apologized to their parents for having such big feet and hoping the child was not badly damaged. Having big feet and the size of an elephant, it soon sunk in to avoid my weapons of mass destruction.
ReplyDeleteGood to know you are keeping your dander with you at all times, John. You never know when such things need to pop up.
ReplyDelete"fat-armed women". That's made me chuckle and smug that I keep mine hidden under a cardigan.
ReplyDeleteJohn, one piece of advice and please don't take umbrage: Once you get your book going please do leave this chapter and the comments of most your readership out. What a sorry reflection on mankind the lot of you (with one or two exceptions) are. Doesn't do your image any good. Not, of course, that you ever had any ambition to go into the diplomatic service or work in a kinder garden or try and not judge people by their appearance, their origins, indeed their use of language.
ReplyDeleteYes, I am taken aback and any protestation of yours that it was, how did you say to Liz D, "an idle post over some irritation" won't wash.
The post may have been idle, the content illuminating.
U
Ursula, shut up. Go away.
DeleteMankind is what itnis ursula good bad, right and wrong all wrqpped up together with a bow.
ReplyDeleteIve told you before if you dont like what your read then fuck off and dont read it. Dont try and change everyone
Some parents act as though their misbehaving children aren't theirs at all. If you complain about the misbehaviour, they look at you as if to say "What, them, nothing to do with me?" and then turn away again.
ReplyDeleteYes, this is a very late comment, but I agree strongly with John that the errant parents are endangering their children. Is climbing on the carts a good idea? No. Years ago I was in a very large Portland bookstore that had a coffee shop at one end of it and saw a very small child standing right in the doorway between the coffee shop and the rest of the store. You know people in bookstores with coffee--the child was in real danger of being run-over, scalded with hot coffee etc. The parents were standing nearby chatting with a bunch of friends, totally ignoring the child, when I leaned over to the child and said something like "Be careful, sweetheart, someone might trip over you here." Mom instantly turned around and snapped at me about presuming to speak to her child. Luckily, I didn't smack her (my adult children worry about having to bail me out of jail), but I wanted to say "You don't own that child. It's a life entrusted to you to care for, you stupid bitch." Anyway, I'm on the side of people who at least notice when children are in danger of being hurt.
ReplyDelete