Our old back door had taken a battering over the years. Seven dogs, two cats and wood rot has left it looking like the doorway to the Hillbilly's cabin from Deliverance , so in the sake of security and marital harmony we got a little man in to replace it
 |
| The delightful and much missed Constance giving the old door a hammering |
The workman arrived around 8.30 am just as I returned from night shift. He got on with the work without drinking copious amounts of tea and coffee, which impressed me, and soon was gouging out lock holes,assembling windows and shaving wood as I walked the dogs and sorted the animals out.
When I returned he asked me if he could use" the facilities" and without thinking I showed him the bathroom before realising that I had not checked it.
All civilised people should check their bathroom before anyone uses it
It stops all of those embarrassing moments when the odd "floater" is located down the pan.
The workman was upstairs for an absolute age, and when he returned all he said as he got stuck in fixing up the new cat flap, was a rather sullen " you have run out of toilet paper"
I realised that I had made the most embarrassing faux pax.
There was not a sheet of bog roll to be found in the house
I had visions of the poor man rifling his pockets for a stray handkerchief or even a shop receipt to " ensure the " necessary deed" was done so to speak but like all social interactions we have with strangers , the two of us couldn't bring ourselves to acknowledge the fact that acceptable bum wiping could not be carried out......
I hurried up to the shop , bought some toilet paper and treated him to a packet of chocolate biscuits in way of an apology......
Hey ho
 |
| The new door complete with cat flap |
So much of your life seems to entail cleaning up the mess of others - day and night. I wonder how he interpreted the packet of chocolate biscuits...
ReplyDeleteOh dear..... I have just realised what you mean
DeleteAs for cleaning up
You are right.......perhaps that is why I am a nurse
This blog is so much better than the archers.
ReplyDeleteDo you think? This entry isn't upto much
Delete...but or is the Lilian and Paul storyline
you may not think so but you almost make me want to move to the country! london seems dull in comparison - there isn't an urban radio drama as popular is there? Hope you are putting arnica on your war wounds!
DeleteThere's nothing worse!
ReplyDeleteThe poor 'little man'...surely a big fellow would have been better - that looks like quite a heavy door!
ReplyDeleteThey breed them toughin Wales note
DeleteIn a state of lavatorial shock, did he dunk the Bronco into his tea and swipe his arse with the choccie bickies?
ReplyDeleteLLX
The time to realise you there is no loo paper is before you actually sit down.....
ReplyDelete(Check the towels before you use them)
ReplyDeleteUrrhhhhhh!
Deletethat made my eye twitch!
DeleteHe'll be back complaining of a blistered ass, no doubt.
ReplyDeleteOMB, what a great read for a friday morning! a roll and a spare at all times, dear!
ReplyDeleteOh John unacceptable really ~ now the smell alone could make him the butt of off color jokes during his workday , hopefully he cleaned up nicely before his next job . ;)
ReplyDeleteare you writing a book John...if you're not, you should! not only are humorous events attracted to you like a magnet (bees to honey and all that sort of thing) you have the gift of being able to relate a tale in a way that constantly has me ROFLMAO! I would definitely buy the book, possibly known as John's Tails or My Menagerie in Trelawnyd to have whenever I was feeling low and needed a good side splitting laugh to rev my motor :D :D :D
ReplyDeleteI don't get out much Theanne so my imagination is bigger than it should be..... But thank you
DeleteX
you're right, a clean out is a clean out :D :D :D
DeleteI am hoping the typo of "martial harmony" is not a Freudian slip!
ReplyDeleteI was terrified you were about to report the man rushing downstairs with his bum afire from undiluted bleach on the seat. So a lack of tp was almost humdrum. The story could be improved by your asking, "Just out of curiosity, old chap, how did you manage it?" Or perhaps some new underwear (or whatever they're called over there--pants? knickers?) might have been a more appropriate olive branch.
Damm this automatic spell check
Delete!
Whilst sitting on the toilet
ReplyDeletemulling over some great issue
I suddenly became aware
of needing toilet tissue. etc etc
Lionel Deimel's rather prissy poem 'Toilet Paper'.
Just been googling the rest of it cro
DeleteYou can run out of tea, you can run out of butter...
ReplyDeleteBut for Cripe's sake - to be totally out of T. P.????
Sure... (if you dare...)
DeleteOh dear - how embarrassing - you are - like me - not a perfect housewife.
ReplyDeleteIt's the reason we save our corncobs in Tennessee :)
ReplyDelete~Jo
maybe that MIL used it all!!!
ReplyDeletethanks for another great laugh...and another for the comment on checking your towels...growing up my family was crazy about having enough tp and I've followed through by having dozens of rolls on hand at all times...
ReplyDeleteGod, I always end up grinning for an hour after reading one of your posts!!! This reminds me of the time, about 40 years ago, when my ex and I were on vacation (from Calif.) in Florida visiting family. Upon return we found someone had broken into our house and committed mostly mischief, such as stealing meat from the freezer (2-door fridge) and leaving the door open, burning out the motor. Aside from some missing coins, the other discovery was a washcloth (is that a flannel in British?) in the toilet bowl which had very obviously been used for the purpose of wiping a very nasty bum.
ReplyDeleteNancy in Iowa
Oh, and there was toilet paper on the roll!!!
DeleteTee hee.....funny x
DeleteTheanne took the words out of my mouth, John. You should write a book! I loved the unique photo of Constance. And I loved the finished door and cat flap. Poor man - stuck up there without TP! I thought only our family called these rolls of toilet tissue, "bog rolls" ! Have a great weekend. Greetings. Jo
ReplyDeleteNot a bad exchange - toilet paper/chocolate biscuits John.
ReplyDeleteOnly in your household do these things seem to happen.
My parents always kept a Sears Catalog in the outhouse for just that reason. Perhaps he used a euro note?
ReplyDeleteOh my...however did he manage?
ReplyDeleteI'm reminded of my ma, who had to rifle through her pockets for a tissue shortly after reckoning up the family 'christmas club'. She later discovered she'd wipe her arse on a five pound note...such decadence....
ReplyDeleteYou win wanda.... A fantastic comment
Deletethat's hilarious. My neice pulled the border off the wall paper. My BIL was not happy
DeleteI've a better one. Enormously pregnant friend attends ante-natal clinic. She's waiting for her appointment and needs the loo. Toddles off for a pee, no paper! Rifles through her pockets and, among the usual detritus, finds a tissue....
DeleteEventually seen by the 'boss' and 47 students - it's a teaching hospital.
Flat on her back, legs in the air, they all lean in for a look - everyone bursts out laughing - she has 40 Green Shield stamps stuck to her ladygarden....
NOW THAT'S going in the blog proper
DeleteAs soon as i read about the chocolate biccies, i thought "how could you??" not surprised in the least that Tom S mentioned it.
ReplyDeleteI'm assuming you didn't have a magazine or anything paperlike in there?
I have a roll and a spare in each loo. As soon as i need to use the spare, i get another roll straightaway. STRAIGHTAWAY. I don't want to be stranded.
In your defence, I'm sure sleep deprivation played into it. And you did try to apologise.
My film mags are in the loo...I will check if pages are missing!
DeleteOh no! That must have been awkward, but it made for a funny story. Bet you'll keep extra toilet paper on hand from now on, huh! :)
ReplyDeleteGuys, eh? Too embarrassed to say anything. I bet most women would apologise profusely and offer some alternative like newspaper. And like Alison said, ask how he managed without toilet paper. Or maybe they wouldn't?
ReplyDeleteYes guys are all a bit autistic about things like this
DeleteOh my, my human friend. Luckily, I have no need of toilet paper. Yes, we animals are lucky. Our butts snap shut.
ReplyDeleteBe well and enjoy your weekend, my human friend.
Pawsitive wishes,
Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar! :)
Okay, Mr. Downright Sexy, I have a question. How, in a house populated by two humans of Y-chromosome persuasion, does the bog roll EVER get replaced?! Because honestly, I'm pretty sure only women know how to put toilet paper on an empty holder!!! ;)))
ReplyDeleteLove that shot of Constance. She is missed!
I forgot......nat
DeleteOh goodness. I hope the biscuits helped, John.
ReplyDeleteHave a wonderful weekend!
*hugs* ♥
I needed a good chuckle tonight. So much has given me a heavy heart lately. One of those "when it rains, it pours" situations. Sometimes I have to remind myself that a little laughter in the face of adversity is a good thing.
ReplyDeleteI think you have the best adventures ~! Just love it~!
ReplyDeleteNo toilet paper in the house was quite a hoot.. that was so funny. I have gone shopping in the past just to buy toilet paper and then when getting home realizing that I forgot to pick some up.. Yikes~! not nice.. Your blog always makes me laugh...and I thank you so much..
ta ta for now from Iowa:)
Thanks for the laughs. You know what they say... no job is finished until the paperwork is done. (So maybe the workman will be back?)
ReplyDeleteLove that picture of Constance, too.
Oops. Constance was a delight - thank you for posting that enchanting (albeit destructive) photo.
ReplyDeleteI admit it, I giggled when I read that you gave him chocolate biscuits by way of apology!
ReplyDeleteWith my builders mind I chuckled at the first line!
ReplyDeleteNaughty! Lol
ReplyDeleteI think your loo is a walking time bomb - first multiple incidents of rash ring, now theres incidents of improperly flushed objects...
ReplyDeleteyou might want to put up a warning sign...